It's Not What You Think!
by xx-animeXalchemist-xx
Summary: America and England are simply misunderstood. What they are doing is totally innocent! Or is it? Read for ridiculous situations! USxUK... or is it? And look out for Prussia and his mission! WARNING: May cause insanity.
1. Size Vs Skill

**Hey all~~! ^_^**  
><strong>Right, so my other Hetalia fic is totally serious at the moment, and so I wanted to write something more light hearted to keep me from going emo :P The result of that is this fic, and so I hope that you can enjoy it :D<strong>

**Disclaimer: Hetalia is not mine, the fic is though ^.^**  
><strong>Contains: 'Situations', USxUK... or does it? o.O<strong>

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It's Not What You Think!

Chapter One- Size Vs. Skill

Italy was making his way back to the meeting room, when he heard it: America and England talking.

He thought this strange at first, because usually the two countries never seemed to be civil with each other, yet he could hear them perfectly and the words being exchanged were anything but angry. Glancing up at a nearby clock and seeing that there were still fifteen minutes left before the meeting reconvened, Italy walked up to the door of the room that the two countries were currently residing in, and started to eavesdrop.

"I still think you're completely insane," England sighed, while America made noises that showed he didn't agree.

"As if dude! You're telling me size _doesn't _matter?"

"I don't particularly think that size is all that important, skill should be the thing to focus on."

"What? You don't mean that!" America said in disbelief, "So you're saying that you wouldn't rather take in a big one?"

"Like I said, being able to actually use it properly is by far the better option."

"Just cuz yours is tiny!" America laughed, to which Italy heard a 'thunk' sound and America moaning out an "Ouch! No need to hit me dude!"

"Don't be such a child," England said coolly. "I admit that yours is rather sizable, but you do not know how to utilise it properly."

"Of course I do!" the hero protested, "No one is more skillful than me when it comes to _that_."

"Oh really?" Iggy asked sceptically, before saying, "Hey America, there are still ten minutes of break left. How about we test our little argument. I'll prove to you that skill is far more important than size."

"Only ten minutes?" the other asked doubtfully, "Will that be enough time?"

"Of course it will," the Brit said simply, with the hint of a smirk evident in his voice. "I'll have you in total submission in no time."

"Hah! You wish man! I'll pound you so hard, you'll be _begging _me to stop."

"Oh I doubt that very much," England chuckled. "Well then, shall we?"

"You bet!"

It was at this point that poor Italy couldn't handle any more and was actually terrified of what was about to happen, so he ran off with a loud "Ve~" in search of Germany, to tell him exactly what he had heard.

"Did you hear something?" England asked his companion as he grabbed his Nintendo DSi.

"Nope," America said simply, powering up his 3DS. "Anyway, I'm gonna show you how great big pokémon are against the stupid puny ones you use!"

"Hey, my pokémon are cute!" the Brit said defensively, "They're the only reason I bother to play this game."

"Whatever, no amount of skill can possibly beat my epic Snorlax!"

"You're beginning to look like a Snorlax what with all the burgers you eat," England mumbled, earning him a barrage of protests from the self proclaimed hero.

"Okay, let's battle!" he shouted enthusiastically.

Meanwhile, Italy was busy telling something to Germany, that had the latter blushing and telling his ally that he must have misunderstood the situation. However, he made a mental note to keep an eye on the two countries, because a world meeting was hardly the place to be doing... well, _that_.

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**Ah, misunderstood situations FTW! \^_^/  
>Well yeah, like I said before this fic is an outlet for me to get some funny stuff out there, because my other fic has gotten VERY heavy :P I hope you found this at least a little bit amusing, and if you review that would be the bestest thing ever! :D<strong>

**Well, thanks for reading~! ^.^**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	2. Taking Responsibility

**Morning all~! So yeah, back with more situations for our two awesome countries~! :D  
>Hetalia is NOT mine :P<br>**

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><strong>

Chapter Two- Taking Responsibility

Having forgotten the incident he had overheard the other day, Italy was happily making his way to get something to eat when he overheard something...

Being the curious individual that he was, Italy made his way over to where he heard various noises and started to listen in, quickly realising that it was none other than England and America.

"Ah! America!"

"I-I'm sorry England," America said apologetically, "It's just when you did _that_... there was no way I could stop it!"

"It's all over me," moaned England, "Just look..."

"England," America said softly. Italy heard a few shuffling noises before he heard the hero say, "Here, let me make it better."

"I-Idiot! What are you doing?" exclaimed Iggy, earning him a confused, "What do you mean?" from the other.

"I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself!" the Brit said firmly.

"No," the bigger country said, "I got you like this, so I'll take responsibility."

"You really... don't have to..."

"I _want _to."

More shuffling noises were heard, and it wasn't long before Italy heard England gasp out, "Ah! Hey, not like that! S-Slower..."

"Isn't it better faster?" asked America, to which the reply he got was, "AH! And not too hard either you git!"

"You say that," the hazel haired guy laughed softly, "But just look... it's clearly working. It's much better this way."

"No! America, if you do it like that then-"

By this point, Italy had decided that he had to go and get Germany as soon as possible, and so ran off in search of said country.

"Bloody hell America! Stop it at once! You're just making the stain bigger!"

"Well _sorry_ for trying to help dude! It's your fault I spilled my coffee on you in the first place!"

"Was it hell! And besides, everyone knows that if you rub a stain vigorously then it just makes everything worse!"

"Fine, do it yourself then!" huffed the American, pouting at his companion.

"That's what I said at the beginning of this," scowled the gentlemen, resuming trying to erase the offensive stain from his shirt.

"Whatever dude, I'm gonna go get some more coffee."

Meanwhile, Germany was being told yet again that England and America were... well let's just say that if it ever happened again, the German would definitely be putting a stop to it.

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**Yes, I have in fact lost it XD  
>So feel free to give me prompts if you want, like random scenarios and such, and I'll try and make a misunderstood situation out of it :P<br>**


	3. Another Man

**Yay~! I actually got a request! :D Alright, let's see if this works out, hope you like it people! ^.^  
>I've put the name of the requester as the chappy title and I'll keep doing that whenever I get a request :)<br>**

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Chapter Three- EnglandPoland's Request

Although it made him feel uneasy, it also got him curious and so lately Italy would try and listen in on the conversations held between England and America more often (before he then went off to document what he had heard to Germany). Today was no exception, and so when Germany allowed a break to take place (due to no one actually paying any attention), the Italian followed the two countries he was technically stalking into a random room and began to listen in.

England's voice was quiet and held a melancholy tone as he said, "America... I'm not exactly sure how to say this but... there's someone else."

"What?" America asked, stunned if anything.

"I meant to tell you sooner, but you went and got so excited that I let things get carried away and now... I'm sorry."

"B-But England! I thought that we'd finally agreed that this was the best it could possibly be, that any other way just can't work!"

"Yes... I apologise."

"Who is it?" America asked with an edge to his voice.

"Ah, hang on. There is a picture of him on my phone." A few moments later England said, "Here, this is him."

"Dude! Wh-Who _is _that?" the hero asked, clearly awestruck.

"Your tone of voice conveys the fact that you understand why I chose him," England said, a hint of relief evident in his words.

"This sucks! I can't believe there's someone like that! How did I not notice it sooner?" America moaned.

"Well he's from my past, but to be brutally honest I can't believe that he slipped my mind. I mean: look at him! His hair style is amazing! And he is the very personification of cool; a true hero!" The gentleman appeared to have nothing but praise for whomever it was he was talking about, and Italy let out a sad "Ve~" as he thought about how much this was hurting America.  
><em>I can't believe England is cheating on him! <em>he thought to himself, _I didn't think he was that kind of person._

"'A true hero'?" America said slowly, before bursting out with, "Hey! If anyone's a hero, _I_ am! This guy is a total poser!"

"Just admit it, you're jealous."

"_Jealous_? Of _him_? Ha!" There was a shuffling noise before the hero announced, "Just look! This hair style is _much _better!"

"I'm afraid that I have to disagree. And if you look here, you can actually see the definition of this guy's muscles. Show me something that can beat that!"

"This totally sexy pose can!"

"Okay, now you're just getting desperate America."

"As if dude! I'm totally better at these things!"

"If you say so... Anyway, you honestly don't mind about me choosing him?"

"Of course not," the American pouted, it was such an obvious lie.

Even without being able to see his face, Italy knew that America must be terribly upset and extremely jealous. Not feeling much like listening in any more because it would depress him, Italy went to go and inform Germany of the sad news.

"You still haven't told me his name," America reminded the other, pulling out a slip of paper from his jacket pocket.

"Ah, it's Ingus," England said, coming over. "I think we should put him at least in the top three."

"I can't believe you waited until now to show me that guy!" the hero huffed, scribbling the name down in the number two spot of the 'List Of Top Ten Final Fantasy Characters' the two of them were compiling. It was America's idea actually, and he had to beg the Brit to give him suggestions. Just when it looked as though the list had been finalised, England went and showed him that Ingus guy.

"Stop pouting," England said, nudging the other in a friendly way, "Just because you're jealous you didn't come up with someone that cool."

"I totally did dude!" America pulled his phone out once again and shoved it in the others face when it was on a certain picture, "I told you earlier that Cloud has a much better hair style, and this awesome pose he does is way better than that Ingus guy!"

"Sure," the gentlemen said sarcastically.

"Which Final Fantasy is he from anyways?"

"Final Fantasy Three, one of the older ones. You only named the more recent characters, clearly not a _true _fan of the series."

"What? Course I am dude, gaming is my life! I'm a total Final Fantasy fanboy! You only started playing them cuz you thought that Moogles looked cute!"

"Well at least I bothered playing _all _of them unlike _someone _who only plays the mainstream ones."

"Whatever, there can't be anymore cool characters that I've missed."

"Actually, we're going to have to get Edward Geraldine in there somewhere."

"Who? Sounds lame dude," America laughed.

England pulled out his phone once more to show the hero who he was referring to.

"Dude!"

"I know right?" England chuckled, "He's usually just called Edge."

"Oh man, now we're gonna have to start the whole list again so we can work this guy in!"

"You were the one that started this ridiculous list thing in the first place," the gentlemen reminded.

"Yeah... honestly, us fans have it hard when Enix give us so many cool characters. Right then, let's get to work! We still have ten minutes of break left!"

And so, as the two countries carried on in all of their otaku glory and compiled the list, Germany was being told some news that perked him up.  
><em>At least if they break up they won't be doing... ahem, well yes. They won't be doing that anymore, <em>is what he had thought to himself.

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**Yeah, I love Final Fantasy and it's a game that has tons of fanboys so I hope that you liked how I pulled it off~! ^_^  
>Well, until next time everyone (and feel free to give prompts if ya want :D)<strong>

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	4. A Proposal

**Hehe, this is fun ^_^ Okay, so another request chappy :D  
><strong>

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Chapter Four- xXAmericaXTheXHeroXX's Request

Italy was confused. Despite what he had heard the other day and being sure that America would be a complete wreck and that he and England would be on awful terms with each other, they were just acting completely normal. Sure they still had their trivial quarrels, but they didn't seem to have any bad feelings against each other. And so it came to pass that, when one of the World Meetings resulted in a break, Italy was determined to try and find out more information.

Being as sly as he could, he followed the two countries in question and as usual, began listening at the door once they had entered whatever room they had chosen that day.

"Why did you insist on me coming here again?" England asked in confusion, "I'll hardly be of much assistance."

"Actually, you couldn't be more wrong."

"What do you mean?"

"Well... there's been something on my mind lately," the hero began, trying to search for the right words to say what was to come. "It's like... I've realised something."

"Really? What would that be?" inquired the gentleman.

"Well... it's actually about that thing I mentioned the other day..."

"America! I thought you said that you were going to stop asking," the Brit said with slight annoyance.

"I know I did, but I can't! You're the only one England, it just _has _to be you! No one else is any good for me!"

"But why?" England asked in confusion, "I can't comprehend why you feel that way."

"Because you're the only one that understands me properly, and I think that we could make it work!" America really was giving it is all, and Italy couldn't help but admire him for it. _It's amazing that he's still cares about England so much after he cheated on him, ve~ _he thought to himself as he continued to listen in.

"Don't you think you're being a bit dramatic? Surely there's someone else that's better."

"NO! I refuse! Please England... will you marry me?"

"VE~!" Italy couldn't help this outburst, that was the _last _thing he expected to hear. He quickly put his hand over his mouth and prayed that the others hadn't noticed, and his prayers were answered.

"I... I can't," the gentlemen said quietly.

"Why? Please just give me a chance England," America said softly.

"I don't know the first thing about such matters, I wouldn't be any good..."

"Hey, trust me. We can totally make it work! Please let me marry you," he asked once again.

"I..." there was a hesitation before Iggy sighed and said, "Fine, I get it. I'll do it."

"Really?" the other asked, surprised but clearly delighted at the same time.

"Yes. I'll marry you, okay?"

"Oh my gosh, thank you so much dude! You won't regret it I swear!"

_I have to go tell Germany! _thought the Italian as he ran off to tell his friend about the news of England and America's engagement.

"So all I have to do is create an account on the website right?" the Brit asked.

"Yup, the URL is the one I wrote down for you the other day. All you have to do is make your character, then type in my username and send a marriage request."

"And I have to marry you in the game because?"

"Because you get super bonus points in the MMORPG if you marry someone! And you also get a cool Achievement!" answered the hero, getting all excited at the prospect of finally having enough points to get the 'Ultimate Sword Of Awesomeness' he'd had his eye on.

"Why can't you just create another character instead of making me create one?"

"I told you! They don't let you make more than one, and they can tell if you make multiple accounts! I don't wanna get blocked dude, I spent _ages_ on that MMO! Don't worry, I chose you cuz I can easily take over your account if you want." The American had a huge grin on his face as he said, "Oh man, this is gonna be totally sweet!"

"Idiot," the other mumbled, making his way out of the room. "I'll see you back at the meeting," he called.

"Sure thing dude!"

Meanwhile, Germany was currently enjoying a well needed drink. Without warning, Italy suddenly sprang up from absolutely nowhere and practically yelled, "ENGLAND AND AMERICA ARE GETTING MARRIED, VE~!"

Germany sprayed his drink all over the place upon hearing this, and just about managed to splutter out a, "W-What?"

"I heard them just now Germany, America proposed and England said yes! But I don't get it because I thought England had someone else but I guess they really are in love! But then-" Italy was off on a tangent trying to get his head around the two countries actually getting married before he stopped himself and said seriously, "Ve, Germany! We need to get them a pretty engagement gift!"

"Nein, nein, NEIN! This can't be right! You must have misunderstood Italy," Germany said, mopping up the liquid he had sprayed everywhere earlier.

"But I know what I heard!" Italy pouted.

"Next time something like this happens, I'll check it out for myself," he said, "I'm sure that there's a logical explanation."  
>However for the time being Germany had to accept that England and America really were to be wed, and this lead him to the conclusion that the two countries would be doing <em>that <em>more often.

"Ach, mein Gott!"

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**When I got the marriage prompt, I immediately thought of MMORPG's, cuz America seems like the type to do everything to get maximum points and all the Achievements in a game XD Well, I hope you liked how this turned out, until next time everyone, and thank you so much for reading~**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	5. Caught In A Storm

**Morning all~! Right, here's another request coming at ya! This time they wanted Germany finally hearing for himself what US and UK get up to ;)  
>Disclaimer: Hetalia does not belong to me sadly :(<strong>

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Chapter Five- Sora Moto's Request

The weather was awful, abysmal, dreadful. No amount of negative synonyms could adequately describe just how bad it was, and so it came to pass that as the last meeting had been held in Germany, the countries found themselves having to spend the night at said country's house until the weather passed (much to Germany's dismay).

"Would you all please try and calm down and instill some order within you?" Germany yelled in desperation as he watched his living room slowly being destroyed (courtesy of all the other countries).  
>"Ve~ Germany~" came Italy's voice as Germany was currently trying to wrestle the eighth can of beer in Prussia's hand away from him. "What is it Italy?" he asked in an annoyed tone as Prussia hurled abuse at him along the lines of, "How dare you take the awesome me's beer away? Do you know who I am?"<p>

"America and England just left the room~" he hummed tunelessly. When it appeared as though his friend didn't understand what he was getting at, Italy drawled, "And you know what they get up to when they're left alone!"

Now Germany wasn't completely convinced that the stories Italy had been relaying to him were accurate or indeed true, but to be brutally honest: he didn't want to take that risk. After all, this was his house! He couldn't let England and America do _that _in his house!  
>Italy pointed in the direction the two countries had wandered off in, and as soon as Germany was out of sight he indulged in creating even more chaos in the living room with the others.<p>

Germany wandered down one of the numerous corridors in his house, pausing briefly to see if he could hear anything that may give him some clue as to where the countries he was looking for were. He sighed when he heard nothing, and persevered in the near perfect darkness- for you see, the weather had caused the power to cut out ages ago. The other countries had decided to use candles back in the living room, which had Germany even more worried because knowing them all, they would probably set the whole place alight if he wasn't there to supervise everything. Eventually, after making several turns, Germany _finally _heard those who he was looking for, but paused outside of the door in order to listen. He did this because he was slightly curious and wanted to see if there was any truth to Italy's stories. When he pressed his ear up against the door, he heard England...

"Ah! Uhn... hnn..."

"England," America said softly, "Are you okay?"

"I'm... ah... fine," the Brit managed to gasp.

"Good," the other said, and Germany could practically see the smile on the American's face.

"Ah! Damn... America, p-please..." England was practically begging, "Do it!"

"Hey, you can't rush something like this," America chuckled softly, "Don't worry, I will soon."

"Well at least let me top," England tried to reason through his labored breaths.

"No way, trust me it'll be _much _better this way."

Seemingly giving up on wanting to top, England just opted for moaning out, "Q-Quickly! Uhn... I want you... to put it in..."

"Not yet, _here _isn't ready yet."

"Ah! Uhh..."

"I've gotta say, I didn't expect _this _to be so hard," the hero said quietly, a hint of amusement in his words.

"America! Just hurry up and do it!" the gentleman's breathing was becoming thicker and louder by the minute.

"Hang on, I think I've nearly got it," America said, and a few noises were heard before he went, "Alright, let's see what happens if I try here..."

"AH!"

"Heh, got it," America said proudly, "Okay, I'm putting it in."

"Ah! Wait a minute! At least let me-" England cut himself off with a sharp gasp, and it was at this point that Germany could no longer tolerate what was going on, and concluded that Italy was 100% correct in all that he had told him. Not really thinking things through at all, Germany burst into the room and yelled, "JUST WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DO-" his sentence was abruptly cut off when the room suddenly flooded with light, temporarily blinding him because his eyes had adjusted to the darkness.

"Huh?" he asked in confusion once he could see clearly.

"Oh, hey dude," America said simply before exclaiming, "WAH!"

"Serves you right idiot," England said coldly, glaring down at his companion.

"Ow! Duuuuude! There was no need to drop me!" America complained.

"Well it didn't look as if you were going to get down anytime soon, so I just helped you out," the gentlemen said, laughing slightly.

"Wh-What?" was all Germany could say, because he didn't have the faintest idea on what was going on anymore. The two countries seemed to understand what the blonde wanted to know, and so began to explain the events.

"Well it was totally dark dude!" the hero began, "I could barely see anything and it kinda sucked!"

"So America and I decided that we would try to get the power working again," England continued, "But for some reason your fuse box is up really high."

"Yeah! I had to get Iggy to give me a boost so that I could reach it!" America said, "And I'm really tall!"

"Don't call me that infernal nickname!" the Brit protested, lightly thumping America on his head before mumbling, "And I told you that _you_ should have given _me_ the boost! Why wouldn't you let me top?"

"Cuz your fancy British fuses are totally different from everywhere else in the world, so you wouldn't have a clue what you were doing," laughed the hero, "It was always gonna be much better if I did it, seeing as I know what I'm doing."

"Hold on a minute," Germany said, still confused. "Why was your breathing all weird?" he turned to England as he said this, expecting an answer.

"The stupid idiot is heavy! And he took ages getting the fuse in!" England complained, "You try taking all his bloody weight. You really should go on a diet!"

"Woah! Don't bring that up again!" the other pouted.

"But... what were you 'putting in'?" Germany asked, this time looking at America.

"A new fuse dude," he said simply, holding up the burnt out fuse he had removed. "There was a spare one already in the box, so I used that, but it was hard finding the right place to put it seeing as it was so dark. Oh well, I'm the hero so I knew that I could do it!" He paused before adding on, "By the way, why is your fuse box up so high anyways?"

Although he was still in a state of semi-shock, Germany managed to give an adequate explanation. "Italy tried to change a fuse once and nearly killed himself," he explained, "So I moved the box so that he wouldn't be able to reach it."

"Haha! Sweet!"

It was then that England said, "Well then, I think we should join the others."

"Totally dude! Let's go!"

Germany just stayed behind in the room, still shocked that he could have misunderstood the situation so badly. He laughed then though, because he finally realised that all of those stories Italy had told him weren't true at all...

...Well, that was until he overheard the conversation the two countries were having as they left the room:

"Iggy, tonight, can we do it? Pretty please?" America asked enthusiastically.

"I guess so," the other replied, before tacking on, "And don't call me Iggy!"

"Sweet! I can't wait to do it!" he said with a huge grin, "And hey, we totally have to plan out our honeymoon!"

"Ah, you're right!"

"Haha, this is gonna be awesome!"

Now of course we know that they are talking about the MMORPG they are currently playing, but Germany didn't.

_They are going to do 'it' tonight? _he thought in shock._ I can't believe Italy was right!_ _Nein! It cannot be! I have to stop it!  
><em>

Sadly, Italy commandeered his time for the rest of the evening, and so when America and England went off on their own, there was nothing he could do but die inside as he thought about one of his rooms being used for such a dirty purpose.

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**Well, hope you liked it~ I never expected to get so many requests, this is so much fun! ^_^  
>Thank you for reading~ :D<strong>

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	6. Enter The Bad Touch Trio!

**Why hello there dear reader! Well today I have a sort of request fusion, because two people requested something similar: The Bad Touch Trio making an entrance! Okay, so I hope you like it~ :D**  
><strong>Disclaimer: Hetalia does not belong to me, as is probably obvious by this point :P<strong>

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Chapter Six- OMGitsgreen and XxIntheShadowsAssassinxX's Request

"Did you hear?" Spain said to his two friends as they were walking to the vending machines while they were on break, "Apparently that damn eyebrows and America are getting hitched!"

"What?" France asked with his eyes wide, "Where did you 'ear that?"

"Ita-chan told me~" he went all dreamy with the mention of Italy, before Prussia whacked him upside the head and demanded for more information.

"Well basically, America proposed, eyebrows said yes, and that's that. Although," Spain lowered his voice for this next part and gestured for the other two to come in closer, "They go at it like rabbits in every break!"

"Hah! No way that's true!" Prussia said, dismissing it straight away while France felt a nosebleed coming on as he said, "Th-They do? 'ow did Big Brother possibly not know about this?"

"You don't seriously believe that do you France?" Prussia said, beginning to laugh, "Only an idiot would listen to that rumour, kesesesese~"

"I must admit I thought it strange, I mean those two are always fighting," the Spaniard said, reaching into his pocket to pull out whatever change he had as they had now reached their destination. "I wish they sold tomatoes in these vending machines," he sighed sadly, opting for a chocolate bar in the end.

"No! They should sell beer!" Prussia pumped his fist up into the air as he said grandly, "The awesome me needs an awesome drink!"

France had been exceptionally quiet, and when Spain finally noticed this he saw the blonde was completely spaced out. "What's up?"

France looked up with tears in his eyes and clutched a rose dramatically (God knows where he got it from), and sulked out, "I can't believe I was kept in the dark! And those two are always so 'eated when they fight, I bet when they come together it is the perfect display of animosity and passion! Why can't Big Brother join in?"

"You... you have problems you know that?" Spain laughed.

"Wait, I just had an awesome idea!" Prussia grabbed his two friends and pulled them away from the machines, beginning to drag them somewhere.

"What are you doing?" the other two chorused simultaneously.

"It's break right? And didn't you say they always do 'it' during the breaks?"

"Ah! That's right!" France immediately began to pick up the pace, opting to lead the way and proclaiming, "If they think they can leave the country of love out of this then they are sorely mistaken! I'll teach them so much!"

"It's just creepy when you say it like that," the brunette chuckled while Prussia replied, "It's supposed to, kesesese~"

The three of them arrived in front of the room they knew the two countries were in just in time to hear a loud banging noise and England gasping loudly.

"I knew it! I knew that they'd like it rough!" France exclaimed, making to grab the door handle and so that he could get in on the action. His two friends stopped him however, saying that they should just listen in first.

"America! Just what was that?" England asked in exasperation.

"I was just trying out a new position dude. The hero's gotta keep it fresh ya know!"

"You can't just go around breaking furniture you idiot!" England yelled, to which France nearly died at the thought of the two countries being so vigorous in their love making that they actually destroyed furniture in the process.

"I must get in there!" France insisted, "Let Big Brother join in! Please!" But Spain and Prussia continued to restrain the horny country, partly because they wanted to hear what would happen in the room and partly to annoy France because it was fun to do so.

"Well clearly we're going to have to fix this," the Brit sighed.

"Can't we fix it later? We were just getting to the good part, you can't leave me like this half way through the good stuff!" the hero moaned.

"I can and I will," the gentleman said resolutely.

"Meanie," America mumbled, before he chuckled slightly and said, "I don't wanna wait much longer so hurry up or else!"

"Or else what?" the other challenged.

"Or else _this_," the hero said mischievously, and the next thing the Bad Touch heard was England weakly protesting.

"Ah! Hey, get off of me you git! This is most undignified, just stop! Hey, America!"

"I won't stop teasing until you say that we can continue where we left off~" the hazel haired one hummed tunelessly.

"Fine, I understand. I'll do this later so-" there were a series of small noises then, followed by England moaning out, "Ah! Wait! I-I can't just yet!"

"Stop delaying dude, this is happening now!" America said, in a way the three listening in interpreted to be possessive.

"I knew America would be the type to dominate!" France said, clutching his handkerchief close to him. "I wonder 'ow England will deal with this! Oh _please _let me join in!"  
>But the other two just shook their heads and grinned, because watching France freak out was totally amusing.<p>

"W-Wait! Just _look _will you?" England protested.

There was a brief silence before America hummed and said, "I see..."

There were a series of shuffling noises before England gasped, "Just get it out!"

"Dude, calm down. I've totally got this," the hero said reassuringly.

"AH~! America! It hurts!"

"Hang on, just bear with me a minute. Suck up the pain and take it like a man!"

_Wow, America is so forceful! _France thought, his desire to get into the room increasing every second.

"Ah! Hnn... OW! America, _please! _Don't be so rough!" England began to pant heavily, gasping and moaning as the other was busy murmuring various things to try and calm him down.

"It... hurts... AH!" England could no longer contain his voice, and was practically screaming. "S-So rough... you're being so rough!" he moaned, although it was hard for the trio to tell if he was moaning out of pleasure or pain. _Probably a mixture of both_, they all concluded.

"England... just look how deep it's in," America said softly, "Don't worry, you'll feel _much_ better in a moment."

"Uhn... hah... AH!" Countless rough sounding noises were heard, and England gasping out, "You git! That hurts! Bloody hell, just get it out!"

Outside, France was going insane. He just _had _to be a part of what was going on. But no matter how hard he struggled, he could not escape from the grasp of his two companions.

"Wow, I never thought the things Ita-chan told me would be true," Spain said, not quite believing what he was hearing.  
>"Those two certainly don't hold back, kesesese~" remarked Prussia, thoroughly amused by the situation.<p>

It was when England exclaimed, "America~!" that the blonde couldn't take it anymore.

"ENOUGH!" France cried out. Using his erotic thoughts to give him strength, he managed to break free from the hold of his friends and practically kicked the door down so that he could join in.

However, when he finally had access to the room, all he saw was a fully clothed England and America, both straightening their outfits out.

"I... I missed it?" France said, tears beginning to form.

"Huh? Missed what dude?" America asked, wondering why the Bad Friends were suddenly at the door.

"'ow could you leave Big Brother out?" he wailed, clutching his hankie even tighter, before running out of the room dramatically and yelling, "I'll definitely be a part of it next time!"

"Guess we should go after him," Spain sighed.  
>Prussia nodded in agreement, but before he left to follow France he looked at the two countries and grinned widely as he said, "The way you guys do it seems totally awesome! Have fun, kesese~"<br>"Err... yeah, what he said," Spain said uneasily, "And I guess I should say congratulations or whatever."

And with that, they both left the room so that it was just England and America once more.

"What on earth was all of that about?" England asked.

"No idea dude," said America, before laughing and saying, "Man you're such a wimp!"

"I am not a wimp you wanker!" the Brit snapped defensively.

"You are! You were making such a fuss over a small splinter," the hero was laughing uncontrollably at this point.

"The splinter hurt dammit! And it was in deep as well! If you had been more efficient in getting it out then I wouldn't have fussed at all! Besides, it's your bloody fault I got that damn splinter!" Iggy glared over at his companion, who stopped laughing and gave a sheepish grin as he said, "Right, sorry dude."

"Honestly, next time you want to try out some stupid hero pose on a chair, try it on one you actually own so that when it inevitably breaks we won't have to go through the hassle of fixing it!"

"Well I didn't wanna fix it remember?" America reminded. "I just wanted to get on and play the game cuz we left it at a good bit, and then we'd fix the chair later."

"Even so, there was no need for you to start tickling me until I agreed to play it again!" Iggy mumbled angrily.

"Haha! It totally works though!"

"Well at any rate, what's done is done. The meeting will be resuming any minute so we should be getting back."

"Right."

Meanwhile, in the bathrooms, France had locked himself up in one of the stalls and was busy angsting over how he had missed a golden opportunity to do some deliciously devilish things with America and England.

"How long are you planning to sulk in there?" Spain asked, glancing at his watch, "You know the meeting is gonna start again soon right?"

"Just go away! I cannot possibly go on like this!"

"Kesese~ A bit dramatic dontcha think?" Prussia said with an amused smile.

"Absolutely not!" France unlocked the toilet door and trudged out sadly, clutching numerous roses to him. He then looked at the other two before saying determinedly, "You two are my witnesses! I, France, vow right 'ere and now that next time, I _will _be a part of the action!"

The other two just laughed at the foolish blonde and headed towards the meeting room, while France insisted that he was deadly serious.

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**Hehe, I totally imagine Iggy to be the type to overreact at getting something like a splinter :P I know I do, I act like it's the end of the world and I'm gonna die XD**  
><strong>Well, I hope you liked how this turned out, and it looks like France will stop at nothing until he can fulfill his fantasies ;)<strong>  
><strong>Thank you so much for reading this, and pretty please review cuz they make me smile so much :D<strong>

**So, until next time everyone~**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	7. Parent Planning

**Righty-o, first of all: THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR REVIEWS~~! ^_^ I didn't actually think this fic would be that popular cuz a.) It's insane XD and b.) I wasn't sure if anything had been done like this before. Oh well, I ain't complaining :P It's fun to write, so I'm glad you all enjoy it :D**

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Chapter Seven- EnglandPoland's Request 2

Germany gave up. At this particular point in time, he was wondering why on earth he even bothered with these meetings at all. It had gotten off to a bad start, with France in a suicidal mindset for reasons unbeknownst to him, America being completely restless as usual, Russia creeping everyone out and every country just generally messing around. That is why he called for yet _another _break in the hope that the countries would come back and actually participate properly.

"Honestly, Western countries are so disorganised aru! You don't see me or Japan being ridiculous in the meeting!" China complained, completely fed up of nothing ever getting done.

"I think it's fun to watch Germany get all stressed, he's close to breaking point! kol kol kol."

"Russia, that's not the purpose of these meetings aru! Where are you taking me anyway?"

"I overheard France talking, and apparently America and England are becoming one. I will make both of them become one with Mother Russia! kol kol."

"I honestly have no idea what you are on about, aru," China muttered, but followed Russia nevertheless because he had nothing better to do.

"This should be the place," Russia said with a creepy smile, putting his ear to a certain door to listen in. China simply shrugged and did the same, figuring that this would at least kill some time. When he did, he heard England and America talking about something...

"So dude, you know we're getting married?" America said casually, as if it was completely normal to be talking about marriage to England (which we know it is in this context, but Russia and China didn't).

"They are getting married, aru?" China whispered, surprise evident in his tone. Russia simply nodded and started 'kolling'.

"Yes, what about it?" the Brit asked.

"Well, I was thinking, and I have a totally awesome idea!"

"The last time you had an 'awesome idea' you ended up in hospital," Iggy said sarcastically.

"Hey! I'll have you know that I was seriously close to getting a McDonald's on the moon!"

"America, you made your own spaceship, took off, ran out of fuel ten seconds later, plummeted to the ground and almost killed yourself."

"Haha! It was totally sweet!" America recalled the memories with fondness, although he did mumble, "But it was Tony's fault for not telling me about the fuel..."

"Whatever, what's you plan this time idiot?"

"Well, I think that we should have a child when we're married!" the hero said happily.

"You want... a child?" Iggy said slowly, trying to come to terms with it.

"Yeah, I think we'd be totally sick parents! Don't you?"

"America, having a child is a big responsibility!"

"Nah, it can't be that hard!"

"They aren't serious are they, aru?"  
>"If they are, I can make their offspring become one with me! kol kol."<br>"But... how is that even possible? They are both males, aru!"  
>The other simply shrugged and continued to listen in.<p>

"It can't be all that hard to have one, and then all we have to do is keep it alive right?"

"Wow, you should write a book on parenting," the gentleman said sarcastically. "No, we are not having a child."

"Huh? Why not, c'mon Iggy!" moaned the bigger nation.

"I said no and that's final."

"But how come?"

"Because I know how it will turn out! You'll be off trying to be a hero, and I'll get stuck with the child! I simply do not have the time to dedicate to matters such as this unlike you."

"No way! I'd be totally supportive! I'll even take on all the responsibilities if you want! Besides, if we can't take care of it then we can always sacrifice the kid to the Gods!"

"Th-They'd sacrifice their child? Is that even legal, aru?"  
>"Kol kol, America is showing his darker side."<p>

"Wait a minute... that's the whole reason you want a child isn't it? I'm guessing you get some sort of award for sacrificing your child, am I correct?"

"Heh you got me," America laughed, "So now you know you can't object right? I mean, the kid's not gonna be with us that long anyways."

"I refuse to have a child for the sole purpose of killing it!"

"Not killing, _sacrificing_."

"No, I refuse to be a part of your sick game any longer! We are not having a child and that's that!"

"At least England's sensible, aru," China said with relief, glad that no innocent children would be sacrificed. "But honestly, America is a messed up place if you get awarded for sacrificing children," he muttered.  
>"I must pay a visit to America's house sometime, I never knew about that," Russia said, literally dropping the temperature and giving the creepiest and most unnerving smile that you've ever seen.<br>"I've had enough of this aru! I'm going," and with that, China moved away from the door and headed back towards the meeting room. Russia sighed sadly, because he wanted to find out if there were any other satanic rituals that were performed in America, but he ultimately gave up for the day and followed China. The last thing he heard was America saying something, and England sighing in defeat as he said: "Fine, we'll have a child okay? But we are _not _sacrificing it."

"Fine, you also get an Achievement for raising a kid as well so that's just as awesome!"

"I can't believe they commend such violence as killing a child," England said in disbelief. "Video games don't make any sense to me."

"They don't need to make sense dude, they're totally fun! And I really do think we'll be awesome parents," the hero said honestly, before snickering and saying, "It's a good thing the kid's gonna be in the game, because it won't ever have to try your awful cooking!"

"You wanker! How dare you insult fine British cuisine?" Iggy exploded upon hearing the insult, but America simply laughed and made endless jokes about how England's food would definitely be the most effective method of torture ever.

"Germany, are we going to get started with the meeting now, aru?" China asked upon seeing Germany straightening out some papers.

"Ja, I was just about to call everyone back," he said.

"Good." He made to leave, but paused and said, "Did you know that America and England are getting married, aru?"

The blonde sighed heavily and said, "Ja, I have heard something to that effect."

"Did you know that they are also planning on having a child, aru?"

"What?" the German asked, eyes wide. "Are you serious?"

"Yes, Russia and I just heard them talking about it, aru."

"Ach, unbelievable," he muttered.

And so it came to pass that China and Russia told every country that America and England were planning on having a child, thus making them the talking point for the rest of the meeting (unbeknownst the the hero and the gentleman, who sat there in confusion as the other countries looked at them and then whispered amongst each other).

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**God, if these two really did have a child they would be like the most dysfunctional family ever XD  
>Well I hope you liked it and until next time~ :D<strong>

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	8. Three's A Crowd

**Okay, you guys are awesome for all of your reviews/favourites/alerts! ^_^ THANK YOU!  
>Now before we begin I am going to shamelessly promote myself XD This fic started because my other Hetalia fic is all serious (which it is), but I'd still love it if you'd check it out :D It's called 'From Brothers To Lovers' in case you were wondering :P<br>Okay, shameless promoting aside, let's carry on with this!**

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Chapter Eight- CattyCoopster's Request

"Germany~ I was thinking _really_ hard and I think that we should get England and America pasta for their engagement gift, ve~!"

"Italy, we are _not _getting them an engagement gift!" Germany said resolutely, sighing in frustration as Italy hung off of his arm and asked, "Why not?" with a pout on his face.

"Firstly, this marriage business makes no sense whatsoever! I think the only way we can shed light on the situation is to just ask them about it ourselves."

"Is that where we're going now?" Italy asked.

"Ja."

The two countries arrived at the place they knew America and England would be in, but before they entered they heard someone they were not expecting to hear with them: Japan.

"What's Japan doing with them, ve~?" Italy whispered to the blonde.  
>"I don't know, but be quiet for a second. We'll just listen in for a bit."<p>

"Haha! You two are both gonna get it so hard!" America said in a cocky voice, "Just don't cry too much, 'kay?"

"Ha, keep on dreaming idiot," England said, his voice brimming with confidence. "You think that I'll submit to you that easily?"  
>"Yes America-san, I think that you should reconsider your words."<p>

"The hero doesn't need to reconsider things! Let's just do this!"

There was a brief pause before Japan said in surprise, "Oh my... America-san, that _is _rather big."

"Haha! Of course it is!"

"Show off," England mumbled, "Size isn't everything."

"Hai, I agree England-san. We'll show America-san!" There was determination in the Asian country's voice.

"All right! Are both of you in position?" the hero asked.

"Of course we are you git! Just do it already."

"Gotcha!"

"Germany... what are they talking about?" Italy asked in confusion.  
>Germany didn't say anything, just got a very bad feeling. <em>But surely Japan wouldn't... no, not Japan, <em>he thought to himself.

Germany had to rethink those thoughts when he heard Japan cry out, "Ah! America-san, you hit it dead on!"

"I'm just _that _good," America said proudly. "And don't think that I've forgotten about you Iggy," he said cheekily.

"Uhn... damn, how can you still be on top form?" the Brit asked in disbelief. He cleared his throat as he said, "Well I have a few tricks up my sleeve as well."

"Uwah! E-England! N-not there..." America said quietly.

"Looks like you found his weak spot, England-san," Japan said happily, before he gasped out, "Wait! England-san, not me too!"

The gentleman was chuckling as the other two were trying to weakly protest, before he said in a low voice, "Now I dare both of you to come at me with everything you've got."

"VE! G-Germany-" Italy began, but said country covered the others mouth and tried to figure out what the hell they were supposed to do in this situation.

"Oh, I'm definitely gonna come full force at this rate," America said, laughing softly.

"Enough, it's my turn," Japan said calmly.

"Wait a second," England said uneasily, before America exclaimed, "Dude! W-When did you get that?"

"I thought our little threesome may end up like this, so I got this to make things more... _fun_."

"I've never seen anything like that before," the gentleman said in surprise.

"Which is shocking, cuz if anyone knows about that kinda stuff it's you," America laughed.

"Well then, I think it's time for me to try this out," Japan said.

It wasn't long before the other two were breathing more heavily that usual.

"D-Dude! That thing's amazing!" America cried out.

"Ah! That thing's gonna finish me off!" Iggy gasped.

"Germany?" Italy asked, scared about what was going on on the other side of the door. Apparently, Germany had heard quite enough, because he pulled Italy up by his sleeve and dragged him as far away from that room as humanly possible.

"Damn, I can't believe a pokémon like that wiped my entire team out!" the Brit complained, shutting off his DSi angrily. "And it's a cute one as well, I want one!"

Japan and America were still battling it out, but America was losing badly.  
>"Dude, it's so unfair if you use legendaries," he moaned as his fourth pokémon was completely pwned by Japan.<p>

"But like I said, I got this legendary specifically for this battle. I'm glad you suggested having a three-way pokémon battle America-san, but really you should have known better if you honestly thought you could beat me," the raven haired one smiled sweetly as he commanded his pokémon to execute a powerful move, effectively wiping out the whole of America's team. "No matter how big your pokémon are, it doesn't mean you're going to win."

"Dude! That totally sucks!" the hero pouted and switched his 3DS off, joining Iggy in being annoyed over losing.

"Well, I think the meeting is about to start again so I'd better go," Japan said, bowing to the two countries before leaving.  
>"Just let me know if you want to lose again," he said as he exited the room.<p>

"Damn, I guess I should've known Japan would be freaking awesome at Pokémon," America muttered, "He was the one who introduced me to it after all."

"Oh well, I guess it was pretty amusing watching you get all stressed out when you were losing," the Brit laughed.

"Dude! You got just as stressed as me!" the hero protested.

Thus one of the infamous petty fights these two have become known for broke out.

Meanwhile, back in the meeting room, Japan saw his two friends and went over to say hello.

"Konnichiwa Italy-san, Germany-san," he said politely, bowing.

"Ve~! J-Japan!" Italy said, way more jumpy than he usually was. Germany simply nodded and coughed, averting his gaze.

"Is something wrong?" the Asian asked, cocking his head to the side slightly.

It was Italy who eventually said, "How could you do _that _with England and America?"

Japan paused before saying, "Why not?"

"W-Why not?" Germany asked in shock, "You are the last person I would have suspected to be doing that!"

"Why? Stuff like that was invented in my country," Japan said, thinking that they were talking about pokémon and similar games.

"Seriously?" Italy asked, "I didn't think you did stuff like that in Japan."

"Hai, we do it all the time," the raven haired one said, "Although I never expected England-san and America-san to be as good as they were. They certainly showed me a good time!" he said with a cute smile.

It was then that Germany went bright red and said, "Well I think it's time we restarted the meeting so bye!" and gathered together any papers he needed before hurrying off, closely followed by Italy.

Japan just stood there, completely confused as to the sudden departure of the other two. He sighed as he said, "Honestly, Western countries are so weird," before going to get ready for the meeting as well.

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**Hehe, supposed threesome with Japan, great suggestion XD Well, hope you all liked it and until next time~ :D**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	9. Parenthood

**Hello again everyone :D This time I fused two requests together, so I used the situation from Sora Moto and the person overhearing what's going one from It's meeeeeeeeee  
>Hope you like it :P<strong>

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Nine- Sora Moto and It's meeeeeeeeee's Requests

Something was wrong with America.

All the countries could easily tell that something wasn't quite right because of the way he was acting during the entire meeting. Sure he was still restless, but there was a huge aura of _nervousness _radiating from the American, and no one knew the reason why. Even England didn't seem to have a clue as to what was wrong, because he kept poking the hero to make sure he was still paying attention to the meeting, and angrily whispering, "Seriously, what is wrong with you today?"

Whenever the Brit did this, America would seem to shrink, the nervous feeling turning into one of abject fear as he would mumble something the lines of, "I'm so sorry dude..."

And so, the moment a break was called, England grabbed America and dragged him off to a room so that he could understand just _why _he was acting in this strange manner.

"These stupid meetings are boring as hell!" exclaimed an angry Italian as he mooched down a hallway to get a drink.

"Aw, they're not _that _bad Roma~" Spain said happily, making to grab the other's hand but ending up getting a rather hard hit instead.

"You need to respect personal space you bastard," Romano mumbled, not in the best of moods because nothing had been resolved at the meeting, and because America's behaviour had been extremely distracting, not just for him but for all the other countries as well.

"Seriously, what is that hamburger bastard's problem?" he seethed to himself.

"Well... we could always find out if you want Roma," Spain said, a small grin forming on his lips.

"What do you mean?"

"Well... how about we go and listen in and see if we can find the reason out for ourselves?"

"You idiot! I just said you need to respect personal space you bastard! Why would I eavesdrop?"

"Because you're curious and so am I~" Spain hummed tunelessly, ignoring the scowl he was receiving from the more violent of the Italian brothers.

"W-Well..." he said uneasily, but before he could give his consent properly, the Spaniard was busy dragging him off in pursuit of America and England (and all of his very... 'colourful' protests were left unheeded).

"Damn you," Romano whispered angrily as he and Spain reached the door to the room the two countries were in, however he put his ear against the door to listen even so.

"For God's sake America! Would you just stop dodging the bloody issue and tell me what the problem is?" England asked, clearly irritated at not having been given an answer yet.

"B-But it's totally bad dude!" America said, sounding like he was going to break down at any minute. "You're totally gonna hate me!"

The Brit sighed. "Look, no matter how infuriating you may be, I do not hate you. Now will you _please _tell me what is going on?"

"Well..." America sniffed, trying to compose himself before saying quietly, "You know our child?"

"Yes," England said, before waiting patiently for the other to continue.

"They have a freaking kid?" Romano whispered, shocked at this sudden bit of information.  
>"Yup," Spain said simply, "They're getting married and everything, and you should just <em>hear <em>what those to get up to when they-" Romano effectively silenced him with a heavy hit.  
>"I don't want to know about <em>that<em> you bastard!" But they both continued to listen in.

"Well... you know how it was my turn to... look after him?" the hero said hesitantly.

"I do," England said simply.

"W-Well... and I guess it's kinda funny in a way... but I... I..." America dropped his voice down so that it was barely audible and mumbled something.

"What?" the gentleman asked, "Speak up idiot!"

The hero tried again, but it was still so quiet that you couldn't make out what he was saying.

"Bloody hell America! Would you stop being such a spineless coward and tell me?"

Now America, being a hero and all, was not at all happy with being called a 'spineless coward', and so without thinking he practically shouted:

"I KILLED HIM OKAY?"

There was a dead silence before England said in a low voice, "You did _what_?"

"I killed the kid okay?" America said bitterly. "I totally didn't mean to! It just kinda happened!"

"Are you a bloody idiot? How could you possibly have killed him?" England shouted in anger.

"The hamburger bastard _killed _their kid?" Romano asked in utter shock. Spain didn't say anything, just paled.

"How was I supposed to know that you're not supposed to give a kid a knife?" America yelled back.

"You stupid git! That's just common sense! You don't go around giving children bloody knives!"

"But all I wanted to do was train him up to be an ultimate warrior like me!" the hero protested, but England wasn't having any of it.

"That's bullshit! Surely even _you _can't be that stupid! You wanted him dead from the beginning so you could get rewards!"

"Dude, it's totally not like that I swear!"

"JUST SHUT UP!" the Brit screamed, before taking deep breaths to try and calm himself. "I knew that us having a child was a bad idea, I can't believe that... he's dead..." his voice went quiet towards the end, mournful.

"Iggy... I really am sorry," America said softly. "I honestly didn't mean for him to die."

There were the sound of footsteps crossing the room, before England mumbled, "Don't touch me, git."

During all of this, Spain and Romano had their mouths open. They could not believe what they had just heard: America was a _murderer_! That completely explains why he was so jumpy earlier!  
>Not wanting to be in the same area as a psychopath for fear of themselves getting murdered as well, the two European countries made a mad dash for it, making a deal with each other to never tell anyone of this incident (because if America found out, he may kill them).<p>

"And I was just getting the hang of this game," Iggy moaned.

"I know, it was cool how you got more into it when we had the kid... you wanna get another one?" America asked kindly.

"No, you'll just kill it again knowing you."

"Dude! That's so unfair! I told you it was a mistake," the hero protested, pouting.

The Brit sighed as he said, "You really are useless. You are just lucky that the child didn't really exist." However, he couldn't help but chuckle slightly. _Why am I not surprised that America actually did give a child a knife? _he thought to himself.

Thus Iggy and America decided not to have anymore kids, or at least wait until America gained common sense.

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**If that kid existed, then he'd have to put up with awful food AND irresponsible parenting... thank God it's just a game XD But, just to defend my home country for a second, English food isn't THAT bad! Seriously, roast dinners are awesome! But hey, that could just be me being biased :P  
>Anywho, I hope you liked this chapter and until next time~ :D Please review because they make me sooooo happy~! ^_^<strong>

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	10. In Sickness And In Health

**Morning all~! ^_^  
>First of all: Thank you all for your reviews~ I cannot express how much they mean to me ^.^ And we're already on chappy ten O_O Woah...<br>Secondly: Yay~! Fellow English human who supports our cuisine! xlisebecksx, you are totally right: Full English Breakfasts pwn! :D Haha, British food FTW!  
>Well, here we go with this chappy :)<strong>

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Ten- Anonymous Person's Request

"Haha! That jerk England will have no option but to acknowledge me as a country when he's all sick and I'm healthy as can be!" Sealand said happily, skipping down one of the hallways in England's house (how he got in was a mystery...) with a grin on his face. "How can he still think that he's better than me if he gets sick and I don't?" the small country (technically speaking) asked himself.

Sealand already had his intentions set for the entire day: he was going to annoy England, annoy England, annoy England some more, break for a nap, and then annoy England once again.  
>"It's going to be a good day," he said cheerily.<p>

It was when Sealand reached England's bedroom that he paused, because he heard someone else in the room. After a moment, the small country recognised the other as being America. _Why does America like that jerk so much? _Sealand thought to himself, recalling how the self proclaimed hero often nursed England whenever he was ill. Deciding that he had the whole day to annoy the Brit, Sealand decided that he may as well be a tiny bit nosy and listen in to what was going on.

He could hear heavy breathing coming from the gentleman, followed by a weak protest of, "No... I don't want to America..."

"C'mon dude, in your current state you can't do anything but this," America said in an encouraging voice. "Just a little bit, 'kay?"

"B-But... I don't like doing it..."

"Hm? You never usually complain about having to do it," the hero said in a slightly confused voice.

England didn't reply, but Sealand could hear him try to steady his breathing. Ultimately, this was to no avail and the gentleman let out a small moan.

"Please Iggy," America said softly, "I just need you to do this for me, and then I won't make you do it ever again."

"L-Liar," England managed to gasp out, before the weak protest of, "And don't call me Iggy!"

"England... look I'll be honest: I've been without you for _days _now. That means days without doing _it_. I... I really need you, so please... just do this."

There was hesitation from the other, before he said quietly, "The taste... I don't like the taste..."

"Well if you just go quickly, then it'll all be over with sooner, and then the taste will be gone before you know it!" America tried to reason.

There was a silence before England said, "No... I don't want to."

"Well, you can't say I didn't try to be friendly," America sighed, before his voice turned dark all of a sudden as he said, "But you really don't have a choice in the matter. I don't think you understand that I _need _you to do this before I go insane."

"Umm... America..." the Brit said uneasily, and when Sealand heard a zipper being undone he heard the unease turn to blind panic. "N-No! Please, not now! I don't want to!" he said as forcefully as the fever would allow.

"Open up," America instructed, and although Sealand couldn't see into the room he could visualise England shaking his head.

"England, I _really _don't wanna be the bad guy," America said, "After all: I'm a hero! So please don't make me force it down your throat." When there was still no reply from the Brit, he heard America go, "Tch... fine then."

"Ah! No!" Iggy said helplessly, but his words were soon cut off because it seemed as though America really _had _put something in the other's mouth.

"Nnh... mnn."

"Yeah, see you can do it," America said, "Take it all in, England."

"Mmnn... ah, I hate you," the Brit said bitterly.

"Yes yes I know," the hero sighed, "C'mon, you're not finished."

"Hnn..."

_What on earth is going on? _Sealand thought, completely bewildered on what could possibly be going on.

"England..." America said gently. There was a brief pause before said country spoke.

"I-It's salty..."

"Well yeah dude, it generally is," America laughed softly. "But it wasn't _that _bad right?"

"Well... n-no..."

"See?" the hero said happily.

It was at this point that Sealand accidentally knocked himself against the door. "Huh? Yo, is someone there?" America called.

_Ah! I can't let him see me! I was only here because I thought that jerk England would be alone! _And so, in a panic, Sealand bolted back down the hallway and out of England's house.

"No one is going to be there idiot," Iggy mumbled.

"Yeah, I guess," America agreed, putting the medicine bottle he had gotten earlier back into the small medical bag he brought over, zipping it back up. "I'm sorry dude, I didn't wanna force you to have the medicine, but it really will make you feel better. Besides, you being ill has meant that we can't do that double mission we were halfway through! I _need _you man! I can't do the game on my own and I'm going crazy not being able to play it!"

"That's no reason for you to force your God awful medicine on me," the Brit scowled.

"Hey, you said it didn't taste that bad! Now stop complaining and get better, 'kay?" America said, smiling kindly.

Iggy just mumbled something, but lay his head back down on his pillow and tried to let sleep wash over him.

"Seriously, what were they doing?" Sealand asked himself, walking away from England's house. He was so lost in thought that he accidentally bumped into someone. "Oh, sorry," he said, looking up.

"It's okay... Oh, Sealand?"

The small country took note of who he had accidentally bashed into. "France," he said in surprise, "What are you doing here?"

"I plan on annoying Angleterre," he said with a wink. "Why are you 'ere?"

"I was the same, I hate that jerk! But America is there so I left... hey, can you explain something to me?" Sealand asked, having been struck with inspiration: have France tell him what they were doing!

"What is it, mon amis?"

"Well, America said that he needed jerk England, and that they hadn't done something for days, and so he asked the jerk to do something, but he said no, and so America made England put something in his mouth, and then it was salty... I don't get it. What were they doing?"

When Sealand looked up at the blonde, he saw that he was clutching a handkerchief close to himself. "E-Even when Angleterre is ill? America is so forceful, GAH! I can't believe I missed it! NOOOOO! I MUST BE PART OF IT!"

Thus Sealand was left alone wondering what the hell was going on, while France made a mad dash for England's house, spurred on by his usual impure thoughts.

x~x~x~x~x

**Oh God... so I hope I interpreted the prompt right** **XD I mean, it was kinda vague as to what England was objecting to, but the mention of bad taste made me think... yeah XD**  
><strong>Oh France, ever the pervert :P (Though... I'm writing this so I can't really talk about perverted people right? XD)<strong> **And before you ask, salty medicine _does_ exist! It ain't nice -.-**  
><strong>Well, I hope you all liked it, and continue to give me prompts and stuff cuz it's really fun making chapters based on them ^_^<strong>  
><strong>Until next time then~ :D<strong>

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	11. Not So Little Italy

***dramatic spotlight* Everyone! *clutches rose in mouth, France style* I just want you to know that I love you all! This fic has broken 50 reviews! I never in my wildest dreams thought that this would ever happen *falls dramatically onto a handily placed pillow* You have made me a very happy author, and I am sending you all cyber roses!  
>*cough* Ahem, yeah... well, thank you all~ :D I'll shut up and get on with the chappy now XD<br>**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Eleven- CattyCoopster and Sora Moto's Requests

A dejected person moped down one of the hallways after a break was called, tears streaming from their eyes as once again, he had been completely ignored. This certain country was busy wallowing in his thoughts before he heard a loud:

"HEY! You! Yeah, you! Wait up!"

Immediately tensing, this certain country turned around slowly and braced himself for a mouthful of abuse, because the likelihood was that, _once again_, he had been mistaken for _him_.

"Yo Canada, why so tense?" the person who had called for him asked.

"W-What?" Canada said in surprise, shocked that someone actually recognised him as himself rather than _America_. "Oh, hi Prussia," he said softly, a smile gracing his features.

"Hey there," he said with a huge grin. "Look, you got a sec? The awesome me needs to find something out, and I think you might know!"

"Oh?" the syrup loving country said, "What is it?"

"Well, it's about America and England. I mean, I guess I kinda heard them, but something seems weird... I figured you'd know about it."

"Umm... I don't really know all that much," Canada said truly sorry that he couldn't be of assistance. "I'm sorry, but I haven't actually heard them do anything, only the rumours going around."

"Hnn, you don't say, kesesese~" Prussia suddenly had a smirk on his (awesome) face, and without warning he lunged at Canada and began to drag him somewhere.

"Uwah! M-Maple!" he shouted, although it was more like loudly whispered because Canada isn't known for his loudness.

"I just want you to hear something is all," Prussia hummed, breaking out into his usual evil (and awesome) chuckle when they were at their destination: a door. Canada looked at the other in confusion, but did as he was told when Prussia pointed to the door and said, "Listen."

After a few seconds, it became obvious that America and England were the ones within the room, and although he felt bad about eavesdropping, he couldn't stop because Prussia had joined him in the act and would probably be steamed if he left now.

"So yes, that is how I like it," England said nonchalantly.

"Seriously dude? Ha! How lame," America laughed, while England huffed.

"Well then how do _you _like it then, if you're suddenly such an expert."

"Hah, I like it the way all hero's like it!" America proclaimed grandly.

"Would you care to enlighten me on what way that actually is sometime this decade?" the Brit asked sarcastically.

"Chillax dude, I was getting there! Well, as I am such an epically awesome hero guy, I take things to the extreme!"

"Understatement of the millennium," the gentleman muttered, but the other in the room seemed undeterred by the small put down and carried on explaining enthusiastically.

"I like it deep, super deep!" the hero said happily, "And the thicker it is, the better!"

"And I'm guessing you prefer the size as extra large," Iggy sniffed indignantly.

"But of course!"

Although Prussia and Canada could not see into the room, they could practically feel the glow of the grin that was sure to be on America's face.  
>"Well, this is educational, right Canada? Kesese~"<br>"Umm... I... Why are they discussing something like _that_? I didn't think those rumours were true..."

"But the absolute best is when you take in an Italian one! Oh yeah baby~" America went all dreamy as he recalled what must have been a previous experience. "Oh God, that thick, Italian sausage..." and he was off in Lala-Land, giving small moans every now and then.

"Hmph! I see no appeal in such things," the Brit said curtly, "You always get sidetracked by unnecessary things."

"Duuuuude! You totally don't know what you're talking about! I mean, nothing is like an Italian one! You seriously need to give it a go!"

"Thanks but no thanks," the gentleman said, an edge of annoyance to his tone.

"You totally don't believe me~" America moaned. "Ah! Hang on, I'll show you a picture dude! I mean, it was just so impressive that I _had _to take a picture of it!"

"Kesese~ America has dirty pictures on his phone!" Prussia exclaimed with glee, thoroughly enjoying all of the gossip he was finding out.  
>"Maple, maple, maple, maple," Canada was chanting, trying to go to his happy place.<p>

"Check it out man!" the hero said happily. "Trust me, when you take this bad boy into your mouth... oh _God _it's like totally awesome!" There was a brief pause before they heard England gasp.

"Oh my bloody-! It's so thick! How would you ever get it in your mouth? I mean, I know that you never shut up and your mouth is ridiculously huge, but even _you_ would struggle!" the Brit said in disbelief.

"Haha! I'm the hero, so of course I could manage something like that!" America said proudly.

"B-But... it's so bloody _huge_! I never would have expected something like _that _from Italy!"

"Well, I think this has been a great success!" Prussia said happily, pulling away from the door. "Later Canada, I'm gonna go see for myself what the Italy's are packing, the awesome me is curious!" Thus Canada was left alone, trembling at the door. He made it a point to get ut of there as quickly as humanly possible so as not to be traumatised further. He really couldn't believe what he had just heard; he would tell someone, but they either wouldn't see him or have no clue who he was...

"So, what in God's name is that huge bugger called anyway?" the Brit asked, eyes still transfixed on the foodstuff being displayed on America's phone.

"It's a Chicago Styled Pizza dude, they are freaking sweet!"

"Chicago?" Iggy asked, confused. "I thought you said the sausages on this thing were from Italy."

"Well, Italian sausages are big in Chicago. I'm serious dude, one bite of this pizza and you'll be hooked for life!" the hero beamed.

"I think I'd prefer to keep my cholesterol at healthy levels and not severely shorten my lifespan, so I'll pass."

"You can't mean that dude! I'm totally gonna get one next time and share with you, just to prove my point!"

England started laughing then.

"Hey? What's so funny?" huffed the American.

"You sharing food!" Iggy said through his laughter, "The day that happens is the day the entire world collapses!"

The hero tried to protest, but the Brit was laughing far too much. In the end America couldn't help but smile, because it had been a while since Iggy had been in such a good mood, and he had to admit that the island nation had a point.

Meanwhile, Canada was busy trying to book himself a therapy session and Prussia was busy drawing up blueprints on how he would go about finding out just how sizable the Italy brothers were... he really had too much free time nowadays.

x~x~x~x~x

**Seriously, this chapter was one of total learning for me. I Googled Chicago Style Pizzas and this was me: HOLY CRAP! People _eat_ those? O_O I don't know much about America or the different states… but do all people in Chicago eat those or something? If so, how are they still alive? O.o**  
><strong> To be honest, one time when I went to America and I was feeling ill, some really nice people came up to me and they honestly said, "Aw, if you're feeling ill then you should drink lots of soda! You'll feel better in no time! :D"<strong>  
><strong> Americans… you are all such lovely people, <em>please<em> do not kill yourselves with gigantic pizzas and drinking soda when ill!**  
><strong>Btw, I kinda have an idea for the next chappy, but it's not US and UK! 0.0 It's inspired by CattyCoopster, and it's gonna be called Prussia's Mission (in which the king of awesome investigates the myth of the amazing Italian sausages by essentially terrorising Romano and Italy XD) If you think it's a good idea, lemme know and I'll write it. If not, then I'll just dump it :P<strong>  
><strong> Well, keep sending in requests and until next time~ ^_^<strong>

** xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	12. Prussia's Mission

**Okay, I am totally going to come over to America and try all of these obscure medical remedies you guys have been telling me about XD I am so intrigued right now! :P And thank you all once again for so many wonderful reviews and suggestions, it may take me a while to get around all of them but they shall be done! :D I'm sorry I haven't updated for a few days, but I'm back at school and exams are coming up so they have been bombarding me with work -_- And xlisebecksx, I am so sorry u.u I will regain my honour as an English human and corrupt Canada senseless at some point! XD****  
><strong>Well, here it is: GET READY FOR AWESOME!<strong>**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Twelve- Prussia's Mission (In Which The King Of Awesome Investigates The Myth Of The Amazing Italian Sausages By Essentially Terrorising Romano And Italy)

"Kesesesese~! This plan is totally awesome!" Prussia said to himself happily as he stood back and admired the huge black board on which he had scribbled down very elaborate blueprints. "There is no way my awesome plans can fail!" he nodded, patting himself on the back because he was awesome enough to devise several back-up plans just in case. Sure some (most) of them may technically be illegal, but he was so awesome that the law didn't apply.

He had come up with several different plans, but there was one that stood out, and that was the one he was going to attempt first. It was just as he was about to exit the basement of Germany's house (which he had claimed as his awesome lair) that the door was flung open.

"Bruder! Just what are you doing? You've been down here for countless days now," Germany said in concern, looking worriedly at Prussia.

Said country merely laughed as he said, "You worry too much! I was just coming back up anyway, I need to ask you something."

"What is it?"

"Do we happen to have any spare missiles lying around? And I'm going to need quite a few guns as well... you wouldn't mind if I borrowed a tank right? Thanks," the ex-country of pure awesome said, casually brushing past the blonde.

"Hold it right there," Germany said seriously, grabbing his brother's arm and holding him in place. "You are _not _going near _any _weapons!"

"Hey, c'mon West! Don't be such a bore! I'll be good with them, so no need to worry."

"I said no, and why do you even need all of that stuff anyway?"

"For Operation A.W.E.S.O.M.E, obviously," Prussia said as if Germany were an idiot.

"What on earth are you going on about?" the blonde sighed, regretting not fetching his brother out of the basement earlier, because he had clearly gone insane.

"Only awesome people like me can know," Prussia grinned, before an indignant chirping sounded. "Oh, and Gilbird of course!" he said proudly as the small bird circled his head.

Germany looked at him in exasperation before sighing, deciding that he didn't have the time to deal with his mentally unstable brother. "Look, do whatever you want, but you are not to go near any weapons."

"You can't stop the awesome me," Prussia mumbled, but he knew that the last time he had broken into Germany's weapons stash his existence had nearly been wiped completely, and so thought to try the plans that were legal... for now anyway.

Prussia exited the basement and pulled out his mobile phone, deciding that if he couldn't have weapons, he would use the next best thing.

**Step One: Recruit A Pervert**

Dialling France's phone number and waiting for a response from the other end, Prussia thought that he might as well get any information he could.

"Bonjour?" France said upon picking up.

"Hey," Prussia said simply, "I have a question for ya."

"What would that be?"

"Ya know how you've done pretty much every country at least once?" the former country asked.

He heard France laugh before he said proudly, "Oui?"

"You ever tried it on with the Italy bro's?"

"Alas! I 'ave not," the blonde said in a sad tone, "I did try and bed Italy once, but Germany nearly killed me!"

"Haha, yeah he'll do that. He sees himself as his protector or something," the albino chuckled. "What about Romano?"

"I assumed he was Spain's," France said simply.

"Since when has someone being involved stopped you from trying to get into their pants?" Prussia grinned.

"You know me too well," laughed France. "Well I 'ave tried, but for someone so cute 'e 'as a very powerful 'it. He bruised my beautiful body, that is a crime!"

Prussia didn't even need to be in the same room as the other to know that he had probably taken out his handkerchief and was posing dramatically.

"Hm... well, ya wanna have some fun with 'em, kesesese~"

"What kind of fun are we talking about?" France asked, obviously curious.

"It involves their vital regions, put it that way, kesese~"

"Count me in!" the blonde said immediately, extremely enthusiastic.

"Cool, we'll target Romano first cuz my bro will go bat shit insane if we target Italy in an obvious way."

"Understood. What's brought all of this on all of a sudden?"

"Just curious is all. Anyways I'll go over the plan with you so listen up."

**Plan One: Have The Recruited Pervert Put The Moves On Romano, Then Bed Him**

The odds of this working were... slim to say the least, but France had insisted.

Ignoring what Germany had said, Prussia managed to use his awesome to steal a jet and was in Italy in a matter of hours, his recruited pervert with him and ready for action.

"Okay, so ya know the plan right?" Prussia asked the blonde, making sure the camera he had brought along had plenty of memory space.

"Absolutely, just leave it to the country of love mon amis~" France sparkled, over the moon at having the opportunity to lengthen his 'List Of Countries That Succumbed To Me'.

As Prussia was living with Germany, and Italy was over there most of the time, he knew that Romano liked to hang out in this particular part of Italy. It only took a matter of minutes for the duo to locate the grumpy Italian, sat on a bench and eating a tomato.

"Showtime~!" France hummed, wasting no time in approaching the target.

"Wait a sec, take this!" Prussia intervened for a minute to hand a walkie talkie over to the other. "The Awesome Me contacting Epic Pervert: Do you copy? Over," he spoke into the device.

"I'm stood right next to you," France said with an unimpressed look, "And why am I 'Epic Pervert'?"

"Don't sweat the details, as long as these things work it's fine. I'm sure West won't mind me borrowing" (stealing) "them," he grinned. "Now get over there and charm Romano!"

Deciding that he would leave the questioning of his codename for a later time, France strutted up to the bench on which the target sat and pulled out a rose from... somewhere.

"Bonjour~" he said, smiling a dazzling smile and holding the rose out to Romano. Said country just looked up with disinterest, and upon seeing the rose a scowl fixed itself into place.

"What the hell do you want?" he asked in a flat tone.

"I was just thinking that you 'ave beautiful eyes~"

"Fuck off."

"Aw, don't be like that~ Why don't I treat you to a fun day out?" France carried on, undeterred by Romano's look of utter disdain.

"Seriously, get lost bastard," the Italian glared.

"The Awesome Me contacting Epic Pervert: You're losing him! Over," came a voice from France's pocket.

"What the hell was that?" Romano asked, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.

"Ah, it was nothing," France laughed shakily. _That idiot! _was what he was really thinking, _He can't just butt in when I'm trying to flirt!_

"The Awesome Me contacting Epic Pervert: Get a move on! Over," the 'pocket' said impatiently.

Whipping around, France grabbed his walkie talkie and angrily whispered, "Stop getting in the way! I've got this!"

When there was no reply, France thought that the device must be broken. "You there Prussia?"

"The Awesome Me contacting Epic Pervert: I can't respond if you don't use the codenames idiot! Over."

Sighing in exasperation, France grudgingly said, "Epic Pervert contacting The Awesome Me: STAY OUT OF IT!"

"The Awesome Me contacting Epic Pervert: You forgot to say 'over', over," was the reply he got.

"Oi! What kind of crap are you trying to pull?"

Turning around, France saw a _very _pissed off looking Romano. "I don't want someone like you in my country, so beat it," he bit out and began to walk off.

"Ah! Wait! Rom-"

"The Awesome Me contacting Epic Pervert: Hey... what the hell was that? You were pathetic! Over."

"PRUSSIA YOU IDIOT!" France yelled so that even without the walkie talkie, the albino could hear. Romano was now long gone.

_-PLAN ONE: EPIC FAIL-_

**Plan Two: Restrain Romano And Pull His Pants Down**

This plan was definitely crude, but sometimes it's the simple things that work the best. Successfully having tracked down Romano once more, Prussia pulled out a small black device, pressed a button and started speaking into it.

"Mission Log One: France totally screwed up one of my awesome plans, so we are going to try something new. He will restrain Romano while I pull his pants down, then-"

"Hey! Why can't I pull 'is pants down?" France moaned.

"Hey! Don't ruin my awesome mission log!"

"I want to be the one to pull down 'is pants! After all, as the country of love I 'ave natural finesse in such things~"

"Urgh, fine. I'll restrain Romano while you pull his pants down."

"Perfect~"

Pressing the button once again to stop the device from recording, Prussia said enthusiastically, "All right, let's do this!"

Opting for the sly approach, the two lunatics concealed themselves within handily placed shrubbery until they were right behind Romano. Upon shouting "NOW" simultaneously, they both leapt out from their leafy hiding place and put the plan into action. Prussia immediately caught the Italian in a full body lock, while France laughed manically as he edged towards Romano, aiming for his belt.

"Ch-Chigi!" Romano yelled in shock, not having the faintest clue as to what was going on. "What the hell are you doing?" he shouted as forcefully as he could under the circumstances- being in a crushing hold while a suspected rapist made his way towards his vital regions.

"We're only doing this in the name of science, kesese~" Prussia said with a smirk, watching as France was busy undoing the offensive belt that was preventing access from the fabled 'Italian Sausage'.

"GET OFF OF ME RIGHT NOW YOU BASTARDS!" Romano screamed, thrashing around to try and get out of Prussia's body lock. When this seemed to fail, the brunette opted for a full force kick to the perverted country that had just that moment succeeded in removing the belt. It was a good thing he had good aim, because the kick landed where it hurt the most...

Long story short, France ended up doubled over in pain, tears flowing down his cheeks as a dramatic spotlight lit him, and Romano escaped thanks to him flinging his head back to headbutt the ex-country restraining him.

_-PLAN TWO: EPIC FAIL-_

**Plan Three: Just Stay Calm, Be Friendly, And Ask Him**

Deciding they would rather avoid further injury, Prussia and France decided to just ask Romano straight. Having caught up with the grumpy Italian, they put the plan into action.

"HEY! ROMANO!" Prussia called, becoming frustrated when the country in question refused to turn around and acknowledge him. "HEY!" he yelled once again, sprinting to catch up with the brunette. "Don't ignore the awesome me!" he commanded, moving in front of Romano and blocking his path.

"Why dontcha just piss off?" Romano asked in a voice of death, however Prussia, being awesome, was not put off by this.

"All I wanna do is ask you a question," he said simply, holding his hands up to show that was his only intention.

"What is it?" the other asked dubiously.

"How big is yer dick?"

"Screw. You." Romano then stalked off.

_-PLAN THREE: EPIC FAIL-_

**Plan Four: Ask A Certain Someone Who Is Likely To Know**

Figuring that targeting Romano head on wasn't the best idea, Prussia decided to turn to his good old friend who would surely be able to shed light on the situation.

Dialling Spain's phone number and waiting for a response from the other end, Prussia thought that he may as well see if what he had heard from America had any basis.

"Hola Prussia," Spain said happily, clearly having seen his friend's name pop up on his mobile before picking up. However, Prussia was in no mood for formalities and just cut straight to the point.

"Yo, how big is Romano's cock?"

"¿Q-Qué?" Spain asked, sure that he must have misheard. "I'm sorry, I think that I must have hea-"

"How much is Romano packing?" Prussia repeated. "Ya know, like how big are his vital regions?"

"Be as detailed as you can~" France said in anticipation, grabbing the mobile off of the albino and putting it on speaker mode. Sadly, as Prussia had gotten bored on the trip to Italy, he had wasted pretty much all of the phone's battery while listening to his awesome music to kill the time, thus the phone died before they could hear Spain's answer. France on the other hand, didn't have any credit left on his and said that he couldn't be bothered topping it up.

_-PLAN FOUR: EPIC FAIL-_

**Plan Five: Go To Spain, Get Said Country Drunk, Then Get Him To Spill All Of The Information**

Okay, so there really was no need to get Spain drunk, but it would be funny as hell and so that's why the delusional duo convinced themselves that the drunk aspect was crucial to finding out what they needed to know. Using the borrowed (stolen) jet from Germany, the two of them were soon in Espagna and ready to cause general mayhem. They wasted no time whatsoever in getting over to their friend's house, armed with a truckload of alcohol despite it still being relatively early in the day.

"Hey Spain! Open up!" Prussia called as he began banging on the door incessantly, soon joined by France.

"All right already I get it! I'm coming!" Spain said, but his tone was a happy one.

"To what do I owe the _dis_pleasure," he grinned as he opened the door.

"We came to have a drinking sesh!" Prussia grinned back, showcasing the ludicrous amounts of alcohol he had with him, France doing something similar.

"As great as that sounds," the Spaniard said, leaning against the door frame, "I have work to do and my boss would kill me if I got smashed now. Besides, isn't it too early to be drinking?"

"Nonsense!" the blonde exclaimed, a look of fake shock crossing his face. "'ow dare you suggest that there _isn't _a right time to drink!" He grabbed Spain by the shoulders and pushed him into the house, steering them into the living room, closely followed by Mr. Awesome himself.

"You deserve a break, so have a drink or fifty to help you unwind," Prussia said, opening a bottle of wine for Spain.

"You guys, I seriously can't," Spain protested weakly, practically challenging them to make him drink.

"But I've opened it now, and it's a shame to waste it."

"Oui, just drink!" France insisted, before opening a bottle for himself, "Cheers!"

Prussia snapped open a can of beer and held it up to clink against France's wine bottle, holding out the one he had opened earlier to Spain.

Sighing, the Spaniard gave up the pathetic resistance and took it, grinning and clinking the bottle while they all shouted, "Cheers!"

~A crapton of drinks later~

"Myyy boosssssss iss soooo annnooyyiinnngggg~" Spain slurred, struggling to keep himself up by this point. Amazingly, Prussia and France had managed to restrain themselves and were still sober, and now was the perfect time to begin their inquisition.

"So, 'ow is Romano?" France asked, a glint in his eye.

"Hnnn? Rooommmaaaaaaa~ Roma is sooo cooll~ I luuurrvvveeee Roma~" Spain slurred happily, clearly off on another planet.

"Does 'e love you back?" the blonde pressed, partly because he knew if they had _that _kind of relationship then they'd get the answer to their question, and partly because if they weren't in _that _kind of relationship then Romano was technically up for the taking.

"Roma isss suuuppeerrrr cuuutteeeee~" the brunette said, sparkling.

"Damn, this is getting us nowhere," Prussia said in an annoyed tone. "We gotta be more direct. Hey Spain, how big is Romano's package?"

"Roma has a package~?" Spain said, clearly not understanding.

"His vital regions Spain! Answer the awesome me, I command thee!"

But it was too late. Spain fell to the floor and was out cold, mumbling incoherent things in his drunken state.

_-PLAN FIVE: EPIC FAIL-_

"Well, this was a complete waste of time," France sighed, moving to get up.

"Agreed," Prussia said, irked that yet _another _one of his awesome plans had failed.

"YouloveitwhenIstrokeyourcurl~" Spain mumbled, still out of it. "YougoallsoftandcuteRoma~"

...Idea.

**Plan Six: Using This Newly Acquired Information, Retry Plan Two**

Back in Italy (God these guys get around), they were all set to retry the previously failed plan but with a new twist. Locating their target for the millionth time that day, Prussia and France used any espionage skill they had and managed to sneak up on the poor unsuspecting Italian with relative ease. Before he even had a chance to squeal "Chigi!" Romano found that once again, he was in a body lock (courtesy of a deranged Prussian).

"Kesese~ Now play nicely, we don't wanna hurt you," Prussia said in an (awesomely) creepy voice, as once again France advanced. He had learned his lesson from the last time, and had shoved about 500 handkerchiefs down his pants so that, not only did his vital regions look extremely impressive, he would be protected against any stray kicks given out by Romano.

"Crap! Dammit! Shit! Let go you bastards!" Romano yelled, flailing madly once again.

"And now to silence you with my awesome technique!" Prussia said happily, reaching to grab Romano's curl. The Italian immediately stilled and sucked in his breath, his eyes wide.

"Y-You wouldn't dare, bastard!" he said, but his voice was shaky.

"I don't get why, but this seems to make you nice and docile so, kesese~" the albino began running his hand up and down the curl in smooth, languid motions.

"N-No... ah, damn... you... ah! Ch-Chigi..." After a few moments of fierce resistance, the older Italian brother couldn't help but break and give in to the sensations shooting through his body. _I'm going to fucking kill these guys! _is what he thought, but out loud his breathing was much heavier and the occasional small moan fell from his lips.

"Haha! This is awesome!" Prussia said gleefully, completely unaware of just _what _he was doing.

"It is interesting~" France hummed, having just undone the belt and starting to undo the button and zipper on Romano's trousers.

"I... hate you... ah... chigigi~"

It was just as France was about to finally either prove or disprove the legend that Italian's were, ahem, well hung, when a rapid flash of extremely dark brown came out of nowhere and knocked the blonde clear off of his feet.

"Huh? What the hell?" Prussia asked, stopping his ministrations on Romano's curl in order to get a better idea of what had just happened. France was currently sprawled on the floor, an array of roses surrounding him as the spotlight was once again shining on him in a dramatic manner. It was at this point that Prussia finally set eyes on what had knocked France down: A bull.

"Isn't that Spain's?" he asked aloud.

"The thing became attached to me, and that idiot Spain's been busy with work so I'm looking after it for a bit," Romano mumbled, pulling away roughly from his captor. "Now, prepare to die bastard cuz the bull is gonna fuck you up!" he yelled with a satanic look. He pointed at the albino and yelled "CHARGE!" to which the bull obeyed and began heading towards Prussia.

"Hah! Fine, show 'em what you're made of Gilbird!" Prussia said grandly, his pet bird flying up from his head from where he had been taking a nap. "My awesome Gilbird can beat that stupid bull," he said proudly.

However, Gilbird apparently didn't think he could 'beat that stupid bull' because one look at the ferocious creature heading towards him had him flying off rapidly in the opposite direction.

Thus the delusional duo had to retreat, still none the wiser to Romano's 'size'.

_-PLAN SIX: EPIC FAIL-_

**Plan Seven: Screw What Germany Said. Use Guns. Lots And Lots Of Guns.**

Procuring some weapons from God knows where, Prussia and France were once again ready to try and strip Romano. The disgruntled Italian had withdrawn into the safety of his own house, because for reasons unbeknownst to him, Prussia and France had become (even more) psychotic than they already were and were rampaging around Southern Italy.

It was just as he was sat down on his sofa, trying to relax, that he heard it: violent knocking on the door. He didn't even have to go through the bother of trying to think who it could be, because accompanying the ridiculously loud knocking were shouts of:

"Oi! Open up Romano! I have something awesome to give you!"  
>"Yes Romano, won't you open up for Big Brother~?"<p>

When it became blatantly obvious that the Italian had absolutely no intention of opening his door (due to the five minutes they stood at the door knocking like madmen), they decided that they had tried to be civil and now it was time to get rough.

Silence.

When the knocking ceased, Romano began to worry. It was quiet; _too _quiet. Then, all of a sudden:

BANG!

Outside, Prussia had pulled the pin out of a grenade and had chucked it at the barrier between himself and Romano, effectively blowing it to smithereens.

"Holy crap! My door!" the brunette yelled when he saw the damage that had been dealt. "What's the big idea you bastard? You're paying to replace that!" However, all of the gusto left the Italian when he saw that Prussia was armed with all manner of various weaponry: Grenades on his hips, a bazooka on his back, sub-machine guns at his waist, a shitload of ammo on a belt that went diagonally across his body, and an XM25 aimed right at him. France was decked out in a similar fashion, although instead of a bazooka he had a Tomahawk, and the gun he was using was the classic favourite: an AK-47. Well, if they were going to raid Germany's weapons stash, they were gonna damn well raid it good!

"Kesesese~ Now, you will do as we say and strip!" Prussia ordered.

Romano did nothing. At this particular point in time, he was incapable of movement. When he finally did regain the basics of human movement and speech, he managed to whisper, "H-Holy shit!" before attempting to make a mad dash for it.

"Don't think we won't shoot!" Prussia called. Really, hadn't this gone a _bit _too far?

It was when the helpless and terrified Italian was being held at gunpoint in his own living room and being told to remove his pants that something happened, and Romano thought he would _never _be happy to hear the voice that sounded...

"BRUDER! What on earth are you doing?" A loud voice boomed throughout the house.

"Germany, why do they have so many guns, ve~?" came the voice of a certain pasta lover.

"Oh crap..." Prussia said. Turning around slowly, the albino was met with a sight truly terrifying: Germany, looking like he was about to unleash the apocalypse.

"Hey West," he forced himself to laugh, "You're just in time for the awesome party!"

...

The following words that were exchanged and actions that were carried around were so offensive and shocking, that I am forbidden to document them. Why you ask? Because most of it was illegal, and I'd have to change the rating to MA+ x1000000.

_-PLAN SEVEN: EPIC FAIL-_

**Plan Eight: Give up on Romano And Focus On A Much More Harmless Italy**

France ran home in abject fear of Germany, true to his wimpy nature. This left Prussia all alone. Seeing as Germany had so unfairly banned him from all weapons contact for life, and he was down one pervert, Prussia decided to retry all the failed plans he had attempted with Romano, or at least the ones he could manage on his own:

**Plan One (in which he tried to bed Italy):** Italy put up a huge fight, saying that Germany and his brother were the only guys he wanted to sleep with. When Prussia wouldn't take no for an answer, Italy waved a white flag like mad in his face until Germany heard all of the commotion and asked what was going on... It didn't end well for poor (but awesome) Prussia.

**Plan Two (in which Prussia took on both the restrainer and the pantser roles):** This one would totally have worked if he had more hands... and if Italy hadn't waved his white flag... and if he hadn't screamed, thus causing Germany to unleash a serious beat down.

Prussia decided that Plan Three would be a waste of time.

**Plan Four (Germany instead of Spain):** Now this one took balls. Prussia knew that if he asked the question, he was likely to suffer severe physical pain, yet he thought he would try anyway.

"Hey West!" he called, making sure to keep a safe distance away.

"What do you want?" the blonde sighed, not having the energy to deal with his brother's shenanigans at present.

"How big is Italy's dick? You've seen it right?"

"J-Just what are you implying? How dare you! I mean... sure he sleeps naked in my bed, but that's because he just does! I tell him not to! It's not like I look or anything!" and Germany was off on a hour long tangent. Although Prussia got no information from this whatsoever, he was glad it hadn't caused the other to spiral into a rage.

**Plan Five (Germany instead of Spain):** After three hours of trying, it was Prussia who ended up drunk.

"Damn thaaat Westtt aanndd hiss higghhh alcohol tolerrrannceee~" he slurred as he collapsed in the basement of Germany's house. "He's got a damn stick up his ass," he mumbled before passing out.

**Plan Six (because if it worked for Romano, the same should be true for Italy):** Yeah... it was plan two all over again, but with slightly more moaning.

Unfortunately Plan Seven was out of the question due to Germany having kept any and all weapons under lock and key. Prussia had even been banned from using proper knives and forks when eating, having them substituted for blunt plastic cutlery.

x~x~x~x~x

Prussia sulked in Germany's garden. "How could me and all of my awesomeness fail?" he mumbled angrily, still in shock from not actually being able to find out anything.

"What's wrong, ve~?" came Italy's voice (yes, he was over at Germany's _again_). Prussia just looked up with a melancholy gaze, before he concluded that it wouldn't hurt to at least try Plan Three. Taking a deep breath, his awesome smirk was once again in place as he said, "Hey, how big are your vital regions?"

"Ve?" Italy asked, clearly not understanding the question. Prussia made a gesture, to which the other went, "Ohhhhhhhh," and began giggling.

"Well, I thought I was big, but then I started sleeping with Germany and... well he's huge! I'm serious, I don't think anyone could be bigger than Germany, ve~! I was kinda shocked the first time, but it's... wow!" Prussia faltered when he heard that.

"Wait... you've seen West?" he asked in confusion. "I thought you were the only one who slept naked."

"Oh well sometimes I dive into the shower with him, ve~" Italy said happily, as if it was completely normal to be doing that. "And sometimes when we're in bed, Germany-"

"ITALY!"

"Oh hi Germany~ We were just talking about you," Italy said cheerily.

"I know! And don't say anymore! Bruder will get the wrong idea!"

"Ve?"

"Listen Bruder, it's not what it sounds like," Germany said resolutely, although there was a slight tint to his cheeks. "We honestly ha-" he cut himself off when he saw that Prussia was no longer where he had been sat in the garden...

**To:** All the countries  
><strong>From:<strong> The Awesome Prussia  
><strong>Subject:<strong> Guess what I just found out, kesese~

**Message:** MY BRO AND ITALY ARE TOTALLY DOING IT! THEY ARE LOVERS! SPREAD IT EVERYONE! KESESESE~!

Prussia nodded proudly as he clicked send on the email, thinking about how interesting things were about to get. So what if he didn't find out the exact size of the Italian brothers? He had just found out something _much _more interesting.

x~x~x~x~x

**Well, I hope you all liked it~! ^_^ As I mentioned earlier, my exams are coming up, and I actually have my maths GCSE next week so I'm sorry if my updates get slower for a bit, but the pace should pick up once the evil exams are over :P Please review! The Awesome Prussia demands it of you! XD****  
><strong>Until next time then, and we'll be back with US and UK ^.^<strong>**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	13. The Baltics Get Involved

**Morning all~! ^_^ Back with the US of A and the U of K (That last one doesn't really work... ah well :P) and some more requests! Hope you enjoy~ ^.^**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Thirteen- MonsterHetalian, Sakura12345 and blue stranger's Requests

"And you are taking us where again?" a glasses clad country asked, still not quite comprehending why he had to be dragged along on this little trip during a meeting break.

"To see if what Sealand told me was true," Latvia said simply.

"Remind me of what that was again," Estonia pressed, still trying to figure out why his presence would be necessary.

"Well you know all of those rumours going around about England and America? Sealand says he actually heard them doing... stuff."

"Isn't he a little young to understand things like that? How would he know?"

Latvia blushed and said quietly, "Well... he told me about it and I understood..."

Estonia sighed and looked towards the other Baltic State that Latvia had insisted on bringing along. "You're close to America, right Lithuania? If anyone would know something about those rumours then it would be you."

Lithuania nodded and said, "Well I certainly haven't _heard _anything first hand, but Mr. America does seem to be fond of Mr. England so I guess it could be true. I guess I'm kind of interested in knowing."

"So that's why we're going to check to see if people are actually telling the truth!" Latvia said enthusiastically.

"But why do we have to be here?" Estonia asked, indicating to himself and Lithuania.

"Ah, well... I don't think I could do it on my own," the small country laughed shakily, "I mean, what would I do if it really _is _true?"

It was a fair point, and so the one wearing glasses stopped his inquisition and followed the others as they made their way to a room, in which he assumed the two countries they were to spy on would be in.

"Okay, this is it," Latvia took a deep breath and put his ear to the door, the other Baltic's doing the same.

"So, how about it Iggy? You wanna?" America asked happily.

"For the last bloody time: you are not to refer to me as 'Iggy'!" England chided. "And about that... I don't think now is an appropriate time."

"Whaaaaaat?" the hero drawled, "Are you kidding me? Now's the perfect time! We're both bored and it'll be totally awesome!"

"But-"

"But nothing dude! I know you want it as much as I do," America said cheekily.

"I-I do not!" the gentleman tried to protest.

"Just admit it: You wanna have a golden gaytime with me, and I don't blame you. After all, I definitely wanna have one with you~"

"I-It's actually true?" Latvia's eyes widened, not being able to get his mind around the fact that what Sealand had said and the rumours were true.  
>"Wow, I never would have suspected," Estonia said simply, remaining cool and composed despite actually thinking, <em>They're seriously doing something like this during a break?<em>_  
><em>Lithuania didn't say anything, but a small knowing smile crossed his lips briefly. He totally knew it: the way America was always happy around England was a dead giveaway.

"Calling it that is crude to say the least," England mumbled.

"Well it's true right? Or would you rather have a bum bum?" chuckled the hero.

The Baltic States expected England to erupt upon hearing this, but to their complete and utter surprise he heard England say, "Very well. I would like very much to have a golden gaytime."

"All right!" America said excitedly, "I love it when we do this! So, any special requests on top of our golden gaytimes?"

"Yes, but I doubt you could facilitate my request so I'll just keep it to myself," the Brit said nonchalantly.

"Hey, that's not fair! I'm the hero, so tell me and I'll do anything I can to fulfil your needs! So, what would you like?"

"Well..." the gentleman hesitated slightly before saying, "It's not going to happen because it's you after all, but... whenever I have a golden gaytime I... I love having it with a chocolate thunder from down under."

"WHAT?" Latvia hollered, quickly having his mouth covered by Estonia (who had a slight tint to his cheeks but was doing his best to remain calm). Lithuania just carried on listening quietly, half expecting this kind of kinky talk from the two countries.

"No way dude!" America said in disbelief, "How could you say something like that?"

"Well, it is the truth after all," the other said matter of factly.

"You prefer my white lightning though, right?" the hero asked, the tone of his voice practically begging the other to agree.

"Well, I-"

"Wait! Don't answer! I'll _make_ it so that you prefer my white lightning over the other!"

The room fell devoid of speech then, with various sounds of indeterminable origin sounding in their place.

"What do you think they're doing?" the small Baltic asked the other two.  
>"It's really anyone's guess at this point," Estonia replied, growing increasingly uncomfortable with everything he was hearing.<br>"Just like Mr. America to do something like this," Lithuania said, more to himself than anyone else.  
>While the three of them were busy mulling over various things pertaining to the strange and unnerving things the two countries were doing, they had failed to notice a few soft "mmm's" and "aahh's" coming from the room until a few minutes later when they heard England say quietly:<p>

"Okay... I'll admit that yours is just as good..."

"See, told ya right?" the other said proudly.

However, not everything seemed to be going swimmingly in the room because it wasn't long before Iggy exclaimed: "Ah! Y-you git!"

"Heh, you got it everywhere England," America said in a husky voice.

"Th-That's not my fault!" the gentleman insisted.

"Sure sure," the other said in an amused tone. "Looks like I have no choice..."

A moment later, England was saying in surprise, "Wait... you- you aren't seriously going to-! What are you doing America?"

"Licking it all up of course, I can't let any of it go to waste~" the hero hummed.

"W-Well I think that we can confirm that what Sealand said was true. So... I'm going to leave now," Latvia said hastily, pulling away from the door and rapidly heading down the corridor he had followed in order to reach this place.  
>"I think I have also heard quite enough," Estonia said, not showing the shock that he was actually feeling on the inside. "Come on Lithuania," he paused and waited for the other, who pulled away from the door after a second.<p>

"I can't believe you are actually licking ice cream off of the table," England said in disgust, "How unhygienic is that?"

"Who cares about hygiene dude? This is _ice cream _we're talking about~!" the hero said gleefully, finishing up the White Lightning ice cream England had accidentally knocked over (technically it was America who knocked England who preceded to knock the ice cream, if we're going to be picky).

"Honestly, you are just... unbelievable," England sighed, sucking on the Golden Gaytime ice cream America had given him earlier.

"Haha, the hero is epically unbelievable!"

"It wasn't a compliment actually," the Brit said simply, getting up to look in the giant cooler America had brought with him that had a seemingly endless supply of ice creams of all flavours stored inside. "As if you have all of these but not a Chocolate Thunder From Down Under," he moaned quietly.

"Meh, I was never into that flavour much," the bigger country said, joining the other at the cooler as he pulled out a certain flavour.

"Oh you can't be serious... _bacon _ice cream?" the Brit said sceptically.

"Oh my God it's soooo nice dude! You've gotta try it!"

"I'll pass."

"No seriously, you have to!"

"I said no America!"

Thus a mini war over the consumption of bacon ice cream broke out.  
>"Haha, our random ice cream sesh's are so much fun!" the hero said happily as he was currently trying wrestle some of the unorthodox flavour past the Brit's lips.<p>

Meanwhile, the Baltic States had just put a safe distance between themselves and that door and were busy trying to wipe the experience from their memories when they heard:

"Why, hello there."

All three of them instantly recognised the voice and whipped around quickly.

"R-Russia!" they said nervously, because _God dammit_ that country was scary!

"You've been spying on England and America right?" he asked with a 'sweet' smile on his face- it just made him seem more unnerving.

"How could you tell?" Estonia asked, trying to keep composure.

"Most countries get that shocked look when they hear them for the first time," he said darkly, "I like to watch when they get all freaked out, kol kol kol."

"Ah, I think I have left something important behind... It was great seeing you Mr. Russia," Lithuania said, bowing quickly before rushing off.

"You know," Russia said to the other two, "They have a tradition in America where you get rewarded for killing children, I've been meaning to visit for a while."

That quickly led to the remaining Baltic's running away.

_What is WRONG with all of these countries? _was what was running through their minds.

x~x~x~x~x

**1.) As I'm kinda new to Hetalia, I wasn't sure how to write the Baltic's effectively, but I hope it worked out... constructive criticism on their characterisation if I screwed it up please :3****  
><strong>2.) I am not kidding- I did extensive ice cream research and all of those flavours I just mentioned actually exist! XD They is from:<strong>  
><strong>Chocolate Thunder From Down Under= America<strong>  
><strong>Golden Gaytime= Australia<strong>  
><strong>Bum Bum= Germany (how ironic ;D)<strong>  
><strong>White Lightning= America<strong>**

**And before you ask, yes. Bacon ice cream DOES exist. And I didn't get a chance to use this one, but some legend in Britain actually made Earl Grey Tea ice cream! WIN! :D **  
><strong>As always, reviews make me very happy and make life worth living (seriously contemplating suicide with all of these stupid exams -_-) Well, enough from me, until next time everyone~ ^_^<strong>

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	14. I Want You In Bed

**To all the reviewers who actually said they were gonna try the ice cream flavours mentioned in the previous chapter: lemme know how they taste~! :D I'm totally gonna track down the Earl Grey Tea one and give it a go, so I'll let you all know what's it's like if and when I do :P Well, on with this nonsensical fic! ^.^**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Fourteen- Ed-LOVER-92's Request

"Damn it Italy, _this _is precisely the reason I told you to keep your mouth shut the other day!" Germany said angrily as he paced around the room the two of them were currently in.

"I'm sorry Germany, I didn't think this would happen," the Italian said quietly, letting out a sad, "Ve~"

Upon hearing that, Germany felt bad for shouting at his friend and so said, "It's okay, but just think about things next time okay?"

Italy nodded before he hung his head and thought about the situation the two of them now found themselves in. Apparently one of the things he had said the other day was a _bit _ambiguous and Prussia had completely misunderstood the relationship the two of them had. This lead to the self proclaimed ex-country of awesome telling every damn country under the sky that Italy and Germany were lovers. This caused the two of them to be the subject of gossip for the entire meeting that day, with various countries making different comments and statements along the lines of:

"Hey Germany! I bet it's great having an Italian lover right?"  
>"Haha, I totally <em>knew <em>you two were lovers!"  
>"Yo Italy! Is Germany any good in bed?"<p>

There were thousands more (most of them coming from France who wanted to know things in extreme explicit detail) which lead Germany to frantically declare a break. He dragged Italy out of the meeting room, down the corridor, and into the nearest room he could find in order to escape the masses and just think about what they were to do in a position like this.

"I'm going to kill my dummkopf Bruder when I get back to Germany," the blonde muttered angrily with a look of death on his face, which caused Italy to back away slowly so as to avoid being hit should Germany get the sudden urge to hit something really hard in the immediate area.

"It's not _that_ bad, ve~" Italy said happily, trying to put a positive spin on things. "After all, I do love you because you're my best friend Germany! So I don't really care about what people say, ve~"

"It's you saying things like that that has gotten us in this mess in the first place!" Germany said in exasperation, doing his best to come up with a way in which he could prove to the other countries that there was absolutely no truth in that stupid e-mail Prussia had sent. It was just as he had decided to scribble down possible ways to go about this feat on a piece of paper that he heard it: an over excited, hyper country chatting away noisily and heading straight towards this room, sounding as if he was going to enter it.

"Uwah! What do we do? We need to hide!" Italy exclaimed, bolting to the other side of the room to the window and hiding behind the curtains.

"Italy! We haven't done anything wrong, there's no need to hide! Hey, come on out. ITALY!" Germany went over to where the Italian was hiding in order to pull him out, but when he heard the door click open his mind went completely blank. And so it came to pass that Germany found himself hiding behind the curtains with Italy.

"And I totally pwned the whole thing naked!" America said enthusiastically.

"America, this is just stupid now," England said flatly.

"It's not stupid in bed~" the hero said happily.

"Look, I'm being serious: just stop!" the Brit said in annoyance.

"Aw, c'mon dude! I promise I won't ask ever again, but just this one time will you play with me in bed?" the hero begged.

England sighed heavily before he said, "Liar. Of course you'll ask again, you're always asking me to play with you... naked."

"Well, that's because it's fun playing with you naked!" America said cheerily.

"G-Germany?" Italy began to ask quietly but was cut off when said country covered his mouth with his hand and mouthed, 'Don't say a thing'. _Seriously, what are we supposed to do in this situation? _he thought in desperation. _And why do those two have to be discussing things like THAT?_

"Well that aside, are we still meeting up together tonight in bed?" England asked.

"You bet dude! You're totally fun when you get completely drunk and naked!"

Iggy simply gave an indignant "Hmph!" and said, "Well at least I'm better than you in bed!"

"What? You're kidding me right?" the hero laughed, "I'm _way _better than you in bed!"

"Hah, you wish," England said confidently. "It looks like we'll just have to have a competition to see who really is the best, naked."

"All right man! But I'm the hero, so I'll always be the one to hold out the longest in bed!"

_Ach, mein GOTT! How can these two just discuss such matters so normally? _Germany wondered, feeling extremely uncomfortable in this current predicament. _How can they shamelessly talk about being in bed naked and-! Wait... In bed together... naked... that- that sounds exactly like Italy and me doesn't it? Ach, NEIN! It is not the same, that doesn't mean anything! And it's only Italy that sleeps naked! _Yet despite it 'not meaning anything' Germany still began to blush.

"Actually, changing the subject for a moment: have you heard about what people are saying pertaining to Germany and Italy in bed?" England asked.

"Oh my God, course I have dude! Everyone's saying that those two are together naked!"

"I never would have thought that the two of them would have _that _kind of relationship in bed," the Brit said in disbelief.

"Meh, I always knew," America said knowingly. "As a hero, I can totally sense these things. Those two had a vibe that was screaming 'WE ARE TOGETHER IN BED!'"

"You really think so? Well I guess I can see that, after all for some unfathomable reason those two haven been friends for a very long time, so perhaps they have been doing _that _kind of thing for a while now," the Brit hypothesised. "But it's still pretty surreal to think of the two of them together naked."

"Germany, what should we do ve~?" Italy whispered as quietly as he could but loud enough so that he was still audible to the one he was addressing. Germany simply shook his head in confusion, indicating that he didn't have a damn clue about what they should do. _Just keep calm and ignore what they are saying about you, _he thought in an attempt to calm himself down, _After all: none of it is true!_

"Haha, I bet those two get up to all sorts of antics together~" America said cheekily, "I bet that's why Germany calls so many breaks! So the two of them can be together naked!"

"Now that you mention it... that seems to make rather a lot of sense!" England said in surprise, "Germany calling all of these breaks so that he can get together with Italy in bed!"

"Honestly, the things some of the countries get up to in these breaks is kinda shocking in a way," America laughed. "I mean: it's pretty hard-core to do things like _that _naked!"

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM YOU, YOU DUMMKOPH!"

"What?" England asked in confusion while Germany bit his lip and thought, _Scheiße! I was meant to keep my mouth shut but I couldn't bear to be looked down upon by those two when they do it all the time!_

Emerging from behind the curtain, Germany did his best to look tough and glared at the two countries as he said, "You two have absolutely _no _room to talk when it comes to things like that!"

"Dude, what are you talking about?" the hero asked in confusion, "And why were you behind the curtain?"

"Ve~ Germany, can I come out now as well?" Italy asked as he skipped out from behind the curtain and latched onto Germany's arm. Said country froze as he realised what this must look like.

England and America simply started for a moment, coming to their own conclusions which ended up being the same.

"Germany," Iggy said in disbelief, "You and Italy were..." his voice trailed off and he didn't finish his sentence, so America kindly finished it for him:  
>"You were having sexy times!"<p>

"N-Nein!" Germany said, doing his best to explain but it was too late.

"Just wait till the other countries here about this, you're gonna be the talk of the century bro!" the hero said happily as he made his way out of the room, followed by Iggy while the other two European countries began to freak out in the room.

"I can't believe we didn't notice anything!" America said in shock, "And I know we were saying it, but I didn't actually believe Germany called so many breaks so that he and Italy could... ya know."

"I agree," said England, "Altough I do wonder what he meant about us having 'no room to talk' earlier... You don't think he perhaps misunderstood that stupid game we were playing did he?"

"Nah," the hero said, waving his hand as if to dismiss the idea. "It's just a funny game is all, Germany's smart enough to know we were only kidding."

"Honestly, a game where you have to tack 'in bed' or 'naked' onto every single sentence you say is simply ludicrous. You come up with the stupidest games America."

"But they're fun!" the bigger nation insisted, "But it's gonna be more fun when we have our drinking competition and you get drunk in no time flat!" he laughed.

"I'll have you know that I can hold my alcohol _much _better than you," Iggy said indignantly, "I can out drink you any day."

"Yeah, keep dreaming dude."

"Don't be so cocky, git!"

Thus yet another pointless argument broke out between the two countries who were on their way to tell all of the other countries about the things Italy and Germany were getting up to during the breaks (while Italy was busy being a space case as usual and Germany was contemplating suicide).

x~x~x~x~x

**Ed-LOVER-92... that is one very weird game you play... and I congratulate you for it! XD I hope I did it in the way that you meant :) Btw: if you re-read the chapter without the 'in bed' or 'naked' then everything seems so innocent :P**  
><strong>Well, that's it for another chappy of this thing. Lemme know what you guys thought cuz it's great hearing from you all ^_^ And don't forget to request something if you have an idea :D<strong>  
><strong>Until next time then~<strong>

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	15. Unwanted Company

**OMIGOD! 100 REVIEWS? ! I cannot express my gratitude enough! *bows* Seriously, I never expected this at all, but... YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST! THANK YOU SO MUCH!****  
><strong>Well then, on with the story ^_^<strong>  
><strong>Warning (yeah, been a while since a warning huh?): Language... a whole lotta language... (you'll soon see why :P)<strong>**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Fifteen- OneGirlStudio's Request

_"So Iggy, can I come over this weekend? I wanna show you something!" America grinned happily._

_England looked nervous upon hearing that, averting his gaze and not even bothering to chastise the other for calling him 'Iggy'. "No America... this weekend you can't come over."_

_"Huh? Why not dude? If it's about that clock thingy I broke last time, I totally swear I'll be careful this time!"_

_England just carried on fidgeting, looking as if he wanted to disappear. "No. Whatever you do, you can't come over this weekend. Do you hear me America?" his voice was shaking, but he was deadly serious._

_"'Kay dude..." the bigger nation said in uncertainty, wondering what was wrong with the Brit, but even when he asked him he wouldn't say anything..._

And that is the conversation that Hungary just so happened to over hear, which lead her to the conclusion that England must be having an affair. She was in complete shock, from all of the accounts she had heard: the two of them were totally loved up! Yet it sounded exactly like England was hiding something, and so she was determined to find out just what that something was (and she was hoping it would be an explicit something).

"Umm... Miss. Hungary?" a small voice piped up. "I don't want to complain, but I'm very uncomfortable..."

"Don't worry, we won't be hiding out in these bushes for long," Hungary said in determination as she momentarily stopped looking through a huge pair of binoculars that she had brought along in order to smile warmly at the young girl.

"But, umm... why am I here? Big brother will be very worried about me when he finds out I'm not at home."

"Listen Liechtenstein, remember when I told you I was going to introduce you to something really amazing?" Hungary asked. The other nodded. "Well just you wait, because I've seen this scenario many times before: America will be wondering why he has been forbidden to go over to his true love's house, and so will go against his orders and come anyway! What will await him though? Only fate knows!"

"I'm confused..."

"It's the wonderful world of Boy's Love~! Liechtenstein, I've taken it upon myself to teach you everything about this amazing way of life~!" Hungary was literally sparkling at this point, and so Liechtenstein decided that she may as well go along with it, despite still not understanding what the other was going on about.

"But what I really want to know is: who were those four mysterious entities that entered England's house last night? Could it be that they are all ex-lovers of England come to rekindle their passion in one long night of hot guy on guy action?" she got more and more excited until she was interrupted from her fantasies by little Liechtenstein:

"America's coming up the driveway," she said quietly, watching as the hero made his way to the front door of England's house and open the door after producing a key.

"Okay, we're in!" Hungary said, grabbing the smaller country by her wrist and racing across the front yard of England's house (yes- they really had gone all the way to England, and yes- they really had camped out there all last night. Hungary was intense like that) and through the front door that the American had carelessly left open.

"Okay, we know from monitoring the action within the house that they should be in the room down this corridor!" Hungary said, making her way down the hallway and listening out for any noises that could indicate the location of all the countries within the house. Finding it triumphantly, she and Liechtenstein hid behind a conveniently placed plant and listened in to what appeared to be an extremely intense argument- and it appeared that America hadn't found the room yet...

"For the last time, I said no you wanker!" England roared.

"I don't think you should be talking to me like that you damn limey!"

"YOU'RE INSULTING YOUR OWN HERITAGE BY CALLING ME A LIMEY YOU GIT!"

"Umm... You two, don't you think you should calm down a little?" a voice of reason tried to interject but it was met with a mouthful of abuse from the one that wasn't England:

"Stay out of this North! Just cuz you kiss our little brothers arse!"

"Hey, I do not!" the one who was apparently called North protested.

"Okay, to be fair you actually do," another voice sounded.

"Shut up Wales! You're just the same!"

"Would all of you just shut the fuck up?" a cool voice said, "Listen, this is getting us no where at all. I say we solve this like civilised gentleman..." whomever had spoke let out a low chuckle as he said this.

"Ach, I like the way that sounds! Survival of the fittest!"

"None of you brutes are going to fight in _my _bloody house!" England said in annoyance.

"Heh, it really will be a 'bloody house' at this rate."

"Oh real original Scotland, that was actually bordering on something vaguely intelligent. What's brought on the change?" England said sarcastically.

Someone started snickering, to which Scotland venomously said, "Damn it Wales stop laughing! Go and shag a sheep or something."

"Ooohhhh, low blow!" North said, beginning to laugh. They all did then, even Wales because he had learnt to accept those jokes that were _not _true and just laugh at his brothers' ignorance.

"Okay, I think that we should remain calm and focus on the real cause of this problem."

To which everyone but the gentleman said, "England."

"Ah, w-wait a minute!" England said, trying to assert some form of authority and failing as the other four just snickered. "Just what do you think you are doing?" he said as confidently as he could before he suddenly yelled, "Bugger! Damn you all you wankers! Help!"

"There's no one here to help you little brother," Scotland said smoothly before commanding North and Ireland to each grab hold of England's wrists.

"This is it!" Hungary said in anticipation, hugging the plant they were hidden behind close to her, as though sharing this glorious moment with the foliage.  
>"Miss. Hungary? What's going on?" Liechtenstein asked in a small voice.<br>"It appears to be brotherly love~" the other female began to sparkle and let out a tiny squeal upon hearing England gasping for breath and asking for 'it to stop' (what 'it' was, Hungary could only let her fantasies tell her that).

"N-no... just stop! W-Why, hah!"

"Aw, England's cute when he's like this," Wales said happily, to which North and Scotland simultaneously said, "Agreed!"

"It's almost like back when he was a little child and not the git he's turned into," Ireland mused, all the while England was trying to suppress sounds of some nature.

It was just as Hungary was contemplating bursting into the room in order to actually _see _what was going on and not just _hear _it, that she heard footsteps approaching.

"Iggy!" a voice shouted, "Hey dude! You around here? Iggy?"

"It's America," the younger country said, peeping from behind the plant in order to see the self proclaimed hero realising that the person he was looking for really was in the vicinity.  
>"Oh my! The drama, it's all going to kick off now~!" Hungary said happily, regretting not bringing popcorn.<p>

"Gah! D-damn... hah, nnh..." England's voice was quiet, trying to stay low.

"Come on little brother, let us hear you," Wales insisted, doing something that made Iggy squeal for a second before he went back to trying to suppress any noises.

"Iggy?" America asked, edging closer to the door. He paused for a second, but it was when he heard the Brit weakly cry out for help and one of the brothers mention something about 'taking off England's shirt' that he jolted into action and dramatically kicked down the door.

"THE HERO WILL SAVE YOU IGGY!" he yelled grandly, dashing into the room.

"Omigosh I can't wait to see what happens~!" Hungary squealed, and Liechtenstein was aware that her heart was also beating slightly quicker with this new development.

"Eh lad? Who the fuck is this guy?" Scotland asked.

England was still breathing heavily but he groaned out, "Oh bloody hell, not this... not now..."

"Huh? Iggy, who are these dudes?" America asked.

"We are his brothers," North said indignantly, while Ireland continued the sentence with, "And just who the hell are you?"

"I'm America!" said country proclaimed, "And I'm the hero! Now I demand that you release Iggy at once!"

The brothers merely snorted and laughed at this, before Wales said, "Wait... America? Hey, isn't this the guy who-" his voice trailed off, so Scotland finished it for him:

"Holy shit! This is the git who's screwing our little brother here!"

"WHAT?" England and America exclaimed, shock clearly the overriding emotion.

"Hah, thought we wouldn't hear about it just 'cause we don't go to those pointless meetings?" Ireland scoffed, "We know everything."

"He's different from what I expected though," Wales said, "I mean, he doesn't seem like the sort of fellow England would choose as a lover."

"Dude, I seriously have no idea what you-"

"Silence yank!" Scotland barked, "I think we should test this guy, right brothers?"

"Right!"

Now this was where Liechtenstein and Hungary were left with no earthly idea as to what the hell was going on, because all they could hear was crashing and banging and things being shouted along the lines of:

"Dudes! _Chillax!_ You totally have the wrong idea!"  
>"Bullshit! Now hold still!"<br>"America! I told you not to come here today!"  
>"Holy crap! Did you just throw a <em>desk <em>at me dude?"  
>"Tch, missed!"<br>"STOP DAMAGING MY BLOODY FURNITURE!"

"Enough!" Hungary cried, "We are getting into that room!" She pulled Liechtenstein up and they both dashed into the room in time to find Scotland and America halfway through a wrestling match of some description while Wales laughed and the two Irelands had hold of Iggy (who's blouse was totally open, the buttons scattered everywhere alluding to the fact that it had been ripped open).

"Kyaaa~"

Everything momentarily stopped. "Who are the lasses?" Scotland asked.

"What the bloody- Why are you two here?" England asked in confusion, seizing the opportunity while everyone was distracted and escaping his brothers' grasp. Before the two females could offer and adequate explanation however, there was a loud:

BANG

and everyone was thrown off of their feet- apart from Liechtenstein who was caught neatly by yet another unexpected visitor at England's house that day.

Covering his little sisters ears, Switzerland let off a chain of obscenities aimed at Hungary, who just pouted and said that he never let Liechtenstein have any fun.  
>Switzerland took his hands away from Liechtenstein's ears as he yelled, "FUN? Do you <em>know <em>the perverted stuff those two get up to?" he pointed at England and America as he said it, who- for the second time that day- both exclaimed:

"WHAT?"

"How dare you try to corrupt Liechtenstein?" he spat at Hungary, before turning to the hero and the gentleman and saying, "And how can you do what you do even during meeting breaks?" Before anyone could question him, Switzerland pulled the giant bazooka from off of his back and took aim at everyone in the room (even the British Isles brothers who were all thinking 'what the fuck is going on?')

"No! Big brother, don't!" Liechtenstein begged, not wanting to see the house blown to smithereens.  
>"But Liechtenstein," Switzerland began, however the usually shy girl interrupted him:<br>"It was my fault! I went with Miss. Hungary and then when we came here America and England weren't doing anything, he was just trying to save his lover because his brothers were... well I don't know what they were doing but England was in distress!"

The gun-loving nation sighed angrily- he could never go against what Liechtenstein wanted. Instead, he opted for a couple of simple hand guns and yelled, "If any of you try to corrupt Liechtenstein again I will kill you!"

He then took his leave with Liechtenstein, quickly followed by Hungary with her frying pan in hand (she wanted her yaoi pal back dammit!) and then the British Isles Brothers, who all said they would 'take revenge on England some other day when there weren't crazed psychopaths with guns running about'.

This left just England and America in the room.

"Bloody hell, look at this mess," England seethed, "And my shirt as well! Those wankers!"

"Iggy, what were they doing to you dude?"

"Do not refer to me as 'Iggy' you git! And never mind, it's just their little game of 'let's torture little brother' that I'm quite used to. Although, why in God's name did you come here when I expressly told you not to?"

The hero grinned sheepishly as he said, "Well, you were acting totally weird man! I wanted to make sure nothing was wrong, cuz I'm the hero and the hero looks out for others!"

"Next time I say do not come, listen you idiot! I can not handle the ordeal of my brothers _and _you in one day," the gentleman said bitterly.

"Your bro's are weird dude," America said, pausing as if he remembered something. "Hey... ummm... what were they on about earlier? Like, ya know, about you and me being- err- lovers?"

"God knows," Iggy shrugged, "I wouldn't pay them any mind if I were you. If you want to focus on something, fix the bloody door you kicked down!"

"It was an emergency dude! It _had _to be kicked down! But seriously, even Switzerland and Liechtenstein thought we were like _that_."

"Well it's clearly ludicrous," the Brit said, waving his hand to dismiss the idea. "I've never even considered us like that, have you?"

"Well no, but now..."

The room fell silent. After a while, it was England who broke it: "Us like that... is simply ridiculous... isn't it?"

"Haha! Course it is dude! But... just out of curiosity, what makes you say that?"

"Well... err..."

More awkward silence. America averted his gaze and looked at some random spot on the wall and fidgeted, while a small blush crept to England's cheeks.

"W-Well, I'm going to put on some tea!" England suddenly said, half-walking half-running out of the room.

"Er, right! Sure thing dude!"

Meanwhile, Switzerland was blocking all yaoi related sites on Liechtenstein's computer, Hungary went and bashed Prussia with her frying pan in order to get rid of some of her frustration for being dragged away from a potentially hot love making sesh between England and America, and the British Isles brothers were marvelling at how utterly strange other European countries were.

x~x~x~x~x

**Well, obviously Iggy's bro's don't have set characters yet, but as this is a comedy I didn't think giving them overly complex emotions and historical ties with Iggy would have worked for this fic- hence the stereotypical 'big brother bullies' :P Sorry I haven't updated for a while (technically I shouldn't have done it now either) but you see I have my maths GCSE tomorrow so... yeah :( Wish me luck guys, Imma need it! XD****  
><strong>Well, I hope you all liked it and again: thank you all so much for your reviews! ^_^ They've made revision a lot more bearable! :)<strong>**

**Until next time~**

**xx-animeXlachemist-xx**


	16. How To Deal With Frustration

**Urgh, Maths fail guys! Seriously, I am so crap with numbers it's just painful :'( But I have an English exam this Monday, and I shall pwn it! *totally lives up to the stereotype of English people being good at essay subjects* Anywho, I has more requests coming at y'all!**  
><strong>Just to say: I is kinda new to Hetalia, so for these next countries overhearing I'm kinda going off limited knowledge (and making one up as their appearance hasn't been made yet) so sorry if they don't seem right. Constructive criticism shall aid me~<strong>

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Sixteen- Cynical Zeppelin's Request

America was restless.

America was extremely irritable.

America had had enough.

America was disrupting the meeting.

America was pissing the other countries off at this moment in time.

"Duuuuuuuuude, this meeting is so _boring! _Germany, bro, call a break!" America drawled, leaning backwards in his seat so that he was balancing in a very precarious position.

"For the love of wurst, just shut up!" Germany shouted, standing up and smacking his hands against the table so that a sound like thunder tore through the meeting room. His bright blue eyes glared into the darker, sea blue ones that belonged to the country that was aggravating everyone. "I can't take any more of this! Everyone, I'm declaring a break!"

Sighs of reliefs rushed all around, and America immediately got up from his chair and hastily made his way out of the room.

"America seems upset ve~" Italy observed, moving closer to Germany and linking their arms. The blonde decided to ignore the whispers of-

"Germany and Italy are showing public displays of affection!" and "Oddly, those two suit each other!"

-and just sighed, but didn't push his friend away.

"Do you think he's like that because England isn't here today~?" Italy hummed, swinging back and forth slightly.

"Mein Gott," Germany said in exasperation, "It wouldn't surprise me at all Italy," he said honestly.

England was currently tied up with business concerning political affairs in the UK, and so as a result he had to skip out on this meeting in order to meet up with his brothers. When America was informed of this upon his arrival that day, he had been a complete pain in the ass and refused to cooperate in the slightest. All of the countries had come to the conclusion that the hero was like this due to major sexual frustration.

"Hey, let's go and see what's wrong, da-ze!" a country with dark brown hair said enthusiastically, pumping his fists into the air. He looked expectantly at the raven haired country sat next to him, who had his face buried in a book at this current moment in time. He sighed in frustration when he got no response, and opted for grabbing the quiet country and bolting out of the room and after America before any protests could be given.

"Hey, wait a minute brother!" the raven haired one said, doing his best to hold onto the book he had been engrossed in only moments ago. "I've heard the other countries speaking and... well, I don't want to see what's wrong!"

"Relax N.K! It'll all be fine, da-ze!" South Korea said with a grin. "What's the worst that could happen?"

North Korea didn't say anything to this, but shivered slightly when he thought about 'the worst that could happen' happening. He didn't understand it- how was he so different from his brother? He preferred cultured activities such as reading and dancing, but his brother... well to put it bluntly, his brother had an unhealthy obsession with their Aniki and his (non-existing, he's a guy!) boobs, and claimed that absolutely everything was made in their country (which clearly wasn't true, but if you told South that you would definitely regret it).

"I don't understand why you have to drag me along," North sighed, glancing at his book mournfully, he had just reached a really good part and couldn't wait to carry on reading. "Honestly, I don't care about what you do, but I really have no interest in finding out why America is acting strange today."

"Nonsense, da-ze! It's an experiment, we must find out the cause!" South Korea said with a voice full of confidence, a 'bring-it-on' expression written all over his face.

"Why are you so interested in this anyway?" the more reserved of the two asked, deciding to read and walk at the same time.

"Because I may find out some interesting things to try out on Aniki, da-ze!" South said happily, not for one moment considering how utterly weird that sentence was. His brother merely sighed, far too used to this strange behaviour to bother reacting to it.

"All right, this is it da-ze!" the dark brunette said in anticipation, practically grabbing his brother's head and slamming it against the door so that he was also eavesdropping along with him.

"Stupid England leaving me here after doing that, who does he think he is?" America muttered angrily from within the room. "I mean, he thinks he can avoid me after saying something like _that_?" The Koreas could hear the hero pacing up and down in frustration, muttering to himself before the footsteps came to an abrupt halt and a long, heavy sigh was heaved.

"England..." he said, a hint of sadness to his tone, "Why did you do that?"

"Any ideas on what he's going on about, da-ze?" Korea asked the other, who had actually been paying no attention whatsoever as he was immersed in his book once more. He briefly pulled himself away to listen in, before shrugging and going back to his literary love.  
>"Damn, why did Korea make books?" South complained, grabbing said item from the other, "All you do is read, da-ze! Now is not the time for that, we have to spy!"<p>

During this brief exchange, the Koreas came to the realisation that America had quietened down considerably, and had started to whisper England's name.

They heard a zipper being undone, and a determined, "I can manage just fine when I need to!" being uttered by the self proclaimed hero.

From then on, America didn't really say anything apart from the occasional, "England..." but he had started making small noises, and a steady sort of shuffling sound made itself known.

"Uhn... England... hah..."

"No way!" North Korea said in disbelief with his eyes wide.  
>"Haha, this is the kinda stuff you don't see written in books, da-ze!" South said happily, thoroughly enjoying this. "Aniki will praise me if I tell him this bit of information, da-ze!"<br>"W-Well, you can't really prove anything," the raven haired country said timidly, for he never was one for embarrassing situations.  
>"Huh? What're you on about N.K? Da-ze!"<br>"Well, we are only guessing... perhaps we have it wrong?"

There was a brief pause, before a mischievous smile crossed the dark brunette's lips. "Well then, let's have a peek inside, da-ze! After all, being sly originated from Korea you know, da-ze!"  
>Before the more sensible of the duo could stop the delusional one, it was too late. North Korea had slightly opened the door and poked his head around, urging his brother to do the same. America seemed completely oblivious to his spectators, and carried on doing what he had been doing before the unnoticed pair began watching.<p>

The Western nation had his back to the door, so the Koreans couldn't get a look at his face, but they didn't need to. They could see perfectly well that his hand was moving up and down in a constant motion over his vital regions. Granted they couldn't see said vital regions, but the hero was sat down, supporting himself with his other hand as he carried on pumping over and over again, his panting becoming heavier and gasping out "England" more often.

"Hah... nnhh... Eng... hah!"

South Korea could see his brother visibly pale at this, and although he found it slightly amusing, he also felt slightly bad. He indicated to the other that he was more than welcome to leave, but he was going to stay behind and carry on this reconnaissance mission he had bestowed upon himself. Thankful for the option to get the hell out of there, North Korea slipped his head back behind the door and bolted rapidly down the corridor and back to the meeting room (having completely forgotten all about his book at this point).

_I... I can't believe that he would actually do that in a meeting break! Western countries are so much different from us!_ he thought with a grimace, his stomach beginning to ache.

Meanwhile, South Korea was busy surveying the actions of the hazel haired country that had begun to pump his hand up and down faster and faster, until his hand was a complete blur. "This is gold," he whispered to himself, pulling out his smart phone, "It's a good thing Korea invented these awesome phones, da-ze!" he said to himself as he set the phone on video camera mode and began filming. Once he had sufficient footage of America getting more and more worked up to the point that he could barely support himself anymore, and a rather dramatic "Ah, oh _God! _Hah... nhh... damn, AH!" he cut the film and slyly made his way out of the room with a grin on his face.

_Aniki will have to pay attention to me with this bit of information, da-ze! _is what he was thinking on his way back to the meeting room.

Back in the room, America was busy gasping for breath, his face completely flushed. "England..." he said quietly, before taking in a few deep breaths and normalising his condition. "Dude, I can't believe Iggy was right!" he moaned to himself, looking at the exercise device he held in his hand. "I totally _am_ out of shape! As if just moving this weight thing up and down has be so freaking tired, this is insane!"

America glared at the Shake Weight and angrily zipped it back up in the exercise bag he had lugged all the way here (telling himself he would totally work out his other arm later). He had been intent on showing England that, despite his really mean comment on his utter glob-iness, he could totally get into shape when he felt like it! The hero pouted as he remembered how the Brit had handed him the rather peculiar weight earlier that week, and told him that 'If he didn't get his act together soon, he was going to eat himself to death'.

"As if that could ever happen," he muttered, completely disregarding the exercise bag and retrieving the McDonald's bag full of burgers, fries and shakes that would probably kill a small child if they tried to ingest all of it in one go. "I'm the hero, so I can totally eat what I want, when I want! England, I DON'T NEED YOUR STUPID WEIGHTS! HAHAHA!"

Meanwhile, while America was bordering on the parameters of sanity, South Korea was busy showing his new piece of video footage to the rest of the countries, and was even contemplating putting it up on the video site that Korea created, known as YouTube.

x~x~x~x~x

**Aaaaaannnndddd, done! I got the characterisation of North Korea from a sentence I found on Hetalia Archives that said he was shyer than South and liked reading and dancing :P  
>I had never heard of Shake Weight before I got the request, but seriously guys, go and Google it! God, it's hilarious! XD<br>And randomly, I was at a Japanese festival today and managed to get pics of most of the Hetlia cast thanks to some epic cosplayers! :D I even got a mochi England~! ^_^ I looked for a Mochimerica to go with him, but someone already beat me to it :( Ah well, it was still an awesome festival! ^.^**

** Until next time everyone~**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	17. Brother Complex

***bordering on consciousness* Okay... first things first: I'm am sooooo sorry for not updating for a while! u.u Things should get better, I don't think I have any more exams for a bit (at least I got full marks in my English, so you can tell I've been working hard, ne~ :3) Secondly! I've been doing requests in the order I get them, but I'm gonna skip the one from Hitsu4HinaEva -Hari-Sama because I really think I can use that request much better later on in the story :D And finally: WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME ABOUT THE TRAFFIC FEATURE? Seriously, I had no idea I could see how many hits my fics have had! I mean, this fic is like... WOW! I have people reading this thing in countries I never even knew existed O_O Meh, I fail at technology and geography :P**

**Right, I shall now shut up and write~**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Seventeen- Skadiyoko's Request 

Belarus was making her way down the hall after a meeting break was called, in a totally sour mood. Russia had been completely blanking her throughout the entire meeting, and she was _not happy_.

"If only I could think of something to make big brother get closer to me," she mused, her pace slowing down considerably as she began to think about the issue. She had tried everything within her power to bring them closer:

She had suggested marriage, she had always stood by Russia, she even locked him in a room so that they could be together! But for some strange reason, nothing seemed to work. It was as her mood was descending rather rapidly to the realms of psychotic that she heard two people in one of the rooms near her. Usually, she wasn't bothered when it came to listening into other people's conversations (unless Russia was one of the people conversing), but when she heard the words 'love' and 'will bring us closer' her curiosity got the better of her.

"Maybe I'll find out something useful," she said to herself as she made her way over to the door and began to listen in, realising that she was about to over hear one of the now infamous meetings between England and America.

"C'mon dude, I'm begging you!" America pleaded, but all he got was a snort in return.

"No means no and that's final!" England said resolutely.

"But duuuude~" the hero moaned, "I've totally changed since then I swear! I'm more mature now!"

England actually burst into laughter upon hearing this, "Oh you can not possibly be serious! You are just as bad as ever!"

"Well, just let me prove it to you!"

"How?"

"Just have sex with me and then we'll have another kid!"

"Why the bloody hell would I do that?" the Brit exclaimed.

"Because our closeness level has gone down, and it seriously affects me dude! We need to get our closeness back up, and everyone knows that doing it and having a kid makes you, like, the closest ever!"

_Making love and having babies makes you the closest ever? _Belarus thought, her mind beginning to come up with a huge array of schemes.

"I absolutely refuse to be a part of this madness," the gentleman said, sounding like he was heading towards the door.

"Hey, don't leave me here man! I really need to do this with you!"

The footsteps from the blonde paused and he let out a sigh. "_If _I deign to indulge you, there are conditions!"

"Totally dude, ask anything and it's all totally cool!"

"You have to use protection. If you don't use protection I am going to get pregnant again, and we both remember what happened last time!"

"I keep telling you that it was an _accident _Iggy! Please just have a child with me again," America begged.

"No, if you are so intent on getting our 'closeness level' back up then you are going to have to earn back my trust. In the mean time, surely just bringing our bodies together will be enough right?"

"Well... I guess... but as the hero I vow to earn back your trust so that we can have a totally sweet family again!"

"Idiot," England mumbled.

Belarus pulled away from the door, having been totally enlightened by what she had heard. A sinister grin crossed her face as she made her way back to the meeting room and positioned herself under the huge table all of the countries sat at, making sure to be directly in front of where Russia sat.

"This game is ridiculous," England pouted, logging into his account and going to the place where America's character was. "Why the bloody hell is 'closeness level' so damn important?"

"Cuz if you have a good 'closeness level', that means you have a great 'happiness level' which means you can get some totally sweet weapons!" America said happily, clicking a '?' button on the screen to bring up all of the different level categories in their MMORPG. "All right, let's do this," America said, clicking the 'bed' option. England did the same, and their characters made their way onto the bed before the screen faded to black, and it was 'the morning after'.

"This doesn't make any sense whatsoever," the Brit said, furrowing his eyebrows.

"What dude?"

"This game has no problem showing graphic and gory battle scenes, and is completely fine if you sacrifice children, but it fades to black when it comes to sexual stuff?"

"Huh, never thought about that before," America mused, before looking over when he heard his companion laughing next to him. "What's so funny dude?"

"My character's 'happiness level' has actually gone down," he chuckled and pointed to the metre that indicated how good a mood his character was in. "Does that mean that you are substandard in bed?" he asked jokingly.

"What? No way dude! I'm a freaking champion at things like that!" America said defensively, passing the depleted happiness level of England's character up to the fact that their house in the game wasn't all that great.

"Sure you are," the Brit said sarcastically, still chuckling- it was fun being the one to annoy America for once.

"It's not like this game is totally accurate about _everything _ya know! If this was real life, your 'happiness level' would've exploded!"

"Oh? Is that a fact?"

"Yup!" the hero nodded. "In fact, I'd show you such a good time that you would never be able to think about anyone else but me ever again!" He stood up with a proud grin, but it slowly faded when he realised what he had just said. England appeared to have come to the same conclusion, because he was no longer chuckling and was sat there silently with a pensive expression, before a light blush made itself visible. They were both thinking the same thing:

_Didn't that sound exactly like an offer to actually do it? Wait... what would it be like to actually... with him... GAH!_

America was soon joining the other in the way of his cheeks turning a lovely shade of pink, before he blabbed out, "Well I think we're gonna be late for the meeting so later dude!" He practically sprinted out of the room, leaving England still sat on the chair, stunned and scarlet in the face.

The different countries noticed that England and America were extremely quiet once the meeting had resumed, and all of them wondered what had happened. There were whispered theories going around, the most common one being that they had both had a fight and weren't speaking to each other.

Germany was beginning to get irritated, because the current topic up for discussion was rather crucial, but England and America weren't paying the least bit of attention and appeared to be completely spaced out, while everyone else was busy devising logical and/or downright bizarre explanations for their weird state. "Will you all just pay attention?" he said in a booming voice. "For once, it would be nice to actually get something done around here!"

Sadly, that didn't look like it was about to happen because he heard Russia of all countries let out a panicked yell. The usually creepy country toppled off of his seat and onto the floor, a look of pure horror on his face.

"What the-?" Germany began, but was lost for words when he heard an evil cackling take over the room and Russia was dragged under the table.

"We should have babies, babies, babies, babies!" a creepy voice rang out, "We must connect our bodies and become one, big brother!"

An aura of pure evil was resonating from underneath the table, and the braver countries dared to sneak a peek to see just what the hell was going on. They all came up with the colour completely drained from their faces and were visibly shaking, although the Baltics did have small smiles on their faces as they thought, _There is a God!_ All this time, a steady chant of:

"Babies, babies, babies, babies, babies, babies, babies," continued on and on.

"Should we do something?" Spain asked worriedly.

"Of course not bastard, we should just save ourselves!" Romano yelled frantically, grabbing his brother and making a mad dash for the door. Many others followed them, but Germany stayed behind to at least instil a little bit of order.

"Give it up," France said seriously, "There is nothing we can do about it now, Russia is done for!"

Thus Russia came within an inch of his life while some of the countries with morals tried to devise a rescue plan (which in the end involved a giant high powered hose, guns, a crane, a demolition ball and a rubber chicken... don't ask), Belarus was utterly convinced that she had found the perfect way to get close to her big brother, and America and England were completely oblivious to all of the anarchy ensuing around them as they sat on their respective chairs and thought about a lot of complicated things...

x~x~x~x~x

**I hope this chappy makes up for my extended absence! I'll do my utmost to get back to regular updates again! As always, thank you all so much for reading ^_^ Keep those requests coming~ :D****  
><strong>Until next time then ^.^<strong>**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	18. Care To Share?

**Urgh, I am ill :'( Life hates me, bleh -.- But thank you for all your wonderful reviews, they make me forget my suffering *dramatic pose*****  
><strong>On a completely different subject, I was asked to try and do an American accent for my drama (I fail at accents :P) and can I just say to all Americans: You have chords of steel! Seriously, I tried the accent and it was PAINFUL! Don't ask me why, it was like... you kinda speak more from the back of the throat? Like, I tried to say 'awe' and nearly died XD Meh, I'll go and terrorise the states one day with my accent fail ;)<strong>**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Eighteen- CillianCrane's Request

The tension (that was presumed to be of a sexual nature) surrounding America and England had _finally _eased. After a slew of extremely awkward meetings, and the absence of their not-so-secret rendezvous', all of the countries were beginning to become extremely concerned. It seemed strange, at first they had all been shocked and downright freaked out when they found out about what the two of them did with each other (and in meeting breaks no less, they could only imagine with horror- or glee in France's case- what the two of them got up to in private), but now they were worried for the completely opposite reason: they simply weren't talking to each other.

Now this wasn't like the usual times when one was in a strop with the other, this was a complete silence. However it didn't seem to be done out of malice; the two would still converse when absolutely necessary, they just seemed very... _awkward_.

Yet this had finally fallen by the wayside, and when the countries filed in for today's meeting they were immeasurably relieved to see the two of them sat together, having a general banter sesh like they usually did. When quizzed about their weird behaviour by some of the others they simply shrugged as if they had forgotten the whole incident. Thus, everyone was happy.

Except for Germany.

Germany was _not _happy.

Granted the two of them were now back on good terms, but that was no reason for them to sit there during the meeting and oh so obviously _talk _throughout it. They weren't paying attention to a single thing! Well to be fair, America seemed to be the one doing most of the talking. England just sat there and looked as if he really was trying to focus on the meeting at hand, but struggling to do so with the hyperactive American continuously babbling something in his ear. And so after Germany could no longer take it, he stood up and glared at the two troublemakers and said in a low, sinister voice:

"If you have something to say, why don't you share it with the rest of us?"

It was reminiscent of what a primary school teacher would say. However as soon as the words had left his lips, Germany instantly regretted it. _Gott knows what they are talking about! I hope that they don't take me seri-_

"If ya want dude!" America said happily, jumping up and commanding the room's attention. "I was just telling Iggy how I absolutely _love_ to slam it in there! And _God _it's amazing when I feel it burn when we get rough!"

The whole room fell completely silent, and everyone had on 'WTF?' faces that looked like so: O_O

The self-proclaimed hero took this sudden silence to mean that everyone was genuinely interested, and so he continued. "Yeah, I find it works best if you go deep ya know, as deep as can be! And there is nothing better than coming on the inside!" He had a huge grin on his face and completely failed to notice the awkward atmosphere that had summoned itself up, or how Canada was reaching for his phone to call his therapist again, or how France seemed to be giving his undivided attention to the current topic up for discussion.

"Ah, I don't think we need to-"

"Nonsense! I'm all to happy to share!" America hushed Germany when he tried to put a stop to the current explanation the other was giving. "When I first started with Iggy-"

"My name is England you tosser!"

America rolled his eyes, "When I first started with _England_-" he put emphasis on the name just to be difficult, earning him a scowl from the gentleman- "boy was I taken by surprise! I mean, he gets to second base in no time flat! Not that I'm complaining of course, I love it when things get off to a hot start! And it's even better once we get to third!"

No one dared to speak, still in shock from what they were hearing, however France did eventually break the stunned silence with, "Ohonhon~ So who is the one that takes it?" he winked at America, who winked back.

"You mean who does the pitching and who receives it?" he asked, smiling widely.

"Oui."

"Isn't it obvious?" the hero laughed, "I'm so totally the pitcher! Besides, Iggy prefers to receive it anyways."

"Is there anything wrong with that?" the gentleman pouted, but he still made one thing clear: "But I sometimes pitch! And for the last bloody time refer to me properly you idiot!"

"Sorry sorry," America said, clearly not sorry at all. "But yeah, I guess you do sometimes pitch. You sure know how to handle balls, dude!"

"Ohon~ So you two reverse from time to time?" France quizzed, absolutely loving this conversation while those around him were cringing down into their seats.

"Yup," America said simply, "But it's usually me scoring at fourth base against England. Once I get my rhythm, he is totally helpless against me!" He grinned proudly, still completely oblivious to some of the countries who were now under the table and covering their ears, trying to get the images out of their minds.

"What the hell is the hamburger bastard doing? Is he really that stupid, why the fuck would we want to know?" Romano hissed to Spain, who just let out a weak chuckle. "Honestly Roma, I have no idea..."

"This is most inappropriate, aru!" China spoke up. "All of the Eastern countries agree that we should get back to the meeting, aru!"  
>"No way Aniki~" South Korea hummed, "This is interesting, da-ze!"<br>"Your opinion doesn't count, aru," China sighed. "Japan, North Korea, you agree with me right?"  
>"I think it would be better if I just refrain from speaking..." Japan said nonchalantly, and North Korea was currently one of the countries having a panic attack under the desk.<p>

"America! You must let me join in!" France practically begged, having wanted this and _needed _this for oh so long. "Please agree!"

"No prob dude, I'm all up for it," America smiled, "I didn't even know you wanted to!"

"'ow could you not know?" France asked in utter amazement, but shook his head to get rid of the pointless question to ask a far more important one: "When can we do it?"

"Whenever and wherever man, the hero is _always_ raring to go! You game, England?"

"I still need to recover from that bloody workout you gave me before we got here, git," Iggy mumbled, but everyone heard it nevertheless.

"Haha! I guess I did pound you pretty hard, huh?" The American looked over-joyed with himself, and Germany could feel himself beginning to lose it.

"This is interesting, ve~" Italy said, moving closer to Germany. "I would say I'm surprised, but after what we've heard-"  
>"Silence Italy! Just pay no attention and they should shut up."<p>

However, they did not shut up at all.

"I seem to recall you being the one to run out of breath first," England said with a smirk.

"What? As if dude, you are way totally imagining things!"

"Oh? Are we recalling different events? Because I distinctly remember the way you-"

"Say any more and I will kill you!" Switzerland yelled, his hands protectively covering Liechtenstein's ears.  
>"Hey, let them continue!" Hungary glared at him, before momentarily breaking her glare to go all mushy and squeal, "Besides, it's getting really good~"<br>"I agree!" France piped up.

Canada was clutching his phone for dear life at this point, and when Russia finally noticed his presence in the room he gave an unnerving smile and said to himself, "It is so much fun seeing everyone get so worried, kol kol kol."  
>"Brother, have you decided to have babies with me yet?" Belarus popped up from God knows where, making Russia momentarily stop being creepy so that he could jump out of his seat. His sister gave him a look that was a rape face x1000000, and so he quickly ran out of the room, quickly pursued by the other who was chanting, "Babies, babies, babies," once again.<p>

And this is where Germany finally lost it.

"WE ARE HAVING A BREAK _NOW!_ AND AMERICA, I FORBID YOU FROM DISCUSSING SUCH THINGS DURING A MEETING EVER AGAIN!"

Upon hearing the word 'break', all of the countries made for the door to the meeting room so that they could get away, apart from Hungary (who ended up having to go and retrieve Liechtenstein from Switzerland) and France (who was dragged off kicking and screaming by Spain).

With the room suddenly devoid of life apart from America and England, the hero scratched the back of his head in confusion.

"Why was everyone getting so worked up over baseball? I mean, it's a totally sweet sport, but still it seems kinda weird."

"I am inclined to agree with you," the Brit said, trying to work it out.

"I didn't run out of breath earlier by the way," America pouted.

"Yes you did," the gentleman chuckled, "You go all out in the first five minutes and then end up nearly killing yourself due to over exertion!"

"Well what about you? You always sprint around the bases really quickly! How the hell does that even work? Old men like you should be slow!"

"I shall ignore that comment and just say this: the reason I am so fast is because I am not constantly gorging on junk food like you, thus I do not have to lug a fat arse around everywhere."

"Dude! Harsh much?"

"I am simply telling the truth," England said with a firm nod.

"Ha! Sounds to me like the truth is that you check my ass out! And don't deny it: you totally like what ya see!"

Silence.

"Stop making embarrassing comments you git!" Iggy snapped with a blush rapidly rising in his cheeks. "Bloody hell, I'm leaving!"

It was as America was watching the other nation leave him that he realised something:

"Dude... he totally didn't deny it, did he?"

x~x~x~x~x

**So this fic has gone from being crack, to having some random bit of plot thrown in XD It's funny how things develop :P And I really learn so much stuff when I write this, for example with this chapter I learned that baseball originated from England! I was so sure it came from America or somewhere else that plays baseball, but hey: you learn something new every day :D****  
><strong>I am now going to collapse onto my bed and let the illness take over for a bit, so until next time~ ^_^<strong>**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	19. Therapy

**Well I have just about recovered from my illness :P YAY~! :D**  
><strong>This time around I have a sort of request fusion, because I thought it could work XD One of them had to be slightly abridged, but I'll go over all of that in my AN at the end :)<strong>

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Nineteen- Catzi And Sora Moto's Requests

"And how do you feel about that?" a calm voice asked a shaking nation, who had gone completely pale on the sofa opposite to them.

"Scared..."

"And why is that?" the voice asked, still calm.

"W-Well, why would they do that? Especially in breaks when people could just hear them?"

"I think you have just answered your own question Matthew," the therapist said with a small smile, writing something down in a neat little notebook.

"Huh?" Canada asked, blinking from behind his glasses and shifting around uncomfortably on the big red sofa he was currently sat on.

"It sounds to me as though the two that you are describing have absolutely no reason to be doing such things. That being the case, I have a feeling that everything you are hearing is simply being heard out of context. To put it simply: you have been misunderstanding the situations."

Canada was silent upon hearing this, and thought about it properly. _Could that really be true? _he wondered, staring at a small potted plant on the desk behind his therapist. _I guess... that might be the case..._

Suddenly, a light bulb went off in his head and he had a 'Eureka!' moment where he leapt up dramatically from the couch and yelled (more like softly said) "You're right! How did I not see it sooner? Alfred was clearly talking about _baseball _the other day! Oh man I feel stupid!" He let out a weak chuckle and smiled warmly at his therapist. "Thank you so much," he nodded gratefully.

"Not at all," she said in return, matching the warm smile. "Well it appears as though our time is up, but I would suggest that you get closure on this issue. Prove to yourself once and for all that you really have been misunderstanding things."

"Right."

And so it came to pass that at the next world meeting, Canada had ambitions to go and listen in on America and England's inevitable conversation and open the door instead of cowering in fear behind it. He had now convinced himself that when he opened the door nothing bad would happen. However, Canada didn't just want to prove it to himself; he wanted to prove it to someone else as well.

It took a hell of a lot longer than it should have done to find someone to go with him, because half of the people he asked couldn't actually see him, and the other half looked at him quizzically and coughed awkwardly as they said:

"Sorry, but... who are you?"

The only two countries who didn't react like this were Cuba (who was about to beat him senseless thinking he was America before Canada managed to reveal his identity in time) and Prussia (who was more than happy to go and eavesdrop some more because it was an awesome way to spend his time).

"So you're seriously telling me that we have it all wrong?" Prussia asked, putting his hands behind his head and walking casually, mulling over if his awesome brain really could have misunderstood something so badly.

Canada nodded and gave a brief explanation as to why he felt that way, before the two of them reached the door that contained the two countries who were thought to be doing something innocent as opposed to the general belief that they were doing something best placed in an R-18 yaoi manga.

Prussia had suggested that they should just listen in first so that they could see if they could guess what they were actually doing, turning it into a game of sorts. Canada agreed, because he was grateful that the other had decided to join him (and the fact that he remembered who he was in itself a reason to go along with what he wanted).

America let out a low whistle just before there was a loud banging noise.

"Iggy, no need to get so worked up dude!"

"Are you really _that _much of an idiot? I can't help but get worked up when you've gotten me like this!" he moaned angrily, to which America just chuckled slightly.

"I told you I was sorry dude... Although this look really suits you," he purred.

"I-Idiot!" the Brit huffed. "You'd better take bloody responsibility for getting me like this!"

"Hey, Canada... you sure they aren't doing anything? Cuz it kinda sounds like they are," Prussia said, not able to come up with what the two countries in the room could be doing that was _innocent_.  
>The pancake lover simply nodded determinedly, although admittedly he didn't have a clue what the two of them were doing either.<p>

"Ah! H-Hey! America! D-Don't!" the gentleman weakly protested, but it didn't seem as though America was going to stop whatever it was he was doing anytime soon.

"I know you like it~" the hero said in a husky voice, to which England managed to gasp out, "I do not!"

"Liar," America chuckled. "Now if I touch _here_..."

"Ah! N-No!" England's breathing was becoming irregular, and Prussia raised an eyebrow at Canada.

"I really think you have it wrong..." he said uncertainly, a little yellow bird popping up and landing on his head. It made a chirping noise, to which Prussia pointed to the bird and said, "Gilbird thinks you have it wrong as well."  
>"No! I know I'm right!" Canada said, closing his hand around the door handle.<p>

_This is it! I'm going to prove once and for all that all of this fuss has been over a silly misunderstanding! _And with that, he flung the door open.

He _expected _to see England and America sat down discussing something. He _expected _there to be some random topic of conversation going on. He _expected _the two of them to be fully clothed.

He did _not _expect what he saw when he flung open that door.

There was America, sat on the edge of a desk with his bomber jacket thrown haphazardly to the ground, his tie loosened considerably and numerous buttons on his blouse completely undone. Straddling him was England, who was bright red in the face and gasping for breath, holding onto the hero for balance. Said hero currently had one hand on the smaller nation's back resting lightly on a pair of small, elegant wings, the other entangled in the Brit's mussed, sand blonde hair- atop of which stood a radiant golden halo. Yet this was not the only thing Canada didn't expect.

For some reason, and he wasn't sure why, England's clothes had gone missing and in place of them he was wearing a very lose and very _short _white piece of cloth. If hung delicately from one shoulder, and revealed most of England's fair, flawless skin. The garment was so short that it only went down so far as to cover only the very top of his slender legs which had fine, golden ribbons criss-crossing exquisitely from his ankles to just below the knee.

As soon as the two countries had registered that the door had been opened, they both looked completely stunned. Turning around slowly, only to see Canada literally frozen in shock while Prussia was busy laughing his ass off behind him, they both blushed insanely.

"Ah! W-Wait! It's not what you-" England began, but stopped when he saw Canada wildly shaking his head back and forth.

"I-I apologise. I should have... I mean... well... MAPLE!" Canada screamed (loudly whispered) frantically, bolting out of the door at light speed, manically dialling the number for his therapist because this incident was going to take a _lot _of sessions to work through. He face-palmed for actually thinking that all of the incidents had merely been misunderstandings. Prussia grinned at them and gave them a thumbs up.

"Awesome kinky play guys," he said, before walking off and closing the door behind him with a "Kesese~"  
><em>I knew I was right<em>, he thought proudly; _My awesome brain has never failed me before!_

Back in the room, England and America just stared each other and realised just how _wrong _this looked.

-Earlier That Very Day-

"So Iggy, I think that we should team up and do some side quests today!" America said happily as the two of them walked down the corridor to a free room once Germany had called a break, casually brushing off the small punch England threw at his shoulder as he angrily muttered, "Do _not _refer to me as 'Iggy' you wanker!"

"Geez, fine," America pouted, before going back to his cheery self. "Anyways, will you do some side-quests with me? I need to earn some of the co-op achievements, and I obviously can't do 'em on my own."

"Believe it or not, I am actually sick to death of that bloody game," England said simply. "And so no America, I will not deign to play it today."

"What?" C'mon dude, I need you!" America begged, opening the door to their selected room of the day. It was rather hot inside the room and so he removed his coveted jacket and placed it neatly on one of the chairs, loosening his tie as he did so.

"No means no and that's final," England huffed, walking into the room in a very dignified way to show that he meant business.

"But Englaaaaandddd~" the hero moaned, "I reaaalllyyy wannaaa get the achieeevmeennttsss~"

"Just how old are you?" England asked sceptically, "Stop behaving like a child. Just accept the fact that I will not play today. Maybe some other time."

"Meanie," America mumbled, his good mood rapidly disappearing as he realised that he wouldn't be able to take advantage of the double EXP points currently being awarded for co-op missions that day. "I wish by some miracle that you would just play the game with me," he mumbled, sitting down in a strop on one of the chairs.

England froze.

"You idiot!" he roared, his eyes wide. "What the bloody hell did you just say?"

"I just- ohh..." America's voice trailed off as he realised what he had just done.

England clutched at his chest, glaring daggers into America and moaning as the transformation began to take place. "No, goddammit no!" he said through gritted teeth, and America began to back away because he knew that this time he really had pissed England off way too far.

The gentleman fell to his knees, breathing hard as sparkles began to float all around him, eventually encasing him in a bright orb of light. The light flew upwards and England could feel his clothes disintegrating away and the familiar attire associated with his Britannia Angel form replacing them. _Dammit, I hate this bloody job! _England thought angrily as he felt the light disperse dramatically, leaving him standing there scantily clad as an angel.

Once he had recovered his breath, he glowered at America and said venomously, "You had better run right now you git!"

America wasn't really paying attention to the threat, he was too busy staring at England. He had only seen the Brit in this form a couple of times, and both of those times were extremely brief. But now...

_Damn, who knew that Iggy could look so..._

He didn't allow himself to finish the thought for fear of admitting something that, quite frankly, should be left alone at this particular moment in time when England looked like he would murder him in a heartbeat and enjoy doing it. However, he did let out a low whistle as he looked the angel up and down.

Snapping with rage, England grabbed America's jacket from the chair and chucked it at the hero, who was temporarily blinded. When America escaped the confines of the makeshift blindfold, tossing it to the ground so that he could regain his sight, he saw an extremely pissed off Englishmen running at him, fists clenched. Being a hero, thus having heroic reflexes, America managed to block the punch that was aimed at him. Although America did manage to block, Iggy had put his entire weight behind the punch and so, bearing the full weight of them both, they toppled onto a desk with a loud bang.

"Iggy, no need to get so worked up dude!" America tried to reason, managing to attain his balance on the desk and steady his companion as well, who had fallen on top of him.

"Are you really _that _much of an idiot? I can't help but get worked up when you've gotten me like this!" England moaned angrily, a fierce fire in his eyes. He grabbed hold of America by the collar in a threatening way, not meaning to apply as much force as he actually did (because quite a few of the hero's buttons became undone with the action).

"I told you I was sorry dude..." America pouted, but he grinned and thought that he'd tease the Brit for a bit. "Although this look really suits you," he purred.

"I-Idiot!" the Brit huffed. "You'd better take bloody responsibility for getting me like this!"

The hero considered, before deciding that it would be way more fun to tease England further. The American knew that England was ticklish, and so a devilish smirk came to his lips as he began to assault the angel above him.

"Ah! H-Hey! America! D-Don't!" the gentleman weakly protested, but America didn't have any intention of stopping and the island nation knew it. _I. Am. Going. To. Kill. Him. _he thought, already concocting the perfect curse in his mind.

"I know you like it~" the hero said in a husky voice, _Haha! This is fun!_

"I do not!"

"Liar," America chuckled. "Now if I touch _here_..." He moved his hand to England's weak spot: the back of his neck. He dragged his fingertips slowly over this sensitive place, and it wasn't long before England had let go of his collar in order to hold on to him (or else he probably would've fallen off the desk). America sensed this and so placed his hand carefully over England's wings on his back so that he would be steadier.

"Ah! N-No!" England's breathing was becoming irregular. _I am going to kill him, bring him back to life, and then kill him again! _he vowed in his mind.

And this is where Canada came in.

-Back In The Present-

"This... does not bode well..." England said slowly, staring in horror at the door Prussia had just closed. "What on earth will they think?" he asked in exasperation.

"In my defence dude, _you_ jumped _me_," America winked.

"Silence git!" Iggy glared, before noting his position astride America. "Bloody hell!" He rapidly got off of the American, doing his best to suppress a blush and failing, while for some reason that he couldn't fathom: his heartbeat was going crazy. _Is this because I'm scared of what the others will think? _he wondered, but for whatever reason he didn't feel like that was the answer...

America, for once in his life, was silent. He couldn't help but look at the embarrassed angel flitting about, trying to figure out a logical course of action. His heartbeat was also racing, and a _tiny _part of him knew why. The rest of him however, refused to accept it (for now at least) and so he said as casually as he could:

"Yo Iggy, you still need to grant my wish dude! Multiplayer time~!"

England just shot him a look that would make anyone, even Russia, terrified. Sadly he knew that the idiot was right and so huffily sat down and powered up the laptop, doing his best to ignore the weird atmosphere that had taken over the room.

Meanwhile, Prussia was busy telling France and Spain how Canada had thought America and England were doing innocent stuff this whole time (to which they nearly wet themselves laughing because the idea was so ludicrous), and Canada had booked a whole week with his therapist- seriously, he was bringing a sleeping bag and having therapy 24/7.

x~x~x~x~x

**Catzi wanted to see Britannia Angel and Sora Moto came up with the Canada thing, although the request was to have US and UK actually having sexy times ;) While that would have been hilarious, it would have kinda ended the fic (as was pointed out) and so I hope my alternative was sufficient :)  
>Well, that's it from me at the moment :D Look out for the next update~ ^_^<strong>

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	20. Like, Totally!

**Hey everyone~! ^_^****  
><strong>Urgh, I'm so freaking tired! Stuff has been hectic, and I didn't even get Wednesday off unlike all other Brits who go to school -.- (There was a strike) Ah well, I'm just about alive! :P<strong>  
><strong>About the request, two people asked for the same thing hence why there are two names :) Hope you enjoy~<strong>  
><strong>Random Note: I listened to Young Girl Talking About Herself- Parry Gripp on a loop while I wrote this, so feel free to do the same XD<strong>**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Twenty- Maiya123 and Anna2309's Request

"Like, totally?" a hyper voice asked over the phone.

"Yes," replied the other speaker in the conversation.

"Like, _totally _totally?" the other pressed.

There was a sigh before the reply of "Yes" was heard once again.

"So like, _totally _totally to-"

"Poland, the answer is still yes!"

"Wow, I like totally didn't think it was, ya know, for real," Poland said, gazing in the mirror that was nearby and winking at himself. "How d'ya know Liet?"

"I overheard them," Lithuania confessed, "Although I did have my suspicions."

"Omigosh! I, like, soooo wanna hear them too! Those rumours are totes hilar!" Poland squealed, getting up and trying to formulate some kind of plan.

"I'm not really sure that's the be-"

"It'll be totally cool Liet! I could wear a super cute spy uniform!"

"I think that would just draw attention to you," Lithuania chuckled.

"It'll be totes fun! Maybe even hash tag amazeballs!"

And that was the conversation that had led Poland to want to join the ranks of all the other countries that had heard America and England doing 'stuff' in a room. He had been unfortunate enough to actually miss America's enthusiastic description of the stuff he got up to with the Brit in the world meeting the other day, because he had seen a pretty butterfly out of the window and had slyly managed to leave the room in order to chase it for a bit. But his days of not hearing the scandalous gossip that went on behind a closed door were coming to an end, and Poland skipped down the corridor.

He really had gone all spy today, wearing a suit with a bright pink blouse and some super kawaii sunglasses that added to the 'adorable agent' thing he had going on.

"I think this is, like, the actual full on door!" he whispered excitedly, putting his ear to the door in anticipation for what he was about to hear.

"_Please _Iggy~" America begged.

"You really want it, don't you?"

"You _know _I do! Please stop teasing me dude, I'm going crazy! Just let me have your sweet ass already!"

"Hmmm..." England paused for thought, before saying, "No, it is amusing to watch you get so worked up."

He chuckled as America began to moan enough for all of the countries under the sun, before the hero said, "It's so obvious that you want my super dick, man. Quit being mean and we can finally satisfy ourselves!"

"Unlike you I can show a little self control," the gentleman said, but his voice was shaking a bit. America didn't say anything and just waited for England to finally break. He eventually whispered, "I suppose... that I am rather fond of your big nuts."

"OMG! This is, like, totes interesting!" Poland giggled at the door, pulling out his smart phone and selecting the Twitter application. "I am _so_ gonna tell everyone the goss!" he said, carrying on his eavesdropping while reporting his current espionage activities on Twitter.

"Haha, why wouldn't you be?" the hero said proudly, before he lowered his voice and said huskily, "And you know that I _love _licking those creamy balls of yours."

The Brit coughed awkwardly, and outside of the room Poland couldn't help but say, "LOL! This is like, totally ROFL worthy! As if they are full on talking about stuff like that."

"So c'mon already dude! Let's get this party started!" America said enthusiastically. Poland could hear a few shuffling noises and a weak "No" of protest from England, and when he heard a zipper being undone his mouth dropped open.  
>"Are they, like, <em>seriously <em>gonna do it?" he wondered out loud.

"Mmmm, looks good," America said lowly, "Especially _this_."

"Ah! America, don't! That's off limits!" the gentleman said in an attempt to gain some sort of authority.

"Not for me~" the hero said cheekily.

"H-Hey! Wait! That's too m-many you git!" England moaned.

"It's only two fingers dude, calm down. It's obvious that you don't really mind," the hero purred.

"No... don't..."

"Hn? Would you rather I try something else then?" America asked, deigning to be reasonable.

There was no reply, but Poland guessed that the gentleman had nodded because the bigger nation said:

"All right then, I'll just try _this _instead."

"H-Hey! You wanker! Quit it! Still off limits!"

"It feels so good to put my tongue into that small, tight hole."

"Wait! Ame-!"

"Omigosh I have to like, totally give others the goss!" Poland exclaimed, deciding that it was his duty to divulge the information on just what was happening in the room England and America were in today. He quickly posted what he knew on Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr before rushing down the hallway and into the meeting room.

"God dammit America! I told you that the Fingers and Polo's are off limits!" Iggy hissed angrily. "They are my favourite, so don't go eating them all, idiot!"

"Dude, they're only mints, calm down!" America said, waving his hand as if to dismiss the Brit's silly remark. "And I only took two of the Fingers, there's _loads _in the packet! Besides, I'm sharing my Super Dickmann's with you anyways!" He rustled around in his huge bag of chocolate and produced said bar, before going back to the one Iggy had brought (and he had ever so rudely opened) in order to steal the Creamy Balls and the Asse he had been craving all morning. The two of them would occasionally have chocolate sessions, and this particular day was one of them.

"Oi! Don't just take all of mine you git! You still owe me your Big Nuts chocolate bar!"

"Oh yeah, here dude!" The taller nation fished out said chocolate bar and even threw in some Pocky because Japan had recently introduced the Brit to it and he really liked them.

England mumbled a "Thank you" and began to open the Pocky packet, while the United States began a chocolate marathon in which he would cram as much as he could into his mouth. The Brit sighed and wondered why the other would never take the time to savour the glorious taste that was chocolate, but decided that it was none of his concern and began to eat the Pocky. He wasn't sure if his way was the correct way of eating the Japanese confection, but he preferred to lick the chocolate off first and then eat the biscuit.

Once America had defied all the laws of Physics by fitting a grand total of _five _chocolate bars at the same time into his black hole of a mouth, he began the much more awkward task of chewing them all, his cheeks bulging. Seeing as he no longer had his focus on cramming chocolate into his mouth, he glanced casually around the room until his eyes came to lay on England, who was-

"MPH!" America's eyes widened, and if his mouth wasn't currently full then he would have gasped in shock (instead he very nearly choked).

_W-What the heck is he doing? _he wondered, unable to take his eyes off of the Brit who was running his tongue slowly up and down the Pocky. His eyes had fluttered shut and he would make little, pleased noises every now and then, clearly a chocolate connoisseur. The hero just couldn't look away, watching as England varied his movements from long, slow licks, to taking the top bit of the Pocky into his mouth and sucking, before he would nibble delicately along the edge. The American could feel the heat rising in his cheeks, and when he made eye contact with the other as he took the length of Pocky into his mouth once again and slowly opened his eyes, the hero felt heat beginning to pool somewhere else as well.

_No, no, NO! _He shook his head violently and did his best to look away, finally managing to finish off the chocolate in his mouth before trying to steady his breathing.

"America? What's wrong?" England asked, almost sounding concerned before he smirked and said, "Wait, don't tell me. You ate too quickly and gave yourself indigestion, correct? I've told you countless times that would happen." England laughed softly at the other's supposed stupidity and resumed his earlier licks and sucks on the chocolate covered biscuit, completely unaware of how it was being perceived.

_I-Is he doing that on PURPOSE? _thought the tortured hero, shifting around uncomfortably.

It was as England looked up so that their eyes met once again, and took the Pocky out of his mouth _slowly_ with a small "Mmm..." that America finally lost it.

"Who the _HELL _eats Pocky like _THAT_?" the hero yelled, hurriedly getting up from his chair and rapidly making his way to the door.

"Huh? America, wha-"

"Just don't say anything!" America shouted, his face still bright red. "See you in the meeting, bye!"

Upon the door being closed, England had a perplexed expression on his face. "Just what on earth was all of that about?" he muttered, before he shrugged and resumed eating the Pocky.

Meanwhile, Poland was busy dishing out all of the gossip surrounding the rendezvous between the two infamous nations which sounded a bit like: And I was all 'OMG' but they were all like 'Creamy balls!' so I was like 'Say whut?' when they were all 'Super big dick!', all the while the ones listening in were trying to remove the images they currently had in their minds and Germany really was contemplating banning the two of them from future meetings.

x~x~x~x~x

**Hehe, couldn't resist ;D Okay, like the ice cream one I'll tell ya where the chocolate is from:**

**Super Dickmann's= Germany**  
><strong>Asse= Japan<strong>  
><strong>Big Nuts= Belgium<strong>  
><strong>Creamy Balls= Japan<strong>  
><strong>Pocky= Japan<strong>  
><strong>Fingers= UK<strong>  
><strong>Polos= UK (Yeah it's a mint, but I <strong>_**had **_**to make that Polo innuendo XD)**

**Ones that were funny but I didn't get to use:**

**Crap's= France****  
><strong>The Lovemix= Germany<strong>**

**Hope you enjoyed it~ Until next time ^_^**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	21. What Happens At A G8 Meeting

**Hey everyone~! ^_^ XMAS IS COMING OMG LET'S GO WILD! *cough* Ahem, yeah "n.n I just can't wait for the hols is all :P And as I is so nice, I'm even planning a special chapter for Xmas ;D Anywho, in the meantime I fused two requests together because they were kinda similar and I thought it would be kinda cool to have them both happen :) That being said I abridged one slightly but it'll become clear why I did later :P Hope you enjoy~**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Twenty One- OneGirlStudio and liondancer17's Requests

It was during a G8 meeting that it happened, and oh boy had it happened.

Usually much calmer than the usually anarchic World Meetings, the G8 had made considerable progress that day and so a break was called at leisure. It had been a good day in Germany's mind: they had gotten through the majority of topics already, people were acting civil and cooperating, and America and England weren't throwing each other flirty glances or arguing with each other.

But then, _that _happened.

The G8 members certainly did think it strange when America went off to catch some 'chill time' in a nearby room without the Brit for once, instead opting to drag Canada with him. However the two of them were brothers and so nothing was thought of it. Nothing at all.

That was, until Italy just so happened to be passing by the room that contained America and that country whose name he just couldn't remember. Being the ever-curious individual, he decided to just casually listen in for a bit to see if anything interesting was being discussed.

"Hehe, you got it everywhere..." America said in a low voice.

"I just can't help it... it drives me crazy and I just couldn't stop," Canada tried to explain. "It's just so good!"

"It's all sticky," the hero observed, to which the other quietly said, "I know..."

"Looks like I have no choice but to lick it _all up_," America said, a small chuckle escaping his lips.

"Ve~?" Italy wondered. _That sounds kind of weird... _he thought uncertainly, but thought it better not to jump to conclusions straight away.

"All right, shall we continue?" America asked after a brief moment.

"Well I have every intention of finishing this," Canada said simply. "Well go on then, get it out."

"You bet bro! Behold the glory of the USA!"

Italy heard Canada gasp and could imagine the grin on America's face as he said, "Impressive, right?"

"It's just so big..." Canada said in disbelief.

"Haha! You act like you're surprised," the other laughed. "You're totally in awe right now!"

"I guess, but it's not all _that _amazing," Canada said grudgingly.

"Don't lie bro! You totally want it inside of you!"

"VE!" Italy dashed off at the speed of light upon hearing that, partly because he wanted to get away ASAP but also to tell Germany- and poor England- that an extreme form of 'brotherly love' was currently underway.

"Germany!" Italy cried, dramatically bursting into the main room where all the other countries were.

"What is it Italy?" Germany asked, quickly glancing up from the papers he was currently perusing.

"It's America and Canada! They- They... VE!" he yelled frantically, waving his arms around his head in a mad fashion.

"What about them?" asked Russia, dropping the temperature of the room with a sinister grin on his face. _If Italy is getting so worked up then it must be something good, kol kol. _

However Italy never answered the question, seemingly incapable of speech due to shock. When the others pressed him about it, he pulled a white flag from out of nowhere and started waving it manically about the place, before he motioned for the others to follow him. Once assembled outside of the door the six members began to listen in to the other two.

"Stop being stubborn and take it dude! Your body is practically _begging _for it," America spoke huskily, those listening in immediately tensing in an instant.

"You can't be serious," Germany said with a deadpanned expression, glancing at Japan to see if his sage-like knowledge had anything to say on this matter. It apparently didn't, and Japan did what he did best which was refraining from voicing any opinions whatsoever. It wasn't surprising when France barged past everyone and tried to fling the door open, only to be pulled back by Germany who gave him the 'If-you-open-this-door-I-will-personally-kill-you-and-enjoy-doing-it-what-kind-of-sick-person-are-you' look.

"So? You ready to succumb yet or what?" the hero asked cheekily.

"N-No! I think it is _you _that should-"

"Listen Canadia, here I am being totally nice and you're rejecting me. I guess you're just a little intimidated, seeing as you've probably never taken in anything as big as mine before."

"Would you just listen to me? I-"

"Quit stalling and let's just get to the good stuff!"

"Hey! Wait! Ame-! N-no, mmph!"

"Yeah, that's it... just like that," America purred.

"Ah! Hnn, I hate- Ngh!- you!"

"Haha, it's so obvious that you're lying. You want it bad!"

Italy frowned and turned around to see how England was taking this, amazed to see him simply standing there: a completely bemused expression on his face. It wasn't until Canada cried out "America!" that something within him seemed to snap.

Scowling the mother of all scowls, the gentleman charged forward and easily barged past all of the other countries- even Germany who was wise enough to know that you do _not_ mess with England when he is _this _pissed off.

Now England wasn't sure why, but what he was hearing was... upsetting him? Annoying him? He wasn't really sure, but he didn't like it. "Who the bloody hell does he think he is?" he muttered angrily, not really sure why he had said that because it wasn't as if he had any sort of claim to the bigger nation. However his rational mind refused to work, and so regardless of what he was about to see he flung the door open and yelled:

"YOU BLOODY WANKER! WHAT IN GOD'S NAME DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DO-"

"Huh? Iggy, what's up?" America asked, briefly looking up from where he was attempting to wrestle a ridiculously large burger down Canada's throat.

"Wait- what...?" the Brit asked, quickly glancing around the room and noting the portable pancake maker in the corner, and the huge mountain of McDonald's bags everywhere.

"I was saying how burgers were the best things ever, so I was proving it!" America grinned.

Canada escaped the self-proclaimed hero's grasp and managed to choke down the junk food before adding on, "But I insisted that pancakes are better, so we were having a competition."

"I totally won," America grinned. "Although Cannelloni is way skilled at making pancakes. You should totally try them!"

"I'M CANADA!"

"Sure thing Catamaran," America smiled, completely clueless as _CANADA _face-palmed and opened up the pancake maker to retrieve the now completed treat. "All right! More pancakes! Not as good as burgers, but still awesomely sweet!" America cheered, going and standing over Canada before he was swatted away by said country. Remembering that the gentleman had been mad upon entering the room, America went over to him and asked:

"So what's up Iggy? You seem kinda steamed."

"I... Well, I... You see..." the gentleman spoke slowly and carefully, thinking about how best to word his answer. If he came right out and said 'I thought you and Canada were doing the nasty' then he would have to justify just why it got him so mad.  
><em>Wait a minute, why did I get like that? It's not as if he's not allowed to if he wants, what right have I to stop him? But still... And are those pancakes really THAT good? He never praises MY food like that! If he wants pancakes then I could just make them for him! What the hell? Why do I even care? I DON'T BLOODY CARE!<em>

England was becoming dizzier and dizzier until it got to the point that he had to get the hell out of that room. Blushing (due to the dizziness, England claimed) he yelled, "Don't get the wrong bloody idea! It's not as if I care about what you get up to anyway, idiot! In fact I honestly couldn't care less!"

And with that, he stormed out of the room.

x~x~x~x~x

"Wow, you really are good at making pancakes, ve~" Italy said happily, digging into his second. After the awkward incident the other countries had invited themselves into the room in order to sample some of these amazing pancakes, apart from Germany (who refused to partake in such ridiculous activities when they still had a meeting to finish) and Japan (who had gone to see if England was okay). America had initially wanted to run after England, but after seeing how angry he was he thought better of it and agreed that Japan, being able to calm almost anyone down, would be the best person to go and assess the situation. _Why the heck was England snapping at me anyways? _the hero thought moodily, shovelling some more pancakes and burgers into his mouth (at the same time) to try and distract himself.

It was to no avail. The food simply didn't taste as good as before and so America got up and actually _left _it. Canada was visibly shocked when he saw this, but America smiled and said, "I'm just gonna go and check on Iggy. I'll check back later Carnation!"

"I'M CANADA!"

"Haha! That's what I said bro!"

_Just ignore it and go to your happy place, just ignore it and go to your happy place, _Canada chanted in his head, taking a deep breath before resuming his pancake making for all of the countries he had found himself cooking for.

"Okay, so I think they went down here somewhere," America said to himself, traversing the narrow hallways until he found the place he was looking for after hearing England and Japan. "I'll just ask him what I did and then I can go back to enjoying the food," the hero reasoned, making his way up to the door but pausing instead of opening it. If he wasn't mistaken, he could swear he was hearing England _moaning. _

"Uhn... that's really good Japan," England said softly. "Thank you for this."

"It's no problem England-san. It looked as though you were in desperate need of some kind of release, so I'm more than happy to help."

_Huh? _America wondered, pressing his ear further up against the door because he was sure that he was hearing this wrong.

"Ah, oh yes... Japan, that feels _amazing_," the Brit sighed happily.

"Oh no, I can make you feel _much_ better than this England-san," Japan said, a small chuckle evident in his voice.

"Ah!" All of a sudden, the volume of England's voice rose significantly. "W-Wait a second! What are you doing?"

"Please don't worry England-san, here's really tight so I have to loosen it up first."

"Uhn, hah! J-Japan! Hey, stop it! Ah! L-Let's switch okay? Let me do you!"

"Please just bear with it, I'll be able to make this feel incredible in a moment."

"Let's not be too hasty here! Ah! Please, let's switch okay?"

"No, you need this much more than I do," Japan said simply. "Now then, if I do this..."

"AH!"

_No freaking way! Are you serious! I didn't think Japan was like that! Why doesn't Iggy just kick his ass already? Yeah, he should tell Japan to get lost! If not, I'll go do it! _America thought, his mood rapidly diminishing with the more he heard. He suddenly stopped and thought seriously: _Hang on... why is this annoying me so much? If Iggy does or doesn't stop it then that's up to him... so then why do I seriously not like the idea of him with someone else? I mean, it's not like I actually... I mean I'm pretty sure that I don't... _

"Better?" Japan asked.

"Y-Yeah," England said, before a contented moan escaped his lips.

"I told you that you'd adjust," Japan said happily.

"I'm doing you next time," England insisted, before he cut himself off to moan again.

"Very well, but for now... would you like to take this further England-san?"

"Ye-"

"NO HE DOESN'T! SO JUST BACK AWAY FROM HIM ALREADY!" Not really thinking things through, America burst through the door and answered for the Brit.

"What on earth?" England asked, looking at the American before him. "May I ask why can't I enjoy a simple massage?" he asked.

"Massage?" America asked, noting how England was simply sat down on a chair with Japan stood behind him with his hands on his shoulders.

"Wait... so, he was just giving you a massage dude?" _If Iggy wanted a massage then he could've just asked me! Wait... WHAT AM I THINKING?_

"Yes, England-san seemed very tense and so I thought that this would help."

"It did, but bloody hell Japan, you can be brutal!" England laughed. He then focused on America, "What are you doing here anyway? What nonsense were you yelling when you first walked in here?"

"I, err... I totally... don't know what you're talking about Iggy! Haha!" _There's no way I can say that I thought he was getting it on with Japan! Or that I was kinda jea- NO! No, I wasn't jealous... totally not jealous..._

"Can you leave then?" the gentleman asked, looking towards the floor. "I'm sure your beloved pancakes are far more important then hanging around here."

"Oh no, don't mind me. Please, carry on with the massage Japan."

"Idiot! He can't bloody do it if you're here! It would be too weird!"

_Exactly, _thought the hero, before mentally kicking himself. _This is bad..._

Meanwhile, back at the new designated 'Pancake Room', Canada realised that England hadn't yet had a chance to try one and so he quickly made one, put it on a plate and headed off in search of the island nation.

Upon finding the room that England was in, he was about to open it when he heard:

"England-san, it's tightened up again."

"Well it's not my bloody fault if he's going to keep doing _that_!"

"Well then let me get you off instead!" America insisted.

"Wait a sec-"

"Japan, let's try it this way okay? Yeah, kinda like this position, so if you put yourself like this..."

"Err- America-san? I'm not really- ah!"

"You idiot, what are you- hnn!"

"Just sit back and let me work my magic as well!"

"Ow! You git, it hurts! I can't..."

"Hey, you can totally deal with two of us at once!"

"This is most unorthodox, but you seem to be faring well England-san."

"Ah! D-Damn, hah!"

Canada dropped the pancake to the ground, utterly frozen. _A-Again? They're doing it AGAIN? And with JAPAN? MAPLE!_ He then promptly fainted.

Thus the G8 meeting didn't reconvene that day, because after regaining consciousness Canada rapidly ran off for a therapy session, England was busy plotting revenge on America for practically breaking his back, and everyone else was far too busy using Canada's pancake maker to pig out (although when Russia got a hold of it, everyone ran for fear of him poising them or something… yet it still would have been preferable to anything England could have managed to create had he decided to use the pancake maker).

x~x~x~x~x

**Aww, they is both jealous :P About the misunderstood situation between Japan and Iggy, not really sure why Japan seemed to be the seme in that one XD Possibly cuz I read a doujin where he was the other day :P Plus to get US more jel of course ;D ****  
><strong>Anywho, until next time~ ^_^<strong>**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	22. The Morning After

**200 reviews? o.O I AM NOT WORTHY OF YOUR PRAISE! Thank you all soooooo much! When I started this fic I thought it would bomb terribly, but look at it now! It's all thanks to you, my dear readers~~! ^_^****  
><strong>Right, so there is a very good reason why I haven't updated in a while: I have been packing! :D Yes, I is off on holiday (always go on holiday at xmas) so all my attention has been on getting organised for that. I leave tomorrow ^.^ Don't worry guys, I'll still update! :) Making you all jealous while I update on the beach ;D<strong>  
><strong>In regards to the request, I kept the scenario the same but seeing as no countries were specified, I thought I'd try something a smidge different :P<strong>**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Twenty Two- MDWOLFGIRL's Request

_Pssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..._

"Urgh... what the-?" The sound of running water brought England slowly out of his slumber, a splitting headache consuming him.

"Damn!" he hissed, clutching his head in an attempt to stop the throbbing. _I guess I really did drink too much last night... _he thought uneasily. "God, I want to die!"

The Brit took a few moments to adjust, which consisted of him groaning painfully and wishing he was dead, before he began the monumental effort that was getting up. He was in his own bed at least... how did he get here again? He didn't remember getting home last night.

All he could remember was that he and America went drinking yesterday after a meeting... and that's about it.

Giving one last groan England stirred himself, rolling over and completely misjudging things so that he landed with a 'thump' on the floor.

"Ow ow ow ow! Dammit!" Pausing for a moment to try and compose himself, the gentleman noticed something rather odd:

_Wait a second... where the bloody hell are my clothes?_

England looked down at his naked form, wondering why on earth he wasn't in his clothes or his pyjamas or just anything at all really. He wasn't the type to go commando. His mind still in a haze from the previous night, England slowly began to get to his feet before a crippling pain shot through his back.

"Shit!" he gasped, doubling over and trying to support his back. _What the hell is going on?_

Extending a hand to pull the blanket off of his bed and wrapping himself up chrysalis style, England began to crawl across the floor and to the mirror in order to asses the damage that had been done. He expected to see his hair stuck up at odd right angles, to have bags under his eyes, and just look rough. He usually did when he was this hung-over. However he did not expect to see something that was so glaringly obvious on his neck.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THIS?" He yelled, his voice all croaky because he hadn't really spoken much yet. There, clear as day on his neck, was a big, purple mark. "N-No... a love bite?" he asked himself quietly. Surely he hadn't gotten so drunk that he actually went and did _stuff _with someone. But it all started to add up in his head:

The lack of clothes, the pain in his back, _the Goddamn love bite on his neck! _

"I want to die I want to die I want to die!" he began to chant, holding his head in his hands. _How could I be so careless? I can't believe I actually went and did something like THAT! And judging from the pain in my back... _He didn't allow himself to finish the thought, because if he did he would probably have committed suicide there and then.

_Pssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..._

England's attention was brought back to the sound of running water: someone was using his shower!

The Brit began to panic, _What should I do? How should I even act? What manner of man is going to step out of that bloody shower? Suicide is looking very appealing at this point..._

All of a sudden, the water stopped and someone was heard getting out of the shower. England held his breath, his heart completely stopping as he waited to see who would emerge from the bathroom. _Must be a cocky, possessive bastard if he had the balls to leave such a huge mark on me, _he thought bitterly, wracking his brain for any spells or potions he could use to make the mark disappear.

The door opened...

...And out stepped America, hair dripping wet and a towel wrapped around his midriff.

It was a wonder England didn't have a heart attack. Instead, he just stared dumbly, completely at a loss for words.

"Morning Iggy!" America said brightly, grinning his trademark grin. "What a totally awesome night, right?" He winked at the gentleman, which induced a blush that was a combination of utter embarrassment and sheer anger.

"You blasted git!" Iggy roared, "How dare you take advantage of someone?"

"Huh?" the hero asked, surprised at the sudden outburst from the other.

"I was drunk! Th-There was no way I could have known! I-I mean... don't think that I... wanted it... or something..."

"Dude, what are you going on about? And why are you on the floor?"

"Because thanks to you, I can barely stand up!" the Brit scowled.

"Woah, you are _not _blaming that on me! Last night was your idea, I did try and be reasonable but you totally insisted!"

"LIAR!"

"No, it's totally true dude! You were all, 'America, please I'm begging you... do it with me.' I'm a hero, so I only did what you wanted."

"I-I... I want to die!" England curled up even further into the blanket wrapped around him in an attempt to hide in the depths of the comfy material, tears beginning to fall.

"Ya know Iggy... What happened last night was really amazing," America said solemnly. "I never thought that I'd ever do _that _with you, but I'm really glad that I did."

"R-Really?" England asked, poking his head out from his not so sly hiding place and wiping away any tears. He could feel his heart rate begin to quicken...

"Yeah, and you were _epically _good as well, one of the best even!"

"W-Well... I..." England's heartbeat went into sporadics at this point, and he felt as if he was going to explode. _Does he mean it? He... enjoyed it? It was the best?_

"Haha, I should so take you skateboarding when you're drunk again sometime!" America grinned.

"WHAT?"

"You asked me to take you skateboarding last night cuz I was going on about how it was awesome, so I showed you," America said simply.

_I am such an idiot! _England seethed, _What the hell was I even thinking? Doing that with America would just be the worst thing ever! _But his heart was still beating like crazy. _Shit..._

"Hang on a second! Th-Then... how did I get this blasted mark? And why am I naked? And why the hell were you using my damn shower?" he questioned.

"Well I used your shower cuz I was dirty, duh! And to answer the other questions..." America quickly ran out the room and returned a moment later with his phone. "Oh man you've gotta watch this, it's freaking hilarious!" He tapped the screen a few times and a video began to play:

"Wow Iggy! You're really good at this!" America said, surprise and pride evident on his face.

"Course I ammmm giiittt! I'm the Uniitteedd Kingdoomm!" England slurred, whirring round rather skilfully on the skateboard. _I... I can do that? _England thought in surprise, not believing what he was seeing.

"Ah, hey! Iggy! Watch out for the-"

CRASH!

Not seeing the kerb in time, England's board caught the edge and he went flying.

"WIPE OUT!" America yelled, before dashing over to see if the other was okay. "Dude, that was freaking awesome! You still alive?"

England just laughed like a madman and America sighed in relief. _Well... I guess that explains the bad back..._

The video then ended, and America quickly started playing another one.

They were back at England's house now, and America was laughing his head off as he filmed England going around on some drunken rant before reaching for a vacuum cleaner from a nearby cupboard.

"Ya know, you eaatt waaaayyyyyyyy tooo much junk food Amerriiccaaaaa~" England slurred, somehow managing to figure out how to switch the cleaning device on. "You're sooo chubbyyy!"

"Hey, way mean dude! And this is all pure muscle just so ya know!" America protested, before saying, "H-Hey... what are you gonna do with that?"

"Suck anyy fattt off of yooouuu, aren'tt I kiiinnddd?" England grinned, beginning to lunge at the camera with the hoover in hand (he had removed that bottom bit so only the tubey suction thing was there... you totally know what I mean).

"Iggy, seriously this isn't funny!" America yelled, dashing around the room while England gave chase. It got to the point where the Brit had the American cornered and was about to enact his master plan, when America quickly pointed upwards and shouted, "Dude! Look, there are loads of, errr, fairies up there! And a unicorn!"

"Unicooornnn~?" England asked, completely distracted. As America made a dash for it, he accidentally knocked England who toppled over in his drunken state, the vacuum landing on him with the nozzle in a very familiar place...

The video ended, and England just looked at the screen sceptically. "You can't be serious," he said with a deadpanned expression. "As if that would actually happen!"

"Well it did dude. As for the naked thing, I dunno. You usually strip when you're drunk, but by then I had kinda left cuz I thought you were gonna attack me with the hoover again! Why, what did you think happened?"

"NOTHING!" England said, a bit _too _hastily. Nevertheless, America decided not to press matters as England never was in the best of moods when he was hung-over, and so he said he was gonna go and get breakfast (McDonald's, naturally) and left England alone, completely scarlet in the face.

"That was total bullshit! As if any of that happened!" he muttered angrily, before saying, "Wait... shouldn't I be glad? I mean the alternative was me and America actually..."

He had to go and lie back down for fear of fainting.

x~x~x~x~x

It was the evening of that same day and America had returned home and England had finally regained a sober state. "I am never drinking again," he vowed, but he'd made that same resolution hundreds of times before. He couldn't get rid of his earlier thoughts though, about why he seemed almost depressed at the thought of nothing actually happening last night.

_Urgh, what is wrong with me? I don't even consider him like THAT! Plus there's no way he'd ever think that way about me..._

It was just as the Brit had thought this, that his computer sounded, alerting him to the fact that he had some unread mail. He groaned when he saw who it was from, but smirked slightly upon remembering he had altered people's names slightly.

From: Stupid French Frog Pervert Tosser  
>Subject: Ohonhonhonhon~<br>Message: Just found this on YouTube! Were you being mean and withholding yourself from America? So cruel Angleterre, you tease!

Attached to the message was a YouTube link, so England clicked it with curiosity because he had no idea what that earlier message was about.

The video he clicked on had over a million hits, and once it had loaded England clicked 'play'.

"It's a good thing Korea invented these awesome phones, da-ze!" He heard the familiar voice of Korea, who was filming something going on in one of the rooms that America and himself often used during breaks to play that infernal MMO or just to have a random chat.

_I'm guessing this was the day when I couldn't attend the meeting because I had matters to sort out with my brothers, _England thought, watching the screen intently as Korea had finally managed to get a good angle on what was going on.

"Ah... hah, England... ah!"

England's eyes went bigger than dinner plates. There was America, in the room, his hand moving up and down over his... vital regions and moaning like there was no tomorrow! It was so obvious what he was doing and... and he was moaning England's name! _His _name!

_What the bloody hell is this? Why is he doing that THERE of all places? And why is he calling my name... _England was scarlet once again as he continued to watch the video of America moving his hand faster and faster, England's name pouring from his lips every few seconds before the hero ended with a bang and Korea cut the video.

England was physically incapable of movement at this particular moment in time, not having the faintest idea of how to proceed. However, the emotions running through him weren't of anger or disgust, they were-

_NO! It's not like that! I am not in the least bit happy or flattered or elated or anything! What the hell is this anyway? Is this joke? I DO NOT LIKE AMERICA LIKE THAT!_

Even so, he clicked the 'replay' button.

Meanwhile, America was busy tucking into a mountain of burgers when a cold shiver ran up his spine. He wasn't sure why, but he had a feeling something bad had just happened...

x~x~x~x~x

**So I really wanted that Korea vid to make another appearance, and it dawned on me that we haven't really had a full misunderstanding with England and America so... yeah XD Are these two finally making progress here? Or are they forever doomed to be caught in endless silly scenarios and teasing the life out of their fangirls (and fanboys)? Only time will tell! ;D****  
><strong>Review, send requests, have a party, GO WILD! I love you all dear readers~! ^_^<strong>**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	23. Personal Phonecalls

**Greetings from Dubai guys~! ^_^ Yeah, totally normal place to go for xmas right? XD Had a slight drama in that I thought the Arabic internet laws had blocked this site, but it was all a misunderstanding so phew! I nearly had a heart attack :P Ah well, back with another request~ :D**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Twenty Three- A-BondofFlame-R's Request

England was mysteriously missing from pretty much every event that had taken place recently, and the other countries were worried. They had asked America about it, because if anyone was likely to know then he would (or so they thought). However the American had no idea whatsoever, and while he hadn't really thought much of it at first, he was really beginning to worry.

Worry turned to anxiety.

Anxiety turned to annoyance.

Annoyance turned to frustration.

And that is what America was feeling now at the current World Meeting: complete and utter frustration. Of course the others had cottoned on to this and bets were even placed on whether or not he would go and 'relieve' himself as he had done that time when Korea had caught him in the act (he still had no idea about that).

"And so I propose that if we all come up with an agreeable percentage of interest, we can-"

BANG!

Germany cut himself off in order to search for the source of the bang he had just heard, all countries eventually clapping eyes on America who had completely head-desked.

"America? Are you okay, ve~?" Italy asked, a worried expression on his face.

"No dude! This totally sucks! I haven't seen Iggy for ages! Where is he already, this is really starting to get to me!" he groaned, lifting his head off of the desk slightly to look at the other countries around him before slamming it back down once again. "Stupid England just disappearing," he mumbled. "How does he expect me to just sit calmly and wait for him to come back? It's been way to long since we've-"

"AMERICA!" Germany interrupted before the meeting got completely off track and once again ended up about the love life of America and England. The German sighed and mentally counted to zehn in his head to maintain his composure, before saying, "I am calling a break. Try and be focused when we resume, okay America?"

The hero nodded half heatedly, although he was thinking, _How the heck can I be focused when I haven't seen Iggy for two weeks, three days and eight hours? Oh crap... as if I'm actually counting!_

All of a sudden, America was struck with inspiration. His face lighting up, he quickly got up from his seat and rushed out of the room. Korea got his phone out just in case, but China stopped him just in time.

With America gone, Hungary glanced towards Japan who gave her a small nod. The two of them had been in league with each other for a while now, because Hungary wanted more yaoi action and Japan was actually having trouble with the plot for one of his manga. When Hungary had suggested that the steamy romance that England and America shared would be the perfect thing to give him inspiration, they had both come up with a plan in which they could get more information.

They both waited a moment before getting up from their seats and proceeding to follow America, finding him with relative ease. Hungary carefully poked her head around the door, seeing America quickly pulling his phone out and dialling a number with extreme speed. After a moment, his face lit up.

"Hey Iggy!" he said happily. He held the phone at arms length while the other presumably yelled, "DON'T CALL ME IGGY!" before bringing it close to his ear once more.

"Dude, where have you been?" America asked, concern being the overriding emotion in his voice. He waited patiently, listening to whatever reply the Brit was giving, and Hungary immediately exited the room and commanded Japan to hack into their conversation somehow so that they could hear both sides.

"Hungary-san, it's not that easy to-"

"Japan! Think of the manga! Think of all of the fans that are waiting for a totally awesome plot, but will only be disappointed if you don't hack into the conversation!" Hungary said dramatically.

"Hungary-san..." Japan sighed, "You don't really care about any of that at all, do you?"

"I just want my yaoi, is that such a crime?" she pouted.

"Very well then, I think I know how to do it." He gestured for the brunette to follow him, and within a matter of seconds (they were really _that _efficient), Japan and Hungary found themselves surrounded by lots of impressive looking equipment in one of the other vacant rooms.

Japan put some headphones on and offered a pair to Hungary, and they could both hear the conversation perfectly.

"I miss you..." America said sadly.

"Oh?" England replied, his tone of voice shaking slightly. "Is that a fact?"

"You bet dude! It's been ages since we've... well you know what I mean. I need you like crazy!"

"Trust you to be concerned only about _that_," the gentleman replied, but the two eavesdropping countries both noticed the elevated pace of England's breathing.

"Hey, England... I kinda need help here," America chuckled softly. "I got myself more worked up than I thought, and before I realised it, it's gotten really, well... hard."

England let out a small moan, before quietly saying, "W-Well... I guess I can assist..."

There were a few shuffling noises heard at England's end, before he quietly said, "Okay, I'm ready..."

"Omigosh this is gonna be good~!" Hungary said excitedly, glancing over to Japan who was quickly scribbling down notes and ideas for his manga.

"Right so... what are you wearing right now?" America asked in a low voice.

"Just trousers and a top," England said simply.

"Dude, give me something to work with here!" America complained. "Details! _Describe _your clothes, like... are your trousers loose or tight fitting?"

"Tight fitting..."

"I see," America said, his voice growing cheekier. "And your top?"

"The same. It's got short sleeves, is black and has-" Iggy suddenly cut himself off. "This is stupid!"

"No no! It's totally helpful. So, what else?" the hero pressed. "Because right now, there is nothing in this world that I need more than you. I want to be by your side so badly."

"Nnn... America..." England said quietly. "I also... feel that way..."

"England..." America said in a husky voice. "What are you doing right now?"

"I'm pressing it in... ah~"

"Oh yeah, that's good," America practically whispered into the phone.

"Hah... ah... America..." panted England. "I'm pushing another in, AAaahhhh~!"

"Which fingers are you using?"

"Middle and index finger," the Brit moaned.

"Yeah, just like that... keep it up, England."

"Ah, uhn... hah... Th-This isn't fair, git!" Iggy managed to say. "You... tell me too, what are you doing, what you'd do..."

"Taking it slow, making sure I can make this as sweet as possible," America breathed. "And then when it's right, I plunge it in, my mind going blank with pure ecstasy... it feels so good..."

"Oh God... America..."

"Kyaaa~ This is so amazing! I just wish Liechtenstein could hear this, but Switzerland is a total stick in the mud," Hungary huffed, before resuming her squealing when she heard England moaning some more.

"Extreme detail and moaning," Japan said to himself, scribbling it all down.

_He's faring rather well with this, _Hungary thought to herself, far too used to many guys recoiling in horror at this type of thing. _Although, I guess Japan kinda invented yaoi huh? _she thought happily.

"Ah... so hard!" America moaned. "England, I _need _you so much... oh God..."

"America... I'm going faster... ah, uhn... I'm c-coming!"

"England, I-"

_Bzzzzzzzzztttttttttttt..._

"What the?" Hungary asked, grimacing at the loud static in her ears.

"It appears as though our reception has been cut off," Japan said, still scribbling down endless notes. "But this is good, I think I can definitely work with this."

"How can you say that Japan? We have to listen to the end!" Hungary complained.

"I think it may be an omen, we should stop listening now Hungary-san."

The brunette just crossed her arms and huffed, but she understood what Japan meant. She would allow the two lovers to climax together, without anyone secretly invading their privacy.

"England, can't you come any faster?" America complained, mashing the keyboard buttons before him. "This boss is freaking impossible, it's so hard! I need you as back up man!"

"I told you I'm going as fast as I, ahhh, can! I thought you said you... uhn... were going to meet me at that Village! I told you what I was wearing! Hah~"

"Yeah but loads of people have a similar combo dude," America explained. "Just keep pressing in the up and down keys quickly and your character should keep sprinting."

"Ahh... That's what I'm -hahh- doing, git," Iggy pouted, his laptop balancing precariously on top of him while he was lying down in bed. "Just plunge your sword into that monster already!"

"I told you, I need to take my time so that I get the perfect attack! You can't just rush these things dude, gaming is an art form!"

"Yeah sure, uhn... Look, the only reason I'm playing this is because my character's mood is low because their 'partner' has been gone for so long, ahh..."

"Well that sounds familiar! I mean, why didn't you tell me you were ill man? You've been gone for ages!"

"I... ohh... I didn't think it would get this bad..." England confessed.

"Want me to come over and force you to take your medicine as usual?" America grinned.

"No!" England said quickly. _Damn, I can't be around him at all after seeing that video! _

"Huh? Why not dude?"

"Just because... you may get ill as well..."

"Nah, my immune system is a beast! The hero never gets ill!" America said proudly.

"Ah, AH! Uhn..." England moaned, putting a hand on his head. _My fever is really high this time..._

"England, you really sound rough. You sure you don't want me to-"

"Don't- ah- come over!"

"Okay then," America said uncertainly, deciding that he may as well try and kill the boss already because it looked as though England had gotten lost.

"Hnn... ah... hah~ Damn... hot..." England moaned.

America paused his game. "Err... England?"

"Uhn... Oh God! Ahh, hah..." England attempted to reach for the glass of water on the cabinet beside his bed, the fever really beginning to get the better of him.

"Umm... England?"

"S-Sorry," England said quietly. "I'll, ah! Try and, keep it, uhn... down..."

"No, let me hear you..." America said.

"Wh-What?" England asked, sure that he had misheard.

_GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! WHY DID I JUST SAY THAT? _America thought frantically.

"Ah, hah~ Ameri-caa~?" England asked. The Brit couldn't help it, this fever was really rough and he couldn't hold back small moans. He hated sounding so weak, but he really didn't have a choice in the matter. "Hey, uhn, you there?"

"Ah, y-yeah," America said quickly, hastily resuming his game to try and distract himself from the moans the other was making, because he had only just realised how damn _sexy _they sounded.

_He's ill, get a grip America! What the hell are you thinking?_

"Uhn... A-America..." England breathed, trying to ascertain whether the other nation was still on the line.

America's mouth fell open and thoughts that he had thus far managed to keep at bay began to bombard him.

_Crap! This is bad! This is so freaking bad! _

Thus America lost his boss battle and was even more distracted during the meeting when it eventually reconvened, and England's fever rose significantly when America showed up later that day to try and get him healthy again (the hero's logic being that if he could make England better again, he wouldn't have to hear those moans that were dangerously enticing)...

x~x~x~x~x

**Done~! :)  
>Oh this was fun to write, although I think I got a bit carried away when I tried this the first time around. It ended up being... well, not a misunderstanding XD I was like, "Hmm... I can't really post this without boosting the rating and destroying the concept of this story" :P *sigh* Spent so long teasing that my dark lemon writing side came out to play for a bit, I beat it with a stick and locked it back up though XD<br>Anywho: request, review, eat a cookie, tell me about your day, give a random person a hug, don't submit to THE MAN! I love hearing from you all~ ^.^ Until next time dear readers! :D**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	24. ASL?

**Heeeeeyyyyyyy :D  
><strong>**Is we all feeling good? ^_^ Another request coming your way~  
><strong>**WARNING: Language (you'll soon see ;D)**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Twenty Four- Ladyofthelake13's Request

America let out a long sigh as he was finally able to relax, flopping down lazily onto his sofa after grabbing his laptop from a nearby table.

Trying to get England better again was _not_ easy in the least. First off: he was totally moody (sure he was ill, but still!), secondly: he would not stop those damn alluring moans (he couldn't help it because he was ill, but still!), and to top it all off: his fever got so high that America had to be the one to help the Brit out of his PJs in an attempt to cool him down a bit (again this was because he was ill, BUT STILL!)

America sighed again, doing his best to forget the tortuous days that he had spent trying to nurse the other back to health. He just couldn't shake the image of England's pale, milky skin being exposed as his pajama top was removed; it was like a blank canvas just begging to be marked.

"Dude, seriously this is messed up," America said to himself, the most unimpressed expression imaginable adorning his face. "This is Iggy I'm thinking about, that's just weird in so many ways!"

Deciding that he needed a distraction before England had completely invaded all of his thoughts, the hero switched on his laptop and promptly logged onto Facebook to see what was new with the world.

Upon signing in, he saw that he had numerous notifications and requests for him to be someone else's friend, or join group activities and such. He grinned: everyone loved the hero! Without actually reading what he was accepting, America agreed to them all (because a hero would never turn anyone down) before proceeding to go and check out the main wall.

His attention was torn away from China's album, which depicted the Asian power posing with a vast group of panda's, when people immediately started 'liking' something that he had agreed to moments before.

_Hungary likes your new relationship status._

_Liechtenstein likes your new relationship status._

_France likes your new relationship status._

And so it went like that, and America blinked in confusion. "When did I change my relationship status?" he wondered, clicking the notifications only to have his eyes widen in shock. There, before his very eyes, was the line:

_America is engaged to England._

"What the heck?" he questioned, not quite comprehending what he was currently looking at. Many comments were pouring in, most of them saying congratulations but a few of them saying ambiguous things like:

_It's about damn time already, how many meeting breaks did you need before you had to list it? ;D_

_Does this mean that you two are gonna be doing it even more? o_O_

This didn't make any sense, the only one who could have requested this new relationship status was England! Why the hell would he send something weird like that? America did his best to get to his Account settings in order to remove this new announcement of his apparent engagement, but his attention was diverted when a little notification popped up:

_England has just tagged you in a post._

Deciding to leave the engagement changing thing for now, America immediately went onto England's wall in order to see what had been posted. His face went bright red when he had read it.

**England posted:** I just love America so bloody much! He is all that I think about, day in and day out. I love you America! ...git xxxxx

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" America yelled, not having the faintest idea of anything anymore. Things were only made worse when the little chat box popped up, the Brit himself being the one to instigate the conversation.

**England:** Hello, love xxxx

_Oh this can't be happening_, the hero thought, dizziness rapidly consuming him. He quickly gathered together as much sanity as he could and replied.

**America:** Dude! What the heck are you doing?

**England:** What do you mean, darling? xxxxx

**America:** Why did you send that engagement request? And why the hell are you acting like this? I thought you hated putting x's!

**England:** I do, but I can make an exception when it comes to you ;) xxxxxx

**America:** Iggy! GET A GRIP ALREADY!

**England:** You... don't love me anymore? :'( xxxx

**America:** HUH? ! When did I ever say I loved you?

**England:** Your actions said it all, git! I thought you cared, coming to look after me when I was sick, and I noticed the way you looked at me... I just thought that you felt the same way as I did...

"Feel the same as him?" America practically whispered. "So then, does that mean... wait, he noticed me looking? Crap!"

**America:** I totally didn't mean to stare or anything, I think you may be confused!

**England:** America, don't lie to me... can I tell you something?

**America:** I guess...

"What's he gonna say? This is so weird!"

**England:** I... dream about you. A lot.

**America:** Huh?

**England:** I can't say this to your face, but I can over the internet! It's less embarassing! Anyway, I... I keep dreaming about you, with me, touching...

"Holy shit!" America hollered, his heart beat increasing in tempo at an alarming rate.

**England:** You talk dirty to me, and we do naughty things... it feels so damn good! I know it's just a dream, but the way our tongues dance together when we kiss, or the way you always know just how to get me so horny I can't stand it... oh god America!

America had absolutely no idea how to respond to that, just what do you do in this situation? His mind was at a loss, however his body seemed to have other ideas.

"Crap, not now!" he hissed, trying to enter grand sage mode like Japan did and exercise self control.

**England:** I'm imagining it now, you inside of me, it burns, it feels amazing... do you want to know where I'm touching?

America didn't need to know, he was battling with himself to not do something similar.

**America:** Dude! Just stop, this is weird!

"At least it sounds forceful over the internet," America breathed, contemplating running a cold shower straight away.

**England:** The way you thrust into me drives me to a new state of euphoria, and I scream your name over and over again as you come hard inside of me, filling me up completely

"Damn, England!" America growled, trying to keep his sanity and utterly refusing to listen to his body that was clearly confused and tired after the past few days. He was _not_ turned on!

x~x~x~x~x

Meanwhile, at England's house, raucous laughter was coming from the office room.

"This is fucking hilarious!" Scotland laughed, barely able to breathe at this point. Ireland just nodded in agreement, doing his best to not literally start rolling around on the floor laughing.

"Hey! Write something about America's dick or something!" Wales piped up.

"Great idea!" Scotland said, fingers brushing over the keys before he stopped. "Hang on... what does our little brother call it?" he asked, a puzzled look crossing his face.

"Good question," Northern Ireland mused, before yelling, "OI! ENGLAND! Do you call the penis a cock, a dick or something else?"

"You idiot!" Wales berated, lightly punching North. "Now he's going to suspect something!"

"So what? We've had our fun screwing around with his Facebook, it's going to be so funny to see his face when he reads this conversation!"

"I wonder what America thinks of all this," Scotland snickered. "I mean, I know our brother claims nothing is going on, but I don't buy into that bullshit!"

"I second that, let's just continue the frape," Wales said before England poked his head around the door.

"North! What the bloody hell are you asking me such a vulgar question for?" he fumed, "And what the hell are you all doing in here? Our little get together ended ages ago, so GET OUT OF MY BLOODY HOUSE!"

"I was just curious," North shrugged, while Ireland feigned hurt as he launched into a dramatic rant about how England 'should be a good little brother and allow his siblings to stay with him for as long as they wish'.

"Don't give me that rubbish you wanker," Iggy glared, suddenly noting how all of his brothers were huddled suspiciously around his computer. "Wait a second... what the fuck have you been doing in here?"

"Nothing at all little brother~" Scotland cooed.

"I'm hurt that you would suspect us of foul play," Ireland pouted, but it soon turned into a smirk.

Wales and North just did their best to hold back their snickering.

England didn't believe they were up to innocent things, his emerald eyes narrowing in suspicion. He quickly stormed over to see what his brothers had been doing, half expecting to see some XXX porn site on the screen, but sighed with relief when he saw it was only Facebook. He was about to leave, but noticed his brothers hurriedly leaving the room, all of them exploding into laughter.

England took a closer look at the screen...

He was torn between fainting, trying to desperately explain to America what had actually happened, or running after his siblings to go and murder them all in cold blood.

In the end, he went for option three. "YOU FUCKING BASTARDS! I WILL CURSE YOU ALL AND YOU WILL ALL DIE PAINFUL DEATHS!" he said in a voice of pure evil, his anger rising as he read the entirety of the conversation.

"As if I would say any of this bullshit!" he seethed, "Surely America would know that this isn't me!"

_The way you thrust into me drives me to a new state of euphoria, and I scream your name over and over again as you come hard inside of me, filling me up completely_

"Oh bloody hell! I want to die!" England exclaimed, quickly running out of the room in order to kill his brothers and also to get the image he now had of himself and America out of his head.

Thus America refused to give in and had an ice cold shower, the British Isles Brothers came within an inch of their deaths but it was so worth it in the end, and after finally erasing the incriminating Facebook evidence England decided to take a small nap... only to wake up wanting to murder his brothers even more because of the extremely vivid dream he ended up having (which led him to take his own ice cold shower).

x~x~x~x~x

**When I saw an FB request I immediately thought frape XD And I just wanted Iggy's bro's back cuz they is awesome :P Ah, this was so fun to write :D Lemme know what you think, if you have requests and such~ :3  
><strong>**Also, random question: If you were to get a tattoo, what would it be and where?  
><strong>**Don't ask me why, I'm just intrigued XD Until next time~**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	25. G8 Conference Commotion!

**Hey everyone~! ^_^  
>Some of your tattoo ideas were awesome! If any of you go through with it, lemme know kay? :3 I think I'm kinda going into withdrawal without my beloved BBC over here : There are loads of American shows though, like I've been watching these two shows called the Colbert Report and The Daily Show with... I think it's John? I dunno, but they're hilarious XD ...American politics isn't really that weird is it? o.O  
>Ah well, onward with requests!<strong>

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Twenty Five- OneGirlStudio's Request 3

The tension in the air was so thick, it could be cut with a knife. You could practically _see _it. The G8 members had wondered what was wrong with England when he had walked in that morning, and as soon as America came into the picture a few minutes later it was glaringly obvious that something was going on.

Germany had sensed this almost immediately, and so in the hopes of being able to have a productive meeting he promptly sat America as far away from England as possible.

Actually, this didn't help anything.

You see after that whole Facebook fiasco, America had been having a non-stop 24/7 gaming marathon with Tony so that he wouldn't have to think about anything other then pressing the correct buttons on the controller, because his thoughts were... weird at the moment.

England on the other hand, attempted to send America a message explaining everything over Facebook, but his computer totally died on him before he could send it (courtesy of his brothers who had completely screwed up the machine somehow), and when he tried to ring the other nation in order to explain: there was no answer. This was, of course, down to the gaming marathon the other was having, thus the colossal misunderstanding had been left unresolved and now things were extremely awkward.

_Dammit, I wanted to explain that it wasn't me but Germany placed me all the way over here! _Iggy thought in anguish. He was in a completely sour mood, but he planned on trying to clear the air when Germany inevitably called a break later on.

America was busy stabbing the life out of his iPhone while playing Angry Birds, refusing to come out of his gaming state because if he did: he would have to face reality (and he was no way in hell ready for that just yet).

Germany was doing his best to keep to the schedule of that day, but seeing as America was on a completely different planet at the moment, and Italy wouldn't shut up about this new pasta place that had just opened up that Germany just knew he would be forced to take him to, and France had just draped his arm over the Brit and made an unnecessary wise crack about his food (triggering a mini war between the two), a break had to be called.

"Will you all come back with your minds set on actually getting somewhere?" he sighed, moving to get up to go and get a drink.

"I've got no problems whatsoever. In fact, watching how much in disarray you all are... it won't be long until you all become one with me, kol kol."

"I'm fine as well!" someone said, but when the countries looked they couldn't see anyone.

"Who's there, ve~?"

"Me! Over here!" Canada waved frantically, but it was to no avail and he remained invisible.

"Aw man," America moaned as his battery on his phone finally died, because he had been on it non-stop all day. He quickly got up and left the room, a slight tint coming to his cheeks as he walked straight past England.

"Trouble in paradise, Angleterre?" France asked with a small smirk, raising an eyebrow at the island nation.

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?"

"You two seem to be acting strangely today," he said simply.

_Ah, right! I still need to tell him about what happened! _"If you'll all excuse me, I have some business to take care of concerning America." England began to head off after America, cursing himself when he realised that he hadn't taken note of the room the hero had gone into. _I'm sure I'll be able to find him relatively easily though_, he thought as he made it onto the corridor.

"Hang on a moment England!" a voice called, and Germany came to join him. He looked slightly embarrassed about something but tried to remain professional as he said, "I shall come with you."

"What? Why?" the gentleman asked in confusion.

_Because I want to get this meeting back on track quickly, so there's no time for you two to be doing THAT! _Although this is what the German was thinking, he managed to stay composed and said, "I'm merely concerned about America."

"I wanna come too, ve~!" Italy hummed happily, bounding out of the room and latching onto Germany.

"This could be fun," Russia said with a creepy smile, moving to follow everyone else. Japan also followed suit, because there was potentially some more plot ideas to be found here.

"Hey! Don't leave someone as gorgeous as me all alone!" France protested, quickly following everyone else.

"Hey... I'm still here," Canada said indignantly, but everyone had already vacated the room so he let out a sigh as he slowly got up to see what would become of this (although he knew this was likely to end in yet another therapy session).

"I think he headed down this way," England said to the other members, pointing right. The group proceeded in said direction, and sure enough they soon heard America's voice resonating from one of the rooms.

"Right then," England said in determination, putting his hand on the handle and intent to make everything clear once more. However his actions were quickly halted by Germany, who face palmed as he properly heard the hero inside.

"Mein Gott, this is ridiculous!"

The G8 members listened in to see what Germany was referring to.

"Ah, hah... England, uhn... oh yeah..."

England's hand fell from the door handle immediately, his mouth forming an 'o' shape in shock. _He isn't... no way! _

"Ohonhonhon~ Being a tease again Angleterre?" France asked, winking at the Brit who's face was quickly heating up.

"Shut the hell up frog! It's nothing like that!"

"Uhn... England... hah..." America moaned from within the room.

"Really? Sure sounds like it~" France hummed, causing Italy to start giggling.

"Teasing pushes the other partner over the edge and causes the person to pleasure themselves in a scandalous place," Japan spoke into a small voice recorder, it was much quicker than taking notes for the plot.

"Hey Japan, that looks cool ve~ What is it?" Italy asked excitedly.

"A device he can use as blackmail, I like the idea very much," Russia said eerily, eying the device and imagining the power he would have over so many countries if he started recording them doing compromising things. A steady string of 'kols' began to fall from his lips, while Canada tried to keep his breathing steady and not faint.

"Hah... nnhh... Eng... hah!"

"Well don't just stand there! Go and do something England!" Germany commanded, because everyone's attention was being diverted far too much.

"What? Why me?" Iggy protested, his face a lovely shade of scarlet and his heart beat going insane. _GAH! What the hell is going on? Why is America doing THAT again? Does he actually... _He had to lean against a wall for balance because he had gone all light headed.

"You're clearly the one he needs at the moment!" Germany retorted.

"What the hell do you expect me to do?" the gentleman huffed.

"Something along the lines of: 'AH! Oh America, 'arder! Oh God I love the way you feel inside of me, faster! Do me like there's no tomorrow!' And some more moaning probably," France said before bursting into a fit of laughter.

"H-How dare you? Do you want to die you French bastard?" the Brit yelled. "As if I would ever do something like that!"

"You do it a lot though, ve~" Italy reasoned.

England just spluttered, too many protests wanting to come out that he just started spouting gibberish.

"Fine, if you won't go in I will!" France said, pushing England aside and about to open the door until a voice sounded from behind them all.

"Hey dudes, why are we all crowding around here?"

"What on earth?" the G8 members chorused, all of them whizzing around and seeing America stood there with a confused expression.

"Is something interesting happening?" he asked.

"B-But, how... I... You were..." England was completely thrown, but everyone's attention was soon brought back to the room as a voice that was unmistakably America's moaned out a loud:

"England! Ah, oh _God! _Hah... nhh... damn, AH!"

America froze. "What the heck?" he asked.

"That's what I want to know!" Germany said, barging past the others and flinging the door open.

"Kyaaa~ This video never gets old!" Hungary squealed, raping the replay button. "God, I love Korea for doing this!"  
>"It really is... amazing..." Liechtenstein said quietly, her eyes completely transfixed on the laptop before her as the video began playing again.<p>

"HUNGARY! LIECHTENSTEIN!" Germany barked.

The two females gasped and quickly turned around, only to see the G8 members staring at them, noting the red on England's face, the mortified expression America had and the incredibly unimpressed German standing at the forefront.

"There had better be a good explanation for this," Germany said firmly. "Why are you two even here? You aren't in the G8!"

"We just wanted to see if we could listen in on what America and England were bound to do during the break," Hungary said defensively. "We weren't being disruptive or anything, and we were watching the video of America to kill some time. Right, Liechtenstein?"  
>The small girl nodded, but moved behind Hungary because Germany looked very scary at this current moment in time.<p>

"Huh? There's a video of me?" America asked, pushing past everyone to try and look at the screen. The video was still running, and Hungary turned the sound up so that the hero could hear his shameless moans and panting of England's name.

His eyes widened as he watched. "Wh-What the heck? I... this is... no! I didn't-!" He cut himself off as he realised that this was when he was trialling that Shake Weight thing, only it looked so _wrong _it was untrue.

He quickly whipped around and saw England blushing like there was no tomorrow, refusing to meet his gaze. _Crap! Iggy's gonna think that I'm getting off thinking about him or something! I need to tell him that's not what's happening! _he thought frantically, before pausing slightly. _He looks... kinda cute blushing like that... NO! America, this is wrong, just explain! Thinking of Iggy does NOT turn you on!_

He mentally cringed as he thought that, the Facebook chat coming to the forefront of his mind. _Damn! _

He just stood there for a few seconds, incapable of speech before he shook his head and decided that there was no need to mention the other day, because as far as the video was concerned he really wasn't turned on then.

"England!" he said, surging forward and grabbing the other nation's hands in his. "That video, I can explain!" He held the other's gaze, and England just stared back dumbly, wondering why he wasn't slapping America away and complaining about his personal space being invaded.

"You see, I-"

BANG!

Rubble flew all over the place and everyone in the room was thrown off of their feet (apart from Russia, who seemed completely unphazed by the whole thing and didn't even budge an inch), a blinding light hindering their vision for a few moments.

"VE! GERMANY!" Italy wailed, getting up from the floor in order to dive at the German who had only just picked himself up and was glancing around the room. "A controlled explosion?" he asked, readying his fists in case he needed to fight.

"Urgh, ouch... My clothes better not 'ave been damaged!" France huffed, sitting up and wiping his forehead. "What was that?"

"He's here..." Hungary said in a voice of death, brandishing her frying pan and narrowing her eyes. She noted how Liechtenstein had mysteriously disappeared from her side and let out a low growl. "Show yourself!" she commanded.

A streak of green flew down from somewhere, and there was Switzerland with an AK-47 in hand. "I told you that if you tried to corrupt Liechtenstein again then I would kill you!" he yelled, grabbing one of the grenades from his hip and threatening to pull the pin out.

"You dummkoph! You'll injure everyone in this room!" Germany shouted, running up and grabbing Switzerland's arm so that he couldn't deploy the grenade.

"Heh, you're resistance is futile," Switzerland said in a deranged voice. "For you see, all I have to do is give the word and an air strike will be launched on this building!" He began to laugh manically while France began to panic and make a bolt for it, Canada already well on his way to his therapist once again.

"Brother, no!" Liechtenstein pleaded, running into the room.

"Liechtenstein? I told you to stay in the helicopter!"

"I know, but you can't do this big brother! It was... my idea..."

Switzerland froze. "What?" he asked quietly.

"I asked Hungary to take me here after I saw the video," she said, trying to remain confident.

"But... why...?"

"Well, you see... I kinda think yaoi is really cool..."

Switzerland nearly passed out upon hearing this, but he just about managed to retain consciousness and glared at Hungary. "You tainted my sister, you will pay!" he yelled.

"Bring it on! Let's take this outside!" the brunette challenged. In a matter of moments, the three countries that weren't G8 members were gone from the building and busy having a battle of epic proportions outside.

"Germany, I'm scared!" Italy wailed, clinging to said country who just let out a long sigh.

"I give up," he said in defeat. "Just forget today's meeting, I don't even know why I bother with this stupid routine every time!" Russia just smiled from the corner of the room before exiting with Germany and Italy, while Japan hurriedly narrated everything that had just happened before leaving to go and create a storyboard.

"Uhn... what the-?" England groaned, opening his eyes and gazing around the partially destroyed room. The blast had knocked him out cold. He tried to shift his weight to get up, but he couldn't move! For one terrifying moment, he thought that some of the wall had fallen on him and he was trapped, but he quickly dispelled the idea because whatever was on top of him was warm. He looked up...

"Bloody hell! A-America! Oi! Wake up dammit! GET OFF OF ME!" he yelled, squirming around and trying to get free.

"Huh? Iggy?" he said slowly, opening his eyes and coming face to face with the Brit. "Woah! Dude!" The hero quickly removed his weight from England, but still stayed on top of him nevertheless. "What happened?"

"Hell if I know," Iggy mumbled. "Now get off of me!"

"You're okay right?" America lent down and whispered in England's ear, causing the latter to shiver.

"Hnn... yes, I'm fine..." England said, feeling himself blushing once more. "America, this isn't funny! Get off!"

Now America knew he should, but he kinda didn't want to. "You sure you're fine?" he breathed against England's neck. _Woah, what the heck am I doing?_

"Uhn, yes dammit!" the gentleman tried to sound forceful, but tingling sensations were playing on his skin as America's breath brushed against him. His heartbeat started to race and his mind went blank.

"England..." America said softly, looking down at the other in a way that England never thought possible. _Cute..._

"Umm... America?" _What? Why don't I sound more forceful? Dammit, I should just push the idiot off! _But England didn't...

The hero didn't get it, had the blast made his mind go all funny? That was the only logical explanation he could come up with, because right now he couldn't stop looking at England. He began to inch closer, England blushing even more as he did so which only spurred the bigger nation on. It go to the point where their lips were so close to touching, both of them were able to feel the hot breath of the other against them...

_GYAH! This is dangerous!_

"W-Well cool! Glad you're okay dude!" America suddenly said, quickly pulling back and getting up as fast as he possibly could. "Keep rocking it, see ya!" He dashed out of the room, heart beating a mile a minute and passing off what nearly happened as a moment of delirium induced by an explosion. _There's nothing going on between us, nothing!_

England was left in the room, completely stunned. _What the hell was that? _he wondered, bringing his hand up and lightly running his fingertips against his lips. _He wasn't seriously going to... kiss me... right? W-Well even if he tried it, I'd kick his arse! Stupid America!_

Thus the G8 meeting building had to be rebuilt thanks to Switzerland, who fought Hungary for four days straight (ending in a draw in the end), while Liechtenstein hastily hid all the BL manga Hungary had lent her, Germany really did take Italy to that pasta place, Canada had a complete mental break down in therapy, and America and England carried on living in ignorance (both of them resolving to forget everything that had happened recently and default back to normal).

x~x~x~x~x

**Mwahaha! I am such a tease! ;) To those that think I'm just trolling you, I'll have you know that I'm trolling myself as well! Trust me, I am being well behaved here! You think I don't wanna bump the rating? But I shan't, because I have self control XD For now anyways... At least you guys lasted longer than my pokemon fans, who only lasted two chapters before demanding I moved my fics up to M :P  
>Well, keep requests coming and such :D Until next time~<strong>

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	26. Wherein The Englishman Dominates

**Okay, lemme just say that I have become slightly obsessed with that Colbert dude XD He makes my TV interesting, I'd better be able to watch that show when I get back to my loverly home country! :P****  
><strong>Well, here's another request fusion~ :D<strong>**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Twenty Six- Lostheartdarkclan and Fluent-in-Sarcasm98's Requests

"Ya know... there's something that I don't understand," Prussia mused as he selected the lemonade option from the vending machine before him (which he had awesomely rigged to dispense beer instead of said fizzy drink), cracking it open and easily draining three-quarters of the can immediately.

"What's that?" asked Spain, leaning against a nearby wall and chuckling slightly when he saw Prussia selecting another 'lemonade'.

"Well, England used to be such an awesome badass! How the hell did he become so... submissive?"

"I think America is just 'is weak spot," France said honestly, rubbing the back of his head where England had violently punched him during one of their spats. "Trust me, 'e is not submissive!"

"Yeah, but think about it: the guy had control of most of the world! There's no way he would have allowed another guy to do him; if anything it would have been the other way around," the albino said as he finished yet another can.

France let out a strained laugh at the horrific memory where he actually tried to bed Iggy back when he was a pirate. Long story short: if Spain hadn't come to save him just in time with his Armada, England would have totally topped him. "I guess you 'ave a point..."

"I have an awesome point!" Prussia grinned. "I say that we should investigate into this mystery while we're on break!"

All of a sudden, Spain burst out laughing.

"What's up with you?" Prussia asked.

"Well I think I just solved the mystery of why it's always rainy and _wet _in England all the time," he winked.

The other two members joined in the laughter before a rough shout of: "OI! Spain you bastard, where the hell are you?" sounded.

"Roma~" Spain practically sang, immediately moving to leave his friends in order to join the Italian, but said friends had already bolted past him.

"This time for sure! Grab his pants France!" Prussia commanded (because he was slightly irritated that he still had no idea how big the Italy's really were).

The next two minutes consisted of Romano using every single swear known to man (and even some that weren't known to man), while Spain desperately tried to fend off the now manic duo- managing to succeed in the end.

"Dammit Spain, you can't protect him forever! And when that happens, I will execute my awesome plan! Kesese~!"

"Yeah yeah, why don't you just go and perv on America and England already?" Spain said, sticking his tongue out playfully.

"You aren't coming?" France asked.

"Nope, Imma go hang out with Roma for a bit~"

"Bastard! You make it sound creepy!"

Thus France and Prussia found their trio missing a member as they made their way to wherever America and England were; intent on finding out if the United States had any special tricks on getting the ex-pirate, closeted punk and totally violent gentleman into a docile state.

"Heh, get ready for England's lustful moans, kesese~ Behave yourself France," Prussia murmured once they had reached the room of their two targets.  
>"Not promising anything, mon amis," the blonde winked before moving to put his ear to the door, the albino doing the same.<p>

"And so I'm telling you that I am completely and utterly sick of it!" England yelled.

"Woah, Iggy just chill ou-"

"FOR THE LAST BLOODY TIME MY NAME IS ENGLAND!"

"E-England..." America stammered, "Listen, I just don't think that me trying _that_ is something I wanna do."

"Well tough luck _dude_," the Brit said mockingly. "Do you have any idea who I am? I have been far too lax with you and that is ending today! Do you hear me?"

"W-Wait a second, I'm sure that if we just talk-"

"Oh I am past talking; I am past being reasonable. Now then," England dropped his voice and practically purred, "Let's see if we can put that big mouth of yours to good use."

"Kesese~ Looks like we picked the right day here France! There's the England I know!" Prussia said gleefully. "Oh man, America is gonna get it!"  
>France currently had his handkerchief on standby, because what was about to happen was likely to be nosebleed inducing.<p>

The two eavesdropping countries heard the door being locked- a first (which considering what the two of them got up to, is pretty shocking).

"Now then America," England's voice was still low, "If you just be a good boy and do as I say, this whole thing can be relatively painless."

"Ah, umm, haha! F-Funny joke Igg- England! So, how about I just leave now and we can just forget-"

"Don't. You. Dare. Move."

A zipper was heard being undone, and a few moments later England's commanding voice said, "Put it in your mouth and suck it."

"You're not the boss of me," the hero said indignantly.

"Trust me America, I can stick it somewhere else straight away and that wouldn't be nice for you," the 'gentleman' threatened, a small chuckle escaping his lips.

Prussia and France guessed that America saw sense, because only seconds later a small "Mmm" was being emitted by the larger nation.

"Don't you dare rush it," England warned. "Ah, that's it... savour it."

"Mmph..."

"Heh, don't give me that look America. You're clearly enjoying it. Admit it."

"W-Well, I guess I don't _dislike_ it..."

"Trust me, you'll be telling me how much you love it in a moment."

"Hnn, mmph! Ah, hnn..."

"See? How about we take this further America? Let's try _this_."

"Woah! Wait, I- ah!"

"Good America, just this for now. Get used to it," Iggy purred.

"Damn, he's on top form, kesese~!"  
>"Prussia, I 'ave to get into that room!" France insisted.<br>"That's good and all, but you realise that Spain ain't here to save you this time if and when things go wrong. I'll be too busy laughing my ass off," the awesome one gave a cat-like grin, and France saw sense. However he still listened in, because this was hot!

"Mmm, ahh! S-Stop being so rough! Hnn!"

"You drove me to this," England said simply. "More?" he enquired.

"I... yes! Please, give me more!" America begged.

"As you wish."

"Mmm, oh _God!_ W-Wow..."

"I knew you'd enjoy this," the island nation said triumphantly. "Well then, it's time for the main event."

"The... main event?" There was a pause before realisation appeared to have washed over the American. "Dude, you can't be serious!"

"But this is the best part, now just stop complaining and take it like a man!"

"Ladies and gentleman, the delinquent is back!" Prussia announced, France literally torn between having to suffer and listen outside the room or risk being taken by England if he barged in to get a look at what was happening.

"Ah, nn! Oh my God! I, uwah! Th-This is-!"

"Heh, good right?"

"N-No, this is... _Amazing! _Yes England, more! Please, I... want it so bad!" America moaned.

"I'm only too happy to oblige."

"Mmm, oh hell yes! I've been missing out! Oh WOW! England, this is... I can't even... AH!"

"That's it!" France cried out, tearing his hankie in two due to frustration. "I- I can't risk being Angleterre's plaything, but I can't listen to this anymore without bursting in so I'm leaving!" He quickly left, Prussia surprised that France of all people would be leaving this but he grinned nevertheless. _Glad to see England's back to normal,_ he thought happily as he strode off.

"More! England, don't stop, keep it up!" America encouraged.

"Umm... America? I think you're possibly overeating slightly now," England said uncertainly.

"No freaking way dude! These Jaffa Cake thingies are awesome! And all the different flavours are so amazing! I like the orange one best though, I can see why you called it the main event! What took you so long to introduce me to them? Keeping all the good stuff for yourself!" he pouted, dodging past England and grabbing some more of the British confectionary.

"Don't you dare say that you idiot!" England shouted. "You were the one being a pain in the arse and saying you didn't want to try them because of how bad my food is!"

"Well it's true, but apparently not when it comes to sweets," America said happily. "Now I'm glad you forced me to have them! I'm so gonna get my boss to import these!"

"At least savour them you twit! Don't just wolf them down!"

America refused to listen and continued consuming his new favourite unhealthy treat at such a rapid rate, that England was forced to safely secure the rest in the bag he had brought them in, zipping it back up.

"Hey, no fair! I want more!" America moaned.

"I don't care, you aren't getting any and- hey! Don't steal the bloody bag you tosser!"

America just laughed as he retrieved the bag and began to run all over the room, England chasing him.

"Why are you such an annoying git?" the Brit asked angrily, finally catching up to the hero and pulling him back by the collar of his jacket.

"Boo, you're no fun old man!" America complained, hugging the bag to him and refusing to give it back.

"Oi! Hand it over!" When America just shook his head childishly, England tried to lean over the taller nation to try and grab it, coming up with the ingenious idea of pulling on America's hair to get him to let go.

"I've had enough of these games," England said, grabbing America's ahoge and pulling slightly.

For a reason unbeknownst to the Brit, America went completely still.

The hero sucked his breath in sharply. "E-England, what are you doing?" he asked uncertainly.

"Just trying to get the bag, obviously," the blonde replied, pulling lightly on the ahoge once again to try and get America down to his level so that he could grab the bag.

"Dude, seriously stop it! For the love of God release Nantucket!"

"What the hell are you getting so precious about?" England asked, running his hand up and down the piece of hair. "Have I ever told you this looks stupid? You should gel it back or something," he said absentmindedly, becoming intrigued with Nantucket all of a sudden and lightly twisting and untwisting it around his index finger.

"Hnn..." _Damn! England, get a clue already!_

"America? You're being strangely quiet," the gentleman said, eying the other suspiciously but seeing his bag was still out of reach. He carried on playing with the stray lock of hair, not understanding why America's breathing had suddenly gotten _much _heavier.

"E-England! I seriously... kinda need you... to stooooppp, haahh!" _Oh God, what should I do? It feels so good! _

"Why? I'm hardly ruining your already messy hair do," Iggy said, switching to a pull and twist manoeuvre on the ahoge.

If America wasn't currently losing his mind, he would have retorted with a crack about England's own unkempt hair, but he was physically incapable of doing so at the moment.

"England, ah! I-I'm warning you to stop already! O-Or else!" The hero didn't need to look down to know that he now had a serious problem. He couldn't possibly give England his bag back now, he had to use it to slyly cover the growing problem that England had no idea he was creating.

"Or else what? Just give me the bag back and I'll stop," the Brit reasoned, moving onto long, languid movements before varying them with quicker ones.

_GAH! If England keeps this up, then I may do something stupid! I've already been thinking weird things about him recently! _"Uhn, hah! D-Damn, England... I can't give you the bag!"

"You are so greedy it's untrue," the gentleman said, still under the impression that the American was after the Jaffa Cakes. He gave a sharper tug.

"AH! Alright that's it, I totally warned you!"

"Ame-"

Before he knew what was happening, England found himself on his back with America leaning over him (similar to the other day), not having a bloody clue as to what was going on.

"Umm... America?" His big, emerald eyes gazed into the sapphire ones that were filled with, _Is that... DESIRE? _England thought, his eyes widening considerably. "America, this isn't funny..." England began, his cheeks beginning to turn pink.

"Oh trust me, I know it isn't," America breathed, not once taking his eyes off of the country beneath him. _Ah crap! This is so not good! But... England technically was the one who got me like this... Geez, why has he been looking way sexier than he should recently?_

"O-Oi! America! Quit it! Git, let me go!" England was pinned and he knew it; he had to escape though! He couldn't stay here any longer, because if he did, and America pulled a similar stunt like the other day where he _almost _kissed him... he would probably welcome it.

_NO! I would hate it! _he tried to convince himself, but the way America was currently looking at him... His heartbeat began drumming in his ears.

"England..." The hero began to close the distance between them...

"America..." The gentleman closed his eyes in anticipation...

_"Hey hey daddy, give me some rum! Hey hey mummy, hey hey mummy~!"_

"Ah, damn," England whispered, shifting his hand to his pocket and bringing out his mobile. He looked at the caller I.D and his face went sour, answering the call. America just thanked the heavens for the distraction, because had it not occurred... well, that was better left unsaid. He quickly moved away from England, leaving the bag behind and practically sprinting to the nearest bathroom.

"What the bloody hell do you want Scotland," England asked angrily.

"Oh nothing, me and Ireland just wanted to cock block~ Later little brother!" And with that, he hung up.

"What the hell?" England asked, looking around everywhere. Could his brothers see him somehow? But that aside: "Cock block? FOR THE LAST GODDAMN TIME AMERICA AND I ARE NOT LIKE THAT!"

Thus went another ordinary meeting break.

x~x~x~x~x

**My darling Fluent-in-Sarcasm98 alerted me to the fact that American's don't have Jaffa Cakes over there, which is NOT ACCEPTABLE! American readers, you must start a revolution and demand Jaffa Cakes! Not sure if America's ahoge is an erogenous zone but for the sake of this it was :P I have something special planned for Xmas tomorrow, so if you could find it in your heart to review you just may be lucky enough to find out what it is ;) If not, then you will never know, I is such a tease XD**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	27. Xmas Special!

**Oh, how could I possibly deny my loyal readers the Xmas special? I'm not **_**that **_**mean :P Well then, first things first: MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! I hope you are all having an awesome day~! ^_^****  
><strong>Right then, time for some festive shenanigans :P<strong>**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Twenty Seven- Acidic Laughter's Request (Xmas Special~)

"Well, that should do it," England said, nodding happily at his reflection in the mirror as he finished doing up his bow-tie. Grabbing a rose from a nearby vase, he neatly placed it in his suit pocket and smiled. He liked formal occasions which called for him to wear his sleek, black tuxedo- not only did it make him feel totally refined, he also felt a bit like James Bond in this attire (not that he ever told anyone this).

"Ah geez~ England, I hate having to wear this monkey suit!" America complained, walking into the island nation's bedroom in his own suit minus the jacket, half the buttons on his blouse undone and his tie hanging over his shoulders.

England just looked at the other in exasperation. "We have to leave in five minutes and you look like a complete mess," he sighed. "Now do your buttons up and wear your tie properly."

"I don't see the point; this Christmas bash is meant to be fun right? Well I can't have fun in this thing!"

"Nonsense, now get ready properly."

The hero huffed but he did it anyway, giving his signature grin once he was wearing the suit properly. "How do I look?"

"For an idiot, you clean up well," England said, chuckling when America just pouted and started going on about how he looked super cool.

"Right then, down to business!" America said, suddenly serious as he made his way across the room and plopped down onto England's bed.

"Hey! You'd better make the covers neat again before we leave!"

"Yeah yeah, later. But for now, I was thinking about what our prank could be this year and I came up with a totally sweet idea!"

"Oh?" England asked, quickly turning back to look into the mirror for a split second to make sure his hair was neatly in place before turning back to America. "What is it?"

The two countries were currently getting ready for the annual Christmas celebration that all the countries held. It was held in a different place each year and worked on a rota system. Germany had been the one to host it last year, and this year it was England's turn. The venue was to be a grand manor house that you could rent out (the Brit refused to hold the event in his house because these celebrations had a tendency to get really wild, Austria's house nearly being destroyed when it was his year to host the celebration).

For quite a few years now, America and England had collaborated on what they called their 'Xtreme Xmas Prank' (well America called it that, England just went with it because he couldn't be bothered arguing over something that pointless). They had done various things over the years, some of the most memorable being when they had slipped a hallucinogenic into China's drink (the Asian power swore blind he could see the mythical fuchsia panda), the time they had somehow managed to hide a pitfall trap in the middle of the room, and the time England had managed to get his magical friends to make it so that every male in the room was wearing a pretty sparkly dress.

The pranks were all harmless fun, and even if there may be initial annoyance, everyone soon forgot and got drunk and had a merry old time.

"Okay, so this year's prank is guaranteed to mess with absolutely everyone, and we'll get totally priceless reactions from them all!"

"What is it?" the Brit asked again.

"We should pretend that we're lovers!"

England had a blank expression for a moment before he burst out laughing. "As if anyone would believe that!" he said through his laughs, "That's just ridiculous!"

"Yeah, but that's what makes this prank so awesome! It's a challenge! Besides, can you imagine the reactions we'd get if we actually manage to pull it off?" America asked, his grin getting wider. "I mean, this is totally perfect!"

"Hmm... I guess I can see the humour in this," England said, mulling it over. "But why did you come up with this idea?"

The hero simply shrugged, "No reason really, just thought it could be really funny!"

"But what will we tell the other's once Christmas is over?"

"We can just say we were trolling them as our Xtreme Xmas Prank this year! So all we have to do is say lovey-dovey stuff and watch in amusement as everyone freaks out."

And so it came to pass that England and America decided to try and convince the others that they were lovers.

x~x~x~x~x

The celebration was in full swing, with all the countries wishing each other a 'Merry Christmas' and for once being civil with each other. Everyone looked very stylish in their formal attire and there was a general buzz of excitement because even if you weren't religious, you could still enjoy Christmas these days.

"Bonjour Angleterre~" France cooed, strutting over to where Iggy was getting some punch.

"What is it?" he sighed, doing his best not to use 'frog', 'French bastard' or 'pervert' in his sentence because he liked to try and be nice at this time of the year.

France just gave a sly smirk, winked and pointed down. When England looked, he saw that France had placed a sprig of mistletoe just above his vital regions. "You know the rules, non?" he asked with a grin.

"Unless you don't want to spend this holiday season on a Casualty Ward I suggest you get the hell away," England glared, before he felt someone drape their arm over his shoulder. Not one for bodily contact, Iggy immediately stiffened and was about to shout at whoever had invaded his personal space when a familiar voice purred:

"Hey babe, I thought I'd find you over here."

"What the hell?" England asked, glaring up at America. "What are you-" he quickly remembered their prank and cut himself off, instead opting to smile sweetly. "Oh you know me so well," he said cheerily, when in actuality he wanted to die- he would never act like this!

"Of course I do," America winked before looking at France and seeing the cleverly placed mistletoe. "Haha! Sweet set up dude!" America laughed, before spotting a potential opportunity to carry on the prank. "Iggy's only allowed to do that to me though, so you're wasting your time."

Unfortunately for England, he had decided to take a sip of his punch at that exact moment.

"Pfft!" he started coughing and spluttering helplessly, while America just laughed and grabbed a napkin from the side.

"Oh you~" he said happily, "You're so clumsy sometimes babe."

"I'm sorry _honey_," England said through gritted teeth, leaning up to whisper something in America's ear. To France, who was looking on in disbelief because the two countries never usually showed public displays of affection (they just were overheard all the time), this looked like a totally loving thing to do, when in actuality England was busy hissing:

"Oi! Don't you think you're getting a bit _too_ into this?"

"Nah, I'm only just getting warmed up," America whispered back. "But look at France, told ya this thing would work! Just immerse yourself in the role!" He then turned to France and waved, "Well if ya don't mind, I'm gonna steal my adorable Iggy away now!"

France just stared blankly as the two of them walked off, failing to notice England lightly punching America and say quietly, "I am _not _adorable you git!"

"England, do you have any pasta here, ve~?" Italy asked, coming up to them.

"O-Oh... I think that is one of the dishes," England said, quickly glancing around the room and smiling. "Aha, yes it's over there."

"Yay~!" Italy said happily, before stopping. "Did you make the pasta?" he asked, praying that the answer would be no because even though pasta was delicious, England would probably find a way to turn it into poison.

"No, we had caterers," England said, not understanding the hidden meaning behind the Italian's question. "I wouldn't have minded making the food but-"

"Dude, the whole point is that people enjoy the party and don't leave in body bags," America laughed before realising that a lover wouldn't really say that and trying to come up with a way to correct it.

"You git!" England snapped. "I'll have you know that-"

"No need to get so worked babe," America soothed, pulling the Brit close to him. "So your cooking isn't the best, but I can think of a million other things that you do _much _better," he winked.

England's eyes widened at the implication, but he couldn't shout at the other because of the prank. Instead, he just blushed slightly.

"You really are the cutest~" America cooed, wrapping his arms around the gentleman.

_D-Dammit! He really is taking this too far! _the Brit thought, his heart rate picking up slightly.

"Ve~?" Italy wondered, not used to seeing the two of them acting like this. He couldn't dwell too much on the issue though, because Hungary entered the picture not moments later in a very beautiful, deep purple dress. Liechtenstein was close behind in a cute ballroom style gown, a pretty sparkly pink colour with small diamantes worked into it.

"We've been looking for you two~!" Hungary practically sang. "We want to ask you something!"

"What would that be?" England asked, getting a bad feeling.

"Umm... could you tell us when... you two realised you loved each other?" Liechtenstein asked cutely.

"Dude, this is perfect!" America whispered to England. "If we tell a convincing story, we'll have this whole prank sorted no problem!" He looked up at the two females and grinned, "Sure! I love telling this story!"

"I want to hear too, ve~" Italy said, because he had been curious about this for ages.

"Hear what Italy?" Germany asked, coming up from absolutely no where.

"When these two realised they loved each other, ve~" he said, pointing to Iggy and America.

The German let out a sigh, but he'd be lying if he said that he wasn't a little bit interested- he was always so sure that the two of them weren't romantic with each other until he started overhearing what they got up to.

"Attention everyone!" Hungary announced, having left the small group and found a microphone. She was in the middle of the room as she said, "America and England have decided to tell us when they first realised they were meant to be!"

Many curious countries looked up upon hearing this and before they realised it, the hero and the gentleman found themselves surrounded by those who wanted to know just what the hell prompted them to start this steamy romance.

"I can already tell this is gonna be awesome, kesese~" Prussia said in amusement.  
>"I am inclined to agree," Spain said, "This should be funny!"<p>

"NO WAY IN HELL!" Switzerland yelled. "You are _not _going to tell us such an explicit story, you've already tainted my precious little sister far enough!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about dude," America said, "But if you guys want the story, we're more than happy to tell you."

"Sweet! Maybe I can find out a cool way to get Aniki to fall for me, da-ze!" Korea said in excitement. "Right, N.K?"  
>North Korea was currently reading 'A Christmas Carol' but was contemplating using it to knock himself out right now, because whenever America and England got going, it never ended well.<p>

"Here!" Hungary thrust two microphones at the countries that were now holding centre stage. "Tell us, tell us!" she squealed.

England just stared at the mic blankly, really beginning to regret agreeing to this stupid prank.  
>"Ahem, right then," America said, clearing his throat dramatically. "It all started a few months ago, almost a year now actually. I mean, I could totally tell that Iggy had been into me for ages, who wouldn't be right? But he was so cute and shy that I knew he couldn't bring himself to say anything." He ruffled England's hair affectionately, earning him a scowl and some input from the island nation.<p>

"I think you may be remembering things wrong, love," he said in the nicest voice he could muster given the circumstances. "I seem to recall that it was _you _chasing after _me_. It was quite sweet I guess: the self proclaimed hero being too nervous to ask me out." Before America could object to that, England continued with, "But then one day he must have gathered up all of his courage, because he was shaking when he came up to me to finally ask me out."

"Aww, how sweet~" Hungary cooed.

"Well," America said, gaining back everyone's attention. "That isn't quite right. It's true that I went to ask him out, but that was only after England had come up to me, tears in his eyes and clinging to me desperately. 'America,' he said in the cutest voice you've ever heard. 'I... I've really admired you for such a long time and I... I'm in love with you!' I just looked at him after he gave me that huge confession, and I-"

"-He started crying as well," England interjected. _That git, making me sound like some simpering maiden! I'll show him!_ "He looked at me and went all soppy. 'Oh England!' he cried, 'Me too! I've loved you for such a long time! You are quite simply the best person on this earth, and even though I say I hate it I also love your cooking as well!' And at that moment-"

"-You asked me to hug you, didn't you babe?" America carried on. _Hah, as if I'd do that! But if he wants to play that way... _"While I embraced him, he still clung to me desperately. 'America, you are my one and only hero! You are fully awesome and so handsome I can't stand it!' I knew that he meant it, so-"

_That idiot! _"-So he insisted that I should never leave his side. He was really insecure! He broke down in my arms actually, begging me to stay with him and not leave him. Thus I obliged and-"

"-And he asked me to make love to him!" America said loudly. England faltered and just stared, dumbfounded, all the countries completely engrossed in the story. "Isn't that right, babe?" America asked cheekily.

_Hmph! If that is how he wants it then fine! _"The sex was below average," England said bluntly.

"What?" America exclaimed, "It was not!"

"Yes it was, it was a complete disappointment. However seeing as I loved him, I was willing to put up with the awful sex, and I soon taught him how to do it properly."

"Hah! That's not how I remember it at all. He couldn't hold his voice back, moaning loudly, God it was such a turn on. Who knew you could look that deliciously erotic England," he purred.

"Tch! You had no idea what you were doing, so I had to take over and do practically everything. If anyone was moaning, it was you, and you kept chanting my name over and over again. When it was over tears fell from your eyes and you apologised for not being very good, but insisted that you would do your best to become better because you were so in love with me."

"Heh, and now he can't get enough of me!" America said, intent on getting his own back for that. "Yeah, he can barely go five minutes without me inside him; I guess I really am _that_ irresistible."

"Ha! Is that how you see it? You're the one who goes into withdrawal if you can't have me. I remember the time I refused you for a whole week, you were such a wreck! A sobbing mess on the ground, _begging _me to oblige you."

Hungary currently had a nosebleed as she asked, "So? What attracts you to each other?"

"What?" they both asked.

"Like, what do you find attractive and stuff?"

"I... I guess that he has a pretty good body. I may make fun of him and say he's fat, but he's really quite toned," England said. _Wait... where did that come from?_

America looked slightly surprised upon hearing that. _Was that part of the act as well? _"Well I like England's eyes; I think they're really beautiful..."

"He can be annoying, but in the end I guess I find that personality of his charming," the Brit mumbled, a small blush coming to his cheeks.

"I like the way he's always there for me when I really need him," the hero added.

"His grin is captivating..."

"His pout is adorable..."

"He's good looking..."

"He has the best ass ever!"

Quite a few people nodded in agreement at that last statement, while England and America stood there both thinking:

_This is... still part of the act right?_

"Kiss!" Russia yelled from the crowd, wanting to make things awkward.  
>"Hai, I agree. Kiss England-san, America-san," Japan spoke up, watching everything intently because all of this would make an awesome manga series.<p>

Before they knew it, some mistletoe was placed just above them.

"You idiot! This is pretend, there's no way I'm doing this!" England hissed, scarlet in the face.  
>"Okay just calm down, we can think of a way out of this!"<br>"This is all your fault for coming up with a stupid plan you git!"  
>"I didn't think this would happen!" America retorted, trying to come up with something but ultimately failing.<p>

"C'mon, kiss!"  
>"Yeah, do it!"<br>"Kiss him already!"

"I guess... we kinda need to follow the laws of mistletoe," America sighed after coming up with nothing.  
>"Y-You can't be serious!" the Brit said in shock. "Let's just tell them it was an act!"<br>"Aw c'mon, we've never had to back out of a prank before. We can't break tradition!"

Deciding to just get it over with, the two of them quickly leaned in and lightly pecked each other on the lips before pulling away again. It didn't even last half a second.

"Boo! That doesn't count!" Hungary pouted, "A proper kiss! Not a peck!"  
>"Liechtenstein, I forbid you to look!" Switzerland commanded, but Hungary just said, "It's Christmas so lighten up!"<p>

"Why don't Germany and Italy come up here and do it instead?" England suggested, "They're together right?"

"Ach! N-Nein, we are not doing that!" Germany said hastily.  
>"It wouldn't be so bad though, ve~ I like Germany!"<br>"Italy! You aren't helping!"

"We'll make them do it later; it's your turn now!" Hungary said once again.  
>"If you're going to do it then do it, aru!" China piped up.<br>"I agree with Aniki, more action da-ze!"

"Damn, they're not going to shut up about it are they?" England asked.  
>"Well let's just do it a bit longer. Just for two seconds, 'kay? Then we can carry on with the party like normal."<p>

England looked like he wanted to die as he faced the American. "Two seconds, any longer and I will kill you," he threatened.  
>"Right," America said, aware that his heart beat was picking up as he gently put his hand underneath England's chin so that they were looking at each other. <em>Okay then... I can totally do this!<em>

Taking a deep breath, America began to lean in and watched as England closed his eyes tight shut and went red. _Cute..._  
>He was slow leading up to this, not understanding why his pulse was going completely crazy. England was in a similar state, but he waited for their lips to make contact while vowing to curse those in the room that had made this happen.<p>

After a painstakingly long time, their lips eventually brushed gently against each other. It was cautious and careful, but after a moment both of them deepened the kiss slightly.

_This... isn't too bad... _England thought, pushing his lips more against America's. The hero wasn't expecting this, but he certainly wasn't complaining. He gladly pushed back, _His lips are really soft, this is kinda... nice._

"Mmm," England moaned softly as America slowly wrapped his arms around him, bringing them closer.

"Kyaaaaa~! This is awesome!" Hungary squealed, looking at Liechtenstein who looked as though she was going to faint due to the epicness.

_Damn, I can't think straight! _England thought as he allowed himself to get swept away. _What's going on?_ _Why am I not resisting now? Two seconds is over!_

_I wonder if... I could try something... _America thought, hesitating at first but then deciding that he may as well go for it. He lightly dragged his tongue against England's bottom lip, silently asking for entrance.

"Hnn..." _Wh-What is he doing? _the Brit thought, but he was rapidly going dizzy. _I should... stop this now... _But he didn't, and he cursed himself as he realised that he wasn't likely to break this any time soon. He began to open his mouth slightly, granting America access when all of a sudden:

"MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!"

The cheery voice of Finland resonated around the room, who had made his deliveries in record time and was currently making a dramatic entrance on his sleigh. This managed to divert enough of England's attention to think straight, and he gasped and pulled away quickly. He felt all light headed as he shook his head to try and return to normality, quickly dashing off and out of the main hall.

"England..." America said quietly. _Aw man, I kinda didn't want that to end just yet... crap, I shouldn't really be thinking that should I?_

"God dammit Finland!" Hungary yelled, "That was getting good and now you scared them away!"

"Wh- huh?" the poor country asked, wondering why the room was completely silent. "Did I miss something?"

x~x~x~x~x

England slammed the door to some random room behind him, leaning back against it and gasping for breath. "What the bloody hell was that?" he asked the empty room, noting how his lips were tingling slightly. "GAH! Dammit, what the hell was I thinking?" he yelled.

"England? Yo England! You around here?"

_Shit, that's America! I can't let him know where I am! _he thought frantically.

"You in here?" he heard the hero ask, beginning to open random door after random door. England could hear the other getting closer, and felt his body weight move slightly as America attempted to open the door he was leaning against.

"Hey England... umm, ya mind opening the door?"

"Yes!"

"Don't be like that dude! Let's just talk."

"I don't want to talk," the gentleman mumbled.

America sighed and decided to speak from the other side of the door. "Listen, we were doing our Xtreme Xmas Prank right? We usually get into it, so we were just... immersed in the roles. Plus there was mistletoe and people were practically forcing us so there's no need to beat yourself up or anything."

"I'm not beating myself up idiot! It's just that..." _I wasn't going to stop you..._

"Hmm... hey England, how about we make a deal?" America said.

"What type of deal?"

"Well clearly we were too involved in our roles to think clearly, so for now let's just say that it didn't mean anything and go back to normal... at least for now. We can deal with any complicated stuff waaayyyy later. Sound good?"

_So, postponing stuff? I guess that could work, I don't think I can face anything right now. _"Very well, I agree to the deal."

"Good, because ya know that we can't be together until you give me a dramatic love confession, I apparently break down crying and then we have crappy sex," America grinned from the other side of the door, his grin getting wider when he heard England burst out laughing on the other side.

"That was the stupidest story ever!" he gasped for breath because he was laughing so much.

"Meh, it was pretty cool for a made up thing." America leaned against the wall next to the door. "Hey, England?"

"Yes?"

"Merry Christmas."

England slowly opened up the door and looked at America before sighing. "Merry Christmas, git," he smiled.

"Haha! Let's go back to the party, 'kay?"

"Sure," the Brit said, the two of them making their way back to the main room. However when they got there, they rapidly made their way back because apparently the mistletoe incident had inspired many other countries to try something similar. South Korea was currently chasing China around the room with the plant in hand, while Spain was attempting to try it on with Romano (it failed, the violent Italian whacking Spain upside the head before walking off while Prussia and France laughed at the whole thing). Once France had composed himself, he went on a mission to find someone who would actually humour him with his cleverly placed mistletoe, morphing into 'The Country Of Love' mode upon clapping eyes on Canada who had been hidden in the corner of the room. Hungary and Liechtenstein were currently trying to pressure Germany and Italy into kissing while Belarus seemed to materialise from absolutely nowhere and was currently attacking her brother with some more mistletoe.

"So... your place for a Christmas movie?" America suggested.

"Definitely, better them than us!" England agreed.

Thus went the Christmas of 2011 for the countries.

x~x~x~x~x

**Are you happy now? ARE YOU HAPPY? They finally kissed so you cannot complain anymore *is expecting loads of comments about why they didn't have sexy times* XD Well, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and have a wonderful Christmas~! ^_^****  
><strong>Until next time everyone~! :D<strong>**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	28. A Frog's Advice

**Heeeelllooooooo~! ^_^ Wow, I'm so glad the Xmas chappy went down so well ^.^ Thank you all so much for you support, without it this fic would be nothing! I LOVE YOU ALL! :D****  
><strong>Funny story- I went to a restaurant here in Dubai with a European influence and this is exactly what the menu said: <strong>_Serving Euro-inspired cuisine infused with the elegance of Britain, France and Italy. _**I immediately saw Iggy grinning like an idiot at his food being called elegant XD And then of course laughing at France because he was mentioned before him :P**  
><strong>Anywho, more requests ne~?<strong>**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Twenty Eight- Nightshade974's Request

_Riiinngggg, riiiiinnggggg..._

"Hm? Who could that be?" France asked himself, looking up from where he had been practicing his devastatingly sexy lying down on a chez long pose with a rose in his mouth. Sighing and getting up, he made his way towards the phone after retrieving the glass of wine on the nearby table.

"Bonjour?" he asked, only to be deafened by a frantic voice on the other end of the line.

"FROG! I mean- FRANCE! I need your bloody help dammit!" came the desperate voice of a certain Brit.

"Wow, it's rare for you to be _this _worked up over something Angleterre," France mused, taking the phone with him as he made his way back to the chez long he had been posing on earlier. "And you rarely ask for my 'elp," he added.

"Well I don't have another bloody option! I tried ringing Scotland but he hung up after two seconds, that bastard! You're the only other one I could think of to help me out here!"

France smirked a bit, partly because England seemed so worried and partly because he held the power in this instance. "Well I guess I could 'elp you," France began, an edge of mischief evident in his voice, "But it will come at a price."

"You wanker! Bloody French idiot! You detestable s-"

"Aww come now, 'ow can you expect me to give you advice if you talk to me like that?"

"Ah, right... sorry," the gentleman mumbled. France's eyes widened; England _never _apologised! _This must be really bad, _he thought, taking a big gulp of his wine in preparation for what he was about to hear, because it couldn't be good.

"Right then Angleterre, I'll listen and 'elp but in return... you need to do what I say for a whole day."

"Have all those chemicals you use on your stupid effeminate hair finally destroyed your brain? There's no way I'm doing that!"

"Hmm... 'alf a day?"

"No way in hell!"

France sighed, "I thought you said that you needed urgent assistance. An hour, that's my final offer."

He heard the gentleman hesitating for a moment, before grudgingly agreeing to the unfair terms. "It has to be within reason though!"

"Oui. Right then, so what's the problem?"

"W-Well..." Iggy began, not really sure how he should best phrase this. "When I woke up this morning, I... well I was really uncomfortable and when I looked... GAH! Basically, it won't go away, no matter how many times I bloody wash!"

"Could you be more specific?" France asked, the ambiguous statement the other had just made being applicable to many different things.

"Now is not the time for that! I need help dammit! How do I get rid of it? I mean, it _has_ been likened to herpes... oh bloody hell! How did this happen? I was so careful!"

The country of love sat there for a moment, dumbstruck. "A-Angleterre... I'm not sure I'm really the person to-"

"DON'T GIVE ME THAT NOW! Just tell me what I should do! You should know right?"

"'ey! I am careful! 'ow dare you suggest that I am an expert in this?" France protested, genuinely hurt that England thought STD's were his forte.

"I don't know, you just seemed like the best bet," England muttered.

"Okay, walk me through what 'appened and maybe we can pinpoint where this went wrong. I'm guessing... this is America's doing, non?"

"Well obviously, who else would it be you idiot?" the Brit said sourly. "I knew it was a bad idea when he showed up last night! I told him no, but he's just so damn persistent!" England was getting angrier and angrier on his end of the phone, and France could tell.

"Why didn't you tell 'im to use protection?" France asked, completely shocked that someone as sensible as England had overlooked something like that.

"Do you take me for a fool? That's what I said the moment he bloody suggested it!"

"Then, 'ow-"

"Well it clearly failed didn't it? Seriously France, keep up! The fact of the matter is that now I'm stuck with this bloody problem and I need to know what the hell I should do!"

"Well surely the 'ospital is the obvious option."

"H-Hospital? You really think it's that dire?" England asked in confusion. "I mean, it's bad but-"

"Are you an idiot Angleterre? This sort of thing... of course you need to get urgent medical attention!"

"But... won't I just get laughed at? It's bloody embarrassing; I can't just walk into a hospital like this!"

"For the sensible one you sure sound like an idiot right now!" France berated. "You should know that they'll understand, this stuff 'appens. Just take America with you and-"

"Why would I take America with me?"

"Well we can't 'ave 'im potentially giving it to someone else!" he cried. "Just think about it! 'onestly, I know you must be freaking out right now but you need to keep common sense!"

"Is it really so bad for him to give it to someone else? I mean in the grand scheme of things, this is only a minor inconvenience. I'm only pissed off because I have somewhere to go and-"

"A minor inconvenience? Angleterre, catching an STD is anything but a mild inconvenience! They can be seriously damaging, some don't even 'ave a cure and-"

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU ON ABOUT?" England asked in abject horror.

"America giving you some disease after you two slept together," France said, "That's what you just said! Are you okay Angleterre? You seem disorientated."

"Y-You... think I have a sexual disease?" the Brit said slowly, trying to come to terms with it. "And you think I... would sleep with America?"

"Well they're both true, so stop denying it and get to the 'ospital!"

"ONLY A PERVERT LIKE YOU WOULD THINK THAT OUR WHOLE CONVERSATION WAS ABOUT AN STD YOU FRENCH TOSSBAG!" Iggy suddenly exploded, surprising the other.

"Wait... so what are we talking about?"

"Glitter you bloody idiot!"

"G-Glitter?"

"Obviously! America wanted to do something with glitter but despite my putting sheets up to protect everything, it still got _everywhere _and I got completely covered in it. It's annoying as hell and won't go away! I can see now why it's called the herpes of arts and crafts."

"Wait... why did you ring me then?"

"Because you always wear some weird glitter bullshit when you go out and stuff, so I assumed you knew how to get rid of it!"

France sighed and lay dramatically on his chez long. England had just given him a heart attack! "Adhesive tape," he said simply, "And dabbing with wet wipes 'elps."

"Bloody hell, was that so hard?"

"Angleterre..."

"What?"

"You owe me an hour of your time," he said in a sinister voice. After going through a shock like that, he was going to make this hour count!

Meanwhile, Scotland had called up all of his brothers and they were currently gathering up any and all items that could be used to seriously maim someone.

"That Yankee bastard! I'll kill him for giving our little brother an STD!"

"I'm with you there!" Wales said angrily. "I knew he was suspect when I first saw him!"

"Are you sure England was on about that? You were only on the phone for two seconds," North said thoughtfully.

"Don't be a retard North! He said that he couldn't get rid of it no matter how many times he washed and even mentioned herpes! Of course that's what he was fucking on about!"

"And it's our job as his brothers to go and beat the shit out of that American wanker," Ireland said in a threatening voice. "We may tease England, but we still care about him dammit!"

Somewhere in the States, a cold shiver ran through America's spine. He wasn't sure why, but he had a feeling his life was suddenly in danger...

x~x~x~x~x

**Bloody hell, some of these requests are getting obscure XD It was fun trying to do this one, kinda hard to make glitter innuendos :P Not really much room for me to try and advance the random bit of plot that's forming, however... I wonder what France has in mind ;D Definitely more steamy next chappy guys~ Ah well, until next time everyone~**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	29. The Various Uses Of Glow Sticks

**You guys have an unhealthy obsession with glitter :P And I has news! I found a secret gaming arcade in the hotel and they have DDR so I was on it pretty much all day (and I still suck XD) Good times :D**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Twenty Nine- SeafoamPurpleCurtains's Request

"Huh? What's this?" England asked, eying the item America had just handed him with curiosity.

"It's a glow stick dude!" the hero said happily.

"Why are you giving me a glow stick?" the Brit asked.

"Cuz they're awesome and I'm super kind," he beamed. "Look, I have loads!" America put his hands into the pockets of his bomber jacket and pulled out what must have been _hundreds _of glow sticks. The Brit opened his mouth to ask why on earth he had so many of them, but ultimately didn't say anything because he was far too used to the American's habit of becoming obsessed with something pointless like this. He recalled the time when a device called a Tamagotchi was the fad the hero was mad about, giving the digital pet so much attention it was untrue. America even locked himself in his room and refused to come out for a whole week when his Tamagotchi died.

England looked at the glow stick once more and let out a thoughtful hum.

"What's up dude? Don't ya like it?"

"No it's not that, I was just thinking about something," the blonde said cryptically, pocketing the glow stick. He uttered a "Thank you" before saying that he was going to go and sort his hotel room out, for he was currently in the US because the next World Meeting was to be held there tomorrow.

"I don't see why you don't just crash at my place," America said casually, spotting a McDonald's on his periphery vision and suddenly becoming hungry.

"You always stay up all night playing games and you don't turn the bloody television down so I can never get any sleep."

"It's not my fault the games get really good!" America pouted, suddenly grabbing England's hand and literally dragging him to McDonald's (because there would be ice skating in hell before England would willingly go into one).

"Oi! Let me go git! I don't want to go there!"

Despite his protests, Iggy just found another glow stick thrust into his hand by America who grinned and winked, somehow concluding that giving England another glow stick would equate to him wanting to go into the fast food joint (which of course it didn't).

x~x~x~x~x

"Aw man, I hate hosting the World Meeting!" America moaned later that night, collapsing onto his sofa. He glanced at Tony who was currently obliterating his high score on every game he owned and sighed. "Ya know I'll just beat you again," he mumbled, but he wasn't really focused on gaming and was busy trying to figure out what time he should go to bed, because as the host country it was his duty to be there before everyone else- and that was not easy to do when Germany was always at least half an hour early.

He glanced at his watch. _Ten o'clock huh? I guess I should call it a day then..._

"Night Tony," America called as he left the room for his bedroom, annoyed that he couldn't stay up late and game with his alien friend. _So Iggy totally could have slept over seeing as I'm going to bed early anyways, _he thought absentmindedly, flopping down onto his bed to just stare at the ceiling for a bit. He let out a long sigh and wondered if England had made up that excuse about his gaming as a reason for him to not stay over. _Although he agreed to that kiss not meaning anything, England seems kinda spacey lately... is that the reason why? _

"Maybe I'm looking into this way too much," the hero murmured, deciding that he should just drop the issue.

It was as he was about to stir himself to actually go through the process of brushing his teeth and getting ready for bed, that America's phone made a bleeping sound, alerting him to the fact that he had a new e-mail.

"Hm?" He fished his mobile out of his pocket and looked at the screen.

_New message from England._

America wasted no time in opening the message, only to carry on staring at it and wondering if he had suddenly forgotten how to read, because what he read was certainly... not normal.

"W-What the heck?"

There on his screen was one sentence:

_I want to suck on your glow stick_

After reading the sentence a grand total of ten times and trying to come up with what that could mean apart from... well, something that he shouldn't really let his mind wander to right now, the hero noticed that there was also an attachment with the message. He tapped it and waited for the attachment to load, hoping that it would shed some light on the weird sentence.

"H-Holy crap! ENGLAND!" America's eyes almost did that cartoon thing where their eyes pop out of their sockets. "Th-This- I... WHAT? Iggy... wow..."

It was a picture.

There was England, presumably in his hotel room, kneeling on the bed with his legs spread apart (although he had slyly placed numerous glow sticks in the space so that his vital regions were not on display). He was wearing next to nothing, only a white collar with a dinky little black bow tie and an incredibly short piece of black cloth that acted as a sort of apron of some description adorning his body, the apron only covering the very top of the Brit's legs. But the real kicker? In England's mouth was a large glow stick, emanating a bright white light. His eyes were half closed, and he had an incredibly delicious blush on his cheeks.

"I- What- I don't- HUH?"

For about five minutes, America just stared at the picture and babbled utter nonsense while completely red in the face, not really knowing how else to react to this (well there was the obvious way of reacting to it, but he had managed to behave himself so far for the most part so it would kinda be a shame to ruin that now).

"Why would he send this?" he asked the empty room, mentally kicking himself when a voice in his head said, _You are totally not complaining about this, talk about a late Xmas present! Lucky~_

"No! I mustn't look at the incredibly sexy picture!" he yelled, throwing his phone across the room and having a panic attack. He looked down, "God dammit! Now is not the time for a Florida uprising!"

_I want to suck on your glow stick_

"GAH! IGGY WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?" he yelled, dashing into the bathroom to use the good old cold shower trick. "Damn, I'm so freaking confused!"

x~x~x~x~x

"Urgh..."

A creature that was technically America that would be more accurately described as a zombie slowly made it's way down the stairs, before momentarily losing focus and falling down the rest of them. The impact at the bottom of the stairs did little to stir the completely shattered country, who had been unable to sleep all night long thanks to way too many confusing thoughts and the fear of, if he fell asleep, having dreams that may just push him over the edge.

"Must... have... coffee..." the hero gasped out, opting to crawl to the kitchen before making all the coffee he had in the house. He glanced at the time, realising that he only had half an hour before he had to be at the meeting building. Making enough coffee to sustain the whole US Army for at least a week, the hero immediately began downing the stuff like there was no tomorrow to snap himself out of his zombie state and to make him focus- he was the host country today after all.

America felt the caffeine induced buzz begin to spread, downing mug after mug of the beverage until he was shaking due to the excess amount of it in his system.

"All right, time for the meeting!" he tried to say in his hero voice, but his voice cracked. Shrugging, the United States downed yet another mug of coffee before literally sprinting out of the door faster than a... fast thing.

"Haha! This is great I don't need a taxi I can just sprint there or maybe I should fly cuz I can do that cuz I'm the hero and-" America carried on gushing nonsensical things as he tore down the street, the extreme intake of caffeine having an immense effect. There was a terrifying moment for the hero when he swore blind that he saw Godzilla attacking in America this time, but once he epically face planted after tripping over thin air, he realised that it was just a hallucination.

Yeah, he had had _waayyyy _too much coffee.

He actually managed to reach the meeting building in record time, rapidly dashing up the stairs and punching his fist in the air as he realised that he had actually managed to be the first country there that day.

The other countries began to arrive, all of them slightly fearing for the host seeing as he would dive on top of them in greeting and say something that didn't make any sense whatsoever, such as:

"Hey dude! Did you know that if you counted all the walls then took away that number of walls from the walls and multiplied by zero there would totally be no walls!"

or

"What the heck's the deal with fruit salad anyways? It's there all like 'I'm healthy so ha!' Well I got a thing to say to that damn salad and that's- UWAH! OMIGOD DUDE! IT'S A GIANT WALKING FRUIT SALAD- oh wait never mind it's only Italy."

"Ve~ Germany, America is acting weird," Italy said, moving closer to the blonde because America was acting very freaky at this current moment in time.

"AMERICA! Pull yourself together!" Germany yelled, stopping the hero as he was mid way through talking about all the epically cool things about himself.

"Good morning," came the unmistakable accent of England. America immediately whipped around to look at the gentleman, who was wearing a suit and looking 'proper' and 'refined' like usual. Heat rose to the hero's cheeks as he remembered the picture that was still on his phone, immediately rushing over to England and quickly saying, "Follow me!"

"Hey! America, we were going to start the meeting-"

"Start without us!" America called, directing a completely confused Iggy away from the others and down a corridor to a vacant room.

"America? What are you-"

"Don't talk yet!"

"But-"

"Shush!"

America flung a door open and pushed an indignant England inside, who demanded to know what was going on. It was a darker room than usual, as curtains had been drawn inside. Only one streak of sunlight illuminated the place. Once the door was closed, isolating the two of them from everything else, England tried again.

"What the bloody hell was that about?" he scowled.

"Picture."

"Sorry?"

"I don't get why you would send me that picture I thought we weren't like that or at least were saying we weren't like that I mean not that I'm complaining or anything cuz that picture was freaking HOT but that's not the point the point is-"

"America! Slow down, and speak coherently."

America took a deep breath and tried again, but the stimulant drug in his system meant that he couldn't help his words from coming out much too quickly to be understood. The hero took his mobile out in order to show England what he was on about, but he was waving it around so frantically that the other didn't get a good look at it to actually know what it was a picture of.

"England," America said huskily, walking forward toward said country in a way that unnerved the Brit. He began to back away, but when he found his back against the wall he realised that he had been cornered.

"A-America, what are you-"

"-It's your fault for sending that picture," he said, moving his hands up to England's blouse, any thoughts he had currently too jumbled to make sense thanks to the overdose of coffee.

"What are you talking about? AMERICA! Seriously, move!"

But America didn't, instead deciding that he didn't like the cloth barrier the blouse was proving to be and so simply ripping it open. England gasped.

"Y-You wouldn't..."

"You asked for it..." America licked his lips at the sight before him.

_Snap!_

"What was-?" England began, but he soon found out...

Meanwhile, in the meeting room, Germany had decided to begin the meeting without the two countries that had decided to run off to God knows where to do God knows what.

"Right then, concerning the economy I feel that it would be best if we-"

BANG!

The room started shaking violently while the countries began to panic.

"Mein Gott! What is it now?" Germany glared at the hole that had just been blown in the wall of the room, looking at Switzerland who held his hands up and swore blind that this explosion had nothing to do with him. Once the dust from the explosion had settled, everyone in the room saw four very pissed off looking men scanning the place.

"Fuck! He's not here!" Scotland said angrily.

"Hey, do any of you know where England is?" Wales asked, looking very worried.

"Who are you and what is your business here?" Germany asked, wondering if this was an attack on the countries of the world.

"We are England's brothers and we need to find him right now so tell us!" North commanded.

"Yeah, or else we can turn nasty," Ireland murmured, looking menacingly at those in the room. When the brothers had quickly interviewed everyone and come to the conclusion that England had gone down the right corridor and into the fifth room on the left, they immediately started moving. Germany just did his best to carry on with the meeting (despite the new open planned room courtesy of an explosion).

"Over there! I hear England!" North called, sprinting up to the door, waiting for his siblings to join him.

"W-Wait, America! Th-This sort of thing... just stop!"

"America's with him?" Wales asked, pulling out a lead pipe.  
>"Don't be too hasty," North said, listening intently. "One wrong call and we could hurt England."<br>"Ah, right."

"You want this, don't you?" America breathed against England's neck.

"You reek of coffee," the Brit said simply, but a small shiver ran through his body.

"Not denying it?" America chuckled, lightly dragging his teeth against the side of England's neck.

"Hnn, y-you idiot! I thought it was obvious that I don't like this!" England protested, but a blush commanded his cheeks as he held onto America's shoulders and tilted his head back slightly so that America had better access. His breathing had grown heavier and he wasn't even putting up a serious resistance. _Dammit, what the hell am I doing?_

"You're words and actions contradict each other," America purred, moving to mark the newly exposed skin until...

...The room started spinning...

...And he blacked out, the caffeine rush finally coming to an end.

"A-America?" England asked, steadying himself against the wall because his heart was beating like mad and he needed some form of support. "Oi! You idiot, what the hell is going on?" _Tch, at least finish what you bloody well started! Wait... NO! I DON'T MEAN THAT!  
><em>The Brit bent down do make sure the other still had a pulse, catching sight of the mobile that supposedly had some picture on it. He had a look... and a murderous intent welled up within him. He hastily deleted the picture and the message from America's phone, and was about to exit when the door was flung open.

"It's all right England! We'll save you from that crafty disease carrying bastard!" Ireland yelled.

"Huh? Wait... you already took him out?" North asked, looking at the unconscious American currently lying on the floor.

"Heh, that's our little brother for ya!" Scotland said proudly.

"What the bloody hell are you lot doing here?"

"We were just gonna rough this guy up for giving you an STD," Wales said. "Don't worry, we'll get revenge for you!"

"We definitely will," Ireland smirked, pulling out a device that looked _very _unpleasant.

"GAH! I told this to France the other day, I was talking about GLITTER! I don't see how you could think othe-"

"Bloody hell, look!" Wales yelled, pointing at England's trousers where there was a white and _glowing _liquid stain.

"Holy shit! What STD makes cum look like _that_?" Scotland asked in disbelief.

"That's it, I'm killing the bastard," Ireland said.

"Oi! If you harm the idiot lying on the floor you'll answer to me!" Iggy warned, glaring at his brothers. "This is just a glow stick that split," he explained, "I do not have any STDs!"

"Why the hell are you defending him?" Ireland barked.  
>"He hasn't done anything wrong!" England retorted. "Besides, if something were to happen to America..." England wasn't sure why, but his heart gave a painful lurch at the thought of America getting hurt, which was strange considering he should be in a mood with the other right now after what had nearly happened. He quickly shook his head and said in a dark voice, "Now if you'll excuse me, there is someone I need to kill." And with that, the Brit left the room.<p>

"I told you that we were jumping to conclusions!" North said, to which Scotland just glared at him.  
>"Well why the fuck would I think he was on about glitter? That's just bullshit!"<br>"Boo, I got all nice and pissed off and now I can't hurt anyone," Wales pouted, dropping his lead pipe.  
>"Man, our little brother really has fallen for that Yank hasn't he? Did you see his face when we said we were gonna hurt him? Urgh, what does he see in that bastard?" Ireland asked bitterly, before a smirk came to his face as he said, "Ah well, we may not be able to beat him up, but that can't stop us from having some fun..."<p>

England was striding towards the main meeting room, his blouse completely devoid of buttons and he looked a mess but he didn't care.  
>"FRANCE!" he yelled in a terrifying voice. England noted the hole blown in the side of the room and sighed, <em>Those gits love to make an entrance.<em>

"Angleterre?" France glanced up.

"Remember when you ever so kindly helped me out the other day?" the Brit asked in a calm voice- it was scary as hell! It was the calm before a serious storm.

"Oui."

"And you know how we had that little photo session last night because I owed you and hour and that is what you made me do?"

"Oui..."

"And do you recall swearing _on your life _that you wouldn't circulate those pictures?"

France began to pale and nodded slowly, instantly regretting stealing the Brit's phone to stir things up.

"Well, would you please explain to me in ten words or less how America got one?"

"'e must 'ave managed to 'ack into my computer somehow and-"

"I told you to explain to me in ten words or less, not to lie to me!" Iggy roared, a glint in his eyes that France had not seen for a good few decades. The last time England had that look was back when he was a violent pirate...

Thus France found himself unconscious within a matter of seconds, Germany still continued on with the meeting, past caring now and just wanting to get everything finished, the British Isles decided to scribble offensive messages all over America's face (because that technically wasn't harming him), England pushed the last few days to the back of his mind and when America eventually regained consciousness, he thought the whole thing had been a really weird dream (after all, there was no picture or message on his phone when he checked).

x~x~x~x~x

**I... have no earthly idea what I have just written XD Glow sticks and a coffee fuelled America as the request, told ya they were getting more obscure XD **  
><strong>Well, until the next update my dear readers~<strong>

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	30. Strengthening International Relations

**Hey all~! HAPPY NEW YEAR! 2012, we all gonna die! *cough*yeahright*cough* Back in my home country :D I'm so happy people love Iggy's bro's so much :D I mean, seeing as I see them portrayed as majorly angsty all the time, I was worried about how they were gonna be received but I needn't have worried ^_^ And some of the requests I've been getting lately have given me so many ideas~ *sparkles* May take a while to get round them all, but they shall be done! Anywho, on with this current request ^.^****  
><strong>Just To Say: 30 chapters? o.O How the hell did that happen? XD<strong>  
><strong>Just To Say Some More: Okay, I have portrayed REAL people here, but I highly doubt this is how they actually are so please don't be offended or anything! u_u<strong>**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Thirty- Empress Vegah's Request

It had started off as a completely normal visit.

There were no ulterior motives whatsoever, there were no official meetings really set up at all: it was simply a visit to maintain relations and have a good old chat about world issues and see if any interesting ideas could be raised.

And that is precisely the sort of meeting that one Mr David Cameron, Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, thought that he was going to have as he stepped off of the plane and onto American soil for his meeting with Barack Obama (whom you should know is the President of the United States Of America, unless you've been living under a rock). Some of those big, badass American dudes who always wear suits and sunglasses escorted him to a car that would take him to the White House, and the PM allowed himself to relax for a bit. Upon glancing out of the window a good while later, finally able to see the great building of the White House, he straightened his tie and made any final adjustments to his suit before the vehicle drew to a halt.

One of those epic suit guys opened the door for the Brit, and he thanked them politely before looking up and seeing that Obama himself was waiting in welcome.

"David," he smiled, extending his hand in greeting.

"Barack," Cameron nodded, shaking the others hand and providing a polite smile to boot.

"How's the missus?" the President asked, a small glint in his eye.

David sighed as he said, "Clegg is fine."

"And the wife?"

"Also fine," he chuckled.

The two exchanged a small bout of laughter as they continued to make pleasant conversation about current world issues and life in general, before Obama suddenly said:

"So I know that this isn't really a formal visit, but America has mentioned that he has a potential idea on how to help the current economic problem, and he informs me that England also thinks the idea may work."

"Oh?" This was the first the Conservative had heard of this, but then again England had been over in the States for the past week due to the World Meeting that was held here yesterday. It wasn't beyond the realms of possibility to think that the two of them had been talking and coming up with various ideas.

"The two of them asked us to meet them in the West Wing to briefly discuss the matter, and then we may continue on as we usually would. I trust you have an itinerary?"

"Naturally. Well then let's go and hear them out, any plan on this current financial issue is greatly appreciated."

The President led the way, knowing exactly where the two countries were despite not having seen them at all that day (the White House was a big place after all). "Well then, they should just be right through here," he said, motioning towards a door before them.

"Well then, let's just-" the PM cut himself off when he heard what sounded remarkably similar to a moan.

"What's wrong?" asked Obama, noticing the other's hesitation.

"Listen."

"Mmm... nnn... hah!"

"What the-?"  
>"I'm not sure I want to know... isn't that America?"<br>"It... sure sounds that way. Hang on; let's just listen. I'm sure they're still talking about that economic plan."

"Hnn, England!"

"Uwah! H-Hey, America you git! Don't move yet!"

"But I _need _to dude, how can you expect me to stay still when we're like this?"

"Just a moment longer, stop being so impatient idiot!"

"Now I'm going to throw something out there, but... it doesn't seem as though they're talking about economics," Cameron said carefully.  
>"I'm inclined to agree, what do they think they're doing?"<p>

"Hey England, stop being so harsh!" America moaned.

"I need a minute you wanker! I-It's really hard and... big..." England's voice trailed off towards the end.

"How big?" the bigger nation pressed.

"Very... the dick is big okay? So just give me a moment!"

Obama's eyes widened. "They know where they are right?"  
>David just paled. "I realise that our countries share a Special Relationship, but this...?"<p>

"Can I move yet?"

"No!"

"Hey England," America said in a low voice. "Tell me what I really wanna hear."

"But-"

"No buts, just be honest for once."

"W-Well..." Iggy hesitated, before coughing awkwardly and saying in a quiet voice, "I... I am just a plaything..."

"Carry on," the American pressed.

"I... I have no real worth; all I want is to..." England's voice was inaudible after this, but America refused to let the Brit get away with that.

"All I want to do?" he asked, clearly waiting for the end.

"A-All I want to do is fuck..."

"That's it, I'm going in! I can't just stand by while this happens in the White House!" Obama tried to stay calm and was about to enter the room, but stopped when he saw Cameron shaking and whispering 'why?' over and over again.  
>"Hey, don't worry we can sort this out!" the President said with his can-do attitude. "We can stop them, so-"<br>"That's not it!" David said in anguish. "England is entitled to his personal life, but... but why is he saying that stuff for America? He's better than that!"  
>"Hey, are you saying my country isn't worthy of being with yours?" Obama asked, raising an eyebrow.<br>"No, but he shouldn't stand for that!"  
>"Why shouldn't he? We saved your ass in World War Two!"<br>"Oh not _that _again," the PM said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "If you're going to dredge up history: we actually owned your arse initially!"

A small and stupid argument broke out between the two leaders, before they heard America say:

"There's more to say right?"

"America, I really don't think-"

"Say it."

"Well, uhh... the only thing I'm good for is being screwed, and- and... I can't say it!"

"Yes you can," America purred, "Tell me more."

"God bless America, the top Superpower!" Obama winked, just to annoy the Brit who was getting more and more worked up over this.  
>"Just shut up, this isn't right!"<p>

"You want to hear more? Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you," England said with an edge to his voice. "Useless ugly Yank, pathetic tosser, man-slut, good for nothing sleaze-bag... shall I continue?"

America simply stuttered.

"Ha! Rule Britannia!" Cameron said triumphantly. "Go England!"  
>"C'mon America, stand up to him!" Obama said from out the door.<p>

"There are loads more things that I shan't say, because of how vulgar they are, but I'm sure you get the message," England said firmly. "Now are you just going to stay still and stop asking questions?"

"That's so unfair! I don't even see why I'd get called that!" America pouted.

"Look, just focus. Our bosses are going to be here soon aren't they? We need to finish quickly!"

"Ah, right..."

The next five minutes consisted of angry murmurs, an impatient America, and eventually lots of moans. The two leaders could only guess at what was actually happening, both of them still in shock that the two countries were taking the Special Relationship thing to a whole different level.

Eventually, England appeared at the door with his hair slightly messier than usual and his breathing heavier than it ought to be. He looked surprised to see the two men standing there, their mouths open and looking like a couple of goldfish.

"Ahem, I hope that we haven't kept you waiting..." England said awkwardly, wondering just how long their bosses had been stood at the door while quickly adjusting his blouse so that he looked more presentable. "If you'd like to come inside, we are ready now."

Upon entering the room, the two men saw America, who looked rather pleased about something and his face was a bit pinker than the norm.  
><em>Oh God... why am I just walking in here like everything is normal? After what they just did in here I should at least SAY something!<em> Obama thought desperately.  
><em>I wonder if it's too late to run away?<em> was what was on David's mind.

"So, about the plan, America swears that it will work despite the fact that he hasn't told me anything about it," England began, entering formal mode.

"I thought you said England agreed to this?" Cameron whispered to Obama.  
>"That's what America said," the President replied.<p>

"Oh, sorry about that Iggy's boss, I said that cuz if I didn't I wasn't sure if you'd hear me out. But it has to do with our countries trade!" The hero grinned as he said grandly, "Okay, picture this: Jaffa Cake exports from England to America. They are freaky good, so we'd get loads of 'em to the States and that would totally pump money into Britain so everyone wins!"

England face-palmed. _Why in the bloody hell did I think that this was going to be a smart idea? I should have forced him to tell me about it!_

Obama just sat there with a perplexed expression and uttered four of the most sinful words imaginable: "What's a Jaffa Cake?"

x~x~x~x~x

"You really are an idiot," England said with a deadpanned expression as he walked down a street with America.

"Hey! It's a sweet idea! Your boss was totally considering it!"

"That's just you being delusional."

"Hey... Iggy, what did I do to annoy your bro's so much?" America suddenly asked.

"I don't really know..." _There is no way in hell I'm going to tell him that they thought he'd given me an STD!_

"Hey c'mon, I know you know!" the hero moaned. "Why did they write all that mean stuff on me? And they even drew a huge you-know-what as well!"

England just sighed. "They just like to be disagreeable. I don't see why you made me read out all of that stuff earlier, I'm sure they don't really mean it. If you'd have just stayed still, I could have washed the marker off much easier."

"It hurt dude!"

"Why didn't you just wash it off when you got home then? Honestly, showing up at the White House looking like that was hardly wise."

"I was shattered dude! I just fell asleep as soon as I got home and didn't even notice until you pointed it out this morning." America started laughing then.

"What's so funny?"

"Well I had a totally weird dream dude!"

"Oh? Care to elaborate?"

"Well, you sent me this picture of you with all these glow sticks and-"

"OKAY! Enough of the _dream, _because that's what it was: _a dream_," England said hastily. "Well I really should be getting back to the UK so goodbye!" He rapidly began making his way in the opposite direction.

"What's up with him?" America asked, but shrugged before heading back to his place. _Seriously though, that dream was so weird! I wonder if Iggy really has an outfit like that, that would be freaking awesome! _"A-Awesome for parties! Not because I wanna see him wear it or anything!" America said quickly, as if having to justify his thoughts before he laughed again. "Ah well, of course he doesn't own anything like that!"

Meanwhile, Cameron had managed to track down a small store that sold Jaffa Cakes and had made Obama eat one, which promptly caused the President to seriously consider the Jaffa Cake imports from the UK, the two leaders did their best to come to terms with the apparent relationship their countries shared (somehow Sarkozy found out and wouldn't stop making wise cracks, whereas when Merkel found out she gave a rare and unexpected squeal- much to Germany's dismay), and England was seriously contemplating burning that infernal 'sexy waiter' suit (he didn't in the end, he had way too many memories with the blasted thing).

x~x~x~x~x

**Okay, I highly doubt David Cameron and Barack Obama are like that! XD And Merkel is NOT a yaoi fangirl... probably XP Ah well, it was fun to play around with them a bit :P We actually created a crack soap opera at our school called 'Parliament Palaver' in which Tony Blair used to be Antonia Blair, Gordon Brown was secretly an alien, and Cameron and Clegg were in a secret yaoi relationship XD Ah, good times :P****  
><strong>Well, once again HAPPY NEW YEAR dear readers~ Hope it's a good one ^_^<strong>**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	31. A Romantic Meal

**Glad you all liked my fail at writing the world leaders XD Man, I've been looking back and I have no idea how this thing became what it is, so not planned at all! I'm so glad you all like it though ^_^ And 400 reviews... never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine I'd break 100. I have all of you lot to thank for that, so thank you ever so much for your support :) It means so much~ ^.^** **I'm so emotional right now *cries dramatic France-style tears***  
><strong>Ahem, right then back to business :P Another request fusion dear readers~<strong>

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Thirty One- liondancer17 and greygreenwolf's Requests

"Tony! Dude! There is a super emergency: WE ARE ALL OUT OF BURGERS!" America yelled, frantically darting abut his house in a frenzied attempt to find even one morsel of his favourite treat. The alien looked at the panicking nation and, being ever so kind, left him completely alone.

"Dude!" America moaned, seriously needing moral support for this tough time. "Guess I'll have to get to a Maccy Ds right away," he muttered, hastily making his way to the front door, roughly shoving his car keys into his pocket. It was just as he was about to exit, that his home phone started ringing.

"GAH! This is so not the time!" But despite wanting to ignore the call, that was something that a real hero wouldn't do, and so the restless American quickly picked up the receiver and said hello as nicely as he could.

"Congratulations! You have won a super romantic, five-star date with your one true love!" came a voice from the other end of the line.

"Huh? No thanks dude, I don't-"

"Nonsense! This date will definitely shake up your love life, it's perfect!"

"I think you may have the wrong number cuz I'm not going out with anyone," the hero said quickly, really wanting to do the burger run.

"Aww, so bashful! Well then if you say that: we will match you up with someone that you are 100% compatible with, you'll fall head over heels!"

"Sorry, but I'm really not interested, so I'm gonna hang up now."

"Ah! Wait! Did I mention that... err... the restaurant you and your date will be dining at has the best burgers in the world?"

America's attention was suddenly caught. "Say what dude?"

"Yes, this place is critically acclaimed for having the best burgers ever! So, would you like to take your prize?"

"Heck yeah! Date and time?"

And so it came to pass that America found himself going on a blind date courtesy of some promotional offer.

x~x~x~x~x

America couldn't wait for the evening to arrive, today was the day he was going to taste those totally amazing burgers! But before that, he had to sit through another boring G8 meeting. Seeing as America really did want to get to that restaurant as quickly as possible, he was actually well behaved at the meeting. It was thanks to this good behaviour, that a break was called without Germany's stress levels being high enough to cause insanity.

"What's up with you?" came the familiar voice of a certain Brit. America turned around and saw England eying him suspciously.

"What d'ya mean?"

"Why have you not been being your annoying self? It's rather worrying."

"I just wanna get this over with so that I can get to my awesome date tonight!" he grinned.

"Date?" England asked, his voice suddenly quiet. "You have... a date?"

"Yup, it's gonna be so sweet!" the hero said enthusiastically, not noticing the odd stance the other had now adopted.

"I see... a date. Well, of course you would go on dates..." the gentleman mumbled, a weird feeling washing over him. He was upset. _Why the bloody hell is this bothering me? It's only natural for him to have dates with women, why should I care? Besides, I guess I am doing the same thing tonight._

"You okay dude? You seem far off or something."

"Ah, yes. I was just thinking that it really is remarkable how we both have dates tonight," England said nonchalantly, securing a poker face in place.

"Wait... _you _have a date?"

"Don't act so surprised, I am capable of getting them should I wish," the island nation huffed, folding his arms indignantly.

"No, I didn't mean it like that! It's just..." _That kinda annoys me... _"Since when are you interested in dating?"

"Well, I suppose it has been a while so I figured that it wouldn't hurt to go on one. Besides, apparently my date and I are extremely compatible."

"You are?" America frowned a bit upon hearing that. _Okay, this is really annoying me! I don't want Iggy going on that date! Wait... why don't I?_

"Well then, I hope you have fun tonight America," England nodded politely, "She must be a very interesting woman to have captured your attention. Well then, please excuse me," and with that, he walked off. _Urgh, why do I feel like crap? I seriously wish he wasn't dating... but it's not as though I have a right to say anything, he can do what he wants.__  
><em>"Heh, if I didn't know myself better then I'd say I was jealous, but that is simply ludicrous," England laughed to himself. _Completely ridiculous..._

"An interesting woman?" America said to himself, leaning back in his chair. "But... it's a blind date! I have no idea what she's gonna be like. I'm only going for the burgers..."

x~x~x~x~x

America shuffled from his right foot to his left repeatedly, feeling awkward seeing as he had to wear a suit for this occasion. The prize he had won certainly was five-star: he was at one of the poshest restaurants he had ever seen. Naturally, such a place required him to wear a tuxedo. "Man, where is she already?" he wondered, looking around to see if he would be able to identify anyone likely to be his date. "It's gonna be so awkward to tell her I'm not interested in having a girlfriend," he muttered, looking at the chocolates he had bought earlier. "Hopefully she won't be mad if I give her these."

"Excuse me, are you Mr Jones?" came a voice that sounded vaguely familiar, but when America looked he saw a woman with dark raven hair whom he had never seen before in his life.

"Jones?" he asked, initially confused before realising that this was a human setting- thus his human name was being used. It had been such a long time since he'd used it though, hence why he temporarily forgot. "Uh, yeah. That's me, Alfred F. Jones at your service!" he grinned. "Are you my date?"

"Oh goodness no," the woman giggled. "I'm here to escort you to your table, your date shall be along shortly."

"Oh, okay."

America followed the dark haired woman through the building, taking note of all of the fancy food the people here were eating and the sheer amount of cutlery there was on the table. _Seven forks? _he thought, shocked that anyone could need that many. _I'm guessing this is the sort of place where I have to use a knife and fork to eat a burger..._

"Here is your table," she smiled kindly, indicating to a private booth.

"Woah, seriously?"

"Yes," she said before bringing her right hand up to her ear and quietly saying "Yes, I understand." She looked up at the hero as she said, "Please make yourself comfortable, I have just been informed that your date has arrived so I shall escort them here now."

America nodded and sat down, placing the chocolates beside him and picking up one of the many forks, holding it in such a way that it caught the light and cast small glimmers on the table cloth. "I guess Iggy will be on his date now huh?" he said quietly. "I should've told him to watch a movie with me instead or something..." It wasn't long before he heard the woman approaching once more, but seeing as he was too preoccupied with looking at the reflection of the fork he failed to look up.

"Ahem, your date has arrived. Mr Jones, you and Mr Kirkland have fun now!" America could have sworn that he heard her say 'Kyaaa~' as she left...

_Wait... Kirkland? That name sounds kinda familiar..._

The hero looked up in time to see none other than England, stood there with his mouth open in shock, a bouquet of roses in his hand.

"Wh-What the bloody hell are you doing here?" he asked in disbelief. "Is this a joke?"

"Dude! That's what I was gonna ask! Am I being Punk'd?" America narrowed his eyes and started looking for any hidden cameras, but ultimately didn't find any. "Seriously dude, what's going on?"

"I have no bloody idea! I got a phone call the other day informing me that I had won a competition of sorts and that I had a date here, and seeing as I heard this place had good food I accepted... what are you doing here?"

"Same thing dude! I heard the burgers here were to die for! Wait... I thought you said you and your date were ultra compatible or something, where is she?"

"Well the person on the phone said they had a 100% perfect person for me so I haven't actually... met... her... oh you can't be bloody serious!" England looked at the booth before him in exasperation, finally realising that there really had been no mistake. "You? You are the person I was paired with? Clearly whoever drew that conclusion is clinically insane." _Hang on a moment... that means that America isn't on a date with some woman! ...Why does that make me happy?_

"Haha! You serious dude? Oh man this is awesome!"

"What?"

"Here I was worried that I was gonna break some woman's heart, but seeing as it's just you I don't need to worry! Here, sit down!" When England didn't look as though he was going to move, America got up from his seat and guided England to where he should be.

"You idiot! You do realise that this is meant to be a date right? What the bloody hell are you doing?"

"Seeing as we won this thing, we may as well enjoy it, right?" the hero reasoned, suddenly in a much better mood than he had been previously. He suddenly noticed the roses the other had in his hand, and a cheeky smile came to his face as he slipped the bouquet out of England's hands.

"Hey, what are you-"

"For me?" America said a stupid feminine voice. "Oh, you shouldn't have~"

"I didn't," England said dryly, "Had I known you were the one here I wouldn't have made the effort."

"Ouch, you sure know how to hurt a girl's feelings Mr Kirkland~" America drawled, still utilising a high pitched voice.

"Stop being such a bloody-" the gentleman suddenly cut himself off when he clapped eyes on something. "Are those... chocolates?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, I got them to say sorry to my date for not wanting a girlfriend, but I guess there's no point in them now. You like chocolate right? You want 'em?"

"Well, if you insist," the Brit said casually, when really he was thinking, _Yes! I love chocolate!_

The two of them got settled into their own little private booth, America simply happy that England wasn't out on a date with someone else (he wasn't sure why...) and England far too distracted by the chocolates to actually care that he was technically on a date with America at this moment in time.

"May I take your order?" came a smooth voice that sounded _extremely_ familiar. However when the two of them looked up, there stood a man with fiery eyes and bright red hair- clearly they had never seen this man before.

"Burgers please!" America said eagerly, while England quickly perused the menu (avoiding the French section) and ordered something British.

"Okay, I'll be right back with your orders America-sa- err... Mr Jones and Mr Kirkland." He hurriedly made his way off, the two countries sure that somehow they knew that strange waiter.

"So Mr Kirkland, shall I tell you a bit about lil old me?" America said, back in stupid female mode. "I'm the sort of girl who loves to have a good time! My hobbies include knitting, cooking, and doing the school run for the local kids and- hey dude!" America broke the voice, "Don't laugh! A gentleman shouldn't laugh at a woman pouring her heart out!"

"S-Sorry!" England managed between gasps, "Haha, you are just- hahaha! You're such an idiot!"

America was about to pretend to be offended, when all of a sudden it hit him: England was _laughing_. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen England laughing (he discounted the manic cackling the gentleman tended to break into whenever he had beaten the crap out of France). America couldn't look away: the way England's face was lit up, the small tears that were forming in his eyes because he was laughing so much, and just how melodic his laugh seemed to be... _Wow, England looks amazing..._

"Hm? Are you okay?" England asked, noticing the American staring.

"Huh? O-Oh, yeah!"

England cocked his head to the side a bit, before deciding that he may as well enjoy the night like America had suggested earlier. "Well then Mr Jones," England said in his own stupid girly voice, "Perhaps seeing as I know all about you, I could tell you about me. I'm a simple girl really, with a love for literature and a fondness for puppies. I intend to get my own someday actually."

"Oh really?" America said, lowering his voice. "So then, are there any men in your life at the moment?"

"Oh well you know," England started twirling a strand of his hair around his index finger, "A girl has to keep her options open."

"I see," America said, thoroughly enjoying the silly little game the two of them had started. "So if I asked you to come back to my place tonight?" he purred.

England did stupid feminine giggling and feigned shock, "Mr Jones! I'll have you know that I am the sort of woman you must wine and dine properly in order to even consider such things!"

The two of them continued on in this fashion, switching who was the horribly stereotypical female every now and then and having more fun than they had done in a long time. Even when the food came, the two of them were more concerned with talking about whatever came to mind than focusing on the food (although America had to admit that the burgers really were utterly fantastic).

"Hey Iggy... I really had fun tonight," America said honestly, finishing off the last chip that had come with the burgers.

"I suppose I had an enjoyable night as well," England said nonchalantly, looking America in the eyes as he smirked and said, "And I'll let the use of 'Iggy' slide."

"Haha! Wow, you really must be in a good mood," the hero grinned. "Yeah, tonight has been awesome!"

"Oh, it isn't over yet~" came a melodic voice. When the two countries turned to look at who had spoken, they saw the raven haired woman from earlier stood there with a huge smile on her face. "This was only the beginning of your date! The honeymoon suite in one of the finest hotels is waiting for you~"

"Honeymoon suite?" they chorused simultaneously.

"That's right~"

"Well then! Thank you for the offer, but I think we should call it a night!" Iggy said hastily, a blush rising as he thought of what the honeymoon suite was for. To his utter shock, America grabbed his arm and said, "We'll take it!" with his usual hero grin.

"Have you gone bloody insane?" the Brit snapped.

"Not at all! C'mon Iggy, honeymoon suites are always the best rooms in the hotel! So that means that they have the best minibars!"

"No, I refuse to go," England said resolutely.

"Please dude? It's not like we have to share a bed or anything!"

"America! It's called the honeymoon suite for a reason! There's not going to be two bloody beds in the room!"

"But Eglaaaaaaannndddddddd~"

"You can moan all you want: I've said no and I bloody well mean it!"

x~x~x~x~x

"Remind me again how I ended up here," Iggy said with an incredibly unimpressed expression on his face as America bounded into the hotel room, making a bee line for the mini bar.

"Cuz ya can't say no to my epicness," America grinned from where he was now enacting a thorough search of the minibar and the nearby cupboards before letting out a very un-manly squeal. "Omigod! Dude, look!" America reached into a cupboard and pulled out the familiar blue and orange packaging of Jaffa Cakes.

"Urgh, I wish I'd never introduced those to you," England pouted, moving to sit on the huge bed that was in the middle of the room.

This place just screamed 'lovers paradise', with pretty lace curtains adorning the windows, a heart motif all over the wardrobe, a very expensive looking bottle of champagne and a couple of glasses placed tactfully on the table near the minibar, and of course the huge bed that England was now sat on.

"I'll have you know that you are sleeping on the floor," the island nation said firmly, crossing one leg over the other on the bed to show that it was now UK territory.

"Lighten up dude," the hero said while shoving half of the Jaffa Cakes into his mouth. "Don't you want fond memories of our first date?" he winked.

"I'm past kidding around, this is bloody ridiculous," the Brit seethed.

"Meh, I bet I can make ya smile again."

"Ha, yeah right."

Taking this as a challenge, and America never turned down a challenge, he set the Jaffa Cakes down and made his way up to the bed, eying his prey carefully.

"A-America? I wear to God if you-"

The hero pounced before England could issue the threat, immediately going for England's sides to begin his tickle attack.

"W-Wait! N-No! Stop! Dammit, Americahahaha! St-op, haha!"

"Told ya dude," the hero said happily, refusing to let up.

"Quit it!" the gentleman protested, summoning up enough strength to move his hands to push against the offending nation above him, changing his pushing to tickling back when he realised that would be more effective.

"Haha, no way dude!" America said, sticking his tongue out and easily grabbing England's wrists in one of his hands. "No one beats me in tickle wars," he said, pinning England's hands above his head, effectively leaving the smaller nation defenceless. "Do you surrender?" he asked, continuing his barrage of tickles.

"Surrender? Never!" Iggy said defiantly, despite being at a disadvantaged position and he was laughing too much to do anything about it.

"Well then, looks like this will continue~" America moved his head down to whisper this in England's ear, his warm breath causing a shiver to rush through England. America pulled back to admire his handiwork: England's hair splayed wildly on the bed, breathing hard because of the assault he had been under, a slight tint to his cheeks, his deep emerald eyes gazing at him...

_Woah..._

It was this point that the two nations really realised their position. There was America; on top of England whose hands were currently being pinned by the former, both of them lying on a bed in a _honeymoon suite!_

"America? Can you move?" England asked, coughing awkwardly and ignoring his heart beat that he was sure was beating much too fast to be healthy.

"Hey, England..." America leaned down so that their faces were but centimetres apart. "If I tried something... would you stop me?" he breathed.

"I-I... well... I..." _YES! Of course I bloody well would! Just say yes! _"N-"

"LIECHTENSTEIN!" came an angry voice before the door to the suite was kicked down, revealing a very pissed off Switzerland. "You two!" he roared, not even bothering to be shocked with their current position, "Where is Liechtenstein? You have two seconds to tell me before I shoot you!" he pulled out a gun and the two nations on the bed sprang apart, instantly looking for cover.

"Dude! I have no idea what you're on about!"

"Liechtenstein isn't here!"

"GOD DAMMIT SWITZERLAND!" came a voice that was unmistakably Hungary's. "First Finland ruins it when it got good, and now you?" The raven haired woman from earlier suddenly jumped out of the wardrobe, frying pan in hand and ready to do battle. "I set this whole thing up and you just ruined it!" she yelled, tugging the wig off so that it fell to the ground.

"I don't care! Where is Liechtenstein?"

"Switzerland-san, just calm down," Japan's voice sounded from behind the curtains, and out stepped the waiter with fiery hair and eyes. He then proceeded to remove his wig, and carefully removed some coloured contact lenses revealing the Asian power. "Liechtenstein-chan isn't here."

"Where is she then?" asked the angry country, pointing a pistol at Japan.

"We've hidden her!" Hungary said happily. "She's got her laptop with her, and we were sending her the action via the hidden cameras in the room so ha! Now will you just leave the two lovers alone and-"

"Hungary-san... England-san and America-san have left."

"WHAT?"

She whipped around, scanning the room only to see that Japan was correct. "You!" she spat venomously at Switzerland. "PREPARE TO DIE!"

Thus the hotel they were in ceased to exist by the time their fight was over and done with, although Japan was happy because he had enough footage of America and England to write another chapter for his manga (which was actually becoming a bestseller), and America and England had made a bolt for it as fast as they could, not having the faintest idea about what had just happened but deciding not to ask any questions and to just return to their respective homes and put this rather odd night to the back of their minds.

x~x~x~x~x

**I apologise for the longer than usual chapter! u_u I got a bit carried away, so gomenasai! Hopefully you could enjoy reading this though, I really did have fun writing it :) Oh Hungary and Japan, you so crazy! :P Well, until next time everyone~ ^_^**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	32. The Grecian Touch

**So I'm back at school... nothing fun about that -_- Bleh, stupid education...**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Thirty Two- OneGirlStudio's Request 4

The meeting had started off being... well, a disaster to put it bluntly. No one was focused at all, and Germany was definitely _not _in the mood to be dealing with this seeing as Italy had somehow found his way into his bed last night completely naked and refused to leave (not that Germany wasn't used to this, but he didn't even know Italy was at his house last night). If that wasn't bad enough, Prussia had snuck into his room in the dead of night and taken pictures, immediately uploading them to every social networking site in existence with various captions- his favourite being:

'Screw pasta, Italy loves Germany's wurst more than anything! ;)'

And so Germany, after nearly killing his (awesome) brother, wasn't in the mood to take the other countries crap and so instead of blowing up as usual, he simply declared a break five minutes in. Not that anyone was complaining of course, they were thankful that they didn't have to focus that early in the morning- because seriously, those meetings were ridiculously early! And so it came to pass that America found himself on the MMO that he and England were playing much sooner than he had anticipated, although England seemed to be in a pissy mood for some reason. The hero had asked him about it but the other refused to give an answer, so America simply dragged him to the chosen room of the day and came to the conclusion that England's mood would soon pass.

"Sweet! Hey Iggy, all we have to do is beat the Ogre Cult and we'll finally have enough EXP to-"

"America, I am going to say something now, and I mean this in the nicest way possible: Shut up."

"That's not nice dude," America huffed, quickly using Super Slasher to cut through some of the angry ogres on the screen before pausing the game. "What's up dude? Fancy telling me this time?"

England looked at America oddly before sighing. "I'm just so bloody frustrated!"

"Huh? Frustrated over what?"

"Oh for God's sake, why can't you just get a bloody clue?" England shouted, standing up. "Are you honestly so oblivious that you haven't noticed? Being in this room with you... gaming is the last God damn thing I want to be doing!"

"Err, wait a second dude... Are you-"

"Just shut up! You clearly haven't noticed and I don't expect you to start paying attention now you inconsiderate wanker! Besides, even if you realised what difference would it make? It would just end up happening on a table," he scowled, glaring at the table that the laptop was currently on. "That's the bloody problem! Lately I've only done it on tables or chairs or sofas- it's bloody uncomfortable! Doing that sort of thing should be pleasurable, but I can't even remember the last time I actually _enjoyed _it!"

"Hang on a sec England! Are you seriously..." _Is he talking about his sex life? No way, no freaking way!_

"Am I seriously what? Pissed off? Fed up? Because yes, yes I bloody well am. I've even tried all of the different positions but nothing felt any different! So for you to firstly: not notice my current state and secondly: drag me in here thinking I was in the mood to game when clearly my mind is elsewhere, is just inconsiderate you git!"

"Ah, hey! Why are you telling me this?"

"BECAUSE IT'S YOUR FUCKING FAULT YOU TOSSER! _You're _the reason I can't enjoy it anymore! So take some damn responsibility!" the Brit roared, deciding that he had quite literally had enough and so stormed out of the room, leaving behind a thoroughly confused America.

"Take responsibility for what?" he wondered, "Why would he tell me that unless... wait... Does Iggy want me to..." The hero's face was soon a lovely shade of pink.

x~x~x~x~x

"Hopefully you Dummkophs actually feel like getting something done now," Germany said in a calm voice, yet his face was the very image of pure evil.

"Well I've been ready this whole time, aru!" China said indignantly.

"Ve~ I'm hungry~" Italy complained.

"Hey, want a churro mi amigo?" Spain asked, brandishing said foodstuff before Romano smacked it out of his hand, just because he's Romano and can do that.

"This is not a restaurant!" Germany berated, desperately trying to get back on track.

"It is most fun watching Germany get so worked up, kol kol kol."

"It is kinda fun huh?" Prussia said, grinning widely. "Hey West, stop being so uptight already! After all, you should bask in the glow after your fun night kesese~" The albino had to use his awesomely fast reflexes to dodge a stapler of doom that was thrown at his head by his unimpressed brother.

"Tch!" England folded his arms and scowled from his seat, which he had moved away from America. The countries had noticed it, but decided not to pass comment because England looked like he was in a murdering mood today.

"Hm? Hey Japan, you see that?" Greece whispered to said country.

"Hai, England-san seems upset about something," Japan observed. "I wonder what it could be? I have a feeling that America-san did something to annoy him."

"He looks a bit like a cat..."

"Greece-san, everything looks like a cat to you."

The brunette turned around and had a good long stare at Japan, before simply nodding his agreement. "You should wear those kitty ears of yours."

"G-Greence-san, I-"

"Hey, I think I know what's wrong with England," Greece said calmly, rising up from his chair.

"GREECE! What are you doing? We are _trying _to get on with the meeting!"

The Grecian looked at Germany for a moment, before simply saying, "I am helping out a fellow European power," before he grabbed England's arm.

"Greece?" the Brit asked in confusion, "What are you-"

"Come with me," he said, dragging the smaller nation along with ease.

And so, with blatant disregard for the meeting, the two countries left.

America watched them leave, not having the faintest idea about what was going on but feeling slightly irritated that England had been so easily taken away from the room like that. He was contemplating going all espionage and following them, until France asked the question vying on everyone's minds:

"What is Greece doing with Angleterre?"

Everyone naturally turned to America, who they had come to recognise as the 'England Expert' as of late.

"How should I know?" he pouted, "He never tells me anything anyways. All he said was that he was frustrated."

France's eyes widened before a knowing smirk crossed his face. "Ah, so that explains 'is awful mood~" he hummed.

"¡Ay, caramba! Never thought I'd see England get himself worked up to this point again!" Spain laughed, while Prussia did his epic chuckle in the background.

"Oi! What are you going on about bastard?" Romano asked.

"Well America said that England is frustrated, so that's obviously sexually right?" Prussia began. "It's never a good idea to let him get to that point, he can get... pretty wild, kesesese~"

"Trust Greece to be able to spot that so soon, but what else should we expect from the world's number one sex beast?" Spain laughed some more.

"That test was unfair!" France protested, "'e is asleep 'alf the time! I should 'ave been number one! But it looks as though Greece is going to take care of Angleterre... although, why aren't you the one taking care of it America?""

"Wh- huh?" America started blushing, "Why would I- I mean, it's like... kinda-" he tried to find a diversion, "How do you know that Greece is number one?"

"It was a survey, ve~ And Japan placed last~" Italy went over and hugged Japan who wished he could make himself vanish at this point.

"Why on earth are we still standing here?" Hungary demanded, "We must investigate!" She quickly grabbed Liechtenstein and she was soon bolting off down the corridor, shortly followed by the other countries who couldn't help but be curious at this strange development.

"Shh!" she ordered, standing close to the door to the room the two countries were in. And everyone fell silent, listening to what was going on. America was slyly edging his way to the front during all of this. _Oh man, I'm gonna kick Greece's ass! How dare he take Iggy away from- hang on... kick his ass? Why would I do that? It's not like I'm jealous or anything. _"So. Not. Jealous." he bit out.

"Lie down," came Greece's calm voice, followed by an unsure sounding England.

"I don't really think-"

"Trust me, I'm the best at this. I'll make sure this is the greatest experience you've ever had," he said, a combination of pride, confidence and utter suaveness making themselves evident in his tone.

"See? _That's _why he's number one! Kesese~"  
>"Umm... Miss Hungary, what are they doing?" Liechtenstein asked, because although she found this kind of thing freaking incredible, she didn't quite fully comprehend it all. This prompted the older woman to start narrating events to the girl who was slowly having her innocence taken away from her (and luckily Switzerland was caught up in some national thing and so wasn't here to screw everything up).<br>"Well Liechtenstein, Greece is just explaining to England that he will make him feel really really good in a moment by way of incredibly hot smex," she said before leaning down and whispering, "And keep your eyes on America, he's gonna snap anytime soon! Oh I just love yaoi~!"

"L-Like this?" England asked.

"No... let's try this position."

There were various noises that one would associate with moving heard before a soft, "Ah, uhn..." escaped the Brit's lips.

"That's good, now just relax and trust me," Greece said smoothly.

"Damn he's good!" Spain said in awe.  
>"Tch, Not. Jealous..." <em>Dude! This is totally annoying me! He's got ten seconds to back off!<em>_  
><em>"And now Greece has gotten them into the position he deems the best for the aforementioned smex," Hungary explained, "Judging from our little uke's reaction, it must be a good one~ Now things are about to heat up!"

"Greece, are you sure that doing it _here _of all places is, well..." England's voice faded off until another moan was heard from him.

"Just let it consume you, I can see you've been craving this," Greece said, oozing with charm.

"W-Well..."

"Admit it: you want this so badly."

"I... yes, I want it! Please Greece!"

"My pleasure. Now then, if I do this..."

"Uhn, hah! I-It feels good, ah! I... finally!" England breathed.

"So now we've made it to the main event, with cute little England living up to his dere qualities and throwing aside the tsun~!" Hungary was sparkling as she said, "As for what Greece is doing to him, we cannot say. He could have just put his fingers-"  
>"THAT'S FREAKING IT! TIMES UP!" America yelled, partly because he didn't want Hungary finishing that sentence but mainly because, and he wasn't sure why, he was just plain annoyed. The hero grabbed the door handle and flung it open so violently that it nearly fell off of its hinges. "England! I-"<p>

"Shh!" Greece said, his index finger immediately being placed on his lips- the universal symbol of 'shut-the-fuck-up'. However it was too late.

America wasn't exactly sure what had happened or just why England looked like a crazed psychopath at that moment, but let's just say that it resulted the meeting being finished with immediately.

x~x~x~x~x

"You bloody git!" England seethed, punching America's arm. The two of them were currently say on a train in order to reach the hotel they were staying at. "I can't believe you ruined it _again!_"

"It's not my fault dude!" America said in his defence, "How was I supposed to know that you were sleep deprived?"

"Because it's always you ringing me at stupid times at night to tell me about some bloody game that I couldn't care less about, thus screwing up my sleeping pattern! And Greece noticed it! Do you even know how much work I also have? My boss has been overloading me lately! I can't remember the last time I was lucky enough to sleep in my bed! I'm sick of falling asleep at my desk or at a table or other uncomfortable surfaces because I haven't slept properly!"

"Iggy, I never call you late at night," the hero pouted, "So you can't blame this on me!"

"First off: Don't. Call. Me. Iggy. Secondly: there's a time difference you bloody idiot! Even if you ring me when it's the early evening at your place, it's probably late at mine!"

"Oh duuuuuude, totally forgot about the time difference."

"Hmph! I thought you'd have had the decency to at least allow Greece to show me a really comfortable sleeping position earlier, but no: you had to go and ruin that as well. That man is always sleeping, his advice was invaluable!"

"I only butted in cuz..." _Cuz what? 'I thought the position he was going on about was about something else entirely and it pissed me off'? Like that's gonna work! _the hero thought sarcastically. "England... sorry okay? I honestly didn't know about that call thing, and about Greece... well, it's kinda weird, but- hey, you listening?" The hero turned around at the exact time the train made a sudden sharp swerve, and then England was resting his head on his shoulder: completely fast asleep.

"England?" America asked softly, but his only response was some incoherent sleepy mumble, and England snuggling up closer. The hero's eyes softened as he took in the sleeping nation: his breathing steady, his hair as unruly as always but that was kind of sweet in a way, and just how peaceful he looked. _He's actually kinda adorable when he's like this and not yelling at me... _America thought absentmindedly, gently ruffling the Brit's hair.

"Sleep well England," he murmured.

Meanwhile, Germany had finally been pushed over the edge and so booked a session with the same therapist that sees Canada, Greece was happy that he had 'helped another country regain their love of sleep' and Hungary had decided to open up a yaoi boot-camp in which she would educate budding yaoi lovers in the ways of the brilliant genre- the topic up for discussion today being what had happened at the meeting.

"And so it is safe to assume," she said while pointing to various diagrams on the blackboard she had miraculously acquired, "That the two of them are now currently engaging in a torrid and passionate love making session after such a stressful day. Any questions?"  
>Liechtenstein raised her hand and Hungary bid her to speak. "Can we... watch sometime?"<br>"Oh Liechtenstein, I am so proud of you~!" Hungary said, wiping a tear from her eye. "Of course we can darling~ I'll start drawing up the plans right away~!"

So went another ordinary day.

x~x~x~x~x

**Well I could have left it on fluff... but nah XD This fic demands stupid chappy endings ;D Now... yeah... so, I'm a Hetalia newbie *dramatic gasp* so I honestly had no idea how to write Greece effectively. Hopefully he seemed vaguely right? If not, constructive criticism pwease :3 Or flame, I'm British so I don't get much sun XD And about that sex survey thing I mentioned, Greece totally placed first :P It's from 2005 though, so not sure how accurate it is now. Hang on, I'll put the link in case you are a pervert or are simply curious :P**

**http : / /web . archive . org / web / 20080415002446 / www . durex . com / cm / gss2005Content. asp? intQid= 778&intMenuOpen=**

** Until next time dearies~! ^_^**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	33. Tackling The Storage Room

**UWAH! I was gonna update yesterday but FF wouldn't let me log in! :'( Sorry I haven't been here a while, but I'm back at school and some pretty serious exams are coming up and I updated my other Hetalia fic the other day so yeah, hectic! :P But I have been pretty freaking epic and found 3 requests submitted by completely different people at totally different times and fused 'em :D Hope you enjoy~ ^_^ And look out for a particular line ;D**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Thirty Three- liondancer17, The UK's Only and Nightshade974's Requests

"But duuuude, I seriously don't wanna!" America moaned, looking at England with puppy-dog eyes in a silent plea to get out of the potentially horrific job.

"I don't bloody care, you are doing this and you are going to do it right now!"

"It's my house dude," the American huffed, folding his arms. "I don't see why I should listen."

"Because, America, you got lost in your damn storage room for two days and had to call the police to rescue you! So I am not going to listen to your ridiculous protests, you are cleaning this place up _now _and that is final."

America looked at the island nation warily before sighing- it was impossible to argue with England when he was like this. And so, with extreme reluctance, America made his way into the dark, dusty area that was his storage room.

"Oh man this is gonna take forever," he complained to himself, looking around at all of the stuff he had in there. He spent the first five minutes trying to clear stuff up and organise everything neatly, but he was promptly sidetracked when he came upon a particular cardboard box. It was quite large, and he had written the word 'EPICNESS' on it in a permanent marker.

"What's in here?" he wondered, opening the top of it and trying to focus in the dim light. He could just about make out a familiar looking blue suit, with a patch of bright yellow and a big red 'S' on the front. "No way! I forgot I had these!"

He quickly ran out of the storage room and located England, who was busy making what he would call food in the kitchen. _Oh man, my stomach sure is gonna be feeling that later on,_ he thought, looking on at the rather terrifying... thing that the Brit was making.

"America?" the gentleman asked, surprised to see the other so soon. "Why have you stopped cleaning?"

"Because I found all these old costumes down there! I think we should forget about cleaning and have a fun afternoon dressing up as superheroes!"

England looked at America as if he was insane before simply saying, "Well that is never going to happen."

"Aw please England! Don't be such a boring old man! Dress up with me!"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pretty please with sugar lumps on top?"

"America, I refuse to make a fool of myself in those ridiculous costumes... actually..." An idea came to his mind. "Okay, I may be willing to do it, on one condition." America looked on expectantly, thrilled that England was even considering this.

"If you manage to clean your storage room within an hour, I will wear any amount of costumes you want. Deal?" England was smirking, _There is absolutely no way he can clean that bloody mess up in that amount of time._

"Awesome! Be right back dude!" America said happily, charging off back to the room. "The hero will get this place clean in no time!"

"Ha, he doesn't stand a chance," England said in amusement, turning back to carry on cooking... whatever the hell that black thing was supposed to be. Oh God, did it just move?

x~x~x~x~x

"No. Bloody. Way."

"Haha! Told ya I'd get this place cleaned up quickly!" America grinned, striking his hero pose.

"B-But... _how_? This place was a tip! There's no way you could have possibly..." England was at a complete loss for words, he couldn't believe the sight before him. The storage room that was once one of the most hazardous places on the planet, was _clean! _

"I'm just _that _good!" America grinned. "So now you have to dress up with me!"

"Damn." England couldn't deny it: America had done a good job. And he was a gentleman, so there was no way he could back out of this now that he had said he would. "Fine, let's just get this over with," he said grudgingly, leaving America to grab the big cardboard box full of God knows what kind of outfits.

In the end, the Brit found himself looking at over three different boxes. "What the bloody hell is all of this?"

"I found more outfits while I was cleaning the place, cool huh?"

"That is definitely not the word I'd have used," he seethed, but he let America thrust an outfit in his hands because he had agreed to wear anything today.

"Okay, you put that on and I'll change in the other room so it'll be a surprise and I can make a dramatic entrance!" said the hyper American, grabbing another outfit and zooming off. England looked at the outfit in his hands, thinking that it looked relatively familiar.

"Urgh, green tights. This is going to be a long day..." The Brit unbuttoned his blouse and was about to put the top on until he realised with horror that the outfit was a leotard! "Are you fucking kidding me?" he growled. "This is so humiliating!" Cursing all the while, England slipped into the green tights and the ridiculously clingy leotard before placing a small black mask over his eyes. "I'm sure I look like a complete idiot," he muttered angrily, fastening a yellow belt around his waist before moving to put on the yellow cape.

"You ready Iggy?" America called from the next-door room.

"Yes, just hurry the hell up so I can get out of this bloody thing!"

"Here I come~" America flung the door open dramatically before dashing into the room and doing a forward roll on the floor. He thought he looked pretty cool- England thought he looked like a douche. "Robin!" he proclaimed grandly, "We must save Arkham city! To the Batmobile!" He grabbed his dark cape and wrapped it around himself, trying to look cool and sinister.

"America, I said I would dress up. I never said I would role-play," the Brit said flatly.

"But that's half the fun! C'mon dude!" America grabbed England and started dragging him around the room, pretending that the pillows were bad guys and kicking them rather violently. "Take that evildoer! Quick Robin, back me up!"

England sighed and half-heartedly punched a pillow, before sitting down on the sofa and refusing to continue.

"Hey Robin, what's up?" 'Batman' asked, coming over to sit next to his trustworthy sidekick, finally looking at him properly. _Did Robin always look that amazing?_

"America, I am wearing bloody tights and a leotard! Pick a different outfit for me this instant!" he snapped, pulling his mask off. America did a dramatic gasp.

"A hero must _never _unmask themself! That's rule number one! Besides, I'm wearing a leotard too, it's no big deal dude." The glare he got from the other made him reconsider his words, and so Batman respectfully retreated back to the boxes in order to pick another outfit. England came over, hoping to pick for himself this time so as to avoid embarrassment.

"Oh hello," England said, his mood lifting briefly as he pulled out a sharp and utterly suave tuxedo. "This is a 007 suit!" he exclaimed with glee. "This is brilliant, James Bond is a perfect gentleman who doesn't dress like he's high on acid. I'm wearing this one!"

"No way dude!" America laughed, grabbing the outfit. "You're a British gentleman anyways, so that's not really dress up. I'll do it!"

"You?" England raised his eyebrows, "_You_ are going to be a gentleman? Ha, that's something I'd like to see!"

"You think I can't do it?"

"I _know _you can't do it!"

"Fine, I'll just prove you wrong, I'll be the perfect gentleman! Now then, what should you dress in that compliments James Bond..." America began routing around the boxes once more, before a cheeky grin came to his face. _Oh man, this'll be perfect! This is gonna be freaking hilarious! _The hero picked his chosen outfit out and chucked it at England, running out of the room once more to get changed while saying, "Remember: you promised to wear anything I picked out! You have to wear the whole thing! But don't worry, there are no tights or leotards involved this time!"

The gentleman was alone in the room once more, glad that he wasn't going to look like a complete fool this time around. He looked at his outfit and-

"I am going to murder that git!" he yelled. "OI! AMERICA! What the hell are you trying to pull? I know you can hear me and I AM NOT WEARING THIS!"

"Iggy, you promised remember! And doesn't a gentleman always honour his word?" the hero called, doing up the buttons to the flawlessly white blouse. He couldn't help but laugh a bit when he heard the Brit stuttering before breaking into a rather large string of profanities. "Haha, England's gonna look so funny!" he snickered. He took a few minutes to get ready because that damn bow tie was causing him no end of trouble- he was always crap at doing them up. But eventually he wrestled it into submission and he straightened out the suit so that he could look presentable. _I'll show England I can be a gentleman! _he thought determinedly, taking a deep breath because he knew it was going to be hard to resist the urge to laugh at England when he finally saw him.

"You ready dude?" he called.

"I hate you so much and I will put a horrendous curse on you and then you can think about what you've done you wanker," he heard England mutter angrily, so America took that to mean he could make his entrance. When he opened the door, he meant to put on a fake British accent and act all gentlemanly and chivalrous while not bursting out laughing at the outfit the Brit would be wearing. In actuality, he just stared once he had opened the door, and his mouth fell open.

There was England, glaring at him (obviously), but his cheeks were bright pink- and there was a reason for that. Seeing as America was James Bond who is notorious for getting it on with the ladies, the hero thought it would be funny to have England cross-dress. He was _supposed _to look hysterically stupid but...

England was wearing long white knee socks, and a small pair of black heels that only accentuated his already slender legs (how everything seemed to be a perfect fit was a complete and utter mystery- the even bigger mystery being _why _America had this kind of outfit in the first place). The gentleman had a beautiful frilly blouse on, with a little sexy corset outlining each and every curve he had. He had even put the cute little black hairband with a red heart on it in his hair. But the _real _special thing about this outfit was the short, racy miniskirt he was wearing. In-keeping with the black and white theme, the miniskirt was black with white frilled netting underneath. And believe me when I say that this skirt was _short_. In fact, imagine the shortest miniskirt you've ever seen, and shorten it some more. Yeah, _that _short.

"Tch, what the bloody hell are you staring at?" the Brit mumbled, blushing furiously.

"I- I... well... you see it's like- erm..." _What the heck? He was supposed to look like an idiot! How does that actually manage to SUIT him? _

"Screw this, I'm changing," the gentleman said bluntly, about to fiddle with the laces on the corset until America yelled "NO!"

Coughing awkwardly for a moment, America turned on the charm. "Well hello there England, may I take this opportunity to say that you look truly spiffing? You really are top notch and what not," he said in a horrific imitation of a British accent. _Right, time to prove I can be a gentleman! Just don't look at the miniskirt! Don't. Look. At. The. Miniskirt. I wonder if England put on those frilly panties as well? GAH! No, don't look! Just breathe America, keep your breathing steady and you'll be cool!_

"BRITISH PEOPLE DO NOT SOUND LIKE THAT! You are going to pay for this America," England seethed.

"America? Who is this incredibly amazing and devastatingly handsome individual of which you speak? I know not of that epic sounding person known as America, for I am Bond," the hero paused for dramatic effect before giving a little sexy grin as he said in a husky voice, "James Bond."

"I will never acknowledge you as James Bond!" the cross-dressing nation said indignantly, glaring at America.

"Come my dear, for I have thwarted the enemy and rescued you, who is so fair," the American Bond said, sauntering over to a vase which held various flowers and picking one out. "Would you do me the honours of joining me tonight, fair maiden?" he asked, handing England a rose. _Hah, I'm awesome at this gentleman thing! _

"'Fair Maiden'? What the hell sort of time period are you in? James Bond doesn't-"

"Hush darling, save your whispered words of love for another ti- OUCH!" England whacked America upside the head, and although the hero desperately wanted to retaliate, he realised that a gentleman wouldn't do that and so smiled politely before wrapping an arm around the smaller nation's waist and pulling him close.

"O-Oi! What the hell are you-"

"England," America purred, his voice dripping with charm, "Why do we insist on playing these silly little games? I can see it in your eyes: you have fallen for me."

"Wh-what?" the Brit asked, his eyes wide and his blush deepening if that was even possible.

"I do not blame you, for an elite agent such as myself certainly does draw attention. It isn't easy being 007," he said rather seriously, "But I think with you by my side, life would be a lot more bearable." _Ha! How's THAT for gentlemanly? _the hero thought smugly. _Hey... England's blushing again..._

"You idiot," Iggy mumbled, trying to pull away. "I'm sick of this, can I change back into my own clothes now?"

America refused to let go and pulled him even closer. "No, England... you can't." _I'm gonna be the best gentleman ever!_ "There's... there's something that I've been meaning to tell you," he began carefully. "It may sound kinda weird but I think you need to hear this."

America's gaze was intense, and England could feel his heart rate begin to pick up. _Dammit! Why am I like this? And why does he have to actually look good in that suit? Why is he looking at me like that? _The Brit cursed himself as he felt himself go slightly weak in the knees, dropping the rose he had been handed earlier and losing himself in the other's eyes.

"Oh, allow me," the hero said politely, kneeling down and picking up the rose. It was the perfect gentlemanly thing to do, but then America looked up slightly and almost had a near inner break down. _M-m-m-m-miniskirt! Holy crap I did not think this position through at all! _America stayed there, completely at a loss as to what to do next.

"A-America? What in God's name are you doing?" England tried to sound firm but it was failing. _What is he-? Why is he-? _He was very nearly going into cardiac arrest.

America really wasn't fairing much better._ Calm down calm down calm down calm down! Just think, what would a gentleman do? Ummmm... I'll just say what I was gonna say before!_

America looked up and locked his deep, sea blue eyes with England's bright emerald ones. "England my sweet," he purred, still in British Mode, "Have I ever told you that you look _dead sexy_ in a miniskirt?"

"Y-You idiot!" England yelled. "That's not a bloody compliment!" He quickly turned around, causing the miniskirt to swish up and reveal a pair of very fashionable Union Jack briefs.

_So he didn't wear the frilly panties_, America thought, but he still blushed nevertheless and stared a little longer than he should have done. He was harshly brought back to reality when England spoke:

"I've had enough! I'm going home!" the Brit said firmly, grabbing his clothes.

"Hey! Dude, you can't go yet! You still have to-"

"I don't bloody care! I've already been humiliated, and I refuse to spend the rest of my day dressing up as wimpy superheroes or a female!"

"Woah! Take that back dude! Superheroes are not wimpy! They are badass!"

"Ha! Those masked idiots in pyjamas or you for that matter wouldn't know the meaning of the word 'badass' even if it hit you on the bloody head!"

"Oh dude, I can be badass," America said, his voice lowering. "But someone like you obviously can't be!"

Something within the Brit seemed to snap upon hearing that, and so he said in a very sinister voice: "Challenge. Accepted."

x~x~x~x~x

"No way. Given his past, no matter what you say, there is no way that England wouldn't be the one to top," Prussia insisted. He, France and Spain were all sat in the main area of the meeting room and waiting for the meeting to start up. Their topic of conversation had drifted over to America and England because the two of them still hadn't arrived (and England was always one of the first to arrive) and so the Bad Friends came to the conclusion that the two countries were busy sharing a 'special hug'.

"You can't be serious mi amigo!" Spain laughed, "America is so obviously the one who tops!"

"I can see where you're coming from," France said honestly, looking at Prussia, "I mean, sometimes America seems to 'ave an air of innocence about 'im, oui? But despite that, I still think that 'e tops."

"No way, I refuse to believe it!" The awesome one folded his arms to show that he meant business.

"How can you say that? You can even _hear _the fact that England's on bottom," the brunette insisted.

"My awesome self heard otherwise," Prussia said simply. "America's a cool guy, but he doesn't seem like the domineering type- I'm even willing to bet money on this!"

"How much?" the other two chorused immediately.

"Hmm... A hundred Euros sound good? If I win, you guys cough up a hundred each, if I lose, I fork out a hundred for each of you." Prussia nodded confidently, _There's no way my awesome brain has this wrong! _

"Deal," France and Spain said together, both of them sure that they were right. It looked as though the Bad Friends would have to eavesdrop on the two countries in question at break to see who was right. Well, that's what they thought until suddenly-

"YEE-HAAAAAAAWWWWW!"

The trio looked up as the door was kicked open and their mouths dropped when they saw America stood there, looking like a boss. A cocky grin was on his face as he knew that all eyes were on him. He was wearing washed out denim jeans with leather chaps over them, and stunning cowboy boots complete with golden spurs. To cover his torso he had opted for a simple white blouse with the sleeves rolled up, although the three top buttons were undone and he had a sleeveless leather jacket on top of it with the authentic tassels you always saw on such jackets. Of course he had the necessities: a little golden star on the breast pocket of the jacket, two holsters slung around his hips which both held a revolver, a lasso hanging from his right shoulder, a red bandana wrapped around his neck and the pièce de résistance- a large brimmed cowboy hat.

It had to be said: America looked completely badass.

"Hard luck Prussia," Spain grinned, "I think you owe us a hundred Euros!"

"Now Big Brother wants to join in with them even more now that 'e knows they do this sort of kinky role play!" France currently had a very intense nosebleed.

Prussia carried on staring, lost for words. "N-No way... but..." Even Gilbird was shocked when he flew up from its master's head to get a look at what was going on.

"Howdy y'all," the cowboy smirked. "Don't s'pose you've seen England round these here parts have ya? I think it's 'bout time I taught him a lesson." _He thinks I can't be a badass? Hah! I was a freaking cowboy, it doesn't get much more badass than that!_

"'e 'asn't arrived yet, but when 'e does please let me join in!" France practically begged while Spain was busy grinning like a Cheshire cat at the hundred Euros Prussia was huffily about to hand over.

"Quit stalling! You know that England's the one being dominated now!"

_I can't believe this, I never thought America had it in him! Stupid Spain taking my money..._

BANG!

Before the Spaniard could claim his prize, something that sounded remarkably similar to a gunshot sounded. When the three of them plus America turned to look, they were all left utterly gobsmacked. There was England, eyes gleaming with danger as he casually re-holstered his pistol and smirked.

The Brit was clad in smoky black pants with jet-black boots that came to just below the knee. He wore a pearly white, loose fitting blouse with a cravat- fixed in place with an emerald that was the exact same colour as his striking eyes. Atop this was the most magnificent red coat; with a high collar and fine embroidery all down the sides. Naturally the buttons on the garment were real gold. America wasn't the only one going for big hats today, the Brit also had on a large black hat with a huge white feather on top of it. He naturally also had a holster for his pistol, but on his other hip wasn't another gun, but a cutlass. They weren't on display, but the trio knew this England well enough to know that there were probably numerous concealed daggers as well.

"Ahoy," he purred, relishing in the shocked expressions he got. It was all too much for Spain, who started having flashbacks of his Armada and so dived underneath the table. France very nearly followed.

"Oi! Don't go under there!" Prussia grinned, tugging him out. "I think you'll find that you owe the awesome me a cool hundred Euros!"

"Avast!" England said confidently, pointing at America. "Ye be the lily-livered landlubber that dare challenge me pride!" _This is for making me wear the miniskirt you git! Besides, I'm the one who wrote the bloody book on being a badass! _"I think it be time for a wee horse loving sprog such as yeself to show some respect!" The pirate looked at the cowboy before breaking character for a moment to think: _Shiver me timbers! I can't believe I am even going to allow myself to think this but... America almost looks attractive like that... okay, I did not just think that. _"Will ye stand and fight ye scurvy dog?" he said, back in the moment.

"Ha, you're all hat and no cattle!" America said, squaring up to the pirate before him, desperately trying to think cowboyish thoughts when really he was thinking: _Screw that miniskirt! England as a pirate is way sexier! Dude... that is so weird, I need to stop thinking like this..._ "You ol' galoot, I'm gonna pump ya' full of lead and there ain't nothin' ya can do 'bout it!"

"Is that a euphemism?" Spain asked while Prussia was busy chuckling.

"Who cares? I have so won this bet, kesese~!"

"All right then, let us begin the meeti-" Germany walked into the room with Italy following straight behind, but abruptly stopped when he saw a pirate and a cowboy looking as though they were about to bring the building crashing down. "You know what? Forget it, no meeting today. Italy, let's just go on that beach walk you were talking about."

"Ve~ Yay, grazie Germany~!"

The two left and so did every other country who had been watching what was unfolding with quiet horror. The only ones remaining were England, America and the Bad Touch who were determined to see who would win their little bet...

Thus there was no meeting. Italy and Germany enjoyed a delightful day together, although if you asked Germany he would state immediately that 'It was not a date and Italy and I aren't like that you dummkoph!', and the Bad Friends watched a Battle Royale that took place between a cowboy and a pirate who wanted to prove their badassness but were also pretty sidetracked by marveling at how amazing other currently looked. Who won? I am not allowed to disclose that information for there is a movie currently being made about the epic clash. Screw 'Cowboys And Aliens', 'Cowboys And Pirates' is gonna smash the box office!

x~x~x~x~x

**Alright, here's what the people wanted:**

**liondancer17- Gentleman!America and Cowboy!America**

**The UK's Only- The dressing up idea with America realising Iggy is sexeh ;D**

**Nightshade974- Pirate!England**

**I just wanted the miniskirt line XD**

**As for who won, look out for the movie~ *cough* In the meantime, you guys feel free to voice your opinion on who you think would win :P Also! baconis1priority drew fanart for the glow stick chappy so go check it out! The link is on my profile ^_^**

**Hope you enjoyed it~ Until next time (I has exams coming up though so updates may be slower :/ wish me luck!)**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	34. Cue Austria

**Uwah, exams are evil :'( Hope anyone who has them is faring better than me!****  
><strong>For those that didn't know, the miniskirt line is an infamous meme that came from the awesome FMA series ^_^ Go on YouTube and you can see Eric Vale saying that line, and also Scott Freeman saying it about America! XD<strong>  
><strong>Well, on with the fusions~<strong>**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Thirty Four- MustLovePasta and Luna-Discord's Requests

An elegant man who's very movements screamed poise made his way down a corridor, doing his best to forget about all the stress he had at home. Granted the meetings weren't much better, but recently he couldn't wait for them seeing as everything really was anarchic back at his place.

Austria sighed, humming a bit of Mozart's Andante in an attempt to calm his nerves. Hungary's mood had been similar to that of a yo-yo recently: all smiley and giggly one moment whenever she was with Liechtenstein, but then ready to cause World War Three whenever Switzerland showed up to ruin her fun. He had tried to ignore it, but when Switzerland had actually held him at gunpoint earlier that day and demanded his little sister back- he had had quite enough. He was sick of how hectic his life was. All he wanted to do was relax and play the piano, or the violin, or hell any instrument for that matter. He would even settle for the triangle! Just to add to his list of annoyances, Prussia had been flitting about being (awesomely) annoying even more so than usual. Thus Austria was looking forward to the meeting, just so he could escape the insanity of his home.

When a break was called after about half an hour by Germany (who looked like he was ready to snap any minute thanks to Italy deciding to sit in his lap and throwing a tantrum if he was told to move, promoting Romano to throw tomatoes at him screaming, "What the fuck do you think you're playing at you potato bastard!"), Austria decided to find a quiet room just to enjoy some peace and quiet.

Unfortunately for the brunette, he was a bit curious. He wasn't usually the type to pry, but he couldn't help himself from wondering if all the things America and England supposedly got up to were true. After all, he had only heard what everybody else had said apart from one occasion, but he was still sceptical. And so without realising it, Austria found himself stood in front of the door that he knew the two countries were behind.

_I'll only listen for a bit..._

"America," he heard England say uneasily, "What is that?"

"Something that you caused," America purred back.

"But I... why now?"

"Dunno," the hero said casually before chuckling lightly, "But it's all your fault. Look at it England, what do you see?"

"Well it's... certainly impressive," the gentleman said awkwardly, hesitating slightly before America urged him to continue. "It's really big," he said quietly.

"But of course," America said cheekily. "Touch it Iggy."

"I don't think now is the time to- hey! Don't just grab my hand idiot!"

"C'mon, just feel!" America insisted, and Austria heard England suck in his breath a bit.

"See? Feel how long and hard it is," the bigger nation said in a low voice.

_How indecent, _Austria thought, slightly stunned that everything really was true. He was about to leave when all of a sudden he was literally dived on and a voice was whispering in his ear.  
>"Having fun eavesdropping? Kesesese~"<br>"Prussia!" Austria hissed, shaking the albino off, "What are you-"  
>"Nah, I should be asking that! I thought you were way too stuffy to be listening in! But it's fun right? A totally awesome way to kill time kesese~"<p>

"I don't see what you want me to do," England said, an edge of confusion in his voice.

"Oh c'mon dude you totally know what I want you to do!"

"Do I?"

"Aw man, you gonna make me beg? Fine: Please England... your mouth. Use your mouth on it."

"Damn, where's Spain when ya need him? This proves my point further, America's begging for it!"  
>"What on earth are you talking about?"<br>"Oh Spain's an idiot and thinks America tops," Prussia explained while laughing a bit to show that he thought this was ridiculous.  
>"Doesn't he? I always thought he would."<br>"What is wrong with you people?"

"Is it even clean? When was the last time you-"

"Just quit talking and use that mouth of yours already!" America said impatiently, apparently opting to grab the other given the cries of protest and indignation.

"Mmph! Hnn..." Muffled moans were being emitted by the island nation.

"C'mon, you can do better than this," America urged.

"America, I- nnnn!"

"Don't pull back yet, it's no good at the moment!" the hero said firmly. "Finish it."

"I refuse to listen to this," Austria muttered, deciding that he had heard quite enough. He turned around in order to head towards the meeting room, stopping briefly to address Prussia. "It's obvious that America is the dominant one though, if asked then I shall tell Spain as such."  
>This caused the awesome one to whirl around immediately. "No way! I'm so right! Don't you walk away from the awesome me!" Prussia began chasing Austria down the corridor and back to the meeting room.<p>

Upon opening the doors to the main area, the two countries were met with the sight of Romano swearing his head off at Germany, while being restrained by Spain, with Hungary busy explaining the apparent situation to Liechtenstein.

"This is the classic case of overprotective sibling," she said while the younger girl scribbled down notes. "Poor Romano finds it difficult to accept the romance Italy shares with Germany because of the strong sibling bond they share." Liechtenstein nodded while Germany glared at her.

"Why is everyone saying this? Italy and I aren't-"

"Ve~ Don't worry about my brother Germany, I still love you~" Italy said happily, linking his arm with Germany's and being completely cute and oblivious as always while Germany just sighed in exasperation.

"Fuck you potato bastard!" Romano hollered, struggling as hard as he could against Spain.

"Roma, just calm dow-"

"DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO, BASTARD!"

"Now what we have here," Hungary began, looking very seriously at her apprentice, "Is the standard example of sexual frustration. Little Romano is simply upset that his brother is getting some, but he isn't. It's obvious that he wants Spain, but-"

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING ON ABOUT?"

"Roma? Is this true?" A wide grin spread across Spain's face while Romano just got more violent.

"The hell it is! Leggo you bastard!"

"Aw Roma, don't be shy~!" Spain said, pulling the Italian into a hug.

"Ve~ Congratulations brother~" Italy said happily while Romano just screamed and yelled and kicked and Russia was looking on at everything with a cute smile on his face that usually meant he was planning something very dangerous and completely illegal. However all of the commotion in the room came to a momentary halt when the doors to the meeting room were flung open, and there was England with tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Please! Someone save me!" he cried, violently wiping away his tears as best as he could. "Does anyone have any mouthwash and hand sanitizer?" he asked, looking around everywhere frantically before a hand was placed on his shoulder and he jumped as he turned around to see America.

"Iggy I-"

"Shut up git!" England yelled, shirking America away from him and repeating what he said earlier. "I need some bloody mouthwash and hand sanitizer right now!"

Austria reached into his pocket and found some hand sanitizer and looked at the hysterical Brit. "I can't really assist you with mouthwash but here," he said, handing it over. "May I ask why you need it?"

"I stuck my finger up something dirty!" he explained frenziedly, squirting practically the whole of the small bottle of sanitizer all over his hands and thoroughly covering everywhere.

"Dude, it wasn't that bad!" America protested, while Prussia gave a triumphant:

"Ha! I knew I was right!" He mooched over to Spain who was currently doubled over and winded (Romano had elbowed him hard in the stomach) and said, "The fact that England was the one with his fingers where the sun don't shine proves he tops."

"You're delusional," Spain insisted, straightening up. "I still say America tops." A small argument broke out between them while everyone else was busy listening to America and England argue.

"I asked if it was clean you wanker! You wanted me to blow that? No way in bloody hell!"

"You're totally overreacting dude," America huffed, folding his arms and pouting. "It's not _that _unclean."

"America, are you blind? Did you not see the state of that bell-end? Disgusting!" He chucked the near empty bottle of hand sanitizer back at Austria (who had completely given up on his dream of ever catching a peaceful moment again) before tromping out of the room, quickly pursued by America.

Liechtenstein immediately looked to her wise teacher to enlighten her. "Basically... America needs to bathe more," Hungary said, before going on to explain the 'bell-end' was British slang for the extra sensitive part of a male's vital regions. Her explanation was cut short when Switzerland intervened with an MP5 submachine gun and commanded her to stop corrupting his little sister.

Meanwhile, America was busy trying to calm England down.

"Look, okay I should've cleaned it, but it wasn't that bad! I just wanted to hear you play the clarinet I found in my storage room the other day when _you _made me clean it!"

"You saw the state that bloody thing was in on the inside! I am not going anywhere near that dirty instrument, much less putting my mouth on it, while it is like that! Besides, Austria is the one to play something like that. I have no idea how to play the damn clarinet!"

America stopped. "Why the heck didn't you tell me that at the beginning then?"

"Because you forced the bloody thing on me you git!"

"But I thought you said you could play instruments."

England could play instruments actually, he had gotten extremely good at the electric guitar and the bass back in his punk days, he could even lay down a decent beat on the drums. Of course he was in no mood to discuss his secret rock obsession and so simply glared at America before giving him the silent treatment for the rest of the day.

Thus Prussia continued to think that he was right about England being the dominant one, Spain was determined to find out if Hungary was right about what she had said about Romano (said country vehemently denying everything), Germany just sighed as Italy sat on his lap once again, Hungary and Switzerland got into another Battle Royale, Liechtenstein reviewed her lesson notes, Austria went and purchased an iPod so that he could blast out Mozart and wouldn't ever have to listen to the stupidity that went on all the time, and England stole that bloody clarinet of America's and burnt it.

So just another average day really.

x~x~x~x~x

**My father is obsessed with the clarinet, he is like ultra jazz man :P I was busy studying the instrument for research and nearly died laughing when I found out the bottom of it was called the 'bell' XD Ah good instrumental innuendo times :P Although non-British peeps may not get that one... Google it dearies~ Hope you all liked it and until next time~ **

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	35. Midnight Visits

**Shh! Don't tell anyone I've updated! :P I should be revising, weil ich mein Deutsch-Prüfung am Freitag haben (because I have my German exam on Friday) but meeeehhhhhh. So, another chapter methinks :P  
>Also, you lot seem to love the clarinet :P Loads of you play as well, I never knew it was such a popular instrument! Sadly, I cannot play it : I play piano, violin and electric guitar though :D Although I'm most proud of my epic tambourine and maraca skillz! XD**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Thirty Five- MerridewLover and tynder20's Requests

_"Don't wanna be an American idiot~!"_

"What do you want America?" England asked, answering his phone. He had learnt to personalise the self proclaimed hero's ring tone a while back for those times when he fell ill. America would always come and 'take care' of him, but that always meant horrible medicine. This way, he could pick up immediately if he was ill and let America know that he was "Doing splendidly and in no need of any assistance, but thank you for the thought." It hardly ever worked, but on occasion it did and that was enough.

"Dude! Seriously, you have to get over here! Like NOW! It's an emergency!" came the American's panicked voice.

"America? Just calm down and tell me what-"

"NO TIME! Seriously, get over here somehow!"

"How the bloody hell do you expect me to do that?" the Brit snapped, "I would need to catch a plane and everything!"

"England, this is so serious! I need you man! Hurry!"

"America, this had better be bloody good! The last time I went to your place I spent seven hours on the most uncomfortable aeroplane while a little child constantly kicked the back of my seat and some overweight American tourist kept asking if I knew the Queen and to quote lines from Harry Potter. So unless your house is burning down then I refuse to come over."

"Haha, nah. If anyone is likely to burn their place down it's you with all your deadly cooking!"

"That's it, I'm definitely not coming."

"But duuuuuuude," America moaned, but he was cut off and the line went dead.

"Stupid git, I haven't burnt a building down due to my cooking for over three months," the Brit mumbled, going back to enjoy his extremely tasty scones (why did everyone say they were awful?)

x~x~x~x~x

England sat down on his sofa with a cup of tea and sighed happily. Yes, relaxation like this was just what he needed. He had been pleasantly surprised when America hadn't tried to call back after yesterday, and so took that to mean that there never really was an emergency and that he could carry on relaxing.

His peaceful time lasted all of two minutes.

Manic knocking at the door caused England to interrupt his quiet time and pull himself up from the sofa, going to tend to the really restless person outside of his house.

"I'm coming!" he called irritably, answering the door to see none other than America grinning back at him.

"Hey dude! Can I come in?" he asked, although he didn't wait for his answer and barged in anyway, bringing a rather large suitcase as well.

"Oi! What do you think you're doing idiot?" the Brit asked in exasperation.

"Well you said you couldn't come to my place so I came here! It was no big deal, I just commandeered a jet is all," he said happily, making a beeline for the living room where the gentleman had been only moments before. "Woah dude! Y-Your T.V..." he said in shock.

England came into the room in time to see the American gawking at his television.

"When did you get that cool thing?" he asked, pointing towards the 46 inch LED Samsung TV.

England simply shrugged. "South Korea gave it to me but I didn't really understand the reason. Something about thanking me for not being at a meeting and allowing him to get good footage or something."

"You should have told me dude! This is so cool!"

"Look, is there a reason you're here?"

"Well actually..." America scratched the back of his neck and grinned sheepishly, "There's... there's been something on my mind for a while now. I know that you may not take this seriously, but I kinda need to do something."

"Was it something that required us to be face to face?"

"Yeah. You see England, I..."

x~x~x~x~x

"Shit! That Yankee bastard just went into his house!" Scotland growled.

"Fuck!" hissed Ireland, partly because of the news but mainly because he was now in darkness. "North you idiot, hold the goddamn torch up!"

"Well _sorry _but I was a bit sidetracked by the news ya know," North said sarcastically, shining the light once more on the complicated grid of wires.

"Can't you hurry it up?" Wales moaned, his mood having lowered since the arrival of 'That stupid American git who underhandedly seduced our little brother'.

"Look, do you want me to do this right or do you want me to do a shit job?" Ireland asked, raising an eyebrow.

The British Isles brothers were currently trying to steal England's cable T.V by re-routing it to their places. Sure they loved their brother really, but it wasn't in their nature to show it outwardly and so they were hardly going to stop teasing him and such. They had been well concealed by the night as they started messing with the nest of wires in a little grey box at the back of England's house, but Scotland had noticed someone coming up the drive way and instantly saw America as the dimly lit porch lights illuminated a small area.

"Tch, I'm still pissed off we couldn't beat him up last time," Wales pouted, genuinely concerned. Out of all of his brothers, Wales was probably the one who would- when left alone with England- be civil with him. North was also rather good in that respect. Scotland and Ireland though? They _loved _their roles as the 'big brother baddies'.

"I don't even want to think about what that bastard is trying to pull at this very moment," Scotland muttered, but secretly that was code for 'I-am-going-to-go-and-listen-in-on-what-the-fuck-is-going-on-and-I-may-kick-that-guy's-arse-because-he-pisses-me-off'.

"I'm coming too!" Wales insisted, leaving the Irelands behind to re-wire the cables.

Wales and Scotland both made their way over to the window outside of the living room and found that they could just about hear what was happening if they listened hard enough (the blinds were drawn so they couldn't see in though).

"C'mon England, just let me put it in," came America's pleading voice.

"America, I have no intention of- ah! H-Hey!"

"Haha, I know you don't really mind dude. You'd be resisting more if you did."

"W-Wait, no... not that, I don't want-"

"Oh? You want me to try something else?" America asked.

"Yes..."

"Liar," the hero said playfully, "Look how far inside it already is."

"U-Uhn... No, I don't-"

"You say no, but you seem to be doing well, you're really hard, man."

"I-I'm not! America, please I-"

"England, just look at you. You're a total pro," the hero purred. "Giving me wood like this..."

"What the fuck? Can't that bastard tell that England didn't want to? That's it, I'm gonna kill the Yank!"  
>"Wait Scotland," Wales warned, "Remember what happened when we said we were gonna hurt him last time?" The two brothers recalled England's sad face and they couldn't bear to break in, at the moment anyways.<br>"I can't just stand here dammit! Can't you command some sheep to go and hurt him?"  
>"Fuck you Scotland."<p>

"Ah! A-America! I- I can't..."

"It's fine," the hero said softly, "Let it out England."

"Hah, c-come inside... please America, come inside!"

"England, so good..."

"Oh _God, _America! Y-Yes!"

There was a brief moment of silence before America spoke up.

"That was awesome England!" the hero grinned, the Brit just chuckled weakly. "Ready for round two?"

"Definitely."

"That's it, we're interrupting this somehow," Scotland said resolutely, marching back to join the other two.

x~x~x~x~x

"Ah! A-America! Help, I don't know what to do!"

"Quick chuck that wood you got earlier at it!"

"I-It won't work! Back me up or something!"

"But I gave you the best character! You're Hard Man! This should be easy!"

"I DON'T GAME LIKE YOU DO YOU BLOODY IDIOT! I told you not to put this game in! Winning round one was just a fluke, there is no way we can run into a house to get away from the enemies this time!"

England was correct, and the T.V was soon displaying the two words that America hated seeing: GAME OVER.

"Aw man, well you were better than I thought," he said honestly.

"You're a bloody idiot," England mumbled. "'Retro game night'? That was your big emergency?"

America grinned. "Well I've been wanting to show you the old consoles for a while now, they're freaking sweet! I totally had to show you ASAP so I said it was an emergency- which it is."

The two nations were currently sat on the sofa in front of the impressive T.V, which was currently supporting an SNES console. Inside the suitcase the American had brought along with him was said console, along with an N64, Sega Saturn and all of the old handhelds as well as numerous joystick controllers.

England got up from the sofa and perused all of the games that had been brought over, a particular title catching his eye. "How about we try this one?" he asked, showing America the box.

"Star Fox? Sweet, it's been a while since I played that game!"

The Brit loaded the game up and sat back down, promptly being handed one of the joysticks that America had brought. "It's better to play this game with one," he explained, and so England thought that he may as well try and make the best of it.

The United States didn't think his gaming companion would be any good in all honesty, England wasn't much of a gamer after all, but he found himself pleasantly surprised when the blonde seemed to complete the tutorial with ease and was already tackling one of the harder courses.

"All right! Go England!" he cheered as the mass of pixels acting as a plane dodged every obstacle in its way and defeated the enemies. England's face was one of pure concentration, but a small smirk came to his lips as he realised that, for one in his life, he was actually 'pwning' a game as America would put it.

_Wow, England sure knows how to handle a joystick, _America thought as his eyes flickered from the screen to the gentleman's movements. He snickered a bit when he realised how that sounded, before actually playing close attention.

England's hands moved skilfully around the gaming stick, making fluid movements to match the fluid actions of the virtual aircraft he was controlling. Occasionally he would give the controller a hard jerk when a swift manoeuvre was needed, and America found his face heating up while thinking, _What the heck? Dude, get your head out the gutter! It's only a joystick! But if he's that good with only a joystick, then... GAH!_

Before the hero could freak out even more though, everything suddenly went completely pitch black.

The electricity had been cut off.

"What the bloody-?" England began, sighing. "Typical." He pulled out his mobile from his pocket, and used the light to navigate away from the living room.

"England?" America called.

"I'm just going to get some candles until the electricity comes back on," the island nation called back. "I think there are also some in the drawer in that room with a lighter, so could you get those for me?"

"Sure thing dude!"

England returned about a minute later with loads of little candles in hand. He carefully took the lighter away from America and started to dot the mini sources of light around the room before lightning them all. With the little bit of light they now had, America was able to spot two bigger candles in the drawer, and so retrieved them before setting them out on the table and using the flame from one of the smaller candles to light them. A lovely aroma mixture of lavender, rose and vanilla was soon filling the room.

"Why am I not surprised you have candles?" America chuckled, gingerly making his way back over to the sofa where England was currently standing and making sure no candles were placed where the house would burn down (although at least it wouldn't be his cooking that did it this time).

It was as America was but a few centimetres away from the other that it happened: he tripped over one of the controller wires.

"Uwah!"

"What the- AH!"

The two of them collapsed in a heap onto the sofa.

"You bloody idiot," England muttered, slightly punching the other on the shoulder.

"Sorry, my bad," the hero laughed lightly.

It took a few seconds for both of them to register their current position: America was on top of England as they lay on the sofa. England came to the realisation first, a small pink tint beginning to dust his cheeks and he averted his gaze. It was as the Brit did this cute little action, that America also became of aware of their position.

"We... we seem to end up like this a lot, huh?" the bigger nation joked, but his voice was soft.

"Indeed..." was all the other replied, still looking anywhere but at America.

Now the hero wasn't sure if it was the candlelight, or the intimacy of this close proximity, or just that heavenly scent in the air, but something within him seemed to switch on and his body was on autopilot. He gently reached one of his hands to England's face, cupping his cheek tenderly. The Brit just sucked in his breath, his brain trying to formulate some witty remark that would end this awkward situation, but he was drawing a blank.

"England," America said softly, making it so that the two of them were gazing into each other's eyes.

"Wh-What are you doing?" _Damn, I need to be more forceful! If I don't then... then..._

"Something that I think I should have done ages ago," the hero replied, losing himself in those mesmerising emerald orbs, the gentle flickers of light from the candles making them glow beautifully. And then the Brit's eyes began to close, as if in anticipation for what America subconsciously knew he wanted to do. And so he began to lean in, their breaths mingling and their lips so close that it was almost unbearable, until-

The lights came on at full force and the door was practically kicked down.

"Hey little brother! Sorry about the lights but Ireland fucked up!" came Scotland's booming voice. Light footsteps were heard and Wales was instantly in the room, just in time to see the two countries on the sofa separating quickly and looking extremely awkward and embarrassed. The Welshman nodded to himself proudly; he had done a good thing in his mind.

"England, for the record Scotland is speaking bullshit! It was _not _my fault!" came Ireland's indignant voice, before he and the Scot got into a whispered argument of:

"We agreed the story you git, stick to it!"  
>"I'm not taking the wrap for something I didn't fucking do! I know how to use wires! You're the retard who ran over and cut the damn electricity wire!"<br>"Screw you! It was for our little brother so-"

"Well, we'd better be going!" North said, laughing slightly before noticing all of the candles. He quickly ran around the room putting them all out in an attempt to destroy the atmosphere before they decided they would take their leave.

"Wait!" England called, an edge of irritation to his voice. "What the bloody hell are you lot doing here?"

"Oh nothing, just stealing your cable," Wales said innocently. "Now if you don't mind-"

"YOU ARE NOT STEALING MY BLOODY CABLE!"

"Course we are," Scotland laughed, going up to the sofa to slap his brother on the back. "Why would we bother paying for it if you're doing it for us? Think you idiot."

And with that, the four brothers that really did just come and go as they pleased left the room and the house (after successfully re-routing the cable T.V of course).

Silence reigned in the room America and England were left in, none of them daring to speak at first until England could no longer stand it. He used the seven words he usually did that were perfect for escaping awkward situations:

"Well, I'm going to make some tea."

And with that, he got up and hastily made his way to the kitchen. _Bloody hell just calm down! What nearly happened before was madness induced by scented candles... or something... it's not as if I wanted anything to happen! _England deliberately avoided looking in the mirror in the hallway, for he knew that his face was probably scarlet.

America just sat there on the sofa, trying to comprehend all that had just gone on. _Why do I always lean in and... and try to k-kiss... I mean, it's not really what I should do and it's kinda weird but... maybe there's a TINY possibility that MAYBE I kinda... want a repeat of Xmas? _His pulse started racing even quicker. "No no no no no! Pull it together man, you were just... tired! Yeah, tired..."

Thus the denial between the two continued.

Meanwhile, at the end of England's driveway, the Brit's siblings were busy having a discussion.

"I saw them! That Yank was on top of him!" Wales cried, distraught and distressed.

"Damn! We have to do something! It was fun screwing around before but I think this is actually getting serious!"

"Don't worry, Scotland and I can always cock block!" Ireland grinned, giving the Scotsman a small high five.

"Or maybe you could call upon an army of sheep to attack the USA, eh Wales?" the fiery haired brother suggested with a cheeky grin.

"Scotland, I'm fucking warning you!" Wales raised a fist as if to punch him but a voice of reason interjected.

"You two gits need to focus! I think it's time that we told _him _about this," North said seriously, to which the other three just widened their eyes.

"North? Have you gone fucking insane lad?" Scotland asked, taken aback at the suggestion.

"You know what would happen if _he _found out! We don't want bloody World War Three dammit!"

"Well I really don't think we have a choice... it would be interesting at least."

"Can't we just get him a dog or something to distract him?" Wales suggested, "I know he likes them."

"Yeah but that's just boring... very well, let's tell _him _about it."

And so the British Isles stole into the night, hatching dastardly plans and being awesome while doing so.

x~x~x~x~x

**Le-gasp! What have Iggy's bros got planned? Will Wales really unleash the sheep? Just who is 'he'? Find out in the next chapter! For those interested, Hard Man is a character from Mega Man 3 :P Hope you enjoyed it everyone~ Danke for reading my fic ^_^**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	36. A New Face

**Guten abend von England~! ^_^ German exam went well, I practically IS German! *cough*yeahright*cough* I'll probably get the results and just see EPIC PHAIL written where the grade should be XD Ah well, Imma kick back and write another chappy~**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Thirty Six- The Truth's Lie and DeiDeiArtistic's Requests

Impatient fingers drummed against the arm rest of an aeroplane seat, a stewardess kindly offering the usual formalities and a drink, but the impatient person simply shook their head. He did not have time for drinks or time to relax, not after he had just found out that his beloved England had been seduced by the devil! He had not believed the news at first, but his light green eyes widened when Wales had been elbowed away from the phone and Scotland had confirmed what he had just been told: England had a lover, and it was serious (and there was no way the Scot would joke about something like this). The British Isles had gone into extreme detail about the goings on of the two (portraying America in the most negative light they could manage) until the poor guy listening couldn't take it anymore.

And so this particular individual rushed out of his house, and was on the very next plane to the United Kingdom, praying that the information he had been given was completely wrong.

_There's no way this can be true, _he tried to convince himself, running a hand through his brown hair and letting out a sigh. He was going to have to do something he hadn't done in a good long while: go to a World Meeting. It's not that he was never invited to them- technically he should be there- but there were just so many places to explore, and so he usually just got the minutes of the meeting and looked over them at night when he had spent his day living life to the full.

This nation didn't like the anxiety he was experiencing, usually he was cheery and upbeat, but he just couldn't be his usual self with this absolutely awful news. Of course the brunette had no intention of just storming into England's house in order to protect him from his twisted and sadistic lover (oh the fun Iggy's siblings had conjuring up this imaginary America), instead making sure that what had been relayed to him was actually the truth. After managing to find out that the two of them supposedly did _that _even in World Meetings, that was where he was headed.

"Just calm down, this isn't gonna be true at all," he muttered, willing with all of his heart that this really would be the case. England was his- and there was no way he was going to share!

x~x~x~x~x

"America, hurry the hell up! We're going to be late for the bloody meeting at this rate!" England yelled, already by the front door and ready to leave for the World Meeting that was being held at his place today. The hero had ended up staying the night (in a _separate _room mind you) seeing as he hadn't actually thought things through properly the night before- he was so preoccupied with showing the Brit all the old consoles that he hadn't thought to book a hotel or make any similar arrangements.

"Don't worry dude, you can't possibly be late!" came America's usual cheery tone as he made it down the stairs. "The meeting wouldn't start without the hero!" he grinned.

"I really do wonder about what planet you are actually on," the gentleman muttered, not even bothering to tell the other there was some breakfast in the kitchen because he didn't need wisecracks about his cooking at this time in the morning. Never mind the fact that he hadn't been able to sleep at all after that extremely awkward incident last night...

The two nations managed to get to the meeting relatively speedily (their journey being slowed when the American had insisted on getting a breakfast burger from a McDonald's along the way... okay, several breakfast burgers).

The meeting started off without incident, England in charge of opening statements and such before getting to be the first to offer his opinions on whatever topic was up for discussion. It was as the island nation was busy talking about the extremely riveting business of trade when things began to descend into the usual nonsense. America seriously would _not _shut up and continually nagged about when he would get the Jaffa Cake exports from the UK, which in turn got the other countries curious as to what Jaffa Cakes were, which meant that Canada was tasked with buying Jaffa Cakes in bulk so that everyone could try them. Why Canada? Because he is an easy target.

"Mein Gott! These are wunderbar!" Germany said in surprise, at first sceptical to try any food that came from Britain but ultimately giving into curiosity.

"Ve~ We need these in my country~!" Italy said happily, while his brother pouted a bit and muttered, "Well they're nothing like tomatoes but I guess they're alright," before realising that he had actually issued a _compliment _and so quickly rectified this by saying much more loudly, "These are a pile of shit!" _But seriously, how can the tea bastard_ _have something that actually tastes damn good?_

"Hey, these are similar to PiM's at my place," Spain said, inspecting the cake (or was it a biscuit?)

"PiM's will never even come close to the brilliance of Jaffa Cakes," England said resolutely, recalling the time he had bought some out of curiosity and had died a little inside upon tasting them- such a lovely treat having been destroyed by the Spaniard.

While a pointless argument broke out between the two, America was busy combining burgers and Jaffa Cakes to form some ultimate fusion of pure epicness (and extremely high cholesterol, but heroes didn't worry about things like that).

"You're going to kill yourself one day," Canada said, looking at his brother warily and simply sighing as all he got in response was a thumbs up and a confident, "Heroes don't die dude!"

Unfortunately the American misjudged his capacity, and throughout all of the commotion that had been caused over the British confection, a whole new one flared up when America started choking. Russia had been the first to notice it, springing into action and rushing to save the Ameri-

Ha, yeah right.

No, Russia did notice first but a dark smile just adorned his features and he looked on in amusement. China noticed the change and was the second to realise the predicament America had gotten himself into.

"Oh my God! America's choking, aru!" he yelled, actually being useful unlike Russia and seeing if he could do anything to help. Without missing a beat, Germany was behind the self proclaimed hero and performing the Heimlich manoeuvre (which really wasn't helping matters in all honesty).

The poor hamburger lover had no idea what was going on. One minute he was enjoying a totally sweet treat he had just invented, then all of a sudden his breathing was cut off. Astonishingly he rarely ever choked when he ate, and so this came as a complete shock. As if his lack of being able to breathe efficiently wasn't enough, he now had a hench German literally crushing him. France pointed out that they should probably try something else, because otherwise Germany would accidentally be the reason America would end up in hospital and not a wayward morsel of food.

"Oi! Move!" England commanded, immediately cutting off his wrestling match with Spain over which was better out of Jaffa Cakes and PiM's in order to see what he could do. "America you idiot!" he berated, while America somehow managed to roll his eyes even in his current state.

_I'm freaking choking and he STILL shouts at me, I just can't win! _he thought as he was lowered to the ground and was lying flat on his back. The lack of oxygen really was beginning to become a problem at this point, but luckily the Brit knew CPR. Putting his hands on the American's chest, he began to pump. After a few seconds of nothing happening, stupid suggestions were offered up in a frantic manner.

"I have a wok, aru!"

"What good will a wok do?"

"How about my lead pipe? Kol kol kol."

"No Russia, just no!"

"Uwah! We surrender food, don't kill America!" Italy wailed, waving his white flag back and forth like a maniac.

"How about we try traditional Japanese method of Samurai?" Japan suggested, drawing a katana from _somewhere _and beginning to say some chant in Japanese.

"Oh no this is awful! The lovers can't be torn apart like this!" Hungary cried, holding Liechtenstein close to her, the two fujoshi's calling upon the yaoi gods to spare America's life, at least until they had witnessed some incredibly sexy guy on guy USUK action.

"You are _not _going to die on me git!" Iggy said determinedly, giving an extra hard pump and _finally _the thing causing the American so much pain was dislodged and he could breathe once more. Completely shattered with all that had just happened and his throat hurting like hell, America stayed led on his back, breathing lightly and trying to stabilise his condition. However the other countries didn't realise this, and it was just as the United States was about to sit up and give his famous hero grin to alert the others to the fact that he was totally fine, that he heard someone yell:

"It didn't work! Quick England, give him mouth to mouth!"

_Mouth to mouth? _he thought, staying exactly where he was. _Hang on, this could totally be useful... _America wasn't going to deny the fact that the kiss he had shared with England was... different from others he had experienced. When he had kissed England that time, his heart was racing, his lips tingled, and if he was completely honest with himself: he wanted _more_. Coming up with that agreement that 'it didn't mean anything' was only because he wanted to deny everything, but lately...

He wanted to try again, just to make sure that it wasn't the festive spirit amplifying things. And so although this was not romantic in the least, if he and England kissed under the guise of mouth to mouth then, in theory, there shouldn't be any awkward atmosphere after.

He opened an eye ever so slightly, able to see that England had turned red at the suggestion and was stuttering. But then he shook his head, coming to the conclusion that this was to save America's life, and so he actually, honestly, seriously began to lean in.

And it was at this very point in time that a certain someone arrived on the scene, having sprinted from the airport the second his plane had landed. He poked his head around the door to look into the meeting room, not really sure what to expect but he certainly wasn't expecting the sight he was met with.

_N-No! What the-? Is this a joke? They're... they're... gonna KISS? Here? Now? It's true? _His head was spinning, eyes fixed on the scene although he did pinch himself a couple of times to make sure that he wasn't having a weird dream or something. The little grey animal that was currently on the nation's shoulder started nuzzling him affectionately as if to console him.

The Brit gently put his hand under America's chin and leaned down, deciding that there was no time to take this slow as a life was at stake and so going for it straight away would be by far the better option. And then their lips were connected. America immediately felt small vibrations rushing through his body at the contact, his heart rate once again beginning to increase. As England honestly thought he was giving mouth to mouth, it was only natural for him to pull America's chin lightly so that his mouth was open- because the whole point in the resuscitation is to re-establish air flow.

_Holy crap! _the hero thought, wondering if he should take advantage of this absolutely perfect opportunity that had presented itself- because he couldn't do so the last time they had kissed. He had to decide what to do quickly, or else England was likely to commence with that whole pinching of the nose thing that would kill this already pretty unromantic moment. Yet the hero didn't care that they weren't at some fancy restaurant, or at a hotel, or even in privacy. As far as he was concerned at the moment, he and England were the only two people in the world.

And so, blaming the entire thing on delirium because he had just choked after all, America thought he would risk it. He carefully slipped his tongue into England's mouth. Said country's eyes widened, not expecting this in the least- wasn't America unconscious? Naturally his first reaction was to pull back immediately, but the way America was using his tongue to-

_Oh dear God! How is he doing that? _the blonde wondered, quite forgetting himself for a brief moment as his eyes fluttered shut he emitted a very small moan. _What am I doing? I..._

When America felt England's lips pressing back against his, he couldn't help but think that this had definitely been the right move. He became a bit more persistent and in turn he could hear England making quiet noises that he admitted he rather liked- although it was blatantly obvious that the island nation was deliberately keeping his voice down. _How can I make him louder? _he briefly wondered, before his mind drew a blank as England also began to utilise his tongue and actually started battling for dominance in this resuscitation turned making out session. The two of them could have been there for only seconds, or maybe minutes, hell they wouldn't be surprised if it was hours; they had completely lost track of time.

However, lack of oxygen soon reminded them that they would have to stop indulging in each other if they didn't wish to suffocate, and so eventually the two of them pulled away.

"Haha, guess I should choke more often huh?" America grinned, before realising where they actually were and adding to the sentence, "You saved my life England!" so as to convince the other countries that the Brit really had been performing mouth to mouth. Said country currently had one hand covering his mouth while looking completely confused and bewildered, a lovely shade of red adorning his face.

_What in the bloody hell was that? _

Yet he didn't have time to think about the ins and outs of everything, because huge cheers exploded around the room and numerous countries that were busy hailing him as a hero picked him up. Speaking of heroes, America was busy wondering what on earth the next step from here was, or if he should in fact do anything at all.

_What do I do? We kinda need to talk about it guess, oh God I can't believe I just did that!_

Meanwhile, a brunette that had seen the whole thing was busy wondering how he should go about tackling this massive problem. _Crikey, this is gonna be more difficult than I first thought._

x~x~x~x~x

When England arrived back at his place later on, he had wanted nothing more than to have a rejuvenating cup of tea before having an early night. He hadn't been able to ask America just what the hell he was playing at earlier due to him being the centre of attention for the rest of the day, and he didn't even want to think about why he had actually let him do that... or why he even joined in.

"Bloody hell, that idiot," he muttered, turning the key in his door and stepping into his lovely house where he could be in solitude.

"England~!" a gleeful voice rang out, before the Brit found himself dived on by a larger nation. He didn't even have to look up to know that light green eyes would be shining, and a huge grin would be greeting him. "G'day mum!"

"Australia... what the hell are you doing here?" the blonde asked with a mixture of surprise and exasperation.

"What? I can't come visit my mum now?" the other asked, feigning hurt.

"I'm not your mother git! And no it's not that, it's just-" he was cut off when he was pulled into a hug by the Aussie, before being released just as swiftly as the other bounced up and went to pick up his pet koala that of course he had to bring on the trip.

"Been a while right?" he asked, smiling.

"Indeed," England replied, a small smile gracing his lips as he watched Australia playfully spin his koala around. Now Australia was indeed a strange one. Back when he was a child, he had caused Iggy no end of bother; in fact the Brit would even venture to say that he was the most boisterous of all the nations that he had raised. Granted America had been a bit of a troublemaker back when he was little, but the brunette had access to a wide variety of interesting wildlife that America had not, thus England would often find a snake hiding in his clothes or giant spiders being placed in his bed- Australia was always pulling pranks. Yet when he had gained independence, after a few years Australia realised that he missed his 'mum'. So his personality seemed to do a 180, and he became incredibly caring and clingy (while still teasing the gentleman).

"Honestly," England sighed, walking over to the taller nation. "You could have called ahead you know." He gently reached out and brushed his fingertips against the small plaster that was across the Aussie's nose. "What happened here?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Nothing," Australia dodged the question.

"Australia," England said in his stern mother's voice, "Tell me or else."

"Or else what?" he challenged, before he soon found himself exploding into laughter as England pulled on his right ahoge- his most ticklish spot.

"M-Mum! Hahaha! O-Okay I give I give!" he laughed, and England chuckled softly as well.

Yes, Australia loved England as much as any child can love their mum. There was no way he was going to let someone potentially harm the parent he cared about, and from what he had heard from the British Isles... Australia had decided that it was his duty to look out for his mother and protect him from America. And if it really did come to light that his mum honestly did care for the star spangled idiot, then he would definitely be testing him to make sure that he was suitable for England.

Speaking of America...

"Hey, umm... Iggy? Can I come in?" the American's voice sounded, and Australia immediately became tense. "My games consoles are here," he said as he stepped into the main room without bothering to wait for the Brit to say he was allowed to enter (not that said country was capable of doing so now that he was blushing too much thanks to him remembering the incident earlier that day).

_Damn, I can't face him just yet! I need to come up with a reason as to why I did that... sleep deprivation? A moment of insanity? Aliens? He'd probably believe that last one..._

_Okay America, just talk this out calmly, _the hero thought in an attempt to boost his confidence. He was actually a little relieved when he heard England call, "I'm just making some tea!" because it bought him some time at least. He entered the living room, expecting to just be able to sit and wait on the sofa and figure out what to say, but he came face to face with a brunette that he had only seen a brief couple of times before.

"Oh, hey," the hero said. _Who the heck is this guy?_

"G'day," Australia replied, keeping his voice level and his eyes on 'the sly bastard that brainwashed our dear little brother' in the words of Ireland.

"I'm America," said country announced in an attempt to make friends, but he was just met with a smirk.

"Oh I know all about ya golden boy, and I'm gonna say this now to avoid things getting messy: stay away from England."

"Wh- huh?"

"You heard me."

A staring contest between the two broke out for a moment before England walked back into the room and Australia beamed, dashing up to the other and glomping him (being mindful of the tea). Now America knew that if he tried that, England would have probably scowled and pushed him off and made a sarcastic remark- and he expected the same thing to happen here. So you can imagine his surprise as he saw England laugh and ruffle the guy's hair affectionately.

"Australia, you'll have to let go at some point," he said happily, because England was happy. Sometimes he missed his role of parent, and Australia let him revisit that side of him whenever he came over.

Of course, America didn't know that this very affectionate relationship was just that similar to parent and child, and he could already feel himself begin to get slightly annoyed and wonder just what made this guy so special.

When the Aussie eventually did let go, he walked up to America and whispered, "You'll be seeing much more of me mate. I care about England, so hurt him and you'll be sorry." He then turned to England and did a huge wave, "Later~! See ya soon, kay?"

x~x~x~x~x

Meanwhile, in the USA:

"Fucking hell, WALES! Would you control yer damn sheep?" Scotland asked angrily.

"It was _your _idea to bring them over here, so you deal with it!" Wales retorted.

Ireland ran up to them with a worried expression, "Where the fuck is North?"

"Heeeeeellpppppp!" came a faint cry from somewhere within the mass of white fluff that the brothers had put inside America's house.

"Goddammit! North! Try and hold up your hand!" Wales yelled frantically, trying to locate their missing sibling.

"What were we trying to accomplish with this again?" Ireland asked, wondering why on earth they thought that bombarding America's house with sheep was a good idea in the first place.

"Nothing in particular," Scotland simply shrugged before a sly grin came to his lips, "But you can't deny the fact that this is fucking hilarious!" Ireland had to agree with that point, even if there was no real reason for it you have to admit that shoving loads of sheep into someone's house is rather amusing.

"Wales!" North gasped upon being rescued. "What the hell? I thought you had power over these things!" Wales immediately turned to glare at Scotland because it was obviously him that had convinced North of that.

"You're a prick, you know that?" he seethed while Scotland just burst out laughing.

"Ach, calm down lad! Hey... ya reckon we could get more sheep in here?"

"I'll ring New Zealand!" Ireland grinned, pulling out his phone.

Thus the USA was hit with a sheep invasion, America and England never did get a chance to discuss what had happened that day, Australia and his koala took it upon themselves to become their mum's personal bodyguards, and Hungary and Liechtenstein were busy fangirling over the 'mouth to mouth' England had administered to his lover.

x~x~x~x~x

**So ja, YOU WIN OKAY? They kissed again, you happy? Well, are ya? Pfft, giving me a CPR prompt, very sly! There was no way around that one XD And when I saw a request for Australia being overprotective I was all d'awww, Oz wants to protect his mum XD Especially as I read on Wikipedia that apparently the UK and Oz have one of the closest international relationships so yeah~ I hope you like my portrayal of him :3 Well, it's late here so I'm off to bed now :P Until next time dear readers~ ^_^**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	37. The Switzerland Meeting

**I think I am dying, hell month has seriously started to take a toll on me :( Uwah! To all those suffering as well: I know your pain! Just stay strong and we can make it through this! *dramatic pose***

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Thirty Seven- The Truth's Lie and LoviROMA17's Requests

The World Meeting was to be held in Switzerland this time around. This had pretty much everyone on edge, because, well... it's Switzerland. Hungary was already in a bad mood because she knew that the Swiss man would have an absolute zero tolerance of any sexy goings on between a certain American and a certain Brit. Depressed that she would not get her usual World Meeting yaoi fix, she had opted to download all of the series she could think of and was busy watching them all in her hotel room the night before- with Liechtenstein of course, she was her apprentice after all (although sneaking her out of Switzerland's house was mission freaking impossible).

Spain was busy wandering the hotel the countries were all staying at, wondering where on earth Romano had gotten to and worrying slightly because his little Roma had an... interesting vocabulary choice at the best of times, and Switzerland (gun master extraordinaire) probably wouldn't take that kindly to it.

America on the other hand, was currently led flat on his back on the hotel bed in his room, empty cola bottles and hamburger packets strewn about all over the place. He was actually one of the few countries that didn't mind the meeting being in Switzerland, purely because he just wanted to get away from the States at the moment. For you see, for some currently unknown reason, there had been a recent influx in sheep over there. He had even returned home the other day to find that his house had been completely taken over by the fluffy creatures, and so he was thankful for the brief respite he had been granted with this meeting. However after about half an hour of doing nothing productive and just lying there, boredom began to consume him, thus he decided to ring someone to quell his boredom. Rolling over on the bed to grab the phone on the cabinet, he tried to recall everyone's room number before dialling.

It took a while for the other party to answer, which the hero thought strange because this particular individual was usually extremely prompt in picking up the phone, but he soon heard the voice after a good five rings. It sounded uncharacteristically frantic.

"Konbanwa!" Japan said hurriedly.

America blinked for a moment before shrugging and grinning. "Yo, what's up Japan?"

"Oh, America-san! Gomen, but I can't really speak right now, my deadline is in a few days!"

"Deadline? You mean for your manga thing?"

"Hai! So sorry, I really must go!"

Before the Asian power hung up, America heard a door being opened in the background and Hungary practically singing, "Japan~ Liechtenstein and I have come to see how your latest chapter is coming along~" And then the line went dead.

"I didn't know Hungary was into manga other than that guy romance stuff," America muttered, recalling how he had once caught the fujoshi totally engrossed in a manga volume and had let curiosity get the better of him. To say he was shocked at the very... intimate goings on would be an understatement. He wasn't homophobic or anything, he just couldn't believe that stuff like _that _could be published. "Japan doesn't draw that kinda stuff though does he?" the hero wondered, ultimately giving up on caring and started trying to recall what England's room number was. Finally being struck with the correct digits, America dialed it in and waited for a response.

He never got one.

He tried again, but still there was no response.

_Strange, England doesn't normally leave his room when a meeting is the next day, _America thought, knowing the island nation far too well and knowing that he wouldn't be at the bar because the gentleman refused to let himself get drunk the night before a meeting. Thus he came to the conclusion that something was strange, and so in order to kill his boredom and also satisfy his curiosity, America left his room in order to see if England really was in his room and was just ignoring him.

On his journey over, he came into contact with a worried Spaniard.

"Hey Spain," America said in a friendly tone, but he was just met with anguish.

"Have you seen Roma? I can't find him anywhere!"

"Huh? No, I've not seen Romano anywhere."

"Dios mio! What if Switzerland shot him or something?" he fretted, which promptly caused the self proclaimed hero to offer up his help because, obviously, that's the heroic thing to do.

"I was just on my way to look for Iggy actually, and he generally knows stuff so wanna come with?" he asked.

Spain's expression turned very dark at the mention of England. "I don't want to ask that damn eyebrows for help."

America was confused for a moment, before simply shrugging. "Well whatever dude, I was just thinking that if ya really wanted to find Romano then Iggy might know but if ya really don't care..." he began to walk off down the corridor, and wasn't in the least bit surprised when he heard hurried footsteps sounding behind him a few moments later after Spain had gone through an internal debate with himself.

"All right, room 221B," America said, turning to Spain. "This is his room." He knocked and waited for a response, but nothing happened. He tried again and again, until eventually he was pummelling the poor, innocent door.

"Hey! Hang on," Spain said, halting the hero's assault on the wooden barrier. "I think I can definitely hear him." And so the two of them were silent, and decided to listen for a moment.

"Heh, look at you," England said in a low, husky voice.

"B-Bastard!" a voice protested.

"Roma?" Spain asked in confusion. "What's Roma doing with that stupid eyebrows?"  
>America was just as confused as the brunette, focusing more on what was being said.<p>

"Exposing yourself like this... you're arse belongs to me!"

"D-Damn you! It's not like that! Stop!"

"Prepare to be dominated!"

"Ah! W-Wait, bastard! I- AH! Uhn, h-how the fuck are you doing that?"

"I'm just _that _good."

"This... no freaking way," America said, utterly convinced that this time he really must just be misunderstanding events. After all: _Romano? _Yeah, no way could this be true. Sadly Spain didn't share the same thought, and was busy having a break down while also swearing to murder England, beginning to attack the door as the American had done earlier. "Hang on Roma! I'll save you!" he yelled.

"Heh, you think you're the only one who can do that, huh bastard?" Romano panted, clearly doing something that took the Brit by surprise.

"Ah! H-Hey, wait a minute! What the bloody hell are- UWAH! R-Romano!"

"Ha! How d'ya like _that?_" the Italian said proudly. "Yeah, take it you damn tea bastard!"

"If you insist on playing this way then I'll just have to pound you even harder into submission," the Brit suddenly said coolly.

"Huh? Y-You wouldn't- uhn! H-hah! O-Oi!" Romano appeared to have lost the ability to make his sentences coherent as he opted for a string of pants and moans.

"Oh God yes," England breathed, "Look Romano, it's fully inserted."

"Damn you... bastard," Romano managed, still trying to retain the usual fire in his voice.

"Why won't this damn door budge?" Spain practically wailed, kicking it with all of his might. America very nearly joined in, because the more he listened, the more he couldn't convince himself that something innocent was happening. And didn't England have a rep for sometimes being a bit of a playboy? Well, that's what France told him, so he wasn't sure if that was true but still.

"Heh, you're mine," England purred.

"Tch, d-damn, so good..." Romano gasped before growing slightly impatient. "Well what are you waiting for bastard? Thrust it in already!"

"Just making sure I've mounted properly," England said simply, before various noises were heard- most of them very colourful vocabulary from Romano while he moaned.

"B-Bastard, penetrating so deep like this, hah! Ah! Fuck me!"

And it was at this point, that Spain fainted with complete shock.  
>"Hey, dude!" America said worriedly, making sure the Spaniard still had a pulse before glaring at the door. <em>Okay, this is freaking ridiculous!<em>

"Shit, y-you're really good! Dammit bastard! Ah!"

All of a sudden, the door was unceremoniously kicked down and there stood an extremely unimpressed American.

"Okay, what the hell are you two doing?" he yelled, all too ready to go on a gigantic rant until he actually saw the two nations. Both of them had small headsets on, with Romano looking extremely pissed off and England having a proud little smirk on his face. America's eyes then flickered to the T.V screen they were both sat in front of, the familiar images of Call of Duty being displayed.

England's eyes immediately widened when he saw the other stood there, instantly snapping into action and diving at the television to switch it off. "Ah, America! I-It's not actually- I wasn't really playing- you see it's not as if I-" the gentleman tried to conjure up a logical explanation as to _why _had had been playing the 'mindless game that was a complete waste of bloody time' as he tended to call it, but was currently drawing a blank.

"Screw this," Romano spat, chucking his controller to the ground and tearing off the headset. "As if you're actually fucking decent at this piece of shit game," he seethed. He was only playing it to see if he could get a better understanding of weapons, in the event of the albino bastard and the pervy bastard suddenly deciding to assault him again. "The only thing that boosted your points was that tactical insertion earlier!" The violent Italian got up and started tromping to the door.

"On the contrary, if you keep your player walking around exposed then you'll obviously get gunned down," the Brit said as if it were obvious, still trying to explain his odd bout of gaming to America who was staring at him, completely dumbfounded.

England gained more time to think about things when he suddenly heard Romano shriek in horror before stomping back into his room and glaring at America. "What the fuck did you do to Spain you hamburger bastard!" he yelled, pointing to said country's unconscious form outside of the room.

In the end it took about ten minutes for the hero to calm the hot head down enough for him to attempt an explanation, in the end just saying that Spain had eaten too many tomatoes and had fainted as a result of too much Tomatogen in his system (why Romano fell for that, America had no idea) before Romano huffily dragged 'the damn heavy bastard' back down the corridor to their respective rooms.

Once the larger nation was left alone with England, he immediately turned to face the island nation and raised an eyebrow. "You were playing Call of Duty?" he asked.

England shuffled about uncomfortably on the floor before getting up and saying, "Yes, but I honestly don't play it often!"

"How come you were even playing it though?"

"Well... just because. I don't have to explain myself to you!" The Brit wasn't about to say that he was doing it because he wanted to find some more things that he and America could do together... _Because it honestly is not for that reason! Why would I want to spend more time with him? Ha! That's a bloody good joke! Honestly..._

Suddenly, a huge grin was on America's face. "Awesome dude! You actually looked pretty good, can I play with you?" He didn't even bother waiting for a response; instead finding the remote discarded on the Brit's bed and switching the T.V back on. "Oh man this is gonna be so freaking cool! It's awesome how we can do stuff like this Iggy!"

He tugged on England's arm and pulled him to the floor, grabbing the headset and controller Romano had been using earlier. A cheeky grin came to his face as he said, "Hey England, I'm not gonna go easy on ya!" before he casually draped his arm over the other nation.

"Oi! Get off!" the Brit protested, trying to struggle away from the United States but ultimately failing. In the end he looked at the happy American grinning at him, and he couldn't help but smile back a bit. "Well then don't expect me to go easy on you, git," he retorted playfully.

"Of course," America said, his grin growing in intensity. _Iggy isn't pulling away? Sweet!_ he thought as he pulled the smaller nation even closer to him. Of course protests were hurled for about five minutes, but he eventually settled down. By the end of the first match England noticed that, and he wasn't quite sure how this happened, he was practically sat on America's lap. He could feel the bigger nation's warm breath ghosting against his neck, sending small shivers pulsating through his body. The hero's arms were wrapped around his waist, his hands obviously holding the controller so he could play the game. America seemed overjoyed and not the least bit fazed with this close proximity and compromising position. This was not the case for England, who blushed upon the realisation and was seriously contemplating hitting the other and escaping, until he realised that he rather liked the feel of America's arms around him...

Purely because he was cold of course, not because he was starting to have any weird lovey-dovey thoughts about America or anything...

Thus the two countries bonded together over an extremely violent game, how romantic~

x~x~x~x~x

**I hope this was okay :) Whenever I've played CoD it's amazing how many things actually sound bad like: "I'll plant my claymore in your hallway", or "I'll care for your package" and such :P I'm sorry for the late updates, exams have kinda been killing me but I'm almost done with them ^_^ Hope you all enjoyed it and until next time~**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	38. Becoming One (With A Russian)

**Gomenasai gomenasai gomenasai! I am so sorry readers! D: I know I haven't been here in ages, but there were exams and then I was in France for the past few days, chilling with the bloody frogs and all that jazz (I love you really French people, shout out to the French readers~ I know you read this, I have discovered the traffic feature ;D), then FanFiction login has been failing these past few days! D: So I apologise for the late update! I'm on break now though, so loads of updates methinks!**  
><strong>Again I'm sorry, but I will make it up to you all! <strong>

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Thirty Eight- FreakyFreakMcFreakerton's Request

There are some things in life that just make you go 'What the fuck?' and make you question your sanity. An example of this is when you are walking up your stairs and you swear blind that there is another step to come but there isn't, thus you end up epically hulk-stomping the ground. Another example is the moment when you realise that the popular Twilight saga is basically a story where a girl has to choose between bestiality and necrophilia, but I digress.

The thing that happened at the World Meeting today that made all of the countries wondering if someone had spiked all of their drinks was the fact that when a break was called, America got up, strode purposefully over to _Russia_, grabbed him by his scarf and dragged him out of the room while muttering something along the lines of, "I can't wait any longer, I need you now dude!"

Russia simply gave an eerie grin and easily followed, the soft sounds of a few 'kols' beginning to rise up in his throat.

And then the doors behind the two nations closed, and there was a dead silence.

No one was really sure how they ought to react to that. France immediately came to the conclusion that he should _never _try to combine cream cheese, electric toothbrushes and pogo sticks ever again as he had done last night, because clearly that was the cause of him seeing such bizarre things that day. Germany vaguely wondered if he had eaten some bad wurst, while Romano was sticking to the theory that he too had ingested so many tomatoes that the Tomatogen was making him have hallucinations (yes, for some strange reason he still believed in Tomatogen).

China just stared open mouthed (South Korea seeing his opportunity to grope his Aniki), while Japan was left feeling rather uncomfortable at his inability to read the current atmosphere due to complete and utter confusion, and Greece... well, Greece was asleep.

After a few awkward coughs and a tumbleweed blowing through the meeting room, someone _finally _asked the question vying on everyone's mind:

"What. The. Bloody. Hell."

It was England who had spoken, quickly looking at the tea in the little china cup he was holding, eying it suspiciously to determine whether or not it was a hallucinogenic before fixing his gaze back on the now closed doors.

He didn't like it.

He didn't like the fact that America was now spending his break with Russia. _N-Not that he has to spend it with me or anything! It's just that, well... it's RUSSIA! Why does America 'need' Russia? What has Russia got that I don't? Not that I care, I'm simply... curious. NOT JEALOUS! _He tried to convince himself of that fact, attempting to quell the painful knot forming in his stomach and scowling whenever his mind wondered why America didn't want _him _instead.

Shortly after the Brit's question came a loud cracking sound that put everyone on edge, followed by the large table they were all sat around falling to the ground. They all looked up in time to see that Belarus had a possessed look in her eye, having gripped the wooden surface so hard that it had snapped and broken away.

"He took big brother," she said slowly; ominously. Her deep blue eyes darkened as she pulled out a dagger with a dangerous glint forming in her eye. This action appeared to revive the rest of the previously stunned countries, the wimpy ones running the hell away while some of the braver ones attempted to calm Belarus down (Prussia very nearly getting stabbed if it wasn't for his 'pure awesome' rescuing him).

During all of this commotion in which Germany did his best to restrain the mentally unstable sister of Russia's, England quietly rose out of his seat and made his way to the meeting room exit with the intention of seeking out the two countries.

"I'm only going because... I lent America my pen and I need it back," he muttered under his breath._ I am most certainly NOT going because of any other silly reasons such wondering why the bloody hell Russia was chosen over me! _

Liechtenstein looked up at Hungary who seemed to be mulling over something very important.

"Umm... are they not in love anymore?" she asked quietly, her heart aching a bit at the thought because she was so sure the two were 'inseparable and simply made for one another' in the words of Hungary after consulting a plethora of yaoi volumes for research.

"This is..." Hungary said quietly, still coming to conclusions before her eyes radiated determination and became alight with the fire that only the eyes of a fujoshi can possibly posses. "This is the classic case of the dark stranger in the background! Russia and America don't seem like a likely match and some may even go so far as to call them enemies, so throwing them together as a pairing is a totally awesome twist! They may have had that Cold War but it looks like things are hot between them now~!"

"But... what about England?" the small girl asked, completely confused as to why her mentor seemed thrilled about this new turn of events.

Hungary's eyes glittered as she said, "Do you see our little tsundere anywhere around here?"

Liechtenstein looked but found that the room was now down one Englishman, so she shook her head.

"Exactly! The thing about tsunderes is that, while they try and hide it, they tend to get jealous very easily. America choosing Russia will just magnify his feelings, ending in a dramatic love confession and glorious USUK action! And if not, then perhaps a threesome will occur~ Either way, man smex is just around the corner, we must observe!" she cried, grabbing her apprentice and dashing out of the room in order to locate Russia, America and England.

"Okay, this is the room," England said shakily after having finally found the whereabouts of the two he was looking for. "All I have to do is just ask for my pen back and go, I'm not here to eavesdrop or anything. This is none of my business, and as a gentleman I should just-" he didn't even bother trying to finish his blatant lie, moving up close to the door and pressing his ear to it. After all- he wasn't just about to charge in just in case nothing was happening, or worse, in case something _was _happening. Urgh, he didn't need those images in his head.

"You have made a wise choice comrade," came Russia's low voice. "You wish to take what we have further, da?"

"Hang on a sec dude... I'm not sure we're ready for something like _that_ just ye-"

"Nonsense, I know you wish to become one with me. It's inevitable, soon everyone will."

America snorted a bit at this. "So what? I mean nothing, you're just gonna be with everyone?" He tried to turn it into a joke but England could hear the sadness in his tone.

A low chuckle was emitted from the Russian, before finally saying, "Do not fear comrade, right now you are the only one I wish to become one with."

"Then..." America's voice was barely a whisper at this point and the Brit had to strain to catch this next bit, "What are ya waiting for dude?"

"For you to ask nicely, kol kol."

"Pfft! No way in hell!"

"Fine, then it looks as though I'll be unable to satisfy your needs," the other said simply, and England could hear footsteps heading towards the door.

"Hey, wait a second man! Don't just leave!"

"Then say it."

"I..." America hesitated. "Damn you, Commie bastard."

"Actually comrade, I'm not a Com-"

"ARGH who cares? I need you okay? So just... just... LET ME BECOME ONE WITH YOU!" he practically yelled.

Those words felt like a severe punch to the gut for England. _I don't get it... why am I so bothered by this? If America likes Russia that much then why should I care? _But he did care, and he could feel his mood rapidly descending into depression.

"As you wish, we will be a great match, da? Shall we join right now?"

"Well if you're waiting for some flowery invitation you're gonna be waiting a while."

"So dishonest America, I can see the hunger in your eyes," Russia purred, yes _purred _(bloody hell it was unnerving!)

It wasn't even a minute later that the noises started. Heavier breathing and soft moans began to fill the room, most of them being emitted from America. And it was around this point that the gentleman pulled himself out of moping mode. _What the hell am I doing? If I don't like it then I should just SAY I don't like it! I'm the United bloody Kingdom! I am better than this! I shall just march in there and take America back! B-Because I really need that blasted pen!_

"Oh God..." the hero groaned.

"You like that comrade?"

"H-Hell yeah."

"What about if I try _this_. Is good, da?"

"Ah, R-Russia... So close to- hah~"

"Kol kol, I didn't expect it to be so quick, I-"

"STOP RIGHT THERE RUSSIA, YOU WANKER!" England yelled as he dramatically burst through the door on impulse, letting adrenalin fuel him because if he stopped to think about it then he was more likely to talk himself out of this. "THAT PEN IS MINE AND I REFUSE TO GIVE IT AWAY TO ANYONE ELSE!"

He braced himself and willed himself to look directly at the two nations, assuming the worst but _god dammit _he was really fond of that pen! He froze when he just came into contact with two pairs of confused eyes upon him, looking up from a laptop on the table.

"Hey Iggy, 'sup dude?" America asked, who was fully clothed and looking completely normal.

"I- I- Weren't you- I mean-" England hated to stutter, but he just had no idea what to think or say. The two of them were just sat at a table on a laptop! Luckily, or perhaps unluckily depending on your point of view, England was interrupted with:

"Big brother! You must become one with me and not anyone else! You must look upon me! A man can't even give you babies; _I_ can give you babies! Lots of babies! Let's get married big brother, and start a big family!" Well naturally nothing could keep Belarus away from her beloved brother, and there she was with a sinister grin playing on her lips as she brandished her dagger, glaring right at the man she thought was stealing her brother away. Of course she faltered for a moment when she saw supposedly innocent goings on, but that didn't stop her from marching up to Russia even so and making an attempt to grab him.

The King of Creepy immediately sprang into action, alarm settling into his violet eyes as he began to race around the room, pursued by his insane sibling. Eventually he was able to barge past England, who was still stood frozen in shock in the doorway, and was able to escape, Belarus rapidly flying after him.

Once America and England were left alone in the room, the larger nation got up from his seat and began to wave his hand in front of England's face.

"You there dude? Heeelllooooo~"

Finally the Brit snapped out of it. "W-What the hell was all of that?" he demanded.

"What was what?"

"Why did you say you wanted to... to..." His voice was reduced to a squeak as he said, "Become one with Russia?"

"Huh? Oh! Well the other day I found out that he also plays that MMO we do, and he's like this crazy strong dude that pwns everyone! We decided to fuse our accounts so we could both be stronger, although I wasn't sure at first cuz that would mean having to share EXP but oh well. Why, what did ya think was going on?"

England flushed as he realised his mistake. "O-Oh, right of course! Well, nothing obviously."

America didn't look convinced, and a cheeky grin came to his face as he said, "Wait a sec... dude, you were totally jealous!"

"What?" England asked wide-eyed, immediately freezing on the spot. "I was not, git!"

"You so were!"

"No! I just wanted the pen and-"

"No need to worry Iggy," America interrupted, casually draping his arm around the other. "No one will ever replace you as my gaming buddy, 'kay? So no need to get jealous!"

"Do you mean that?" England asked quietly, so quietly that America wasn't sure if he'd heard it right or not.

"Of course dude, you're number one!" Although this statement was just a silly, trivial one, that didn't stop the heat from rushing to England's face a bit, that horrible feeling in his stomach melting away as his heart began to beat a little quicker. He cursed himself for being so easily subdued, but his main concern right now was the relief that Russia and America weren't like _that_. Why he felt so relieved, however, England didn't allow himself to think about, because then he'd have to think about other things...

"Oh and I'm sorry for holding onto that pen, I didn't know it meant that much to you," America said softly, retrieving said pen from his pocket. "Man, you must really like this pen huh?"

"I... I guess I'm rather fond of it for whatever reason," England mumbled.

"Well, seeing as you're here we may as well play the MMO for a bit! Our accounts fused really quickly so that's awesome! Plus you and me are having a gaming marathon these next few days."

"You and _I _America, use proper gram- wait. We are?" England asked sceptically.

"Yup," America said happily, "So don't forget to pack a bag dude! You'll come right?" He looked a bit nervous when he actually asked the question, but he turned on his perfected puppy dog look and so the island nation simply sighed and agreed.

"I guess there are worse ways I could spend my time."

America let out a small sigh of relief when he heard the agreement and grinned. _All right! He said yes! But... why did I want to make sure I was the one he was with this year?_

Meanwhile, Hungary and Liechtenstein were busy listening in to the small conversation they had just heard.  
>"Aww~ He invited him over~! You know what that means~!" Hungary cooed. Upon seeing the confused expression of the younger she elaborated, simply saying four words: "It's for Valentine's Day~!"<p>

Meanwhile somewhere else, Russia was busy fighting for his life as Belarus chased him anywhere and everywhere. He really needed to do something about the brother complex his sister had developed.

x~x~x~x~x

**Well I hope this was okay guys, and again I apologise for the late update! As you can see, I'm planning something for Valentine's Day and hopefully I'll be able to actually put it up then if FanFiction login doesn't decide to die again :P I'd love to hear your thoughts everyone, and I'll hopefully be seeing you on Valentine's Day~! ^_^**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	39. Valentine's Day Special!

**Heeeyyaaa~ FanFiction didn't die on me so I can update, yayz~! ^_^ Well, here it is :P Sorry that it kinda ended up longer than most chappy's, but hopefully you can enjoy~****  
><strong>Disclaimer: Obvs Hetalia isn't mine *dramatic sobbing* and neither are the songs and games mentioned. I highly recommend you listen to any songs I've mentioned so you'll get a better idea of things :)<strong>**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Thirty Nine- Anya3 and Monochrome Raven's Requests (Valentines Day Special)

~February Thirteenth~

"Haha, you _would _pick Pikachu wouldn't you?" America laughed as he looked at the T.V screen.

"Oi! Pikachu is a good character, git," England huffed, watching as America proceeded to choose Solid Snake as his character before the stage loaded and the battle began. America suddenly leapt up on the sofa and started miming air guitar.

"What are you doing?" the island nation asked.

"This song is so badass!" America exclaimed, still pretending that he could play the piece. "It's Mute City and it's probably the most kickass song ever! Seriously dude, major respect to anyone who can play this!"

England listened in before remarking, "It doesn't sound _that _difficult."

"Wait for it," America grinned, before he started head banging as some insane guitar solo began playing. "I would so be anyone's slave for a day who could play this, it's so cool!"

England just sighed. "Why are we having this so called 'gaming marathon' again?" he asked, cursing slightly under his breath when Pikachu got knocked clear off the screen. He glared at his Wii remote as if that was the reason he was currently losing the fight.

"No reason, just for fun dude," America grinned as he stopped jumping about and sat back down on the sofa, bursting out laughing when he saw England actually scowling at the remote. "Super Smash Bros Brawl is meant to be fun dude, don't get all serious about it!"

"Well why won't Pikachu use a bloody thunderbolt?" the Brit moaned. "Ah! Dammit Pikachu, why the sodding hell are you randomly floating about the damn screen?"

America just laughed once again; England was so hilarious whenever they were gaming. As soon as the round ended, the gentleman got up from the sofa and switched the Nintendo Wii off.

"I've had quite enough of that," he said resolutely, before sighing and saying, "We won't be doing this tomorrow will we? I don't mind gaming in small doses but it gets tedious after a while."

"Well actually... I was thinking that maybe we could do something tomorrow," the hero said, doing his best to sound casual. _Just stay cool, it's not as though it's like a date or anything, just... going for a day out with a friend. Yeah! That's totally it!_

"Such as?" England asked, clearly not having realised what day was actually tomorrow because he was too busy looking around for another game they could play.

"Whatever really, you can choose. We could go and watch a movie, or go for a walk or whatever."

"Hmm... I'll think about it and let you know then," Iggy said, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was happening tomorrow. He quickly ran through all of the significant dates he could think of, wondering if it was someone's birthday or some commemorative event of some kind, but nothing. "What's the date tomorrow?" he asked.

"Huh? Oh, it's the fourteenth," America replied nonchalantly, looking suspiciously innocent.

"The fourteenth?" England repeated, saying it slowly while he processed the information. And then it hit him: Valentine's Day. He didn't even have time to try and fend off the blush that flared up pretty much instantly, his thoughts getting all jumbled up as he thought, _Oh my God! It's Valentine's Day tomorrow! How could I forget that? And just now America- he just asked- it almost seems as if- NO WAY! Could he possibly be... asking me out on a DATE? No, bad England! Of course that's not what he's asking! Stop thinking of stuff you shouldn't be! But a date with America... _England was pretty sure that the other must be able to hear his heartbeat it was that loud.

"Y-You realise that it's V-Valentine's Day tomorrow, don't you?" he asked quietly.

"It is? No way, how could I forget that?" America asked, but he shifted his eyes to the side and refused to look at England directly which had the other wondering if he really was aware of what the day was. "Haha, looks like the ladies will be disappointed this year then."

Finally managing to control his erratic heartbeat and embarrassing blush, England returned to normal as he quipped, "More like they will be thankful that they won't have to be subjected to any of your failed attempts at romance."

"What? Dude, I can be so romantic it's untrue!"

"Of course you can," the gentleman chuckled, which made the hero immediately want to prove his point.

"I'll show you, I have this killer line that never fails!"

"Oh? Well then I'd love to hear it."

"Well okay, but don't go falling for me Iggy," he winked. He took a deep breath and paused for dramatic effect before purring, "Is your face from McDonald's? Because I'm lovin' it!"

"That was simply awful," England cringed.

"What? No way, it's awesome!" the American insisted, but the other simply shook his head. "Well then how about: Hey baby, do you want me to be the burger to that sweet set of buns you've got there?"

"That was actually worse than your other one! Do you have any lines that don't relate to fast food?"

America briefly thought about it, before shaking his head and laughing a bit.

England just rolled his eyes before he spotted a controller that he hadn't ever seen before hidden behind the back of the television. "What's this?" he asked, pulling out a guitar shaped controller.

"Oh, that's for a game called Guitar Hero," America explained. "It's like a rock game where you play different songs, it's pretty cool actually."

"Well it sounds like it will be better than what we were just playing, set it up then."

"Sure thing!" the bigger nation said, hopping up from the sofa in order to switch on his Xbox 360. England grabbed one of the controllers and went back to the sofa, and was glad that he had his back turned to America when said country asked, "So... you don't mind just hanging out tomorrow right?"

The blush returned with a vengeance much to England's dismay, but he just about managed to say, "I guess we could spend tomorrow together," without embarrassing himself.

America's huge signature grin returned upon hearing that, quickly setting everything up in order to join the other nation and tell him how the game worked.

After a quick tutorial and some swearing in the case of England because 'the bloody thing wouldn't work', they finally got going. England scrolled through the songs, hardly recognising any of them but then a particular title caught his eye and he froze.

"You okay dude?" America asked, noticing the other's sudden inanimate state.

The Brit didn't reply, simply kept his eyes transfixed on a particular song as the lyrics began to swirl about his head, memories of a crazy time, of rebellion, of freedom and just sticking it to the man beginning to consume him. How long had it been? Just how much time had passed since he'd simply not given a damn and just done whatever the hell he wanted to do? How long had it been since the time he'd felt _so alive _as he sang songs that _meant _something instead of having to listen to all the crap that was played on the radio nowadays? How long had it been since he'd been in a state of pure euphoria and ecstasy while denouncing and rioting against corruption and greed?

He could feel a small spark being ignited within him. He knew that he should fight it, he knew that he should pick any song other than _that _one before it was too late. But he couldn't help it; he was drawn to the song like a moth to a flame, and so he scrolled down to the title.

_Anarchy In The UK._

~February Thirteenth, Evening, USA~

America glanced out of the window while munching on a burger and sighed. He looked on at the night sky, seeing if he could spot any constellations and occasionally having a sip from his milkshake.

"I guess it can't be helped," he muttered, finishing the burger off. "It is work after all."

Although he had made plans with England tomorrow, the other had been called by his boss earlier and was asked if he could return to the UK to attend to some official business or something along those lines. America couldn't really protest seeing as if his boss really needed him then he had no right to stop him.

He carried on staring at the inky blue sky, watching the glittering stars above.

"Geez, why am I acting like this? It's only Valentine's Day, and it's not as though we were gonna do anything that interesting... Yeah, I'm the hero! I don't act all depressed! I mean, this is ENGLAND I'm talking about here! Boring, plain, old man England!" The hero wasn't sure why though, but he really wanted to spend tomorrow with 'boring, plain, old man England'.

Suddenly, he saw a streak of brilliant silver cut through the sky. "Woah cool, a shooting star! Okay, I wish for-" he quickly cut himself off from saying 'fifty extra large burgers' and blushed slightly as he mumbled, "Hey star... it would be kinda cool if I could see Iggy tomorrow." As soon as he said that he quickly downed the rest of his milkshake and said hurriedly, "Haha! I mean, not in a weird way or anything dude just seeing him normally! It's got nothing to do with Valentine's Day or anything honest!"

Thus America found that he was trying to explain himself to a star.

~February Thirteenth, Evening, UK~

After having been scribbling down numerous facts and figures onto the data sheet before him, England sighed and gave up. He hadn't expected to have been called back so suddenly, but his hands were tied in this particular instance. He reclined back in his chair, looking through the big window to the side of his little office room where he had spent most of his time since he arrived back a few hours ago (he took a brief break in order to visit the local store).

He was feeling slightly down. Although he would never admit this out loud, he had _almost _been looking forward to spending tomorrow with America. "But don't get the wrong idea! It wasn't because of what day it is tomorrow or anything, because America and I are only friends!" he insisted to the empty room.

He gazed up at the velvet sky above him, pretty little stars dotted all around. He closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath, willing himself to forget about the day that he wouldn't be spending with the American, because it wasn't that important anyway...

When his eyes fluttered open again, emerald saw silver shooting along and illuminating any darkness. Before he could even stop himself, England found himself whispering, "I wish that I could spend tomorrow with that git." As soon as he realised his words he immediately tried to backtrack and came up with a multitude of reasons as to why he would have said that such as the late hour or jet lag. But then he paused.

"What the bloody hell am I doing?" he asked himself. "Getting all worked up over something so stupid is unnecessary! Just accept the fact that even if I wanted that, which I don't, it is_ not_ going to happen!"

Yet as he told himself that, lyrics from the song that had made him remember his rock filled past came to the forefront of his mind:

_How many ways to get what you want_  
><em>I use the best<em>  
><em>I use the rest<em>  
><em>I use the N.M.E<em>  
><em>I use Anarchy<em>

And that was what did it.

England allowed himself to submit to anarchy.

x~x~x~x~x

~February Fourteenth, Valentine's Day~

After showering and getting dressed, America decided that he might as well go for a little walk around today seeing as he really had nothing better to do. It was just as he was about to step out of his house that it happened: a strange light appeared before him. It started off as just a small orb and it looked pretty cool. For a brief moment the hero thought that it was some kind of power-up and that his long time ambition of actually ending up in a video game had finally been recognised, but he soon dispelled that idea because when he touched it the light simply latched onto him and he didn't feel like he was gaining any epic super powers (much to his dismay).

"Dude, what the heck is this?" he wondered, trying to struggle away from it, because the light was beginning to consume him. It became so bright that the American had to close his eyes, continuing to try and blindly escape to no avail. "Is this the end for the epic and fully awesome hero?" he narrated out loud, trying to imagine this was some epic scene in an action film to spur him onto his super cool escape. Sadly the light had the upper hand in that: it was light, so America could punch and kick all he wanted and it wasn't going to make a single bit of difference.

"Uwah! This sucks, I only wanted to go for a walk! Okay, so it _was _a walk to McDonald's but still!" America continued flailing wildly, still with his eyes closed until he felt release, and he could tell that the light had dissipated.

He was almost too afraid to open his eyes. _Dude, what if I ended up in some netherworld where everyone is a zombie? Or what if this is the underworld, or I'm in a tomb and I gotta steal the magical golden tablet of some old Egyptian King guy? _However as you all know America is a hero, so he very heroically opened his eyes while preparing himself to unleash his ultimate ninja fury should need be.

He faltered when he actually saw where he was.

"England's house?" he asked, wondering if he had fallen asleep again without realising it. But then he remembered that England could do all of that weird black magic stuff, so the idea that this was actually reality didn't seem so far fetched. He shrugged and decided that some investigation was needed and so he headed up to the front door, finding it to be open (let it be noted that England _never _leaves his front door unlocked).

"Strange," America mused, pushing it open and trying to concoct some sort of plan as to where he may find the Brit, but he needn't have bothered. As soon as he entered he could hear an electric guitar being played somewhere, and so he began to follow the sound and assumed that there was a good chance of finding England when he did. As he got closer, the tune began to become clearer and he finally realised the song:

It was the Mute City theme from the game he was playing yesterday with England.

_No freaking way! That's not being played live is it? It's impossible! _the hero thought, beginning to pick up the pace until he was practically sprinting down corridors (making a brief stop in England's room to do something) and past rooms until _finally _he was brought to a room that he had never been in before, England always walking past it and saying it was off limits. America wasted no time in flinging the door open, because he knew that the insane solo was about to start.

If he had been shocked that he was actually hearing Mute City being played live, then he was positively gobsmacked when he actually saw into the room. Covering any and all wall space were posters of The Beatles, The Sex Pistols, Black Sabbath, The Clash, The Who... the list was honestly endless. Rows and rows of different electric guitars were placed neatly on stands all around the room, with basses also being found amongst instruments as well as a couple of drum kits and a microphone stand. A stage was at the far end of the room, with all the stage lighting and soundboards there that would be necessary to create an absolutely mind blowing concert. Then of course there were the huge amps on either side that were magnifying the song currently being played by an insane amount.

The main thing that caught America's attention though, was England who was currently centre stage and playing the F Zero theme on a vintage Paul Reed Smith Custom 24 with a Union Jack having been tattooed onto the body of it. England's fingertips were expertly gliding up and down the strings, hitting every note with extreme precision, the little Union Jack pick in his other hand a blur as he played some of the more technical trills. And then the bit the hero had been waiting for came up, and he held his breath to see if the Brit would actually be able to do the impossible and nail that solo.

England just happened to look up in the brief pause before the solo started, his bright emerald eyes widening in surprise as he saw America standing there open mouthed, but that didn't stop him from giving a little smirk as he regained his focus and began the ridiculous shredding that this song required. His right hand that had previously been strumming moved onto the neck of the guitar and he used both hands to cover all of the notes needed, both of them a blur as he played it perfectly with no mistakes whatsoever. America was completely speechless as he watched and listened, and once the complicated bit was over and the song came to a close with some less technical notes, he took in the rest of England and not just his utterly amazing magical hands that could apparently do things that pretty much no one else in the whole freaking universe could do.

England had dyed the tips of his sand blonde hair a dark red, and he was currently dressed in a tight white t-shirt with the Anarchist symbol decorating it in the same bright shocking red as the tips of his hair. The t-shirt looked as though it had been ripped, with torn sleeves, neckline and even the hem of it. When England had finally finished his little song and moved to put his guitar away, America found himself staring at the Brit's ass, because he had on quite possibly the tightest black skinny jeans he had ever seen, complete with a black studded belt that was slung around his hips. In the way of footwear England had opted for some totally awesome black biker boots. For accessories, the Brit had put a tartan bandana around his neck and various wristbands on both of his wrists.

He looked _amazing._

"Like what you see?" came England's amused voice, and when America managed to tear his eyes away from DAT ASS he was met with an uncharacteristically cheeky grin from England.

"I wasn't staring or anything dude!" America said defensively, but England simply laughed and said, "Liar."

It had been a while since America had seen Iggy's punk side. Everyone knew that England liked rock music even if he would deny it, but he rarely let the urge to just go wild take over (unless he was drunk of course).

"Is there a reason I'm here dude?" America asked, doing his best to keep his eyes from wandering down again to marvel at those _damn hot skinny jeans! Why doesn't he dress like this more often? Ah crap, stop thinking like this!_

"Beats me," England said simply. "I was just planning on stealing a jet and flying over to the States, but I guess there's no need for that now."

"You were?" America asked in surprise. _Hang on a sec... then how did I get here?_

"Yup, after all I had to show you that song. I recall you saying you'd be that person's slave for the day," England said with a mischievous edge to his voice and a glint in his eye. The hero didn't really know how he should respond to that, so England carried on. "I've decided on what I want to do today: We're going to a concert."

"We are?"

"Yes, and from there... well I'll see what I'm in the mood for," he winked, before he began to head towards the exit of the room.

_Hehe, I remember this side now, _America thought as a grin tugged at his lips. "Yo England," he called.

The punk stopped but didn't turn around. "Yes?"

"Nice ass."

"Damn right! Looks like you're not a complete idiot after all," he chuckled before exiting the room and saying, "Come on then, you are mine for the day after all."

"Well it's not exactly what I had in mind but I'll go along with this," America grinned.

x~x~x~x~x

The concert venue was _huge_. America had nothing against rock music, but it wasn't really his thing as much as it was England's. This being the case he was completely taken aback at the sheer amount of people who had come out to watch the concert that night, and on Valentine's Day no less. He immediately felt out of place in the crowd. While everyone else had piercings or tattered clothes or vibrantly coloured hair, he was just there in a pair of denim jeans, a t-shirt with the words 'I'M THE HERO' printed on it in big letters while surrounded by different geometric patterns, and his beloved bomber jacket. Of course he liked what he was wearing, only it didn't exactly seem to gel with the rest of the people here.

When the first band started up on the massive stage at the front, a tribute act to 'the best bands from Britain', the crowd seemed to become one. No longer did individuals exist, everyone united over their love of the genre and began to jump and scream and sing the lyrics that put down huge corporations and even the UK government at times. America glanced over to England whenever this was the case and expected him to be offended, but he was there singing the lyrics at the top of his lungs and screaming for the band to 'Put down those bloody gits in the government once and for all in the ultimate act of anarchy!' Occasionally when an absolute classic was played England would indignantly yell at the band and tell them that they'll never be a patch on the _real _Sex Pistols, or Beatles or whoever the hell the band were playing, but he enjoyed it nevertheless and continued to move with the rest of the crowd while America was having rather a hard time trying to keep his balance without tumbling over due to his experience with these concerts being next to none.

When the opening act had finished, a small break occurred in which the crowd could regain their energy in order to work themselves up into a frenzy once more when the headliners came on.

England's eyes were positively glowing when he turned to America to see how he was faring. "You holding up?" he grinned.

"Err, just about," the hero laughed. "Who are the headliners?"

"A new band called Lower Than Atlantis," Iggy said. "I've been on the look out for decent bands and these guys seem to be heading in the right direction."

And before they could say anything else, the room went dark and the lights set the mood for the band that was to come up on the stage. As soon as the first guitar chord was struck, the crowd was off again, cheering and chanting, anticipating all of the songs that were to come.

"Good evening UK!" the singer announced grandly, the crowd cheering even louder. "Are you ready to fuck shit up this Valentine's Day?" he asked, to which people jumped and a mosh pit even started up. In case you are wondering what a mosh pit is, it is essentially where people start pushing each other around for no good reason. America found this concept strange at first, and was horrified when he saw Iggy getting dragged into the pit but England seemed over the moon and was laughing and pushing and shoving like a pro.

_Hah, he kinda looks younger than me like this, _he thought in amusement as the first song started and those that knew the lyrics immediately began to sing along. Lyrics of rebellion, or everyday struggles, or dealing with loss filled the stadium. America saw some guy move up to England and tap him on the shoulder. The hero narrowed his eyes just in case something was about to go down, but England's eyes simply lit up and he nodded. Not seconds later, the Brit was hoisted up and was crowd surfing, singing along and yelling anything that came to mind and just letting go and not caring about having to act 'prim and proper'.

It came to pass that the punk ended his crowd surfing experience by ending up sat on America's shoulders, the latter marvelling at how light England was. They stayed like that for a bit, England being one of the maddest in the crowd and loving every second of it until he signalled to America to let him down after a few songs had finished playing. The hero steadied the other, holding him around his waist because England had decided to join the rest of the crowd just as things were getting particularly hectic.

"This next song is called Beech Like The Tree and is for any of you in love on this day, or if you want to get your feelings known but just haven't figured out how to do it yet!" the singer proclaimed, those that were clearly a couple immediately moving closer to each other and linking hands or sending each other looks of affection. The song started up and England was busy losing himself in the music once again, America also getting used to the way things worked and moving as well, until they both froze when they took the lyrics of the chorus to heart:

_And I wish upon a shooting star,_  
><em>That I might end up where you are,<em>  
><em>Will you wish too?<em>  
><em>Two wishes are better than one, dude!<em>

Amongst the still wild crowd, the two nations stood and thought about those lyrics. America once again wondered how he ended up in the UK when England said that he hadn't used his magic, the Brit wondering the same thing.

_Was it really thanks to that star? _they both thought.

_Whatever is was, I'm glad. Today's been pretty cool, _America thought happily, while England was busy mulling something over.

_If my wish was actually granted then wouldn't it make sense to make the most of it? _Still in the mind set of just doing what he wanted to do and not listening to some higher authority or thinking things through, England decided that he may as well just live in the moment. He could deal with the repercussions once he eventually snapped out of his punk phase, but for now he knew what he wanted.

When the chorus started up again, the Brit turned around and looked at America briefly before putting a hand behind his head and leaning up to capture his lips with his own. Naturally this action took the American by surprise, but his eyes closed as he felt England's body pressing up against his, the kiss becoming more forceful. Their lips melded together perfectly and they stood there in the hectic crowd while the song played, England clearly being in his element in this type of atmosphere as he successfully took control of this one. But then the song ended and a more fast paced one replaced it, the crowd getting rowdy again. And so the two of them broke apart, breathless, but England gave a small grin and winked before turning around to resume his earlier cheering and chanting.

x~x~x~x~x

That night America found himself sleeping in England's guest room, although he wasn't actually able to get any sleep. His ears were ringing from the concert, the lyrics of that one song replaying in his mind and then there was of course the fact that England had kissed him...

"Dude, kissing Iggy is beginning to become a regular thing... shouldn't I be a bit more concerned about this?" he vaguely wondered, his fingertips ghosting over his lips. Once again he had felt different when their lips connected, it just felt... right. _But this is England, it's just weird... urgh, man I'm so confused!_

However America didn't get any more time to try and pick apart whatever complicated feelings he was beginning to become more aware of, because he immediately noticed frantic footsteps in the hallway outside of his room and England muttering:

"I want to die I want to die I want to die! What the bloody hell was I thinking?" Then without warning, the door was flung open and there stood England clad in his usual green pyjamas, his blush easily visible despite the darkness in the room.

"You!" he pointed at America accusingly, "Forget about today!" he commanded.

"Huh?"

"Don't get the wrong idea or anything! I didn't k-kiss you because I wanted to! I was just... pushed! Yes, someone in the crowd pushed me and it just so happened that we ended up... like that... Just don't get any strange ideas, idiot!"

_Ah, looks like the usual Iggy has returned, _America thought, unable to hold back his laughter at the Brit's explanation of the events that had happened that night.

"Oi! Why are you laughing? I'm serious! There's no way that I'd actually do that!" he insisted, but his flush simply darkened and he cursed himself under his breath.

"Whatever you say dude, it can't be helped that you're into me. I am the hero after all," America said cheekily, his initial embarrassment having subsided now that England was back to being his awkward self.

"Don't say such stupid things," England mumbled. "As if I would fall for an idiot like you..."

"Aww, c'mon don't be like that, especially after our little date tonight." America got up from his bed and began to make his way over to England, who looked like he wanted to back the hell away but his pride refused to let him move.

"Who said it was a date? It was nothing of the sort! And WHERE THE BLOODY HELL IS YOUR TOP?"

"Oh well seeing as I randomly ended up here I didn't have any sleep stuff, so I just thought my t-shirt wouldn't end up smelling bad if I didn't sleep in it." He then lowered his voice and asked the question England had asked him earlier. "Why? Like what you see?"

"Not at all," England muttered, looking down at the floor as if the meaning of life had been written on it all of a sudden.

"Liar," he said in amusement, deciding that he may as well cut loose seeing as today was Valentine's Day. He gently put his hand on England's cheek to turn him so that they were facing each other.

"I-Idiot, what the hell are you-"

"Just making sure we're even," America interrupted the attempted question and quickly leaned in before the other could protest.

England's eyes widened as he came to the realisation that he was actually kissing America for the second time that day, although he was still desperately clinging to his claim that the first time had simply been an accident brought on by an over enthusiastic crowd member crashing into him. Nevertheless there was no one but America initiating this kiss, and this thought alone sent his brain into overload and he was unable to think straight (both figuratively and quite literally it would seem) as America most certainly 'got even' as he pushed his lips more against England's. The Brit was vaguely aware that at some point he must have brought his arms up to wrap around America's neck, the other doing something similar but around his waist. Much to his annoyance, England let out a small moan against his will, wondering why his whole body seemed to be on fire whenever he found himself kissing America. _Isn't this becoming much too commonplace? I shouldn't end up kissing him at all, let alone... what is this, the fourth time now? _

When America ended it, a similar grin to the one England was donning earlier that day was playing on his lips.

"'Kay, we're even," he said playfully while England just hurled as much abuse as he could manage in one breath.

Eventually he stomped out of the room, only to return a minute later. "Here!" he yelled, chucking a box at America so that it hit him on the head. "I didn't really get it for you, I just bought too much when I went out yesterday!" And then he disappeared once more, slamming the door behind him.

America rubbed at his head where the object had connected, looking down to peer at what it was.

A small box of Valentine's chocolates.

The hero couldn't stop his grin from growing as he just looked at the box. "Thanks Iggy!" he yelled, knowing that the other could hear him.

"Whatever git, like I said I didn't intend to get you anything!"

"Well thanks anyways dude! Happy Valentine's Day!"

"Same to you..." he managed to hear.

He then laughed a bit and said, "Hey dude, check under your pillow!"

"My pillow?" England wondered, placing his hand under and finding a slip of paper to be there. "When on earth did he put this here?" England read what was written on the slip of paper:

_Okay dude, seeing as you totally shot down my epic lines the other day I'll just have to show__  
><em>you my epic romance skills by way of poetry! You Brit's like that stuff right?<em>  
><em>Well, here it is Iggy!<em>_

_Roses are red_  
><em>Candles are lit<em>  
><em>Dude, your face...<em>  
><em>I like that shit!<em>

_I know, I'm practically like that Shakespeare guy from your place! I'm just naturally gifted is all :D_

England just found himself laughing then. "It's terrible," he gasped between laughs, before shouting, "America! Never try and poison the poetry world again! Now go to sleep git, and Happy Valentine's Day!" Before he allowed himself to drift off though, his mind returned to the puzzle of just how America got there in the first place…

"Yay, England seems happy~" loads of little fairies chorused and Flying Mint Bunny was happy that he had overheard what England had wished for the other day so that he could do him this favour.

"I don't see what America sees in that fucking limey," Tony mumbled as he saw his friend with a stupid grin on his face as he ate those chocolates. "Next time he wishes for some sappy shit I ain't gonna get involved!"

Thus went Valentine's Day 2012.

x~x~x~x~x

**Not really sure why I went with the punk request for Valentine's, but I really wanted to write some Punk!England and so I hope you all enjoyed it ^_^ Review, send me requests, give me random facts or whatever, I love hearing from you all~ Also: I am sending you all cyber Valentine's Choccies over the internet so enjoy dearies~****  
><strong>PS- if you're into rockpunk etc. Then I seriously recommend Lower Than Atlantis, they're awesome :D**  
><strong>Until next time everyone~! ^.^<strong>**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	40. Film Night

**Hi everyone~ ^_^ Glad you liked the Valentine's chappy; it was fun to write XD AND A SUPER HUGE THANK YOU TO YOU ALL! With that chapter this fic has gained over 600 reviews, and I honestly can't express how much that means to me, so thank you thank you THANK YOU! I'm sending you cyber Jaffa Cakes over the interwebz to say thankies~ ^.^ I love you all! :D**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Forty- animewatcherfreakmal's Request

"No."

"But-"

"No."

England folded his arms and glared at the American in his doorway- calling again without notifying the other he was even coming over. It wasn't that England necessarily minded the spontaneous visits- sometimes he was rather fond of them- but when America came to his house for a pathetic reason then he refused to be civil.

"But this movie hasn't even been released yet! I managed to pull some strings and get a super advanced copy though; we'll be the first ones to see it _ever_! Please Iggy, it's gonna be awesome!"

"Again, no. Now I would appreciate it if you wouldn't bother me over such nonsense matters as watching a film." The Brit moved to close the door but America purposefully lent against it so that the island nation had no chance of actually getting it closed. "Move git!"

"Not until you give me a good reason why you won't watch the movie with me," the hero pouted, acting rather childishly.

The gentleman sighed before giving his reason. "I refuse to watch the film with you because, America, the majority of American movies are the exact same story just with different people and a sickeningly bigger budget. I presume that this film will be just like all of the others, and so I refuse to waste my time with it."

"Dude! That's so unfair! You haven't even heard the title of the movie yet!" the younger nation protested, but England simply quirked an eyebrow.

"I bet I can guess at least one of the themes of it," he said flatly. America's eyes gleamed, silently challenging him to do so. "Cowboys," the Brit said simply.

"Huh? How did you-"

"Because your movies are _predictable _America! I've watched countless amounts of those God awful films and I'll be damned if I have to sit through another so get out of my bloody doorway!" England began to push with all he had against the door, but America soon said something that made him stop his effort.

"Well then if you're such an expert, you should also know that this film has pirates in it."

"Pirates?" the other asked, suddenly extremely intrigued. Well, if it was a good _pirate _movie then that was completely different! Well, of course the movie would be good if pirates were in it. The Brit briefly allowed his mind to wander back to his pirate days- full of adventure, discovery, _excitement_- and to the numerous movies he had seen about piracy exploits and then Jack Sparrow came to mind and a ghost of a smile came to his lips. Sensing the other being interested, America grinned and carried on.

"Check it out yo! It's called 'Cowboys And Pirates' and it looks totally awesome!"

_They couldn't have come up with a better name? _the blonde wondered, before his eyes narrowed. "When you say 'pirate', you don't mean those gits who go around on motorised boats loaded with guns do you? Because those wankers are _not_ pirates!"

"Nope, we're talking genuine big wooden boat, 'yo-ho', fighting, treasure seeking pirates."

The hero couldn't hep but let out a small laugh when Iggy immediately grabbed his hand and literally dragged him into the living room, demanding that the film be set up this very instant.

_Man, Iggy sure loves pirates, _he thought with a small smile, gently pushing in the disc tray of the Blu-Ray player he had forced the Brit to get (before this England still had a VCR to which America almost fainted) before flopping down on the sofa. Of course the hero had come prepared, and soon a wide variety of popcorn, crisps, fizzy drinks, and all sorts of other unhealthy things that would make any mother scream in horror at the thought of her child ingesting were strewn all over the place. Deciding that he preferred his arteries clear of fatty cholesterol, England opted to get himself a cup of tea and a scone before sitting down next to America.

The gentleman picked up the DVD case that America had carelessly tossed aside and read the blurb to get a feel for what he was about to watch (not that he had any doubt it would be good seeing as pirates were in the film).

_Get ready for the clash of the century as Awesome All American Cowboys face off against Badass British Pirates!__  
><em>Who will prevail? Follow the story of one heroic cowboy and one fearless captain as they fight for their survival, their pride and... each other?<em>_

England thought that last bit slightly ambiguous, but decided to disregard it. He didn't really need to watch this movie, it was obvious that the pirates were going to win, but he thought he might as well humour the American, and perhaps gloat a little when his beloved cowboys lost.

x~x~x~x~x

"N-No..." England managed through choked sobs as he buried his face in America's chest- not even thinking of what he was doing due to the sheer sadness he was feeling. "Why?" he asked again, crystal tears sliding gracefully down his cheeks. He looked at America, as if he knew the answer.

"England, I-" the hero wasn't quite sure what to say, and was even more speechless when the Brit practically sat on his lap and hugged him.

"Why him? Why Giant Javier Hornigold? It's not fair!" he cried, hugging America and really needing comfort right now. Slowly, carefully, America brought his arms up and wrapped them around the smaller nation, briefly noticing how he rather liked the feel, before his attention was brought back to the crying one as he was shaking in his arms.

"Umm... dude? Don't you think you're overreacting a bit? It was only the parrot that died and-"

"It's not 'just a parrot' you git!" England wailed, holding onto the other tighter. "You form a bond with that bird! Oh, you just don't understand!" The fond memories England had back in the day with his own parrot- Cap'n Brant Bloodbath- were coming thick and fast, and of course... that awful day when Cap'n Brant Bloodbath's life was ended during a ferocious conflict... the parrot had managed to burn down five ships and had ruined France's hair though (well, it was Captain Kirkland's parrot after all, of course it was amazing) and so the bird died a war hero.

On screen, the Captain was voicing a similar anguish over the loss of his feathery companion, and vowed revenge on any and all from that day on. A bit extreme in America's opinion, but clearly he didn't understand or whatever. Instead he soothed England, gently running his fingertips through the blonde, tufty mop of hair that was beneath him and- without thinking- he pressed a small affectionate kiss to the other's forehead. The hero noticed this straight away of course, blushing like mad and wondering why the hell he had just done that, but England seemed too absorbed in his old parrot to notice and clung to the hero like his very life depended on it.

And so the two of them stayed there, snuggled up on the sofa, England far too preoccupied to notice their current position while America had a small tint dusting his cheeks, but he was certainly not against this for whatever reason. _I guess... it's kinda nice like this... I mean- not in a weird way! Cuz, I'm totally just being the hero here! It's not as if I actually like or enjoy or love having Iggy in my arms like this or anything. Cuz that would just be weird, and I totally don't..._

x~x~x~x~x

_"Sheriff! Activity in the Haunted Mine has picked up and the Ghost Ship of the pirates has DISAPPEARED off our radar! What should we do?" came the frantic screams of many cowboys. Suddenly, a gunshot rang out, and there stood the heroic cowboy that the film had been focusing on whenever it was looking at the cowboy side of things._

_"Well I'd say it's pretty darn obvious," he said coolly, re-holstering his gun. "We go into the Haunted Mine and see if we can't find a way to stop them there pirates!"_

"HOLY CRAP NOOOOO! NOT THE HAUNTED MINE OMIGOD THEY'RE ALL GONNA DIE WHAT IF THERE ARE GHOSTS OR THE GHOST SHIP DID SOMETHING TO THE PIRATES SO THAT THEY ARE ALL ZOMBIE PIRATES AND THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO KILL ZOMBIE PIRATES AND THEN THEY GET BITTEN AND SLOWLY TURN INTO A ZOMBIE PIRATE AND OMIGOD I'M SO FREAKING SCARED! NO! NOT SCARED! HEROES DO NOT GET SCARED! I AM FINE, TOTALLY, ONE HUNDRED PERFECT FI- AHHHHHHHH!"

"A-America," England gasped, trying to escape the stranglehold the other had gotten him in. A while ago the Brit had noticed, with a large amount of embarrassment, that somehow he was sitting on America's lap. Needless to say he completely _hated _the feeling and wanted nothing more than to move away straight away... well, that's what he told himself. _Because it's not as though I liked being all cosy like that... with him... at all! _He had put as much distance between them as possible, but America had just destroyed that seeing as he had dived over on to his side of the sofa and started having a panic attack.

"Will you pull yourself together?" England ordered, trying to push the hysterical nation off of him but failing.

"Dude! You lost it over a freaking parrot! These are _ghosts_ and_ zombies _we're talking about! This is way more freaky!"

"Oi! You stupid git, there are no such things as ghosts _or _zombies!"

"Yu-huh!"

"America, I am not even going to drag myself down to the level of that foolish game."

"Yu-hu- OW! Dude, mean!" America rubbed the back of his head where England had hit, before appearing to calm down. This period of serenity and peace lasted all of five seconds, because at that moment would you believe that a zombie pirate really _did _show up and start devouring the cowboys?

"GYAH! THIS IS AWFUL! GO TO MY HAPPY PLACE GO TO MY HAPPY PLACE! MC DONALD'S, BURGER KING, KFC, DON'T THINK ABOUT GHOSTS! GHOSTS? AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Dammit! Get off idiot!" the gentleman protested without much success.

"The only way I'll let go is if you sleep with me tonight!"

"WHAT?"

"So you can fight off the ghosts, dude! I mean, I'm a hero and all, but- well... I'm a heavy sleeper? So... you need to be there! Ya know, so the ghost can get you- I mean, so you can warn me."

"America, France will turn celibate before I let you offer me up as a sacrifice for non-existent ghosts, so no!"

"Fine, then I ain't letting go!" he pouted, squeezing even tighter until England thought the other would inadvertently kill him if he didn't relent.

"F-Fine!" he managed. "I'll do it so let go of me you bloody git!"

"Seriously?" the hero asked in surprise, pulling back to see if the other actually meant what he had just said.

"Yes, now watch the bloody film!"

It dawned on the both of them two minutes later after the 'horror' aspect of the movie was over, that they had actually just made an arrangement to...

Well, this would be interesting.

x~x~x~x~x

Tension, awkwardness, and 'oh-my-god-what-the-hell-do-I-do-in-this-situation '-ness filled the room.

"So..."

"Yeah..."

America and England stared at the bed.

The bed that they were now apparently going to be _sharing_. Together. Just them. This night.

England was about to ask whether or not America honestly couldn't use the guest room like he usually did, but just before the words could leave his lips a crashing noise sounded from somewhere, causing the 'hero' to let out a (very manly) scream. It was hopeless; this was going to have to happen.

The two nations never got the chance to catch how the movie ended, because America was constantly on edge waiting for another zombie pirate to appear on the screen while England nearly suffered another breakdown as the Captain's new parrot very nearly suffered the same fate as his first. Simply put, both of them thought that preserving their sanity was more important than finishing the movie.

"Well, let's do this thing!" America said enthusiastically in an attempt to bolster his confidence, throwing off his t-shirt and stripping down to his amazingly awesome superman boxers.

England stared. He didn't mean to, it's just that his mind sort of forgot to tell his eyes to look away. It's not as if he was _checking out_ America or anything, absolutely not, don't be absurd. Don't for one minute think that he was impressed with the well toned torso of the American, or that he found his sun kissed skin attractive in any way shape or form. It's not as though he was recalling how America's strong arms felt wrapped around his waist, or how his bright sapphire eyes would darken slightly whenever he leaned in to kiss him...

Because he wasn't.

Not at all.

Why would you think that?

"Haha, dude you look like a tomato!" America laughed and poked England lightly. "Romano and Spain would love this!"

"Oi! I am NOT blushing you idiot!" England protested, but America just laughed some more.

Wiping away a tear and finally able to quell his laughs, America looked at England and said: "Anyways dude, you coming to bed or what?"

England's eyes widened. _Is he completely oblivious or is he seriously THAT much of an idiot?_ he wondered, but it looked as though America had turned the words over in his head and had realised how that sounded.

"W-Well obviously I didn't mean- you know that I- That kinda sounded- It's funny if you think about- I'M THE HERO!" he babbled, diving for the bed and burying under the covers.

It was going to be a loooonnggg night.

x~x~x~x~x

"Okay Liechtenstein, are you ready?" Hungary asked her apprentice as they both ran up the pathway of England's house. The small girl nodded breathlessly, doing her best to keep up with her mentor. Once they reached the front door, Hungary grabbed a small hair grip from her hair and began to pick the lock. "Right, so after we get into the house we locate America and England and capture glorious yaoi goodness on camera~" Hungary practically sang as she carried on picking the lock.

"Yes," Liechtenstein said with a small blush on her cheeks. She'd been training long and hard for this night and now her efforts were finally going to pay off as she would get to witness USUK first hand. She quickly adjusted the black ribbon currently in her hair, matching the rest of her all-black outfit. Hungary had said that if they wish to infiltrate as slyly as possible, all-black was the way to go (complete with masks).

"I'm in!" she said triumphantly after a moment, the door opening easily and the two yaoi fangirls swiftly entered the building. They began to speedily make their way to the bedroom as they knew the two nations in question were there- Liechtenstein had been monitoring the house with night-vision goggles for most of the night while Hungary was busy fiddling around with a little ear piece device. Said country now put the device in her ear and clicked a little button.

"Japan, do you read me?" she spoke softly, still manoeuvring down all the different hallways.

"Hai, I can hear you Hungary-san," came Japan's cool voice.

"Brilliant~ Just you wait, the footage we can get tonight will make the best chapter for your yaoi series ever~" she cooed.

"The screen is blank," the Asian power said.

"Huh? Oh! Liechtenstein, be a dear and switch the camera on will you?"

The young girl did what she was told and switched on the small camera she was holding. "Can you see now Mr Japan?" she asked in a quiet voice.

"Hai, the image is clear Liechtenstein-chan," Japan confirmed, looking at the monitor he had set up as images of England's house whizzed past. Eventually the two females made it to England's room, pausing momentarily to make sure that the action had begun as anticipated.

"I'm cold..." England murmured.

"Want me to warm ya up dude?" came America's smooth voice, and some rustling of sheets became audible.

_Perfect! _Hungary thought, holding up her ear piece to the door so that Japan could note down the dialogue while Liechtenstein fed the small camera under the door and waited until Japan said that he had a clear image.

"Wait a minute! A-America, what are you-"

"Just relax, I'll have you nice and warmed up in no time~"

"Uwah! N-No, America don't-! Ah!"

"How about we try _this_," the hero practically purred.

"Uhn, AH! W-Wait, I- haah~"

"You tell me to wait but your body is saying otherwise," the hero chuckled.

"No I, AH! G-Get off idi- hnn!"

"You getting all of this Japan?" Hungary asked to which the other confirmed that he was.  
>"You should see this..." he said shyly. "I think they're both, umm... how best to say this?"<br>"Naked?" Hungary grinned as the sound of squeaky bed springs, laboured breaths and moans started to increase.  
>"H-Hai. And America is on top of England and... wow..." Japan grabbed a nearby handkerchief as he felt a nosebleed coming on.<br>Hungary noticed her apprentice shifting around slightly. "Are you okay sweetie?" she asked kindly. "I know that the first time may be a bit overwhelming, but there's no need to worry."  
>"Actually... Miss Hungary, I was wondering if we could somehow, umm... watch?"<br>A small tear slid down Hungary's cheek as she hugged the younger nation close. "Oh Liechtenstein, you are truly the best student I could have hoped for~ Leave it to me honey!" she said determinedly, spying the grid to an air duct nearby...

"America, please I- uhn!"

"Just give it up already," America laughed softly.

"No! I- oh _God_! D-Don't want, a-ah!" Although the Brit appeared to be doing his best to voice something he appeared to be physically incapable of doing so, moans pouring from his lips instead as the creaking of the bed became louder and faster.

"Why are you so against it?"

"I-It's embarrassing..." the island nation mumbled.

"England," America breathed.

"Uhn! D-Don't... look... hah..."

"I can't help it England, you look-"

"America! J-Just..."

"Oh wow," Liechtenstein whispered in amazement after having crawled through the air ducts to finally be able to see into the room. Only a small lamp lit the room but the young girl could see the two nations in bed together. A blanket was covering the lower halves of the two countries, although America _must _have been naked considering that he was currently pinning England and was moving his body in such a way that... yeah, cue the usual fangirl nosebleed as America carried on thrusting and England became more breathless by the minute, his small protests getting more and more infrequent. The young girl made room for her teacher to be able to see as well, only it was at this point that the duct gave a very unhealthy sounding groan and the two females felt a jolt.

"That didn't sound too good," Hungary said with slight worry, and when they felt another jolt they knew that they had to get the hell out of there before it was too late. There was only one way to get out quickly enough...

Hungary swivelled round and kicked the grid off before jumping out of the duct to land neatly on the floor. "Jump!" she called to Liechtenstein, completely ignoring the two nations on the bed who had immediately sprang apart in order to gawk at the strange person all in black that had jumped out of the ventilation system. The young girl jumped and landed safely in Hungary's arms, said country hastily shouting, "ABORT THE MISSION!" and dashing out of the room (making sure to collect the camera and recording device).

Before they exited the house, Hungary spotted something on her periphery vision. "Omigosh~!" she squealed, quickly grabbing the 'Cowboys And Pirates' DVD. The other female sent her a questioning look so Hungary explained. "I've been waiting for this movie _forever! _Apparently the sex scene at the end between the cowboy and the pirate is amazing~! Oh I'm sure they won't mind if I borrow this~"

And with that, they were gone.

Meanwhile, back in England's bedroom, America and England were wondering just what the hell had happened.

"Dude... what the heck was-"

"I have no earthly idea America, don't even ask me," England said slowly, as if trying to understand what had happened.

"But two masked dudettes in masks just jumped out of your freaking ventilation system!"

"I know you idiot, I was there! But how am I supposed to know what the bloody hell they were doing?" he asked, his temper picking up before he felt good and ready to yell at America. "And why didn't you stop when I told you to earlier you git!"

"I was just trying to help," America mumbled and pouted.

"Well don't!" England hissed. "I told you that I didn't want to wear your damn jacket! That is not some sort of code for you to wrestle me into the damn mattress in an attempt to get it on me!"

"Hey, you said you were cold dude! I was just doing the heroic thing!" America insisted. "You don't even look that bad in it, it's just big on you," he observed as he looked at the other nation in the bed with him. When he actually looked though... During their little spat in which America pretty much dived on top of England to try and warm him up by getting him to wear his jacket, the majority of the buttons on the Brit's pyjama top had become undone which revealed more beautiful milky white skin than usual. England's hair was more mussed than it normally was, his cheeks still red and a cute little pout adorning his face. Then there was the fact that America had actually won and now England was wearing his jacket. It was all of this combined that made America momentarily think:

_Okay... that's kinda sexy!_

Before he immediately gasped and entered into a mental debate with himself, in the end concluding that he was only thinking like this because a lot of random shit had gone down that night.

"Urgh, this is bloody ridiculous," England mumbled, grabbing some of the blanket and wrapping it around himself as he settled down into the bed. "I'm going to sleep, good night."

"Hey wait! Don't fall asleep before me England!" America suddenly said, remembering the very high risk of zombie pirates possibly attacking. England just sighed, not in the mood at all to be dealing with anything else now; he just wanted to sleep. In the morning England would blame what he did next on him being tired, or confused, or not being able to think clearly due to annoyance, but he reached out and took hold of America's hand.

"Better?" he asked, while America just stared at their interlocking fingers in surprise before slowly nodding. "Good, now sleep." And with that, England fell fast asleep.

In the morning America would blame what he did next on him being a hero and protecting England from any zombie pirates, but a small smile graced the hero's lips as he softly whispered, "Night England," and pulled the smaller nation into his arms. Then, America also fell sound asleep.

Meanwhile, poor Russia had resorted to locking himself up in his basement in order to escape from his manic sister who was currently hacking away at the big wooden door between the two of them with an axe, chanting "Marriage, make love, babies," over and over again. This little bit of information serves no real purpose for this chapter whatsoever, but didn't it effectively kill the fluffy mood we had going on? Can't let it end all cutesy two chapter's in a row now can we?

x~x~x~x~x

**Ta-da~ Oh Hungary, Liechtenstein, Japan... Y U SO CRAZY? XD I have no idea what the hell the plot of Cowboys And Pirates turned into, but I would totally go and watch it if only for the lolz :P Anywho, thank you to all of those who read my nonsensical fic and eternal gratitude and love to those who review/favourite/alert etc. ^_^ Lemme know what you guys think okay~? :) Or if you have a request you might as well go for it, seriously I have some pretty obscure ones coming up soon XD Until next time dear readers~ :D**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	41. A Question Of Who Tops

**Hewwo everyone~ :3 Once again I wanna say thank you to all the love this fic is getting, you guys are the best~ ^_^ And to those who are new to the fic and actually went ahead and read the full 40 chapters in one go: you are not human XD I don't think I could manage that and I'm WRITING this thing :P Well, I shall now stop my rambling and corrupt people some more~ ;D**

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Chapter Forty One- Acidic Laughter and Flywithme208forgot to log in's Requests

"Dios mío! How can you be so blind?" Spain exclaimed, looking at Prussia warily.

"Me? Blind? Hah! The Awesome me is perfect! But my awesome vision aside: just wake up already Spain!" Prussia shot back.

"Never! I honestly thought you were joking at first, but you're actually serious!"

"Of course I am, because I'm right!"

The two men glared at each other, both of them drawing themselves up to full height in order to look more dignified and intimidating.

"Why do you keep insisting on carrying on an argument that has a blatant answer?"

"Because you aren't awesome enough to _see_ the blatant answer!"

In the end the two turned to France who was currently gazing out of the window with a sexy pondering look on his face- not because he was actually pondering something, it was just because he looked like a freaking sex God whenever he posed like that.

"FRANCE!" they called simultaneously, "Settle this for us would ya?"

"Obviously I'm right and you agree, _right_?" Prussia asked, looking at the blonde expectantly.

"No, I'm right! Mi amigo, you can at least see sense, sí?"

"Espagne is right on this one Prusse," the country of love said in a profound voice, not turning around from his place at the window because speaking wise words with a pondering look while looking out of the window at nothing in particular was so off the scale of sexy it was untrue (oh the delusions of the French).

Spain gave a little victorious smirk while Prussia scowled and went into a huff.

"That's it! I'm gonna go and prove that I'm right so then both of you can kiss my awesome ass! Kesesese~!" And with that, he tromped out of the room that they were currently in, intent on finally proving that he was _right _on this issue, because there was no way he could possibly be wrong.

"Don't be gone too long Prussia~ We'll wait for your apology before saying 'We told ya so'~!" Spain called with a grin on his face. He burst out laughing when he heard an angry shout of:

"ENGLAND TOPS AND I'M GONNA PROVE IT!" being sent back his way.

All the while, France was _still _gazing out of the window.

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After _not _stealing a jet from Germany, practically crash landing at a British airport, commandeering a red double-decker bus and getting lost for about two hours before finally finding England's house, the awesome badass that you may also know as Prussia set his plan in motion.

All he had to do was get a video or a picture or hell, just a _recording _would do. He just needed some form of evidence to finally prove that he was right and that the others were completely and utterly _wrong_.

He slyly made his way up the driveway; Gilbird watching from the skies in case any danger looked like it was about to happen. When he reached the front door, Prussia dug into his pocket and retrieved a hair grip that Hungary had given him upon finding out about his little trip to the UK when he had stopped by Austria's house earlier just to annoy him. She had wanted to go with him at first (which had the albino completely shocked because usually she was beating the shit outta him with that damn frying pan) but she muttered something about 'Liechtenstein's training' and also something about re-watching some movie about cowboys and pirates and so in the end he just listened to her wise words on how to get into the house. He had initially wanted to ask _why _she knew all of this, but decided that he didn't fancy getting his head bashed in for being nosy and so he awesomely thanked her and left.

He gave a little grin accompanied by a "Kesese~" when he heard the door click open, quickly slipping inside the house so as not to draw any attention to himself.

He didn't even need to bother enacting a thorough search of the place, because as soon as he was in the building he heard the two that he was looking for, and they were-

_Wait a sec... _

Prussia glanced at his watch.

_Going at it this early in the day? Kese, that's so awesome~ But not as awesome as me of course! Yeah, I really am awesome huh? Seriously, how am I so awesome? I mean if my awesomeness had an actual value-_

After about five minutes of the albino congratulating himself on his awesome, he remembered why he was actually here and so drew up to the door that led to the kitchen (according to the blueprints Hungary had handed over) so that he could listen in and, if he was very sly about it, perhaps catch some video footage while he was at it.

"W-Wait! Uhn, England I-"

"Shh, it's all right America. Just relax, you're in good hands," England said smoothly.

"But I- ah! I- I can't..."

"Have more confidence in yourself," England said softly before a small chuckle escaped his lips. "My my America, don't release it all _just _yet. You wouldn't want to ruin our little treat now, would you?"

_Treat? _Prussia wondered, before his question was answered with:

"I'll just spread the chocolate here and _here... _Mmmm, I must say that this does look rather _appetising_," the Brit practically purred, while America gave a small whimper. "Careful America, don't make a mess... although I guess I could always just _lick it all up_."

Prussia found himself silently applauding the two of them then. Not only did they clearly not give a damn about being conservative during actual World Meetings, but here they were indulging in some kind of kinky food-play. Now _that _was awesome (but not as awesome as the original country of awesome, obviously).

"Uhn, _oh God_, England! I- I can't hold it any more! Please!" America begged.

"Aww, but we haven't even had a chance to try this out with whipped cream yet," and Prussia could actually visualise the little pout on England's face as he said those words.

The hero just let out a low moan, and Prussia realised that _now _was the chance to get some form of evidence because this was undeniable proof of his awesome rightness! He quickly pulled out his phone and selected the 'voice recorder', holding it up to the door as he carried on listening in to the conversation.

"Hah~ E-Engl-AH! I s-seriously need to-"

"Heh, all right then. You have my permission, let it all out America," England said in a low voice.

Judging by the low groan and the laboured breaths that followed, Prussia guessed that the larger nation really had 'let it all out'. He grinned proudly to himself, knowing that this would finally show his friends the extreme errors of their ways. However before he could do his (awesome) victory dance, America said something that was likely to go and screw with his awesome evidence.

"All right, my turn," he said determinedly. "You're not the only one who gets to have all the fun."

"Be my guest," England said coolly, and outside the albino was nodding to himself as he thought, _This guy is truly the master! Letting his submissive partner have a little bit of control every now and then, the mark of a true man! _

"Okay so... I think I'd like to see some icing here~" America purred.

England chuckled softly as he said, "Don't you think that you've already gotten plenty of sticky white stuff all over the place?"

"Haha, true," the hero said in amusement before his voice dropped a couple of octaves, "But still, it's no fun if everything stays clean now is it?"

"I quite agree."

Everything was relatively quiet for a few seconds, and Prussia began to wonder if the two of them had simply gotten bored already, however that thought was quickly cast asunder when he heard England suddenly gasp:

"H-Hey! Where do you think you're putting th-AH!"

"Hm? Ya don't like it?" America asked cheekily, to which the gentleman let out a small growl.

"Behave America," he said with a deathly calm voice that was the perfect combination of charm and danger.

"Or else what?" the younger nation challenged. "I think you actually like what I'm doing here~"

"Uhn, hah~ D-Dammit! I- this is, A-America..."

_Uh-oh, looks like he's trying to reverse the roles! _Prussia thought worriedly, briefly wondering if he should cut the recording but then decided against it because clearly England would not tolerate the American's shenanigans past a certain point and teach him his 'rightful place'. _Then Spain will be forced to admit how wrong he is, kesese~_

"And if I do _this_-"

"AH! O-Oi, what the bloody hell are you- o-oh! Ame- hah! Th-This isn't... take it out, ah!"

"Heh, careful Iggy or this time _you'll _be the one making the mess," the hero hummed tunelessly, clearly enjoying having won the upper hand.

He didn't have it for long however, because after a brief moment England managed to say, "I'm topping git! Not you!"

"Pfft! No way dude, I'm topping! Besides I'm better at it~"

"Oh you think so?" the Brit challenged.

"I _know _so."

_Ooooo, shit's about to go down! _Prussia thought, eagerly awaiting the outcome now that there was a question of where the dominance lay.

Well the battle for supremacy was by no means a quiet one, because shortly after the challenge numerous pots and pans were heard clattering in the room. Prussia opened the door slightly in order to see if he could see anything, but when a frying pan narrowly missed his head he thought it was probably wise to stay hidden behind the safety barrier that the door was proving to be.

"Uhn, y-you don't know when to quit!" England gasped.

"W-Well that's cuz I'm- ah!- better at this," America managed to retort.

And then an almighty clatter sounded from within the room, both countries crying out at the same time.

"That's it! There is only one way we can fix this mess now!" England said resolutely. The next thing to fall from the Brit's lips was a number:

"Sixty-nine."

"Bring it on!" America said enthusiastically.

The chorus of moans that ensued after the challenge began to build to a crescendo, with England or America occasionally breathing: "Is that all you've got?" or "Faster!" every now and then.

Prussia wondered who exactly was going to win this contest, but found it impossible to tell because part way through he heard England say, "Sod this! Bedroom, _now_." The King of Awesome quickly had to dive into a random room (finding it to be a coat closet) as the two countries he had been eavesdropping on stumbled out of the kitchen. He managed to peek round the door and saw that England was practically covered completely in flour, with what Prussia thought must be syrup covering his blouse and white stuff in his hair (which could be icing or 'love juice' or a mixture of both, who knows?) America on the other hand, appeared to have been rolling around in a combination of chocolate and whipped cream.

Prussia was torn between setting up an appreciation group for the two of them or signing them both up for intense therapy, nevertheless the two of them clambered clumsily up the stairs to where England's bedroom must be located.

Now alone on the ground floor, Prussia braced himself and decided that he would go and check out the state of the kitchen.

To say that a bomb had hit the culinary room would be a gross understatement. Seriously, Prussia had no earthly idea what the hell the two countries had been up to, but pretty much every foodstuff imaginable had been thoroughly raided and had either ended up on the floor of up the walls or on the countries themselves it would seem. Yet despite all of the damage that had been done, Prussia couldn't help but chuckle when he saw that the two of them had actually managed to create some form of deformed cake during their rather bizarre sexual encounter.

"So what is this? Cum cake?" he wondered to himself, laughing at the name he had just spontaneously come up with. He remembered that he still had his phone in record mode, and so moved to switch it off only to find to his absolute horror that the words:

_Insufficient memory to record a clip_

Had fixed themselves onto the screen.

"Are you kidding me?" he asked aloud, glaring at the text as if that would somehow make the problem go away. "How can someone as awesome as me have a phone so unawesome?" he pouted, sighing as he realised that he had just failed at his assignment. He had no other means of getting any evidence, so following England and America up to the bedroom would also be pointless. He sighed in frustration but ultimately decided that he would just have to prove how right he was some other day. However just before he exited the kitchen, his ruby eyes flickered back towards the 'cum cake' and a devious little grin fixed itself in place.

"Perhaps this wasn't a waste of time after all, kesese~"

Meanwhile, in England's bedroom:

"That is the _last bloody time _I allow you into my kitchen!" England scowled, pointing at his blouse. "Just look at this mess!"

"Dude, no offence but everything you cook has a tendency to end up as poison. I had to intervene so that the stuff would be edible!"

"That was no excuse to start a damn food fight you wanker!"

"Hey, it was fun! Plus I helped out! I mixed the icing and put it on!"

"After nearly dropping it! 'Oh England I can't hold on, I need to let go!'" England said in mock imitation. "It's your fault for getting covered in cream so you couldn't hold the blasted bowl!"

"Well you were the one who thought it was a good idea to cover everything in chocolate!"

"I was trying to fix the mess you'd created! I told you that _I _was in charge of the cake topping! Plus you got the quantities all wrong! I told you to add sixty-nine grams of flour and you emptied the whole bloody bag! And you were so damn slow with mixing the ingredients, all the while throwing random foodstuffs everywhere! Anyway," the Brit pointed to the bathroom joined onto his bedroom, "Go have a shower, you're filthy. I'll hop in after. Bloody hell, that is the _last Goddamn time _I cook with you!"

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"Morning all~!" Prussia said happily as he burst into the World Meeting room early before it had gotten started. Those that could be bothered gave small nods of acknowledgement, completely used to Prussia walking in and crashing these meetings despite the fact that technically speaking he shouldn't be at them. The albino located Spain chatting with Romano in a corner of the room, and sauntered over.

"Hey Spain," he called, grinning awesomely as he displayed a small pastry box and resisted the urge to jump Romano in yet another attempt to find out his 'size'.

The Spaniard raised an eyebrow. "What's this?"

"A peace offering," Prussia said in an uncharacteristically sweet voice. "I think that we should just agree to disagree on the whole who tops who argument, so I went and bought you this cake from a local store at my place." Prussia held the box out and managed to hold back his snickering. Spain looked suspicious, but looked at the contents nevertheless. Prussia had awesomely done the impossible and actually made that thing look edible, and even Romano peered inside the box.

"No fucking way are you that considerate," he said sceptically.

"Ve~ Is that cake~?" Italy's voice asked as he popped up behind his brother. "Oh wow, it looks yummy, can I have some?"

"Cake? Well it won't be a patch on mine but I'll 'ave some," France said as he appeared from thin air.

"Can I have some?"

"Me too!"

"I wanna try!"

Before Prussia even realised it, pretty much every country was surrounding the cake. He wondered if he should warn them that this cake was made with... unconventional ingredients, but decided that this would be funny as hell and so simply took a step back and watched everyone dig in.

It was during this that America and England were making their way to the Meeting Room, only to stop dead before they walked in when they heard someone say:

"O-Oh _God!_"

The two of them froze, looking at each other then back at the door.

"Th-This is- uhn! I think I- urgh..."

"Ah! N-No! Stop! Th-The taste!"

"Hah~ S-So salty..."

"Ah! I-I can't- AH!"

"What on earth are they doing?" England asked, brows furrowing in confusion.  
>"No idea dude, don't they realise how<em> wrong<em> it sounds though?"  
>"Some people are just oblivious and have no self awareness," the gentleman said matter-of-factly.<br>"Haha! They must be pretty stupid to not realise!" the American laughed.

They looked at each other once again before entering the room in time to see half of the countries eating some cake while the other half were bordering on consciousness while being sprawled all across the floor.

England raised an eyebrow. "Well I'm not entirely sure I wish to know what the hell's going on here..."

"Oh hey!" Prussia called, making his way over to them. "This is gold right?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows under the impression the other two knew what was going on.

"It sure is!" America said happily. "They sound like they're on about something else entirely, it's so funny how they have no clue!"

"It is rather amusing," England nodded.

Thus the three of them assumed they were all on the same page as they laughed at all of the others, who were actually having to battle with death at this very moment in time... England and America really should be banned from going anywhere near a kitchen. Especially England.

The horror!

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**Le-gasp! Can you imagine the sheer terror in your soul if RUSSIA used ENGLAND'S FOOD as a WEAPON?** **It would be the end of everything, kol kol o.O Just so ya know, that part about English cooking? That killed me, it really did. OUR FOOD ISN'T THAT BAD DAMMIT! ;A; *cough*** **Anywho, I do apologise for the late update but it was exam results week here in the UK so I was busy stressing over that "n.n Updates should be back to usual now hopefully ^_^ Well, until next time dear reader, and as always I luurrvvee hearing from ya~! :D**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	42. China's New Industry

**Yo peoplez~ I would like to apologise for my extended leave of absence, but things got kinda out of control and I was also working on some other fics so I deserve to be shot "u_u Luckily it is now the Easter holidays, so that means chocolate and fanfiction timez~ ^_^ Once again, thank you to everyone who supports this fic, it means so much! :D**

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Chapter Forty Two- anon's Request

The World Meeting that day... Oh dear God, the World Meeting that day. To say that it was a complete waste of time would be a gross understatement, and Germany honestly wondered why he constantly endured the hellish meetings in the first place.

From the very beginning Belarus looked like she was running over fifty different ways to rape Russia, and then there was that fact that Italy felt the need to halt the meeting in order to give a brief 'History of Pasta' lesson, and the fact that Hungary and Liechtenstein were giggling and blushing in a corner with Japan over what America and England would be likely to do when a break was called, and then were the actual two countries themselves.

America hadn't been focused at all, constantly fidgeting, pouting, poking England and whispering various things to him. England had tried to ignore him at first but then America went and said loudly when the topic being discussed was some boring economy thing, "Yo dudes! Can we call a break, cuz I've been dying to try something with Iggy for ages now!"

England shot him a questioning look while the fangirls and (not so) closeted fanboy had inner spazz attacks and Germany just face-palmed. He looked around at the chaos that was supposedly a meeting and sighed, knowing that nothing was getting done anyway so he may as well.

"Very well, I'm declaring a break," he said, before his voice became much more threatening as he half-yelled, "And if you dummkopfs aren't ready to take this seriously when it's over then I give up!"

Without missing a beat, America rose from his chair and grabbed England by the wrist, dashing out of the room while the island nation was left wondering just what the bloody hell was going on. Needless to say that the three BL lunatics in the corner moved to follow them pretty much straight away, but sadly China had other ideas.

"Aiyah! I am sick of meetings never going anywhere, aru!" he said, annoyance radiating off of him.

"I agree with Aniki, da-ze!" South Korea said happily, bounding up to China and capturing him in a bear hug before the other Asian power whacked him upside the head with his wok.

"Before the two of them can do anything I'm going to tell them that a World Meeting is hardly the place to do such things, aru," he said resolutely. "That way maybe we can do something productive, aru."

"I would most definitely like to accompany you," Russia spoke up, having successfully locked Belarus in another room and blocked the way with his lead pipe. "Maybe I can find out more sadistic rituals they have in America, kol kol." His mind wandered happily to the day when he learnt that sacrificing children was commonplace in the States and was looking forward to even more discoveries.

"Well I'm going too, da-ze!" South said indignantly, immediately moving to protect his Aniki's 'breasts' from the creepy Russian should the need arise.

Deciding that life would just be easier if he let his delusional brother tag along, China pointed towards Liechtenstein, Hungary and Japan. "You three! Stay away from this, aru," he commanded- because when China was on a mission, he was on a goddamn mission! And so it came to pass that everyone in the room watched as the three brave countries set out to try and convince the seemingly permanently horny countries to just cool it at World Meetings. As soon as they had left the room, Romano spoke up:

"Betcha any money they come back fucking scarred, those two will already be screwing by now."

"You got that right, kesese~" Prussia hummed tunelessly, popping up from somewhere (Germany could have sworn he locked his brother in the basement that day so that he wouldn't disturb any more meetings).

"Nothing freaks Mr Russia out," Latvia said, shaking slightly.

Estonia and Lithuania just nodded their assurance of this statement.

China led the way down the maze of corridors, listening intently to see if he could locate the two he was after before any funny business started. Before too long, South Korea grinned broadly and said, "I hear them! This way, da-ze!" Eventually the three of them arrived at the door separating them from the other two, although much to China's chagrin...

"Kol kol, they don't waste time do they?" Russia asked with a small smile. China just sighed and South made another attempt to grope him (coming face to face with the wok yet again).

"D-Damn, America!" England yelled in a bid to sound forceful, but he was breathing hard and it didn't have any intimidating effect whatsoever. "This sort of thing, where did you get such a bloody stupid idea?"

"I thought it would be fun," America replied. "I think we're just using it wrong, hang on..."

"AH! W-Wait, that just makes it worse!"

"This thing looked a helluva lot easier to work when I saw it advertised," America mused.

"I have no earthly idea what possessed you to buy this in the first pl- uhn! O-Oh my... Americ-ah!"

"Uhn, England... I think this may be how we use- hah~"

"B-But I, no! W-We can't! America, I can't- ah! Oh_ God_..." England began to moan and various noises such as furniture moving or rustling paper began to accompany the ragged breaths of both countries.

"Geez Iggy, s-so tight... uhn!"

"Mmph! A-Ame- no! St-Stop!"

"I can't; not now," America said, his voice low.

"I wonder if I can get another video, da-ze," Korea wondered, but just as he was about to open the door China slapped his hand away.  
>"Aiyah! Do you <em>want <em>to get caught, aru? We have to go about this differently, aru!"  
>"I don't see why we can't just barge in and get some incriminating evidence," Russia said in such a cute, innocent voice it was actually a crime all things considered.<p>

"I wonder what 'toy' they're using," Korea wondered. "I mean, for it to work so well it must have originated in Korea, da-ze!"  
>"That's not something to be proud of idiot, aru!"<p>

"Ah! P-Pull out idiot! I-I can't take, AH!"

"Hah, I... I can't, England. B-But hey, look," America said, a hint of amusement to his voice. "Heh, the more you struggle- uhn- t-the harder it gets."

England just let out a low groan before managing to say, "T-This is the last bloody time I- ah! The last time I let you trial your new toys with me, nnngh!"

"Aw, you don't really mind it right~?" the younger nation asked playfully before he let out a little gasp. "Damn... y-you... really... tight..."

"America, I can't take it! W-We need to, uhn!"

"Y-Yeah me too, hang on I can, ah! M-Maybe if we-"

"T-Together! C-Come with me, come together!" England insisted through his moans.

"Right! Together now, England!"

"America!"

After a few moments of the two of them getting their breath back, America laughed lightly. "Dude, that was intense."

England just scowled and mumbled, "Idiot..."

"I never thought something like that would come from China," the hero said.

"Yes, I know what you mean. I wonder what on earth possessed him to make such a thing."

"No idea dude, but we should totally ask him at some point."

"Oh~? Aniki makes dirty toys, da-ze?" Korea asked, waggling his eyebrows a bit as he looked at China- who was currently at a complete loss for words.  
>"I didn't know you made stuff like that," Russia said, slightly surprised before a sinister grin came to his face. "I do so love learning all of these things about my fellow countries, kol kol."<br>"This is utter nonsense, aru! I don't make things like that!"  
>"Heh, you clearly do, da-ze! You should have told me Aniki, I would have trialled it with you!"<br>"AIYAH!"

China hurriedly made his way back down the corridor, vehemently denying having anything to do with 'adult toys' while his brother happily flitted around him and Russia was busy conjuring up ways he could use this new bit of information.

South Korea was the first back into the main meeting area, bursting in dramatically and looking around for North Korea. "Yo N.K! Where are ya, da-ze?"

Said country glanced up from a book and groaned as it looked like he was about to get a step by step explanation of what his brother had just witnessed. However all South said as loudly as possible was:

"Aniki makes sex toys!"

North dropped his book upon hearing that and stared at China in disbelief, who was bright red and doing his best to discredit that piece of information.

The other countries also looked at China, thinking it was a joke at first but South was busy detailing what they had just heard and Russia testified that it was, in fact, true.

"I DON'T MAKE SEX TOYS, ARU!" China yelled desperately, but it was to no avail- some countries even came up to him and began to place orders for various toys they would like to have.

Meanwhile, in a different room, England grabbed something out of America's hand and glared at it.

"What the bloody hell possessed you to buy a sodding Chinese finger trap?"

"They looked like fun! But dude, those things are painful," America said, recalling how the thing just got tighter and tighter the more he tried to pull away.

"That's why I said we had to bring our fingers together, idiot," England said.

"You could've said it sooner," the hero pouted.

"Oi! This was your bright idea, git! Why should I have to figure a way out of it?"

A debate on the general mechanics of the Chinese finger trap broke out then, before the two of them began to head back to the main meeting room.

"Angleterre! Amérique! Was that toy you two used really that good?" France asked them as soon as they had stepped through the door, numerous other countries who were now surrounding China looking up to hear the answer.

Presuming that the Frenchman was going on about the oh so innocent Chinese finger trap, America grinned and gave a huge thumbs up. "For serious bro! It was awesome!"

Thus China's non-existing sex toy industry began to flourish, South Korea dubbed himself his Aniki's new business partner and insisted they had to test everything they created personally, and Belarus eventually managed to break out of that room Russia had locked her in, lead pipe in hand... yeah, a whole lotta shit went down.

So just another average meeting in all.

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**This request made me giggle, cuz Chinese finger traps are rather annoying and it would totally be something America would force England (or any other unsuspecting country) to try out XD And ya know how I said in the beginning that I had been working on other fics which is why this chappy is late? Well I finally snapped and wrote an M rated story for USUK! :P Too much of this teasing pushed me over the edge XP Feel free to check it out, it's called 'Zombies vs. Unicorns' (yes, I know it's weird title :P) It's a two-shot btw :)****  
><strong>Until next time my darlings~<strong>**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	43. Diamond Jubilee Special!

**OMG I LIVE YOU GUYS! There was a point where I nearly died, and exams still aren't over, but for now it's half term so I'm using the time for R&R! I'm sorry I haven't been here in like, forever, but ya know- my future hinges on these exams and stuff so I think I may need to focus on em :P**  
><strong>So you may be wondering about the title, so allow me to enlighten you: I is British and it's the Diamond Jubilee of Queen Elizabeth II! That basically gives us lot in the UK and the Commonwealth (I believe places like Oz and Canada are also celebrating, amongst others :P) to PARTAY! And if you don't have any links to the celebrations? WHO CARES? CELEBRATE IT ANYWAYS AND PARTAY!<strong>  
><strong>As to the title? It will become pretty obvious when ya start the chappy ;)<strong>  
><strong>Just To Say: Real people portrayed again, don't assume that this is how they are in real life btw XD<strong>

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Chapter Forty Three- Diamond Jubilee Special~!

"So if we have the procession followed by the speech, then I believe that would probably pull more focus to the address," England said, looking at the numerous sheets of paper splayed all over the place. He held back a tired sigh and tried to look as if his energy levels weren't completely and utterly depleted- after all, he had been running around like a maniac these past few weeks making sure everything was finalised and up to date. Then there was the fact that his brothers even seemed to be into this whole affair, which unnerved him to no end. Between him and Wales there were thousands of roads closing for parties, then Scotland actually appeared to be a taking a shine to the festivities (although admittedly England thought it was less to do with the Queen and more to do with the fact that Scotland could now get roaring drunk without consequence), and North had been flitting about happily. England supposed that it was nice that the UK appeared to actually _be _united for once.

Then of course Australia and New Zealand felt the need to call their 'mum' for about five hours the other day, then a very awkward call from Canada ensued where England spent the first half of the conversation wondering who on earth he was actually talking to, before India and Jamaica began spamming his e-mail inbox with, according to them, 'The Best Ideas Ever That You Just _Have _To Include!'

But England could deal with that. England could deal with that because despite the fatigue, the atmosphere was the lightest and happiest it had been in a good long while. But of course the pleasant atmosphere had to be shattered into a million pieces the other day when America, the git, actually burst into his house and attempted to drag him (literally kicking and screaming) to the cinema so that they could watch the latest horror movie ("I said I'm too busy, idiot!" "Aww, c'mon Iggy, it'll be fun! Besides, it's better to watch these kinds of movies with others..." "Oh no, I do _not _have time to deal with your hysterics! You'll probably end up in my bed again!" Awkward silence. "Ahem, that... Y-You know what I meant!")

Unfortunately for England, America had won that particular spat and so after enduring another typically boring horror movie in which the hero totally _didn't _whimper, or grab England's arm so hard it went numb, or let out a high pitched girly shriek on more than one occasion, England found himself playing host to America while still trying to sort out the Jubilee.

"Well I think it's a splendid idea," David Cameron said as he looked over all of the notes covered in England's neat handwriting. "Everything seems to be in order."

England and the PM looked cautiously at the other member sat at the table.

"Your Majesty, what is your opinion on the matter?" Cameron asked politely.

The Queen took one of the papers in a gloved hand and quickly read over it, a small smile on her face. "I believe that once again, England, you have outdone yourself. I can never find fault when you are helping to plan these types of events."

England bowed his head a little, "Thank you very much Your Majesty."

The Queen raised an eyebrow. "You're awfully formal lately England. You can carry on calling me Elizabeth you realise?"

"Ah yes, I apologise," England said, smiling at his Queen before quite a commotion sounded out in the Courtyard, accompanied by a very distressed looking dog handler. "I'm afraid the Corgis got lose," they said as politely as they could, bowing lowly. The Queen just sighed and David tried to hold back a small chuckle as he glanced out of the window and saw many little dogs frolicking about while frenzied dog handlers tried to round them up.

"I'll go and tend to it," said England, rising gracefully out of his chair in order to see to the hyper hounds. As soon as he'd left the room, a small frown appeared on the Queen's lips.

"It's a shame wouldn't you say, David?" she asked.

"Ma'am?"

"I've known England my entire reign, so sixty years now, and he has consistently worked hard throughout it. However I fear that because of that work ethic, he has never had the chance to meet that special someone."

"Sorry?" David asked, looking at the Queen curiously.

"I just feel that he deserves to be happy, not to mention that he does have a plus one on his invitation that I doubt he'll be putting to good use."

"I'm sorry ma'am, but you do realise that England is- err- in a relationship, don't you?" he asked cautiously.

The Queen suddenly snapped all of her attention onto him. "I beg your pardon?"

"It's just that I believe that England _has _found someone," he said somewhat awkwardly.

"How do you know of this?"

"Well, ah..." The Queen could see the PM visibly paling and wondered what on earth had gotten into him. Meanwhile David was busy recalling that very... _enlightening _trip he had taken to the States and of the deal he had made with Obama to never speak of the incident ever again. _Please, Your Majesty, _he inwardly pleaded, _Don't ask me who-_

"May I enquire as to whom he is seeing?" she asked, "I'm surprised that I haven't heard anything."

"That would be," he hesitated and coughed a bit before taking a deep breath, "America, Your Highness."

The Queen looked stunned upon hearing that titbit of information, both of her eyebrows raising before she tried the name out herself. "America... America, you say? Are you completely certain?"

"Unfortunately yes," Cameron mumbled- he really could do with forgetting the tryst he had overheard.

Then all of a sudden the Queen actually broke into a grin that was most out of character. "Well it's about bloody time!" she said, and actually laughed a bit.

David was shocked, looking at the Queen in complete confusion. Thankfully she deigned to elaborate.

"Do you honestly think I haven't noticed? Those two are constantly visiting each other and appear to be close despite England protesting otherwise. Not to mention the fact that his spirits appear lifted when he's been in America's company and for the love of _God _you can just _see _the sexual tension around those two!"

"Y-Your Majesty! W-Wha-" David sputtered.

"Oh come now David, don't tell me that you hadn't noticed! It's bloody obvious! I'm so glad that it seems to have been resolved, this is absolutely marvellous news indeed! In fact, go fetch a bottle of gin! This is cause for celebrating my dear boy!"

"But shouldn't we be focusing on the Jubilee-"

"Nonsense! You have no idea how long I've waited for one of those two to make a move! Let me tell you this is far more monumental, and I just remembered that this means I've won the bet I had going with Philip!"

At that moment England returned, slightly pinker in his cheeks thanks to running around after the dogs. "Terribly sorry," he said politely, but he tilted his head curiously when he saw Elizabeth looking at him with sparkling eyes. "Did I miss something?"

"Not at all," said the Queen, standing up and going over to him. "I was just telling David here to go get some gin, it's a time for celebrating after all! Oh, England, am I correct in assuming that the lovely American lad is currently over on this side of the pond?"

"Yes, why do you ask?"

"Would you mind terribly if I had a word with him?"

"No, but why?" he asked in confusion.

"Well I have to make sure he'll treat you right now, don't I?"

"Umm... Sorry?"

"Don't worry England, I know! And I expect to get the full story from you after all of the Jubilee business, but in the meantime I wish to have a word with America."

"As you wish Elizabeth," England said as he bowed slightly, but he was busy thinking, _What the bloody hell did I miss while I was gone?_

x~x~x~x~x

"Dude, why am I here again?" America asked in confusion, pulling at the tie around his neck as they approached Buckingham Palace.

"Oi! Don't touch that you idiot; you must look presentable! After all, the Queen wishes to see you."

"Yeah, but why?" America asked, and England had to admit that he was just as in the dark as America was on that particular matter.

"Just don't do anything stupid," the island nation warned.

"Yeah yeah, I can do that, geez Iggy," the hero pouted before letting out a little gasp of joy. "OMIGOD DUDE! It's those hard-core guys who don't move no matter what you do!" he said excitedly. England glanced over to where America was pointing to a member of the Queen's Guard standing outside of the palace and sighed.

"America, what did I just say about not doing anything stu-"

"Hahahaha! I'm gonna get a reaction from him!" said America happily as he ran off towards the guard.

"Wait! America, don't-!"

"Heeeeelllloooooooooo~" America sing-songed when in front of the guard, his grin getting even wider when the guard honestly just stood there and did nothing. "Dude, this is freaking epic!"

"AME- ALFRED!" England corrected, seeing as they were in public. "What are you-"

"Lighten up Artie~" America laughed as he began leaping about in front of the guard.

"'Artie'? What the bloody-"

"Wow, this guy's good," America mused, before snapping his fingers as if in enlightenment. "I got a passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it~" the American began singing (horribly out of tune) while doing a little dance, before half-singing-half-yelling, "I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!"

England stared, absolutely mortified that _this _was the guy he was bringing to meet his beloved Queen. He looked apologetically at the poor guard, who was still holding strong.

"Geez, this is harder than I though it'd be," America pouted, and England took that as his opportunity to grab hold of his arm and attempt to drag him away.

"We have to _go_," he insisted, but Alfred decided he had other ideas.

"How about this song then: It's Friday~ Friday~ Gotta get down on- OUCH!" America rubbed the back of his head and looked at Iggy with an offended expression. "Dude, there is so no need for violence."

"If you plan on acting like a total prat then there sodding well is," the blonde replied dryly.

"Wow, you're no fun- don't you know you gotta get down on Friday?"

"It's not Friday!"

"Oh yeah..."

America then allowed himself to be dragged along past the grand gates of the palace and through the huge doors that led to a magnificent marbled hallway with glittering chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and typically huge staircases.

"Now then," said England as they walked down the carpeted corridors, "I have no idea why the Queen wishes to see you, but just agree with everything she says, all right? The last thing I need is you offending her."

"I wouldn't do that," America pouted.

"I'm not saying you'd do it on purpose, but you have a tendency to... well just agree with whatever she's saying and tell her what she wishes to hear, understood?"

The hero considered for a moment, before saying, "But what if she asks me to go along with a terrorism plot or something?"

England deadpanned. "You're meeting the bloody Queen! Why would she ask something like that?"

"I dunno, it's always the ones you least expect," said the younger nation as he narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

"You are an idiot," England sighed as they reached the room in which the Queen said she would speak to America. "Okay, remember: Best behaviour."

"Yeah yeah," sighed America, opening the door and immediately announcing, "Yo Queenie!" before letting out a strangled moan as England harshly poked his back and then left.

"Ah, hello there America," the Queen said pleasantly enough.

"Uhh... hey."

"Would you care to take a seat?" the Queen offered, gesturing to the seat opposite the table that she was sat at.

America nodded and sat down.

"Tea?"

"Actually I'm more of a coffee guy," America admitted before he bit his lip and remembered that he should just go along with what the Queen wanted to make this as painless as possible. "B-But yeah, sure."

"So, I'm sure that you already know why I've summoned you here."

_No! _"Yeah, sure," he smiled what he hoped was a reassuring way.

"Excellent. Well then let's not dawdle: I would like the details!"

"Uh, details?"

"Of course. Such as when it all began, when it became official or I suppose when you realised it would be the place to start."

"Okay..." America said with uncertainty lacing all of his actions. _Oh my god what is she talking about? _He looked at the Queen, who was smiling and looking at him expectantly. Clearly she was expecting whatever he had to say to be good.

"W-Well, I guess, ya know, I realised it ages ago?" he asked, and when the Queen's expression brightened a bit he supposed that he was off to a good start. "So yeah, I kinda always knew, but these things are difficult to understand sometimes, you get what I mean?"

"Oh absolutely," the monarch nodded.

_Well that makes one of us, _thought the hero as he carried on taking wild stabs in the dark. "But I suppose it properly began more recently..." he said carefully, making sure that the reactions he was getting seemed in line with what they should be. "It began, well, I guess it began a few years ago but it became official about a year ago I guess."

"Well I must say that I am extremely pleased to hear that."

"Oh? Th-Thanks."

"I do wonder why England never told me though."

_Huh? England's involved? Seriously, what are we even discussing here? _"Well ya know how private he can be about certain things," America chuckled a bit as if he really knew what he was talking about.

"Oh, don't I just? So how serious is it?"

"Extremely serious," America said without missing a beat, because he supposed that's what the Queen would want to hear. "This is the most important thing to me right now."

"I'm glad to hear it," the Queen said with a genuine smile. "So I take it that you are both happy?"

"Yeah of course!"

"Brilliant, that is the main thing that I wanted to know. Now, if you would indulge an old lady such as myself, would you mind answering two more questions for me dear?"

"Sure thing," America flashed her his winning grin, thankful that he was nearing the end of this.

"Well, that is to say, how often do you... well you know."

"Ah, _that_," said America, nodding in a profound fashion. "As often as possible really, I guess I kind of can't help myself sometimes," he said as he smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. He wondered if that was in fact the right thing to say, because even he- the most oblivious person ever- noticed the light blush that rose in the Queen's cheeks.

"Oh my, well, I suppose that's to be expected," she laughed softly, "You are young after all and I suppose the years of build up make that inevitable."

"Heh, yeah," _seriously, what the heck are we discussing? _"It's just so hard to hold back that I just decided, meh, why not live a little!"

"My final question for you then," her Majesty said after a moment of recovery, "Is perhaps a bit too soon to be asking, but I'm just curious. You've said that you take this very seriously, so on the subject of marriage..." she trailed off towards the end, expecting America to understand, which of course he didn't, but by this point he figured that this was the final question so he should just say what he thought was right.

"Well obviously marriage is very serious," he said, reaching out and taking one of the finger sandwiches from the small china plate on the table, "But I don't see why it couldn't happen."

"Do you really mean that?" _Well this is most unexpected, for him to be considering marriage already! I wonder if he's talked this through with England yet? Oh this is wonderful! _the Queen thought happily.

"Of course! I'm all for marriage! In fact, I'm totally into the idea! I mean, didn't the prince dude and the girl who's sister's ass made the world go nuts get married at that Westminster place? Totally classy!" he said enthusiastically, proud that he had at least a little bit of relevant knowledge. "I mean if I were to get married, a place like that would be totally awesome, amrite? I think I told Iggy that once."

"Westminster you say? Well, I suppose that would be grand." _He's really thought this through AND asked England! I'll have to book the Abbey as soon as I can!_

"Totally!"

"Well it's settled then, Westminster Abbey it is! It has been a pleasure talking with you dear, and don't worry: I shall make all the necessary preparations." She smiled warmly and America smiled back with his mouth full of cucumber sandwiches, completely oblivious to what he had just done.

When America left a few minutes later the Queen immediately got to work: Not only did she have a Jubilee, but she now had to plan a wedding.

x~x~x~x~x

America looked out over the thousands of people gathered, all of them cheering and whooping and celebrating, and looked out at the flags decked out in red, white and blue- although not in the stars and stripes variety this time. He had to admit that he didn't think British people were capable of being _this_ patriotic. His people hung their flag proudly from their houses at any given opportunity and were always willing to talk about the good ol' US of A. But over the years America had come to realise that British people were a hell of a lot more conservative than his lot (the only exception being when a British team made the finals in a big football, rugby or cricket competition- then they were the most patriotic people in the Universe) so to see such a display like this was a rare one. And even though this was a celebration that wasn't even remotely American, he could feel the electricity in the air and he couldn't help grinning because hey- Brits could apparently party hard when they wanted to!

The young nation shifted about uncomfortably, really wishing that he was down there with the crowd instead of being stuck inside the palace, but the Queen had insisted and then England refused to quit his bitching when America said he'd rather not go, and so here he was atop the balcony with England and the Queen and a few other people that America was pretty sure were of some relevance to things but he wasn't particularly bothered.

"Iggy, this is boring," he whined under his breath.

England shot him a _look_, but he sighed. "We can go after the Queen has given her speech," he promised, before adding on more sternly, "And when we leave you are _not _going to harass any more guards!"

The hero pouted and mumbled something that sounded a lot like, "Dude, that strip tease would have totally worked if you hadn't dragged me away," under his breath.

After what felt like a lifetime, there was an announcement that the Queen was about to address the crowd and hush fell over the people and camera crews poised themselves to capture the historic moment.

"I must start by thanking all of you for coming out today," the Queen started, earning a cheer from the crowd, "And to all of you who are taking part in this Jubilee. I'm afraid that words cannot adequately describe the joy I feel to be a part of this, to be a part of this country, and this joy has only been increased upon my realising that someone very dear to me has finally found love."

The Queen turned to England briefly, who cocked his head to the side in a questioning manner and wondering who his Queen was referring to.

"All I can say, Britain, is that we are probably going to be having another momentous wedding in the very near future. And I'm sure you would all show your support for these two if you know the full story. Sadly it would take too long to tell, and is riddled with a lot of stolen glances and sexual frustration," at this the crowd laughed and clapped a bit, wanting to know the identity of this couple that had captured the Queen's attention more than her own Jubilee.

"I am referring to these fine, strapping gentleman on the balcony here with me," the Queen said, gesturing towards England and America who suddenly looked drained of all colour and completely mortified. "Now I know that it may seem unorthodox, but-"

The monarch didn't have the opportunity to finish that sentence as England all but ran to snatch the microphone away from her before America nearly dived on her to prevent her from saying anything else.

"I think there has been some form of misunderstanding!" England said hurriedly to the crowd who weren't exactly sure how to react, before he turned around and went even paler. "A-Alfred did you just... _tackle the bloody Queen?_"

"Umm... I guess so?"

"Oh my God, what are you playing at you-" remembering that this was live he curved his curse, but he angrily threw the microphone down and dragged America down the corridor after retrieving the Queen's speech and ordering some of the others on the balcony (who were feeling a mixture of amusement, confusion and horror) to tend to the Queen.

"What the fuck did you tell her the other day?" England yelled as they made their way down a corridor.

"I dunno! I just went along with what she said, like you told me to do!"

"And at what point did you say we were getting _married_?"

"Dude! I didn't!" the hero insisted.

"Well clearly you must have done, because I have certainly never mentioned anything close to that!"

England opened a door and glared at America, but he pushed him through the door.

"We have to fix this speech immediately," he said, looking through it and feeling dizzy when he saw that it was essentially three pages about himself and America. "W-Westminster Abbey?" he gasped. "America, what the bloody hell did you do? _She's booked the sodding Abbey!" _

America paused for a moment. _Westminster Abbey? I know we discussed that. What did I say again? That it would be cool to be married in a place like that and I told England and- oh. Crap. _America scratched the back of his head and let out a forced chuckle. "Hehe, so dude, funny story... I think I may have told the Queen I proposed to you and wanted to get married at that Westminster place..."

England's eyes widened. "Y-You- What- Wh-Why would you- AMERICA! Explain this at once!"

"Well I didn't know that's what we were talking about! I'M INNOCENT!" the younger nation said, holding up his hands as if in surrender.

"Shit, I'm going to have to write an entirely different speech in about two minutes," England anguished, looking over the speech that could never be delivered to the public.

"Okay, leave it to me," America said, suddenly serious all of a sudden. "I kinda caused this so I'll fix it. Hand me a pen and some paper, and you just chill for a sec."

"My people think I'm engaged to you! How exactly do you expect me to 'chill'?" the Brit protested, but he took a deep breath and allowed America to take over while he tried to compose himself.

"England?" America asked after about a minute of scribbling down a new speech.

"Yes?"

"Are we... missing something?"

"Sorry?"

"Well it's just... Your brothers think that we... well yeah, and then others kinda say stuff... and even the Queen said there was sexual frustration so... is there?"

"W-What?" England spluttered, feeling his cheeks heat up rapidly.

America stopped writing and looked up, his own cheeks slightly pink as he walked over to where a now very flustered Englishman stood. He flinched as America placed a hand on his shoulder, making sure to hold his gaze even so. The hero bit his lip as if trying to come to some sort of conclusion before he sighed. "England... I'm kinda confused right now."

The island nation simply nodded, too dazed to really do anything else.

"And... people do crazy things when they're confused right?"

"I- I suppose," England said in a small voice noticing that America's face appeared to be getting closer to his.

"So then... would you mind if I tried something crazy?" the younger nation whispered hotly in England's ear, causing a shiver to through said country before reaching out and hesitantly wrapping his arms around the other.

"Well, sometimes crazy things can't be stopped, so..."

The two of them pulled back slightly, emerald and sapphire gazing at each other and considering things seriously for the first time, the question of: _Could it be that I really-? _running through both of their minds. Well, there was only one way to find out, and so slowly the two of them moved closer, wondering if they could finally resolve something that they hadn't even realised had been there for what appeared to be a long time. America licked his lips slightly and England moved to tangle his hands within America's golden hair, both of them _finally _beginning to see that maybe, just maybe, this was-

_'Gimme more hamburger~! Gimme more hamburger~! U - S - A, Oh Yeah~!'_

Startled, the two countries broke apart, both of them coughing awkwardly.

"W-Well, I should write the thingy," America said hurriedly, digging out his phone and tossing it to England. "Could you answer that while I finish?"

"R-Right," England said, shaking his head in order to clear it before picking up.

"Hello?" he asked after he accepted the call.

"I knew it! I knew it, I knew it, _I knew it_!" came the ecstatic voice of a woman who was clearly American.

"Wha-"

"I knew you had a thing for England! Honey it was so obvious! Barack said that I was being ridiculous but I knew I couldn't be wrong, woman's intuition you know."

"I-"

"Now now, don't deny it! I saw it on the news! I want you to know that you have my full support America darling, but make sure to be safe! Always use a rubber when you two-"

"I'M SORRY BUT YOU HAVE GOT COMPLETELY THE WRONG IDEA!"

The voice paused before it sounded a little embarrassed. "Oh I'm terribly sorry dear, I thought I was talking to America." The woman laughed a bit and England finally realised who he was on to.

"Th-That's quite all right, First Lady Obama," he said weakly, and America looked up curiously when he heard who it was.

"Well like I said, I support you two! Obviously there's no need for me to remind _you _to be safe during-"

"Yes well, goodbye!" the Brit said hurriedly and hung up, bright red once more.

"What did she want?" America asked.

"She wants us to remember to use 'rubbers' as you Americans so crudely call them."

The hero flushed upon receiving that answer and quickly went back to scribbling down an acceptable speech before he finally deemed it worthy enough.

The walk back to the balcony was spent in silence, both countries refusing to look at each other, and although 'The damn Yank who tackled the Queen' was given odd looks from those on the balcony, England managed to charm his way around them before apologising profusely to his Queen and handing her a different speech, saying something about how she should really be focusing on her Jubilee and not a marriage that really wasn't going to happen.

She just blinked quizzically, and England realised that he would have to explain everything later, but for the mean time he handed her the speech that America had written (and that he had failed to check, and was now beginning to wonder if he should have).

When the Queen went back to address the crowd and opened with: "Yo, wassup motherfuckers? Thanks for coming out to celebrate my totally rockin' sixty years on the throne, let's all get wasted!"

England realised that yes, he should have checked that speech and yes, he was going to murder America.

_How could I have possibly thought of him as anything other than a complete and utter prat? _he seethed as the Queen ended her speech with, "Now let's all PARTAY bitches!"

Thus America found himself pleading for his life later on that day despite the fact that his speech was 'totally kick-ass', Michelle Obama felt the need to ring America the next day to give him 'The Birds and the Bees' talk just in case, America tried (and failed) to get a reaction out of another guard by way of interpretive dance, and the majority of Brits did get 'totally wasted' (especially Scotland).

x~x~x~x~x

**So yeah, I have probably just ruined the rep of the Queen and the First Lady for good, but this was fun to write XD **  
><strong>Okay, so now for some news: I have had many reviewsPMs from people who previously never liked BL or USUK- but we have gained converts you guys! How cool is that, amrite? ;)**  
><strong>NEXT! Many of you are saying that you would love be Hungary's apprentice, and she just wants you all to know that she is ecstatic that there are so many who wish to learn the intricate ways of BL, and that membership is open to anyone dedicated the wonderful world of yaoi~! How do you join? Good question, she hasn't thought that far ahead XD Leave suggestions if you have an idea, ne~?<strong>  
><strong>FINALLY! The amazing <strong>_**maiyeng **_**drew me a pic for chappy 33 of INWYT! ^_^ That's the one where US was James Bond and Iggy looked dead sexy in a miniskirt ;D SO CHECK IT OUT Y'ALL! Link on ma profile! :D**

**Well then, until next time everyone~ I'm off to a street party tomorrow :P**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	44. (Very) Heated Baths

**Hey everyone~ ^_^ GCSEs have finally ended! So now I can focus on updates hopefully~ :D I'm glad you all enjoyed the last chappy and once again I am humbled by your reviews and support, you guys are seriously awesome! ^.^  
><strong>

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Forty Four- FreakyFreakMcFreakerton and XxilovechocolatexX's Requests

America was at breaking point.

Somehow he had managed to keep his life despite England entering 'murder-mode' after he heard the Queen's new (and epically improved) speech, but he was almost beginning to pray that England had just ended his life there. It would have been so much better that way, because if he had died then he wouldn't have the First Lady constantly asking:

"How's England doing?"  
>"Don't you just find the English accent utterly charming? Oh of course you do, I bet you have a bit of an accent kink, right America?" *wink*<br>"Okay, you can tell me... who tops?"

Not only this, but _'condoms for when you're with England' _had somehow appeared on the shopping list the last time he went out to grab the necessities when the Presidential family had a particularly busy week.

It was all too much. Hell, the poor lad was already confused enough without the added pressure of the First Lady. Thankfully the President, God bless him, had saved America on more than one occasion but that was all irrelevant because the damage had been done and America was beginning to get more than a little stressed.

And what is the best thing to do when you're stressed?

"Yo Japan!" America grinned from his place on the Asian nation's doorstep. He had a duffel bag with him and in his hands was a game of some description. "I brought the latest PS3 game from my place and thought we could play it," he said happily before slyly tacking onto the end, "And if I could totally raid your hot spring bath things later on that would be great, dude."

Putting his super amazing ET powers to good use, Japan sensed the mood and all he got was an aura screaming _STRESSED _and so he gladly welcomed his friend into his home.

"Can I get you something to drink, America-san?" he asked politely but America simply shook his head and dumped his bag in the doorway.

"Drinks later, game now?" he asked hopefully.

Japan smiled and wondered just what it was about brutally killing other people in a game that was so therapeutic.

x~x~x~x~x

After spending a good long while on America's latest game which included taking on all side-quests, and ridiculous two and a half hour detour to attain 'The Legendary Sword of Grinrod' which actually turned out to be useless, and fighting more boss battles that one could feasibly count, Japan was thankful when America finally decided to call it a day and asked if he could go take a bath.

"Hai hai, go and relax!" Japan had insisted, literally _pushing _the other in the right direction and letting out a grateful sigh when he was in peace and quiet once more.

_Honestly, these younger countries, _he thought before he began to make his way towards the kitchen to fetch some green tea. _Peace and quiet is all I want._

It was at this point in time that his doorbell rang, and Japan wondered who would be calling seeing as it was rather late- the sun having already mostly set. He did not expect to be greeted by England standing on his door with a little trolly case and looking more than a little awkward.

"Ah, good evening Japan," he said pleasantly enough, but Japan noted the dark circles under bright green eyes and sensed that England was giving off the exact same _STRESSED _aura as America had earlier on that day.

"Good evening, England-san," Japan smiled.

"I'm terribly sorry to show up like this but, well I happened to be in the area and thought I'd pay a visit and then-"

"Would you like to come in? I've just made some green tea."

England smiled gratefully, "Ah, well if you're sure I'm not imposing... Thank you, Japan."

"Oh not at all England-san, it should be _me _thanking _you_." _After all, who needs 'peace and quiet' when there are BL possibilities right in front of me! _"If you'll just excuse me for a moment, I need to make a phone-call," he said, bowing slightly, "If you'd like, you can go and take a bath. It would relax you..."

"Oh not at all, it's fine," England said, failing to notice the duffel bag with a Stars and Stripes design in the doorway and absently placing his trolley case somewhere off to the side. "And a bath does sound mighty tempting."

Meanwhile, Japan practically sprinted to another room and picked up the phone, rapidly punching in the correct numbers.

"Hello?"

"Hungary-san!" Japan cried, "I don't know how, but _get over here right now!_"

"Japan? Are you all right? What's happened?" Hungary asked, her voice filling with concern.

"America and England are both at my house! And America is taking a bath, and England is about to join him, and-!"

"KYAAAAAAAAAA~! Are you serious? Omigosh hang on! I'll grab Liechtenstein and we'll be right over!" the brunette gushed, letting out little squeals and giggles. "Oh this is just so brilliant! Oh and Japan?"

"Hai?"

"Would you like me to bring a few boxes of tissues? Because I can tell right now that you have a nosebleed."

Japan chuckled a bit as he grabbed another tissue from the nearby box (that was nearly empty) in an attempt to sort out the current nosebleed problem. "That would be very helpful, arigato."

"Okay, I'll be over in like five minutes!"

x~x~x~x~x

England was at breaking point.

Not only did Britain and everywhere else in the world have a bloody field day about the 'Gangsta Queen', but said 'Gangsta Queen' was now completely and utterly convinced that he and America were a match made in heaven and had since refused to stop dropping (very obvious) hints at any opportunity she got and even felt the need to rope the rest of the Royals into it.

He could deal with the Queen inquiring about America. He could deal with Prince Harry's endless teasing. But when Kate came up to him and handed him a '75% off anything inside Ann Summers' card, he lost it.

And so he decided that he needed to take a very much-needed break and relax somewhere, and that is why he ended up at Japan's house, because he was a lovely, well-mannered country, a good friend, appreciated tea (even if said tea was green tea and not Earl Grey) and was far away from his own place.

England unbuttoned his blouse and shrugged it off while he let his thoughts wander to the heavenly bath he would soon be taking. He made light work of his pants and neatly folded everything before grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist, proceeding towards the outdoor bath and humming the Sex Pistols version of 'God Save the Queen' as he went, seeing as he had finally figured out how to get the track on his mp3 player.

He smiled and stepped into the heated water, letting out a sigh and relaxing into the water... that is, of course, until he heard someone say:

"Ah, man this water is freaking great! Japan is totally awesome."

Then he tensed right back up and _prayed _that his mind was just playing tricks on him. Looking around he was met with a sight he never expected to see.

"A-America?"

"Huh?" America looked over. "England? What the- what are you doing here?"

And it was at this point in time that a certain yaoi fangirl kicked down Japan's front door and ran into his house, Liechtenstein in tow along with recording equipment and enough tissues to sustain at least half the world's population.

"Japan! I've not missed anything have I?" she gasped, finally coming to a halt when she saw Japan hiding behind a wall that lead out to the heated baths.

"Not yet, but come over quickly! They've finally accepted that the other is in the bath, and now it's getting good! And I need some tissues Hungary-san!"

Hungary threw a few boxes over as she tried to get the video camera working, telling Liechtenstein to go and 'enjoy the view'. Japan, meanwhile, was busy fiddling with a camera around his neck before finally concluding he had it on the best setting to catch some glorious boy's love.

"Kya~ I can't believe we could witness a bath sex scene!" Hungary squealed happily before she looked over at Liechtenstein. "Look, listen and learn Lichtenstein. There will be a test on this in our next lesson."

The young nation nodded and looked intently out at the baths, where quite a commotion was beginning to become apparent.

"America! Now is hardly the time to be doing such things!" England snapped, looking away determinedly.

"But dude! How was I supposed to know you'd show up! I can't help it!"

"Learn some bloody self restraint and- ah! W-What the hell are you doing?"

"England please, just let me put it in already! How often would we get the opportunity to do this _here_?" America reasoned.

"B-But, the water will get in if you do that..." the gentleman said uneasily.

"Just trust me, this'll be totally awesome!" America promised, moving over to the smaller nation.

The Brit still didn't seem convinced but after a moment he let out a little gasp when America's hand travelled downwards beneath the water level. "Y-You-"

"Wow, it's really slippery..."

"W-Well don't just stare at it! We're in a bloody bath so of course it would be that way!"

"Wait hang on, spread your legs."

"Just grab it already!" England said impatiently. "Or... never mind, I'll just do it myself," he said, also moving his hand down below his waist and into the water.

"No!" the hero protested, "I wanna do it!"

"This was a bad ide-AH! Hey, watch what you're doing down there!"

"Here, hold mine," America said lowly, grabbing England's hand and moving it over to him.

"Uhn, I-I think we should maybe stop-"

"No, we can't stop now! We're so close," America said, ducking down slightly.

"This footage is perfect!" Hungary said excitedly before she glanced down at Liechtenstein who currently had a cute blush adorning her cheeks. "Are you holding up sweetie?"

All she could manage was a little nod and her eyes sparkled as she looked on at the scene while Japan was busy raping the button on his camera in an attempt to catch everything.

"Ah, yeah, keep going England," America encouraged.

"Oh God, I think I'm nearly-"

"Yeah me too, hang on I think- nnh!"

"A-America! I can't-"

"England~!"

For a moment things calmed down, which was just as well seeing as the tissues were very quickly being used up by the three BL enthusiasts. Unfortunately Japan's camera went off suddenly with the flash enabled, causing the two panting countries to look up quickly.

"Did you see that dude?" America asked, while England nodded and peered over to where the flash had come from.

"Quick, hide!" Hungary commanded, and immediately the three nation's dispersed throughout Japan's house.

"Give me that!" England ordered, grabbing his mp3 player from America. "I told you this was no place to be using electronic equipment!"

"I told you these waterproof cases keep the water out! They just get kinda slippy with water so I dropped it..." the hero said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.

"And what would you have done if you had completely ruined it?"

"Well I didn't, did I? I told you to hold my iPod while I got yours and it was just below us so it's all fine!"

"Ugh, I came here to relax and instead I end up here with you," Iggy huffed.

"Ouch, words hurt dude," America pouted before grinning as he saw England drop his mp3 player into the water again. "Haha, well played."

"Shut up," the Brit glared, reaching back down to root around in the water to locate it as they had done previously. He froze up after a brief moment though when his hand closed around something that didn't feel like the smooth plastic of his mp3. He immediately blushed heavily and told himself he was wrong, but judging by the way America had turned just as red as him and was biting his bottom lip...

"Ah, that's not my mp3 player is it?" England asked awkwardly.

"Err, no..." America managed.

"I- I-!" England stuttered, his hands flying up in surrender. "Th-That was- I mean- WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING A SODDING TOWEL?_!_"

"I didn't know anyone else was gonna join me!" America protested, shifting about uncomfortably and not meeting England's gaze.

"Sod this, I'm going to my room," the Brit said indignantly as he stood up and tried to _not_ think about how he had just _groped _America and _damn America! You'd think if he's THAT athletic and muscled then he would have a small prick to make up for the unfairness but holy hell! That was-_

By the time England reached his designated room he rather resembled a tomato and so he walked right past it and entered the bathroom instead because now he needed the exact opposite of a hot bath. A good cold shower would clear his head.

x~x~x~x~x

By the time England had managed to get his thoughts in some vague form of coherency he turned off the shower and dried off, wondering what he should do in regards to clothes seeing as he had left his folded up near the baths. The mystery was quickly solved when he peeked outside of the door and saw a dark yukata there.

_Thank God for Japan, _England thought as he collected the Japanese garment that he had worn many times before due to his old alliance back with the Asian power and the fact that they were unexpectedly comfortable. He took a moment to admire the beautifully intricate floral designs that decorated the yukata in brighter colours, doing his best to roll up the sleeves a bit because the thing was slightly too large.

Finally deeming himself presentable, England was more than ready for bed. Today had been stressful, and when he had come all the way here to relax the opposite just ended up happening. He made his way down the hallway and could have _sworn _he heard Hungary squealing at some point, but he passed this off as tiredness getting to him because why would Hungary be at Japan's place?

He slid open the door to his room and stepped inside, sliding the door closed behind him and realising only a few moments later that there was an intruder in his futon.

England paused as he looked over the sleeping American that was commandeering the space and wondered what the hell was going on before remembering that this was the guest room, so America probably used it whenever he came over to Japan's place. Nevertheless you should _never _steal a sleepy Brit's sleeping space if you want to live, and so not feeling the slightest bit merciful England stomped over and stood above the sleeping hero.

"Oi America! Wake up! I had already made plans to sleep here and you are just in the way, git!"

There was no response.

"America!" England tried again, getting down onto his knees to poke said nation.

Again, there was no response.

_Good God, he is such a deep sleeper; _the blonde observed as, when he tried violent shaking, America remained dead to the world.

England sighed and sat back a bit, wondering what he should do. He could always go and find Japan to see if there was anywhere else he could sleep, but he was just so _tired _and there was a perfectly good futon right in front of him. The only problem was that it was currently occupied.

The Brit watched as America's chest softly rose and fell with his breathing and noticed how peaceful he looked when he was asleep. It was hard to believe that this was the same idiotic nation that once tried to claim that the USA actually had a secret monarchy, of which the Burger King was the head. He smiled fondly despite himself, and this was when he noticed the small bags under the closed eye-lids.

_I suppose he has a lot to worry about as well, _England conceded, deciding to try one last half-arsed attempt at waking the other before he gave up and searched elsewhere.

"Wake up you big oaf," he murmured, leaning in and poking America's chest (and no, he did not take note of the feel of firm abs beneath his touch, who do you think he is?)

"Mmnfdg," America mumbled, and for a brief moment England thought he had triumphed.

And then he found himself trapped.

America's arms seemed to reach out reflexively, and England found himself caught in a vice grip.

"What the bloody hell?" he asked in surprise, trying to struggle away but he just _couldn't_ escape. "Stupid wanker and his damn hero strength, he's not even awake!" the Brit hissed angrily, still trying to pry his way out of America's hold and willing the heat in his cheeks to go the hell away. He noticed his yukata beginning to slip down over one of his shoulders and he clicked his tongue. _Damn, I knew this thing was too big._

England swung one of his legs over America's waist so that he was now straddling the other and put his hands on either side of his head, beginning to try more desperately to get out of his hold and _damn, now the bloody yukata is coming undone!_

He glared at the sleeping nation angrily, still trying to pull away until he heard the door slide open.

"I just realised that I only put one futon in here," came Japan's soft voice. "So I- Oh my!" Eyes finally adjusting to the darkness within the room, the Asian power saw England with a yukata that had now fallen completely down from his shoulders, straddling America. Needless to say he reached his own conclusions about what was going on.

"Well, I should have known you'd only need one, so sorry for being KY!" he said, blushing profusely before bowing.

"Ah wait Japan! I swear this honestly isn't-"

"No it's fine!" he insisted, quickly running out of the room.

England thought Japan went sprinting off as fast as he did was because he was scared and shocked. The real reason was that Japan was looking for his camera so he could make the most of this opportunity, as well as telling Hungary and Liechtenstein what was currently going on.

"God dammit," England sighed irritably.

"Uhnn... mhhmm... huh?" America mumbled, sky blue eyes beginning to blink awake. "England?" he asked blearily.

"Oh bloody brilliant, _now _you wake up!" England huffed, and completely ignored the way America's cheeks were beginning to turn pink as his mind processed their position.

"H-How, what-?"

"If you're wondering why you have your arms around me, why I am straddling you practically half naked thanks to a sodding yukata that just didn't want to cooperate and why Japan has just run off in abject fear then you only have yourself to blame. Now unhand me at once, git!"

America still seemed confused and sleep still had a hold of him. "Nope," he said simply after a moment.

"W-What? America, I demand that you-"

"Night Iggy," America mumbled, loosening his grip on England only slightly so that he could adjust their position so the gentleman was under the covers of the futon as well with America's arms wrapped securely around him.

_GAH! I hate this git! _England anguished as he felt America fall asleep once again while he was busy suffering from a severe blushing attack and if his heart didn't slow down it's beating any time soon then a heart attack was also likely.

And so it came to pass that America and England 'spooned' in the futon, while the three yaoi nuts fangirled (and fanboyed) over the entire thing (as they thought the two lovers had 'forked' in the futon) and Hungary insisted that this next chapter of Japan's manga would be so popular that he really should consider getting America and England to voice a drama CD of their sexy exploits.

x~x~x~x~x

**Done~ In case you were wondering what Japan meant by KY, it stands for **_**kuki yomenai **_**and it means being unable to sense the current mood/atmosphere. That second misunderstanding comes from this video that the requester asked me to base it on, so you can have a look if ya want:****  
><strong> www. youtube .com()watch?v=yv_pYtJkJ38**  
><strong>So I'm kinda planning another 'special' chappy :D 'What is it?' I hear you cry? Well, you'll soon find out ^_^ Please review because you know how much they mean to me, plus FF has totally changed the layout of everything since I was last here so it's totally easier to do so now ;)<strong>**

**Until next time my dear readers~**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	45. Fourth Of July Special!

**Heyyy you guys~ ^_^ Thankies once again for all your kind words :D****  
><strong>So you know how I did the Jubilee? Well you all had nothing but good things to say even though it's such a BritishCommonwealth thing so I figured if you could all be such good sports for holidays of **_my_** country, then it wouldn't hurt to do 'specials' of other holidays that are from **_other _**countries. So, what fits those criteria at the moment? Yup, the 4th of July! So I guess this one goes out to my American readers :P**  
><strong>God... I'm pretty sure this is some form of blasphemous treason for a Brit to be writing about this holiday but meh, I'll give it a go! :P<strong>**

**Just To Say: I've done my best to keep this being an angst fest so don't be too worried :P Although _do _expect a few more sobering moments and not just my usual crack/insanity :3 Also, this thing got looonggggg! So sorry about that! And obvs I know absolutely nothing about this holiday apart from why it's celebrated so... yeah, there won't be many details of traditions (if there are any) as I don't know them! "u_u At the very least I hope you can all enjoy, regardless of whether you celebrate this or not :)**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Forty Five- Shaymin28's Request (Fourth of July Special~)

Canada stood in the kitchen, an apron wrapped around his midriff as he set about preparing breakfast with a small smile on his face. He knew his brother had been getting more and more progressively excited and now that the big day was finally here...

He braced himself as he heard rapid thudding coming from upstairs as clearly America had woken up and was currently bounding down the stairs. Sure enough a few seconds later the birthday boy burst into the room (clad only in stars and stripes boxers and a superman cape) with such a bright grin that Canada vaguely wondered if he should have purchased sunglasses, because the sun had absolutely nothing on America today.

"Hey bro~!" he practically sang, half-running-half-skipping into the kitchen and hugging him.

"Morning," the soft-spoken country said gently, briefly returning the hug before he turned around and carried on preparing breakfast.

"Heeeeyyyyy," America pouted childishly, bright blue eyes expectant.

"Yes?" the other asked, hiding the fact that his smile was getting slightly bigger.

"'Morning'? Really? C'mon~" he whined. When Canada still didn't react America rested his chin on his shoulder with a drawn out, "Maattiiieee~"

Chuckling softly, Canada finally said what he knew his brother wanted to hear. "Happy Birthday America."

"WAHOO!" America cheered, literally punching the air and releasing his hold on the Canadian. "Dude, today's gonna be totally awesome, amrite?" he grinned.

"If it's anything like last year's then I expect so," Canada said with an amused tone as thoughts of last years festivities came to mind, and how Prussia had spiked the punch bowl. It was certainly an interesting experience watching everyone act even more insane than usual, and the reaction given when fireworks were let off was absolutely priceless. ("Holy shit the skyyyy! Look at the skyyyy~" "It's sooooo prettyyyyy~!" "IT'S AN ALIEN INVASION HOLY CRAP RUUUUN!")

"So what's for breakfast bro?" America asked. "I bet it's your awesome pancakes, right?" he asked eagerly, coming up once again before his face fell. "Dude! What the heck, why is there _fruit _here?" he asked, as if it was the most offensive thing he had ever seen in his life.

"It wouldn't hurt for you to start the day off healthily, because Lord knows how much crap you're gonna eat tonight," Canada said matter-of-factly.

"But Mattieee~" America whined again, "It's my special day! Don't torture me, that's so unfair!"

"Torture? Al, it's just a bit of fruit, it's not exactly going to kill you." The pout on his brother's face showed how much he disagreed with that statement. "Vegetarians manage just fine," he sighed.

"Veg-a-what?

"Vegetarians?"

America blinked with a blank expression before saying rather decidedly, "Nope, never heard of 'em."

Canada deadpanned. "America, you know what a vegetarian is. They don't eat meat."

America let out an overly dramatic gasp and his eyes widened. "YOU MEAN THEY EXIST? I thought they were just a myth! Dude, why would nobody wanna eat meat? What's _wrong_ with them?"

"Loads of your citizens are vegetarians!" Canada protested.

"But the American Dream is all about burgers and BBQ's!" America insisted.

Canada vaguely wondered if he had missed the memo that detailed when the American Dream had ceased being a wife and 2.5 kids with a house in the country with a white picket fence in favour of burger consumption, but he decided not to pass comment because his brother was in too much of a good mood to even listen to anything he had to say unless it pertained to birthday celebrations.

The maple syrup lover handed America an orange. "Just eat something healthy today, okay?"

"Fine," America pouted, but slyly hid the fruit in his cape when Canada wasn't looking. Well, when he _thought _Canada wasn't looking.

"I'm not an idiot Al, just eat it!"

"Don't wanna," he moaned and pouted, attempting to use his puppy dog look but Canada was one of the few who were immune to it.

"Nice try, but it's not going to work."

"Meanie," America said, sticking his tongue out but he sat down at the table anyway and allowed the fruit salad to be served to him, because if the caterer's really delivered the masses of junk food he had ordered tonight, perhaps his brother did have a valid point.

"I'm guessing everyone RSVP'd, right?" Canada asked, sitting down beside America with his own bowl of fruit salad. He didn't mean any harm by the question, but he knew as soon as the words left his lips that he should have rephrased that.

America stopped for a moment, a flicker of emotion quickly washing over his face before it was gone again and he answered with a casual shrug.

"Al... sorry, I didn't mean-"

"It's cool," America said, moving a strawberry around with his fork. "It's not like I was expecting anything else."

A tense silence quickly took over and Matt knew that he should say something, _anything, _to divert the conversation, but America spoke up instead.

"It's slowly getting better. He's come to a few of them in the past, only briefly, but he did so I'm just gonna enjoy the night and not dwell on it." He smiled once more, "After all, this is gonna be such a kickass party!"

Canada smiled again and figured that despite the two being lovers now, things wouldn't change _that _drastically... but then a determined spark set off in his violet eyes. If the two _were _lovers, then it was only right for him to be there, regardless.

The conversation steered its way to the obvious topic of today (America), and when the two were finished America rushed off to go and get dressed with his energy and enthusiasm restored. This was when Canada pulled out his mobile and made a call to a certain Frenchman.

x~x~x~x~x

France let out a long sigh as he made his way up the path that led to England's house. He _really _didn't want to do this. Why did the responsibility have to fall on him? So what if the two of them were neighbours and had a complicated 'yes-we're-friends-but-we-would-gladly-kill-each-other-if-given-the-chance' relationship? Had Canada ever even _experienced _what the Brit was like this time of year?

France sighed again as he fished out the key he had stolen from England's place years ago just to annoy him with spontaneous visits and opened the door. He was only doing this because Canada asked so sweetly, and he would always have a soft spot for him.

Darkness was the first thing to greet him, promptly followed by an Adele song. He had to let his eyes adjust before he could move any further. He noticed that all windows had their curtains drawn, and as he stepped further into the house the smell of alcohol also made its presence known.

"Mon Dieu, not only do I 'ave to deal with Angleterre, but a drunk one at that," he mumbled as he carried on walking and got closer to the source of the Adele track that was playing, and then he heard England half-singing-hlaf-slurring:

_"But there's a side to you that I never knew, never knew_  
><em>All the things you'd say, they were never true, never true <em>  
><em>And the games you play, you would always win, always win"<em>

Okay, England was drinking in a dark room listening to depressing music... at least this was still preferable to the time he stripped off and sat on top of one of the lions in Trafalgar Square completely naked while singing, "Nobody knows the trouble I've seen, nobody knows my sorrow~"

France neatly walked across the room and flung the curtains open to have a look at what he was dealing with. He heard England let out a hiss, and when he turned around France couldn't help it; he burst out laughing.

It wasn't exactly the gentleman's dishevelled appearance, or his mostly unbuttoned blouse, or the fact that he was completely and utterly smashed that was hilarious (though they were amusing). It was the fact that England was cuddling a giant pink unicorn plushie that was as big as the Brit himself that had caused France to laugh, and England to glare at him.

"Wha' th' blooddyyy 'ell 're youu doin' 'ere?" he asked, pointing lazily at France who simply sighed and went over to his frenemy.

"I'm 'ere to drag you to a party," France explained.

"Dun wanna," England pouted, hugging the unicorn close as Adele began to sing the chorus:

_"But I set fire to the rain__  
><em>Watched it pour as I touched your face<em>  
><em>Let it burn while I cry<em>  
><em>'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name"<em>_

"You're being an idiot, Rosbif," France said bluntly.

"Th' fuck d'ya fink yoooouuu is frog? Lemme set fire to my bloody rain you wanker!" England said indignantly, taking another swig from the (nearly empty) bottle of scotch in his hand.

"Give me the alcohol," France said in his stern mother's voice after he shut Adele up.

"Nope," England said, pouting childishly.

"England," France warned. England shrank back a little bit before seemingly coming up with an ingenious plan. He stumbled up and grabbed the unicorn, mounting it and grandly proclaiming, "Away Periwinkle! Make haste! We shall thwart the Frenchy's evil scheme!" He made the unicorn neigh before he started stumbling about the living room. France honestly had to resist the urge to video the whole thing.

"You called your unicorn Periwinkle?" he asked in amusement.

"Sooooooooo~?" England drunkenly challenged.

"Isn't that a shade of purple? Your unicorn is pink," France smirked.

England's eyes widened in shock before looking down at the unicorn he was 'riding'. "What sort of fuckery is this?" he demanded before glaring at France and pointing. "You're one of _them_!"

"Oui oui, I am one of _them_," France agreed, prying the alcohol away from the inebriated nation.

"Fraaance~ Give it baaaack~" England moaned.

"Now England, you are a big boy now, aren't you?" the blonde said in a patronising manner.

England nodded.

"Don't you think you're being stupid? Getting depressed over something that 'appened so long ago?"

England clutched the unicorn to his person and scowled into it, mumbling something incomprehensible.

"And it's not as though you're enemies, is it mon cher? What with your _Special Relationship _and all." England blushed a bit and France carried on. "So the least you can do is go."

"Just gimmie th' alcohol!" the Brit pouted. When it looked as though France would do no such thing England switched tactics, abandoning Periwinkle and draping himself over the Frenchman.

"Please?" England whispered huskily, pressing himself up closer and making his hands trail over France's chest. "You won't regret it~" he hummed.

Ah yes, England also became shamefully sexual when drunk. France had almost forgotten about that.

He briefly considered the option being presented to him and England's hand went lower, but he remembered that he had promised Canada to drag the Brit's arse to the USA and he never went back on a promise, so he pushed the island nation away.

"Non, now come on. The party is fancy dress, we need to get you an outfit."

England narrowed his eyes before he gave a lurch and threw up all over France. Said country began swearing profusely in French, while England gave a victorious grin and laughed as he cockily slurred, "Serves ya right ya git!" before he promptly passed out.

x~x~x~x~x

When England eventually came to he found himself in a sleek black car, devoid of any alcohol. He pulled a face, wondering what the bloody hell was going on when suddenly some aspirin was handed to him by France.

"Beardy? What the hell-"

"Just take it," France said tiredly. England regarded him with suspicion but took the aspirin dry nevertheless. He thanked all the gods he could think of that he hadn't drunk so much that he would have a terrible hangover. England's tolerance may not have been the highest, but as long as he didn't exceed a certain limit then he recovered fairly quickly (the only problem being that he usually exceeded that limit, and usually wanted to die the next morning).

"Why am I in a car? Where are we going?" he asked, brushing a few strands of his hair out of his eyes before realising there was a small weight atop his head. His eyebrows knitted together in confusion as he investigated, taking off a small purple top hat and staring at it as if it would all make sense in a bit. It was then that he became more aware of what he was wearing.

Gone were his slacks, brown fitted trousers replacing them. His blouse had also been swapped for a fancier one with a cravat, a blue waistcoat worn over it before the whole ensemble was completed with a long, deep purple coat. Upon closer inspection of the top hat, he saw the Spades symbol from a deck of playing cards.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" he asked, looking over at France who was apparently trying to pass himself off as a fireman, only all he had on were the dungarees and boots, nothing on top at all.

_Most indecent_, England sniffed.

"I told you the party was dress up," France said, watching the other carefully.

"Party?" the Brit asked, clearly having no idea what was going on, and how come he didn't reek of alcohol and his hair smelled faintly of his strawberry shampoo?

"Don't start bitching Angleterre, it was 'ell trying to clean you up and dress you. I found that outfit in your storage room."

The island nation, still none the wiser as to his destination, looked back down at the outfit. _When did I buy this again? _he wondered, before the memory assaulted him. This was to be his outfit one Halloween when he and America decided to team up as opposed to compete against each other for once. America had dragged him everywhere until he found the matching outfits- _of course, America did buy a similar one to this, didn't he?_- and made a joke that he was the 'King of Spades' before immediately declaring England his 'Queen'.

Of course England protested the title, and as it turned out they never got to team up that Halloween due to a petty fight that started over the correct technique to T.P a house, so they competed against each other and chose different outfits.

_I wonder if America ever wore his at any stage? _England wondered before suddenly a cold feeling engulfed him.

America.

Today's date.

_Oh God kill me now._

"France... you wouldn't," England said, looking wounded before he pressed his face to the window to try and make out the scenes through the tinted glass. His worst fears were confirmed, and he heard the blaring music before the house came into view.

"Canada asked me to drag you 'ere," France shrugged, "Not that I'd want to socialise with you. But really Angleterre, your sense of l'amour if awful! Leaving your lover to celebrate his birthday alone."

England was shaking now before he exploded. "YOU SODDING GIT OF A WANKER!" he yelled, and France recoiled a bit because England using three British swears in one sentence indicated _very bad_ things indeed.

Luckily for the frog, the car stopped at that instant and the door was opened a few moments later by the driver. France thankfully got out and dragged England with him because he had _not _just spent the better part of his day dragging an unconscious Brit through customs for nothing.

"Now now mon cher, you're a gentleman, oui? Try to act like one, everyone is 'ere after all," France smiled sweetly, still dragging a very reluctant Englishman up the stairs where some unidentifiable song was playing. It was nothing but drums and bass as far as England could tell, but this wasn't his type of music so he let it slide and focused on trying to turn things to stone with his glare.

He noticed a few nations hanging around outside of America's house, mainly the Nordics but Belgium was also there dressed as a chocolate bar of some description. They all seemed to be happy, enjoying the festivities, Sweden (dressed in a dog suit) with his arm protectively around Finland (who had decided to go for cat ears and a tail).

"France, I swear to you that I will end you," England said in a dark voice as they walked through the door and England's ears were abused by the heavy baseline and he could barely hear anyone speak. He looked around, spotting the ridiculously huge sound system that was the source of the great racket. He noticed China in a corner of the room currently dressed as Hello Kitty, conversing with Hong Kong who had gone for a foody feel as he was a giant Dim Sum. Taiwan was also there, her beautiful raven locks having been twisted up into a topknot and looking a bit like a warrior princess.

England wasn't completely sure, but he was pretty convinced that he saw South Korea eying China from a not-so-subtle hiding place behind the sofa, dressed as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

He spotted Canada in the kitchen preparing what looked like various party snacks. He looked utterly adorable dressed up as a polar bear, and France left his side in order to help out. England had half a mind to run now that his captor had buggered off, but it wasn't as if he'd _never _been to one of America's birthday parties before. Granted he didn't stay that long, and he usually felt like shit, but he had done it. He supposed he could make the effort, because it beat moping to himself on his rainy island listening to Adele. The weather was perfect in the USA today.

He made his way through more rooms, spotting others as he went until he reached the expansive back garden where it looked like the majority of the guests were, and the birthday boy himself.

He was grinning, his golden locks seeming more vibrant and his entire persona just sparkling as he flipped burgers and talked happily with Japan, _Wait... is Japan a SAILOR GIRL?_ England thought, slightly surprised before he finally took note of what America was wearing.

Brown trousers, a white blouse, a deep purple waistcoat and a royal blue long coat with a Spades broach. Granted the 'Kiss The Cook' apron obscured the outfit a bit but...

_Holy shit we MATCH! _England thought frantically. _How is this going to look? I wasn't even meant to be here and now... now..._

"Ve~ Inghilterra is here~! I told you he would come Germany," came Italy's happy voice as he spotted the blushing Brit looking out over the party in the back garden. A few other countries looked over, some nodding vacantly while others seemed mildly surprised that he had shown up. America was one of the ones who looked up, thinking he had misheard. When he finally spotted the island nation his eyes widened, and they did so even more when he saw what he was wearing.

_Bloody brilliant, _England thought sarcastically, _Well I guess I can't back out now._

He hurriedly headed on over to Italy and Germany to avoid America for the moment.

"Good evening."

Germany nodded and Italy 'Ve-ed'. "I was just talking about how great Germany's man shaft was!" he said happily.

"Ah, s-sorry?" England asked, sure he had misheard.

"His man shaft! It's so big and strong, don't you think?" Italy smiled.

England was at a complete loss for words and waited for Germany to step in.

"It isn't really that impressive, yours was actually much better last time."

"Ve~ But that still doesn't change how awesome yours is Germany!"

Germany's cheeks reddened a bit but he managed a small smile. "Danke Italy."

"How's your man shaft doing?" Italy asked, as if that was a totally socially acceptable question.

"M-My, ah... excuse me," England said hurriedly. _I guess they aren't hiding the fact that they're a couple anymore..._

"Did I say something wrong?" Italy asked Germany, looking worried. "Is my pronunciation bad?"

"Nein, es war Gut," Germany assured him. Italy let out a sigh in relief. "But then why did he run away when I asked how his football team were doing after their loss?"

"Maybe he just didn't realise Mannschaft meant team," Germany suggested. "I appreciate you learning German words, but others may not get it. Well, either that or he's still sore about losing to you. You did well in Euro 2012 this year."

"Grazie~ Fratello was really upset we lost to Spain though."

Germany narrowed his eyes. "Ja, he's gotten... echt klasse," he said grudgingly.

Meanwhile, England was busy honing in on the alcohol because a drink was definitely in order after that conversation. He saw Prussia standing there, snatching up two cans of beer.

"Is there anything stronger than beer?" he asked. Prussia looked at him before grinning and nodding his head towards the punch that other's seemed to be giving a wide berth to for some reason. The other nations had, of course, learnt their lesson from last year. England however, was not present last year and so he shrugged his shoulders and filled a cup with the red liquid, downing it instantly before filling it up again.

"Woah, I can't believe I'm saying this, but pace yourself! If not you'll be passed out in no time flat, kesese~!"

_That prospect doesn't seem entirely unappealing_, England thought before he nearly jumped out of his skin as a high pitch squeal sounded behind him.

"KYAAA~! Omigosh, you guys are wearing matching outfits! Isn't that so cute?" came Hungary's energetic voice. Her arm was interlaced with Austria's and she was looking excitedly between England and America (who was still at the BBQ, but was looking at England as if he couldn't quite believe that he was there). Austria sniffed and said something snooty most probably, before Hungary let go and went in search of Liechtenstein. It was obvious when she had found her, seeing as a gunshot sounded accompanied by an indignant Switzerland yelling at her.

While WWIII broke out over there, England busied himself with getting more punch (which was beginning to make him feel light-headed already) before he finally took notice of the absolutely huge table that covered the whole length of the garden further down. He couldn't help his mouth from literally dropping open.

It was as if every single McDonald's, Burger King and KFC had given an entire month's worth of food to cater for the evening over there. That table practically screamed 'premature death' what with all of it's deep fried treats and chips drenched in vinegar and salt. There was also deserts, and England struggled to recall the last time he had seen a chocolate gateaux, or meringues, or sponges, or jelly that made him put on weight just by _looking _at the bloody things. Then of course there was the cake that was very obviously America's birthday cake, seeing as the thing had _eight bloody tiers _and was covered in gaudy red white and blue icing, stars and stripes having been iced on with precision and care.

The big 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY' written on it was also a dead giveaway. England raised an eyebrow as he saw an inordinate amount of candles atop the giant sponge structure of calories, but guessed that they couldn't really represent America's nation age seeing as that was just not possible. He chuckled slightly to himself as he tried to imagine how big that cake would have to be, or how huge his own birthday cake would have to be if there were enough candles for his nation age on there.

China's cake would most likely take up an entire hemisphere.

He glanced over to America, who was now talking with Lithuania and Poland.

_He really does look happy, _England thought, leaning back against the drinks table and looking at the alleged King of Spades with his endless sky-blue eyes that still managed to hold hints of naivety and an endearing optimism despite everything he had been through, with his enthusiastic grin that hardly ever faltered, even during times of hardship. England would _never _say this to America's face, but sometimes he truly did believe America was a hero simply for managing to stay so upbeat.

He sighed as he looked around. _Everyone _looked happy. He didn't belong here, not on this particular occasion. Even if it was more bearable now, he still felt like _this_ was something that he really shouldn't be included in.

He downed some more of the punch.

_I'll leave in just a bit, _he promised himself.

x~x~x~x~x

"All right! Anyone else want anything off the barbeque?" America grinned, expertly flipping what was currently the last burger on there unless someone asked for more. When those around him seemed satisfied with what they currently had, or assured him that there was plenty of food on the table to content themselves with, he claimed that burger as his own before removing his apron. He glanced around briefly, as if looking for someone, but sighed when he couldn't find them.

_Guess he left early again this year, _he thought, his grin dropping just a little bit until he felt a pair of arms encircle him from behind.

"There's my Kiiiing~" a British accented voice sang delicately.

America's brows pulled together in confusion for a moment before he whirled around and was met with a very happy, smiley England.

"Uh..." was all he could manage.

England put a hand on his hip. "That's no way to greet your Queen! I waited nicely while you talked with everyone but me and now I'm lonely," he pouted.

"Okay dude, what the heck are ya drinking?" America asked, eying the Brit's cup suspiciously because even though he was glad he hadn't left, and that he wasn't completely depressed like he usually was, this wasn't normal.

"I'm drinking heaven my darrrliiinnngg~" England said happily. Finally America realised that Iggy had been on the punch, and remembered last year, and all of a sudden it made sense. _Seriously, what the hell did Prussia spike it with this time?_

Suddenly the song changed to a Skillrex track and England's eyes flashed up in recognition. "I know this, I know this!" he said excitedly as he tugged on America's sleeve. "Your artists stole this style from mine," he said proudly, swaying back and forth.

"Okay Iggy, not that you being super nice and stuff isn't, well, nice, but you need to get whatever's in your system out."

England suddenly looked extremely hurt and on the verge of tears. "Y-You mean," he sniffled, "You won't dance with your Queen?"

"It's not that, but-"

"Then dance with me!" he demanded, tugging harder before the base line dropped and he started bouncing up and down instead. America sighed but complied, jumping in time with the music. He grinned a bit, not thinking that he would ever find himself dancing to Dubstep (or I guess it's Brostep) with England, much less on his birthday. The grin wavered a bit as he realised that this probably wouldn't have occurred if England currently didn't have God knows what in his system, but looking at the Brit's bright emerald eyes shining and the little top hat above his mussed locks nearly falling off, not to mention his utterly happy expression, America figured it was okay for a bit.

"Spin me!" England said suddenly, grabbing hold of America's hand. The hero chuckled a bit as he did so, England laughing loudly and looking like he was having fun. Hungary, (who, by the way, was dressed as Pocahontas) squeed a little as she looked at Austria (Dracula), who sighed and said she could go and fight Switzerland for Liechtenstein so she could see.

"Okay okay okay, now lemme spin you!" England enthused, twirling the King of Spades under his arm, which was rather awkward seeing as he had to stand on his tippy toes while America ducked, but they just about managed it.

"Now spin together!" America joined in, making it so they were both twirling around and getting rather dizzy in the process, their laughter ringing out throughout the garden while other nations looked on and couldn't help but give a little, "Aww," because the scene was rather cute.

When the song eventually ended England suddenly stood completely still, a look of wonder on his face.

"Er, Iggy? You're kinda freaking me out with the vacant expression there."

"I," England said grandly, pausing for dramatic effect, "Need to pee." He nodded and bowed with a long, "Thank you for the dace, Your Majesty," before he sauntered off in completely the wrong direction.

America laughed and quickly grabbed a couple of cream donuts from nearby before grabbing the sleeve of England's coat and steering him in the correct direction.

I know the way!" England insisted and he burst into a fit of giggles as he escaped America's hold and ran off. The hero thought he actually did remember the way then as he headed towards the toilet, only he went right passed it and walked into the coat closet.

"Wait! England, that's wrong!" he called, entering the closet after the other.

"Boo, you found me!" England pouted when America came to join him.

"England, this isn't the bathroom."

The island nation blinked in confusion before he let out a long, "Oooohhhhh... gotcha," he winked.

"Here, eat one of these," America said, holding out the donut he retrieved earlier. "Food absorbs alcohol right? So it will probably absorb whatever your high on."

"I'm not high," England insisted as he took the donut, "I'm just floating on rainbows and fluffy unicorns~"

"Riiiight."

England took a bite and made a complete mess while he was at it, getting cream all around his mouth. He started giggling again. If America knew that England wasn't only acting this way because of some dodgy punch then he would have found this completely cute, but as it was he was beginning to worry a bit.

"Here," he said offering his coat sleeve as a sort of napkin.

"Nu-uh," England said, turning around.

"Hey c'mon," America tried again, attempting to grab hold of England who kept his back firmly to him and kept on wriggling. Finally the American caught the Queen from behind and all of a sudden England froze.

"Good you've stopped stru-"

"America," England whispered, shifting his hips a bit.

"Yeah?"

"Y-You... You're..."

"I'm what?"

"Uhh," England said, shifting his hips again and gasping a bit. "A-America..."

The hero now had absolutely no idea what was going on. The gentleman, on the other hand, could _definitely _feel something hard pressing up against his bum.

"N-Not here," he said as he shifted a bit and gasped again.

"Not here what?" America insisted. "Look England, this is getting ridiculous. I think we should just come out of the closet already."

"W-What?" he asked, slipping away and flinging the closet door open. "How could you, pervert!" he accused before running away. America wondered when whatever Prussia had given England would wear off.

"Ohonhonhon~" came France's obnoxious laugh. "Looks like you got, le birthday blow-job, non?"

"HUH?" America's eyes widened. "Why would you-" Then he realised: England had white stuff around his mouth and the two had just emerged from a damn _closet_. He sighed and decided to ignore the Frenchman and just interact with his other guests, seeing as England had disappeared into thin air.

"Yo Mattie!" he called out when he found the other, "How ya doin'?"

"Fine. You?"

"Fine I guess, tonight's been pretty damn awesome but England's high on something I think. Oh yeah," he reached into his pocket and pulled out a banana. "I know I said I'd eat the fruit and all but honestly... no."

Canada just sighed but chuckled a bit. "I didn't expect that you would," he said honestly, "But it was worth a shot."

England found himself outside once more and curled up in a corner of the garden with a pouty expression.

"Was ist los?" came Prussia's voice as he looked down at the sulking Brit. He smirked a bit as he said, "Es ist Party angesagt!"

England looked blank so Prussia elaborated. "Ich liebe das Song, it's Disco Pogo! It's awesome, but not as awesome as me," he said as he sat down. "So what's up?"

England looked up with big green eyes. "America just tried to- to…" he gave up and instead gestured. Prussia's eyes also widened.

"Nein, he tried to use his Disco Pogo on you?_!_"

"YES!" the Brit anguished.

"The nerve! He should know his place since we both know it's the other way around, right?"

"Right," England agreed, not exactly in the right sort of mind to analyse the albino's words too thoroughly. "Now if you excuse me, me and Nigel were discussing the economic prosperity in the current market," he said.

"Nigel?" Prussia asked.

England slung his arm over a potted plant and nodded affirmation before he gasped and looked at the plant with an incredulous expression. "You don't mean that!" he said and Prussia decided that he had quite possibly gone overboard with what he put in the punch this year.

x~x~x~x~x

England awoke to the sound of whistling and loud bangs. At first he didn't know where on earth he was, but when he looked up at the night sky-_When did it become this late?- _he saw the inky darkness drenched in blinding colour. That was when he realised that fireworks were currently on display. He looked around himself, wondering why on earth he was cuddling up with a plant, before he got up and straightened his outfit out as best as he could.

It must have been fairly late, because despite the fireworks there was no one else out in the garden. Music could still be heard from inside, although it was toned down. He began to make his way across the garden and noted for the first time that evening that America actually had quite a well kept garden, what with all of the colourful flowers that resided there. He took a brief moment to admire a rose, and another firework exploded overhead.

He looked up in order to see it battling away the darkness to replace it with a beautiful golden light, and it was as he looked up that he saw someone sat on the roof.

Not just anyone. America.

_What's he doing up there? _England wondered, pressing on and making it back to the house. He wasn't exactly surprised to see that Prussia, Denmark, Germany and others were now drunk. France appeared to be flirting with anything that moved and China was doing his best to escape the clutches of a Ninja Turtle. Finally he came across Canada, who smiled politely when he saw him.

"You stayed longer than usual," he smiled sweetly.

England scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "It... would appear so. Although I must confess that it has been a bit of a blur... is there a reason why no one is out watching the fireworks?"

"Oh, that's the millionth display tonight," Canada said as if it were obvious, causing England to wonder just how long he had been out.

"Ah, I see," he said, noticing how the hoard of nations had actually reduced significantly. He supposed it was about time the guests would leave. He remembered America up on the roof, looking up at the night sky being illuminated by the fireworks, and even though he still felt awkward being here considering the date, for once he didn't feel the overpowering desire to leave.

He knew that would probably be the wisest option; just walk out the front door and return back to England, and congratulate himself on enduring for as long as he did (despite the fact he could barely remember anything). But... but still, America was up there alone. Did the others even know? Surely one shouldn't spend their _birthday _alone, not even England did that and he had gotten himself famed for being a loner.

The Brit wasn't exactly sure why he thought himself to be decent company, especially given the circumstances, but nevertheless he excused himself from Canada and made his way up the stairs where he mapped out the safest route onto the roof.

When he eventually did make it (unfortunately his 'safest route' nearly caused him to drop a near fatal amount) America was utterly unaware of his presence as he looked up at the sky with a small smile on his face. England looked up too, able to appreciate them this year when other years he would take on the role of Scrooge and curse the lights in the sky.

He wasn't exactly sure why he was able to tolerate things now. Perhaps it was because his relationship with America wasn't nearly as tumultuous as it had been, or maybe it was simply because he had matured. It seemed silly, England had thought himself the most mature out of all the nations, but one could always be proved wrong.

Looking up at the sky now, and at America's smiling face, he didn't see a celebration about how completely horrible _he _was as both a nation and as a person, so much so that another entire nation held a day just to spite _him. _That's what it had felt like, but then that's just ridiculous.

No, this was a celebration of freedom. That was certainly something to celebrate.

England couldn't help but shake his head a bit. Had it really taken centuries for him to realise this? Maybe he knew, but was just too proud to admit it. Of course America would want his freedom, any country would. In fact, he had rebelled against France when he was a young teenager and broken off from him completely. Perhaps if France had been stronger at the time, a similar war might have occurred between the two of them.

As it stood, England knew that even if he _hadn't _been the one America picked all those years ago, he would have still fought for the freedom that any country wanted. That didn't mean that today was now completely fine with him, but now, with a sort of renewed outlook, he could at least realise that there was no need to go on suicidal drinking sprees.

America just happened to turn around at that moment, spotting England who appeared to be completely lost in thought.

"England?" he asked with uncertainty, wondering if he was still under the influence of Prussia's punch.

"Ah, h-hello," he said awkwardly, stepping a bit out of the shadows so he didn't look like some sort of creep.

"What are you doing up here?"

"I was going to ask you that. There are still some people downstairs you know."

"I know," America said with a wistful sigh and he looked up at the sky once again as three brilliant red, silver and blue fireworks commandeered the sky. "I just never get bored of fireworks."

"I see..."

The conversation trailed off then, but America didn't seem annoyed to have England up here with him, so the Brit risked it and went over to the other and sat down next to him, also looking up at the sky.

"You actually stayed to the end," America murmured, keeping his eyes fixated on the display.

"Yes, but I'm afraid some areas are... less than clear."

"Haha, that's what you get for drinking spiked punch. You should've seen last year," he snickered a bit.

"I dread to think."

The conversation trickled away once more, and the two of them watched huge pyrotechnic chrysanthemum's fly around, dancing with each other and sparkling in their wake.

"I'm afraid I failed to bring a present, seeing as I found myself here rather unexpectedly."

"It's cool," America reassured.

"But... it's customary to give gifts. I suppose that maybe, if you have time, then we could... go and watch the latest horror movie. I'll treat, it can be a late gift."

America looked away from the sky then.

"Seriously?"

"W-Well, you know, it's the done thing right? I-It's not anything else really, I just thought that I haven't exactly... on gifts... for this..."

America looked at England getting flustered and a small smile graced his lips. But the Brit looked like he wanted to say something, so he waited patiently.

England took a deep breath, not exactly sure where this next bout of verbal diarrhoea would take him, but this was long overdue, he supposed. "It's just that... I get it. And I- I may not seem the most supportive, especially not around this time, but I... it's sort of like- bugger this is difficult. What I'm _trying _to say is that, I... It's an absolute pleasure, having you as one of my closest allies, and seeing the country you've become. I mean, sometimes your ideas are just plain _stupid, _and there are times that I just want to punch your face in- and we both know I've acted on that impulse on more than one occasion- but when all is said and done I guess that I'm really, proud? I don't really know, I just know that you've become a great country in your own right and I think that- well- it's... Heh, now I'm just rambling like a nutter," England said, completely unsure of himself and feeling vulnerable, but that was a given at this time of year.

Yet this interaction was new. He'd never said anything quite like this to America before.

He took another deep breath and shut his eyes tightly, afraid of what he was about to say next even though everyone else had said it today so casually. "In short... Happy Birthday, America."

With those words, so much weight was carried, for both of them. And having them said lifted that weight. England felt much lighter now, and he even managed a shaky smile, though his eyes remained firmly shut, as if opening them would shatter his last defence and security.

And then suddenly he was surrounded by warmth, strong arms surrounding him and a little, elated gasp sounded in his ear.

"I... Thanks, England," he said sincerely, holding the other close.

The gentleman hesitated for a moment, before he too brought his arms up around America and buried his face in the other's shoulder.

The two simply stayed like that for a bit, not really needing to say anything for the time being as colours continued to splash the darkness around them and light everything up beautifully.

After a while though, England felt awkward and so he coughed a bit and pulled away. "Yes, well, that's enough of that. All this talk of feelings and such rot isn't exactly the done thing at my place, and I'm afraid I've rather reached my limit for at least the next millennium."

America chuckled a bit, still immensely happy, when a slow song came from the speakers downstairs and drifted up to the roof. "Hey England, ya know how you were pretty much stoned and can't remember anything?"

"I was not stoned, how dare you?" England huffed.

"Oh, so you remember dancing to Skillrex with me?"

"I did what?"

"Exactly. Well, I'm still gonna take you up on that movie offer, but I still want you to remember at least one dance here tonight."

He stood up and pulled England up with him. The latter looked completely uncomfortable with the idea and looked as though he was contemplating diving off of the roof, but America held strong.

"C'mon, I wanna dance with my Queen~" he teased lightly, causing England to blush bit.

"If you address me in such a fashion then you shan't bloody get a dance," he grumbled, but he allowed himself to be pulled against the other and swayed in time with the gently flowing music.

After a moment America sighed and buried his nose in England's hair for a moment. "Hey England?"

"Yes?"

"This birthday was totally awesome."

England considered the fact that, only a few hours ago, he had been hugging a pink unicorn close to himself while listening to all the depressing songs he could think of, and now he was slow-dancing with America on his roof during a fireworks display. And even _he_ had to admit that yes, he supposed it was 'totally awesome'. Yet, being British, he went for a simple little grunt.

But America knew what he meant anyways and just smiled warmly, the two of them continuing their little dance and feeling completely invincible.

x~x~x~x~x

**Bloody hell! Well then, sorry it got serious towards the end, but given the day, it would be weird if it didn't. I hope you all enjoyed it, I did have fun writing it despite the fact that it got completely out of my control. Please let me know you think? It would seriously mean the world to me. And also, a poll is now up on my profile, so now you, dear readers, can decide how INWYT! proceeds from here. Please check it out if you'd like :)**

**Until next time then everyone, I'd love to hear from you~ ^_^**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	46. Medieval Mayhem

**Hola from Espagna everyone~ Once again I have to thank everyone for the great reviews even though some of you (like me XD) don't celebrate the 4th :P It's great seeing everyone being so supportive, and I'm glad you all didn't mind that it was slightly more serious than other chappy's :) Also in regards to the poll, Imma keep it up a while longer before closing it, so if you haven't voted yet want a say, get over to my profile :D  
>Well, back with two more requests~<strong>

x~x~x~x~x**  
><strong>

Chapter Forty Six- Dark Vesavillius and Nightshade974's Requests

It was official: England honestly didn't understand Americans, and if the sight before him was anything to go by, he didn't think that he ever would.

It was simply... simply... Well, words couldn't really explain the utterly obscure and bizarre event that was taking place right before his eyes. He tried pinching himself to see if perhaps this was a surreal dream, and when that failed he tried to remember if he had inadvertently ingested any questionable substances lately that may have induced this illusion.

"So dude, this is pretty awesome, right?" America grinned by his side, looking out excitedly at the view.

"It's..." England managed, trying to find the right words. "It's... something else," he managed.

"Haha, your stunned look tells me that you think this is fully awesome," America said happily as he grabbed England's hand and began to drag him further into the madness that was apparently known as a Renaissance Fair.

_What am I doing here again? _England wondered as he allowed himself to be pulled past Americans dressed as squires and knaves and knights before he came to an indignant halt as he saw a woman who was allegedly Mary Queen of Scots according to the calligraphy covered sign and the ghastly throne, but it just looked as though the first ginger woman they had found had been given the job because she didn't look remotely like the old Queen, and England would know because he knew her personally.

_Ah yes, I'm here thanks to my bloody storage room... _he mused, recalling how he had been in the middle of cleaning the hideously messy room (it was even worse than America's had been) before America dropped by quite suddenly and thoroughly invaded the room. Of course he had found all of the weapons in there immeasurably interesting, and there was a small wrestling match between the two of them as America found a box labelled 'XXX' and felt the need to explore its contents (which England vehemently refused to allow possible, all the while completely red in the face) before America found an old suit of armour from England's Middle Ages period and insisted that he had to bring England to, 'A totally cool place after the meeting at my place next week. You'll totally love it Iggy!'

Apparently that place was here.

England shook his head. Yes, he really didn't understand Americans. After all, this was all representing a time period from before the world even knew the 'New World' existed! And had absolutely nothing to do with American history! For God's sake, this was _his_ history and his own people didn't do anything remotely like this. So why the bloody hell were there so many people here? No, it didn't make sense. England wondered what was weirder, this Renaissance Fair business or the fact that he had discovered a few years ago that just by talking he could reduce the majority of Americans to a blushing, giggling mess. Was his accent really as good as they had said? He didn't know, but he _did_ know that Americans were definitely a strange breed.

The island nation carried on looking around, surprised by how all-out everyone had gone with the outfits and even the drinks. Water seemed to have been thrown out in favour of alcohol, as was the custom back in the actual Middle Ages.

"Oh wow, that is so badass!" America piped up suddenly, and England followed his gaze in time to see two men on horse back charging at each other, clearly in a re-enactment of jousting. England subconsciously placed a hand over his side, because while it may have looked 'badass' it was fucking painful if you had ever been in a _proper _joust with substandard armour.

Then he laid eyes on who was supposed to be Queen Elizabeth I and England actually contemplated waging war on the USA because she looked _nothing like_ his dear old Lizzie! How could they? The monsters!

England was pulled out of his seething when America turned and grinned at him.

"It's pretty cool right? Bringing back memories, old man?"

Despite the use of 'old man' England couldn't help but smile a bit, because America was only being kind and taking him to a place that, in all honesty, was rather amazing regardless of all of the inaccuracies. After all, no one here had actually _lived _in that time and he supposed that, all things considered, they had done a fairly decent job of it.

"I suppose," he said, looking around happily and spotting a group of people doing traditional dances a few metres away while a bard serenaded and provided the music. _Yes, I suppose it was rather sweet of him to take me here with him, _England thought absently before he finally registered the fact that they were _holding hands_. He flushed a bit, glancing at the American out of the corner of his eye who didn't seem the slightest bit awkward, and then a rather dangerous thought entered the Briton's mind:

_Is this a date?_

Oh God, was it? It was just the two of them, and America had chosen this place specifically because he knew that England would enjoy it, and they were _holding hands. _

While England's brain went into a malfunction of sorts and his heart-beat went into sporadics, America was surveying the area to see where the two of them should check out first before a thought occurred to him._  
><em>

"Oh hey, you want a drink or something?" he asked, glancing down at a very red England for some reason. "Uhh... dude, you okay?"

"I-I'm fine!" England sputtered. "Yes, a drink sounds great!"

America blinked for a moment before shrugging and taking it upon himself to get drinks for them both, letting go of England's hand and-

Wait.

_Dude, since when was I holding his hand? _America wondered, before the more important thought of, _Why the heck did it feel so natural like that? _made its presence known.

Going off in search of drinks still mulling this startling fact over, England took the opportunity to gather his breath and go to watch a Jester perform his routine. It had been a while since this sort of entertainment after all.

He laughed at the silly joker's antics and memories of his days in the castles and watching the real deals came to his mind, and how it was the monarchy's that held the power as opposed to Parliament. Then all of a sudden he felt a shiver run down his spine and an eerily cheerful voice sounded from behind him.

"Is funny, da?"

England's eyes widened as he whirled around. "R-Russia! What are you doing here?"

"I heard about it and thought it may be interesting," he said simply, smiling all the while before his violet eyes flickered over to the jousting demonstration. "Interesting," he breathed before turning to look at England. "You used to settle disputes like that?"

While the Russian definitely unnerved the Brit, his gentlemanly tendencies won out as he answered politely.

"Jousting was more of a fun sport," he explained before he winced as he remembered how it hadn't been so 'fun' for a certain Henry VIII. He had been such a nice man before his jousting accident as well, why did he have to turn into a raving lunatic who chopped everyone's head off and pissed off Holy Roman Empire? England sighed at the memories.

"A sport? Then how were disputes settled?" he asked, eyeing some swords off to the side with a look of longing.

Although he wasn't sure he should answer, England did nevertheless. "Depended on the dispute. If it was big enough then it would be a war, no different from today. But if it was more domestic then a duel would settle it. You could challenge anyone to a duel if you had a valid reason, and as long as you were using the same weapon you were pretty much set."

Russia nodded before catching sight of America over by the drinks. "You're here with America?" he asked, and his smile morphed into a grin of sorts.

England nodded, not liking Russia's sudden change in demeanour. "You two are lovers, da?"

"W-What? No! We're just-"

"You're lying~" the Russian hummed before his eyes starting burning with a challenge. "Becoming one with him is no fun, you become one with Mother Russia, da?"

Emerald eyes widened and England shook his head furiously.

"Why not?" Russia asked, seeming genuinely confused. "America will also become one, of course."

"No he bloody well will not!" England stated firmly, already remembering the last horrible experience he had when he thought that was actually happening.

"It is inevitable comrade, all shall become one with me," he said simply, looking back at America once more before he seemed to have an idea. "We shall duel, da?"

"I'm sorry?"

"A duel, to settle it. If I win, you both become one with me," he said simply.

England just stared. "You can't be serious." When Russia didn't react England went slightly pale. "What if I refuse?"

"Then I'll kill you~"

"Th-Then... what if I win?"

"Then I won't kill you~" Russia smiled sweetly. England gulped. "So we duel then?"

"A duel?" someone nearby asked, and all of a sudden word was spreading like wildfire.

"People are going to duel!"  
>"A real life duel, wow!"<br>"I hear it's over who gets the fair maiden!"  
>"Oh this is so romantic~!"<br>"Where's the lucky maiden?"

America had just finished getting the drinks at this point in time, looking around for England before he spotted him talking to _Russia _of all nations! America's eyes narrowed, because even though the Russian was apparently a good gamer, he didn't trust the guy at all. He was about to go storming over and demanding to know what he was doing here, but before he could he just saw Russia and England pointing at him (although England looked like he was desperately cringing). Before he knew it, people had grabbed a hold of him by both of his arms and he was being dragged to Lord knows where.

"Hey! What the heck are you guys doing?" he asked, struggling but not too much because he was still holding the drinks and his abnormal strength could quite easily land a human in hospital if he wasn't careful.

"You're the prize!" was the response that he got, and all America could think was: _The prize for what? What the hell is going on?_

x~x~x~x~x_  
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"Lords and Ladies of the court!" came a loud, booming voice of a man wearing fine robes of red and grey silk. He was stood on a slightly raised platform that also had a throne-styled chair that was meant to look like solid gold with rare jewels encrusted within, although admittedly this particular 'throne' looked a tad cheap. It was obvious that a very liberal application of gold paint had been applied to whatever the chair's real material was before someone had gone a bit mad in applying plastic jewels everywhere. Regardless of this, the man seemed proud of his spot on the stage and looked out over the crowd that was beginning to gather all around, all chattering excitedly because they were about to witness a _real duel_!

"We have two valiant young men both vying for the attention of the fair maiden," he announced grandly, causing murmurs to ripple through the throngs of people. "As per tradition, these two worthy suitors shall have a duel and the winner shall have the maiden's hand!"

Loud cheers resounded into the open air and the sun shone brilliantly. The man was soaking up this energy and got a little bolder, prancing about the stage a bit while practically singing:

"So, would you like to meet these two fine men~?"

The crowd excitedly voiced their eagerness to see who would do something as 'romantic' as fighting for their true love in this day and age. All they were thinking of was how chivalrous and utterly like a fairytale it all was, not thinking in the least that a duel was hardly a tame affair.

"Our first eligible bachelor is a man of simple tastes," the announcer proclaimed as if he really knew all about the contenders. "Loyal, steadfast and brave, he is convinced that he can be the maiden's knight in shining armour. Please put your hands together for Arthur Kirkland!"

The crowd went wild and a very embarrassed looking blonde made his way into the arena astride a magnificent, pure white horse with a silvery mane. The horse tossed its head when it made its entrance, as if trying to glorify its Knight who was dressed in blinding silver armour (the helmet tucked under his arm) that complemented its mane. England looked at the mad crowd and he just sighed, giving a small wave in order to placate them while he came to terms that he was actually going to duel in the modern day. It had certainly been a long time.

"And our other fighter for the maiden's affections is no less of a good match!" the man said, gaining back the attention. "A man of few words but of an overwhelming presence, I want you all to welcome Ivan Braginski!"

More cheers erupted all around as Russia entered the battlefield astride his own horse that was a glorious creature of dark ebony. He very much had the Dark Knight feel to him with his jet black armour with occasional gold flairs. The armour wasn't heavy for someone like him, but he had to admit that it did weigh quite a bit. He assumed that it was good quality because of this feature, and looked over at the emerald eyed Brit who was currently glaring at him. A small smile crossed his face as he thought about how the smaller country must be finding such a weight a burden.

England was no stranger to the weight actually, and thought nothing of it. But seeing Russia there made him remember that he was essentially duelling for the well-being of himself and America. Was it strange that he was doing this more for the fact he didn't want Russia becoming 'one' with the American and not for his own safety? Probably, but he didn't have time to ponder for long seeing as the star of the show was to appear now.

"And now without further ado, the moment you have all been waiting for, this is the fair maiden!" the man called happily, and all too soon an indignant voice was yelling.

"DUDES! Seriously, get off! This is so uncool! I'm the hero; not a 'fair maiden'! I refuse to go out there!" But America was shoved forward onto the stage and immediately the crowd went silent and England's eyes widened dramatically as he saw the younger nation standing there, completely red in the face and looking as though he wanted to die. Russia began kolling out of pure amusement.

England couldn't help but let out a snort before he tried to hold in his laughter. Somehow, and don't ask him how because it was beyond him, but _somehow _America had been forced into wearing a frilly pink dress that poofed out in true Disney Princess style and was off the shoulder, studded with little diamantés. He even had a pink pointy hat with a trailing pink veil atop his head.

Of course he looked utterly ridiculous. While nations like China, Japan and (although he would die before admitting it) England may have been able to vaguely pull it off, there was no denying that America was _obviously _a male. His arms alone were well muscled so that to have such a delicate dress clinging to someone who was capable of lifting a lorry was just hilarious.

Seemingly not caring that the 'fair maiden' was not a maiden at all, the crowd cheered and America was steered to sit on the tacky throne, trying to hide his face from everyone and wondering how in hell he ended up here, and why were Russia and England having a freaking duel?

"Alfred F. Jones, do you have anything to say to your two potential lovers?"

America choked on thin air at that, feeling like throwing up at the idea of Russia as a lover before he blushed even further at the same thought but with England.

"I have no idea what is going on, but these two are gonna regret it," he said through clenched teeth before adding on as an after thought just in case he had to be forced home with one of the nations, "And Artie, you better win this 'cause there is no way in hell I'm going with Ivan!"

"The rules are simple: First man to hit the ground due to falling off of his horse loses!" A squire hurried to pass a sword (_surely this goes against Health and Safety?_) to both England and Russia as they secured their helmets in place. Finally, trumpets sounded for the duel to begin.

The two nations made the horses simply circle round each other first while they conversed.

"This is bloody ridiculous, I have no idea what you were thinking."

"I'm thinking it will be fun to become one with America once I am done, and you of course, but I bet you would make a great face if I focused on him first."

England actually let out a growl at that, the sword tightening in his hand. It may have been a while since he was in a duel, but this used to be tradition in his country to prove one's pride and honour. He would be dammed if he would lose and he couldn't care less if Russia was his opponent because he knew how this worked and Russia didn't.

Russia made the first move with a loud battle-cry of 'VODKA!', suddenly getting his horse up to galloping speed and raising his sword above his head. He brought the sword down in a mighty swing, and England was lucky to manoeuvre his horse out of the way in time.

"This is fun!" he heard Russia say in childlike glee, beginning to swing the sword mercilessly so all England could do was helplessly defend and occasionally bring his sword up to block any attacks from the Russian.

Meanwhile, America looked on with mild horror beginning to creep through. _Geez what the hell am I doing? England's gonna get pummelled out there! _he thought frantically, moving to stand up but the announcer from earlier kept him in his place.

For now.

If this got worse then screw this fair maiden shit, he was gonna go all hero on Russia's ass and save England from the hands of that psychopath!

Another slash of Russia's sword missed a head on collision, but England did feel a slight tug as he tried to get his horse out of the way. Honestly, he would have preferred to have simply crossed swords than involve these poor animals. All around him the crowd was going insane, his own name or Ivan's being chanted.

Then he felt himself slip and he had to grab onto his horse lest he fall off, because now he saw that Russia had successfully cut through the saddle straps and he was beginning to slip off.

"Damn," he hissed, trying to steady himself but the saddle was now complicating matters and Russia had noticed. He reared his horse and began a charge while England tried to think of something, anything, that he could do.

America stood up, having seen quite enough.

"I'm sorry fair maiden, but-"

"I'm not a fair maiden," America said sternly, eyes quickly flickering to the two duelling nations. "Let me help Arthur!"

"You cannot show favouritism towards your potential-"

"The other guy is twice the size of him and there is no way I'm gonna let him get hurt!" America practically yelled, stunning the man.

England heard the outburst as he quickly got out of another potentially dangerous blow. "ALFRED!" he called out, causing said person to look at him worriedly. Although England was touched that America wanted to aid him, he couldn't let that happen. Unorthodox as it was, this was _his _duel and he refused to accept any help in this. He would find a way out of this, his pride and honour rested on this, as well as America if Russia actually planned to follow through with what he was proposing if he won. He grit his teeth and called, "Stay out of this, just trust me!"

America had no such intentions and was on constant alert, and when Russia finally landed a hit on England's left arm he was ready to leap into the middle of things. England let out a pained groan and mentally thanked the armour for the protection, but then he was hit by an idea.

Making his horse go as fast as it could, he shifted his hips so that he could throw away the useless saddle so that he was now riding bareback.

_I can do this, I don't need to be rescued, _he thought determinedly as he glanced behind and saw Russia hot on his tail. _Stay calm old boy, just do what you used to do in duels and you'll win, _he assured himself, although the tactic he had in mind could possibly land him on a Casualty Ward even though he was a country.

Russia narrowed his eyes, wondering what the Brit was up to and he couldn't help the surprise wash over him as England dropped his sword and rather violently tugged his helmet off, exposing his head. He smirked, figuring if the island nation wanted an early death then he supposed he could provide it.

"ARTHUR! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?_!_" America yelled, eyes widening in panic, but England just smirked up at him.

"Don't worry, I've got this under control," he assured, his confidence oddly growing as he began to fiddle with the rest of his suit of armour. For what he was about to do, he needed to be light and not weighed down, so he was thankful he only had a simple blouse and pants underneath.

He noticed the Russian coming up quick and swinging at his now exposed neck, ducking just in time while the crowd all held their breaths, utterly captivated and stunned by the battle.

England pushed his horse onward, undoing the arm guards in the process and letting one fall to the ground before he chucked the other one behind him at his opponent when he thought about it further.

The Dark Knight growled as the metal collided with him, but he shook it off and continued to pursue the White Knight who was foolishly getting rid of the only thing protecting him.

He came up with an idea when he realised that the Brit was unlikely to gain the upper hand if this battle was anything to go by and removed his own helmet, aiming it to perfection so that it hit the Brit on the back of his head. England gasped a bit and slid, ending up precariously clinging to the side of the horse.

The crowd was screaming now and America seriously wanted to _do something,_ already hiking up the stupid frills on the dress and ready to dive in but England shot him a look that said, 'Don't you dare'.

The blonde gritted his teeth before figuring that Russia couldn't hit what he couldn't easily reach. Taking a deep breath and praying that he still had enough strength in his legs to pull this next feat off, he allowed himself to slide further so that he was essentially riding upside down. Russia's eyes widened, clearly impressed, while England smirked and began to tug off the armour covering his torso. The crowd was cheering and the 'maiden' looked on in disbelief.

To get his leg and foot armour off England knew he needed to get upright again, so he timed it carefully, making sure Ivan couldn't get to him as he quickly worked his way back around. He made it and pulled off his right leg and foot armour before a bright silver streak flew across his vision as Russia's sword was ever so close to cutting right through him that time. His heart pounded and the adrenaline through his veins was pumping wildly, but he refused to be put out. He quickly threw his remaining armour at the Dark Knight, widening the distance between them as he came to a halt at one end of the arena.

England made sure to grab his sword from where it had previously fallen before moving to the other side to face the other head on.

For a moment there was just a tense silence as the two looked at each other, Arthur glaring and Ivan looking thoroughly entertained as violet and emerald regarded each other. He looked up at America and smiled sweetly before bringing his attention back to the Brit who was beginning to... stand up on the horse?

Russia watched curiously as England was precariously balanced before standing, looking at him with a defiant smirk.

"Shall we put an end to this then?" he called with an air of cockiness about him suddenly.

"Gladly," Russia practically purred as he thought about how this ended up being much more fun than he had originally thought. England put up a surprisingly good fight.

All breaths were held as the two began to charge towards each other at full speed, Russia holding his sword above his head and England bracing himself, managing to stay steady as he calculated the other's stance before positioning his own sword in front of him.

_Holy crap the old man's gone insane! What's he thinking? He's gonna freaking die and that's so not cool and I don't want him to die! AND I WILL DIE BEFORE I COMPLY WITH THAT EX-COMMIE BASTARD! _America thought, scarcely able to look at the scene.

England took a deep breath when they were but metres apart before pulling on the horse's mane so that it wouldn't collide. He took this moment to launch himself off of the horse and hoped for the best, because this always used to work back in the day even if it was practically a suicide tactic.

Ivan didn't have time to react as England all but flew through the air and landed neatly on the back of his horse, immediately bringing the sword up against his throat.

"Surrender?" he breathed against the Russian's ear.

Said country just smirked and glanced back at the burning emerald eyes. "Never," he replied, bringing his hand up to the weapon by his neck.

"Pity," was all England said before he quickly reached forward and pulled on the reigns, bringing the speeding animal to a rapid halt, the force of which Russia hadn't been expecting. The result was Ivan being flung forward off of the horse and onto the ground, effectively meaning that Arthur was the victor.

Cheers and applause exploded around him and England couldn't help but grin, pumping his fist into the air as he did a victory lap before stopping in front of the stage and hopping off.

"The victor of the duel and the winner of the fair maiden is Arthur Kirkland!"

More cheers, and a rather stunned American.

"W-What the heck- how did you- that was- dude!" he tried to say all at once, but England just rolled his eyes.

"Oh it wasn't that impressive git. I was a little rusty after all. Back in the Middle Ages, Ivan would never have gotten the upper hand as he did." Still, he couldn't deny that he had felt the rush of fighting with swords once again.

"KISS THE MAIDEN! KISS THE MAIDEN! KISS THE MAIDEN! KISS THE MAIDEN!" the crowd chanted.

"Ah..." England began awkwardly before America grinned.

"Well? You just fought your ass off so you may as well get you epic prize right?" He fluttered his eyelashes and swished the dress around in a ridiculous manner.

"What? I didn't go through all of that to kiss you, idiot!" England protested.

"Sure sure," America laughed, "Dude, I seriously didn't know you wanted a kiss _that badly_! I guess I'm kind of flattered but you could've just-"

"FINE!" England yelled, grabbing America's hand and kissing it. "Satisfied?"

The crowd just booed and America pulled a face. "Wow, that was awful. This is why I'm the hero, I sweep the damsel off her feet!"

"Oh, so you were thinking more like this?" England asked, his eyes narrowing before he reached out and pulled America down across his front, dipping him down as he brought their lips together.

The crowd was positive once again and America's eyes widened for a brief moment before they fluttered shut, allowing himself to be thoroughly kissed by the Englishman. For a while England forgot there was actually a crowd watching them and pushed his lips more forcefully against the other's, who seemed to be responding enthusiastically. He smirked a bit against those lips, pulling back for a second in order to lightly catch America's bottom lip between his teeth and suck.

The maiden groaned a bit at this action, bringing his hands up to tangle in the unruly hair that refused to be tamed. England relished the sound and was more than prepared to carry on, but suddenly the sound of numerous camera clicks went off and he was pulled back to reality.

He stopped immediately, a little breathless, and looked down at sky blue eyes as they slowly opened. They just looked at each other for a moment before England said:

"Bloody hell you're heavy."

America scoffed and stood upright. "Way to ruin the mood," he joked, sticking his tongue out and straightening out the dress.

"Hmm... America, you seem to suit the damsel role really well. Perhaps you should hang up your hero cape."

"Pfft, as if! By letting you steal my role for a day I was being heroic," he said resolutely, because he was a manly man who was _not _currently blushing. "Now, I'm going to go find my clothes," he mumbled, making his way off of the stage.

England stood there for a while longer, a small smile playing on his lips as he thought that perhaps he actually rather enjoyed these Renaissance Fairs after all.

x~x~x~x~x

**Dark Vesavillius wanted RusAme or RusUKAme and Nightshade974 wanted Medieval!UKUS, so I hope you all enjoyed. I enjoyed writing the duel, could ya tell? :P Well, hope the UKUS went down well seeing as I know some people don't like it, but others are obsessed with it, I was only following what I was given so yeah ;D I've never been to a Renaissance Fair so I was going off movies, hearsay, my knowledge of Medieval Britain and Wikipedia for this so sorry if this is totally wrong! "u_u  
><strong>

**And if any of you artists out there fancy drawing my lovely Maiden!America and Knight!Iggy (or hell, even DarkKnight!Russia) I will give you cookies or a one-shot or something, because that is something I would love to see XD  
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**Until next time everyone~  
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**xx-animeXalchemist-xx  
><strong>


	47. When Canadians Speak Up

**Hey there everyone! ^_^ Wow, the response to the last chapter was INSANE you guys! Much love for Knight!Iggy and Maiden!America there :P So a huge thanks to all of you awesome people out there, I love you all :D Also, these next two chapter's shall be loosely linked as this next group of requests lead rather nicely to the next group I plan on doing (Seriously, ever since I ordered these requests like a boss life is much easier XD) **  
><strong>Hope you enjoy it~ <strong>  
><strong>Just To Say: I have much love for Canada in this chapter XD Shout out to any Canadian readers~<strong>

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Forty Seven- SamuraiSal1, PirateIggyJones and Lunar Ribbon's Requests

Canada found himself sat in a quiet park while the sun set, mulling things over. He watched as the Sun's rays melted from gold into deeper oranges and reds, bathing the surrounding area in its beauty. He let out a sigh.

The view was beautiful, that fact could not be disputed. People often commented on the beauty of this land, _his _land, but did they ever remember him? No. He didn't understand _why_ he had a tendency to go unnoticed, it's not like he actively _tried _to fade into the background, he just sort of... did.

If he wasn't being ignored then Cuba would probably be kicking his ass, which sucked because when Cuba recognised him as Canada then the two of them usually enjoyed ice-creams together. Sadly though, today he was mistaken for America by more than one country who had come seeking revenge for something his idiotic brother had done to annoy them, and he was sick of it.

In fact, he had half a mind to go and pay his dear brother a visit and voice his opinions. It's about time he was heard!

"Kilimanjaro, I'm going to do it!" Canada said determinedly, looking down at his polar-bear.

The bear blinked before looking completely bewildered. "Who are-"

"I'M CANADA, EH!" Canada said determinedly, actually managing to speak above a decibel. The bear widened his eyes, shocked that its owner was actually capable of talking above a whisper, and that was when _Kumajiro dammit! _realised that for America's sake, he'd better not be in. He had been around when Canada had run out of Maple Syrup, and had been there when his favourite Hockey Team lost, and he _didn't _want another repeat of the raving lunatic the soft-spoken country could become if pushed far enough.

He had seen Manada, and let's just say that the apocalypse would be _preferable _to that axe-wielding, moose riding, fucking _ripped_ psycho any day.

Hopefully it wouldn't have to come to that.

x~x~x~x~x

"Okay Canada, just tell him that you're sick of being mistaken for him, and you won't stand for it any longer!" he told himself, trying to gather up the courage to walk into his brother's house. He could do this. Not only would this liberate him, but his therapist would also be extremely proud of his progress. "Okay, let's go!"

He opened the door to America's house (because pshh, hero's don't need locks!) and stepped inside, figuring that his brother would still be involved in his latest gaming marathon that he had been looking forward to all during the last meeting. Kumajiro was just glad that his owner's alter-ego didn't look as though he was going to make an appearance.

"W-Wait!" came the faint sound of America's voice, and Canada followed it. Sure enough it lead to the living room, and so the maple lover took a deep breath before-

"England! It won't- ah!- fit! Stop pushing!"

_Wait... what? _Canada blinked, wondering if he was genuinely hearing this. He moved right up to the door, pressing his ear up against it to see if he could hear more clearly, because surely that wasn't _America _moaning just now.

"Git, you do this to yourself you know," came England's voice, ignoring the little gasp America let out. "I can't help it if you're such a-"

"AH! Dude, watch it! I don't think it's gonna fit..."

He heard the Brit sigh. "I suppose it can't be helped, but we'll have to use this." There were footsteps and a rustling sound as the gentleman presumably retrieved something.

"Use what?" America asked, attempting to get his breathing back in check before he sputtered. "W-W-What the heck? Why do you have something like _that_ with you?"

"You never know when it may come in useful," England said matter-of-factly.

"Okay, that's messed up," America muttered, but the other in the room paid him no mind.

"Right then, face the wall and brace yourself. I suppose that will be the easiest way."

"Uh, you sure about this?"

"Absolutely, now just do it and trust me."

_No way, this isn't... Is this actually happening? _Canada wondered, pushing so close up to the door that he wouldn't be surprised if he melted right through it. But really, this was just so... unexpected.

"Okay America, take a deep breath. Are you ready?"

"Y-Yeah," the hero said shakily, before he let out a sharp gasp. "D-Damn! Hah! E-Eng-!"

"Relax America, you're too tense at the moment."

"Well obviously!" America groaned, "What the hell are ya doing back there? I think I'm gonna break!"

"Stop being so dramatic, now in the name of the Queen just relax!"

"B-But I- AH! England, England! I can't-" the younger nation moaned.

"Uhn... so tight, America," England whispered huskily. "Just a bit further, hang on..."

"Oh God! England I seriously- hnn!"

"America..."

Canada had to cover his mouth to stop himself from bursting out laughing. He couldn't help it, a shit-eating grin had fixed itself in place on his lips and it didn't look as though it was going to go away any time soon. _I can't believe it! _he thought in disbelief. _My brother, the heroic, utterly 'manly' United States of America, world superpower_, _with his aggressive personality and need to be in charge is actually... being dominated? By England? The guy who embroiders and loves unicorns? This... this is just too good! _Yes, Canada was currently experiencing Schadenfreude and he wasn't gonna lie:

It was _sweet_.

Oh this made up for all of those times he had been forgotten or picked on by other countries, and it _more_ than made up for the times it was America himself that forgot him. Canada was beginning to lament the fact that he hadn't thought to bring his phone on this little trip, because now he had no way of capturing this positively priceless moment.

Deciding that he could bring this moment up the next time his brother oh-so-conveniently forgot who he was, Canada took his leave and slipped back out of America's house, in a much better mood than he had been in previously.

"ENGLAND STOP RIGHT NOW OR I'M GONNA DIE!" America yelled, wriggling about and trying to escape the utter _agony_.

"No one has ever died from having a corset put on them, git!" England retorted, just pulling harder on the strings and drawing a whimper from the American, who had decided that he had had quite enough of this and turned around, tearing the damn thing off.

"Okay, that was taking it too far!"

"I'm not the one who can't fit into their own bloody clothes any more! This is why your gaming marathons are bad ideas: you do nothing but sit on your fat arse and eat junk food. Look at yourself America!"

Reluctantly, the younger nation looked down and- okay, so maybe his abs were on a temporary vacation at the moment... and his jeans wouldn't do up any more... and fine! His top was also feeling a little on the snug side, but he wasn't fat!

...

Seriously!

"Why the hell do you even have a corset with you?" America muttered, wrapping his arms around himself defensively.

"I had a feeling you'd be like this, so I just thought I'd help."

"By cutting off my freakin' air supply?"

"No you idiot! Wearing a corset will keep your waist in shape and help to form your body even when you're being inactive. Besides, it's probably a good sign if you find it difficult to breathe, it just means you can't inhale several gallons of food."

"Well I don't need it," the other said resolutely, folding his arms to show he meant business. "I may have gotten a _bit _bigger, but that just means there's more of me to love!"

"Okay, well, you stick to that theory then. I'll check back on you in a week or so, and I expect you'll probably be as big as that bloody whale you adopted."

America just stuck his tongue out childishly and picked up his Xbox controller. "I can't believe you used to make your women wear that death trap in the Dark Ages or whatever."

"Actually it was something France came up with and imposed," England said as he put his coat on. "One of the only things that frog has done right: not the forcing women to wear it, but the fact that some can actually help with body shaping or if you have a bad back and such."

America just grunted, causing the Englishman to sigh and let himself out.

_I'm dreading the state he will be in when I come back_, he thought, biting his lip.

x~x~x~x~x

~Two Weeks Later~

Canada walked down the American streets, his destination being his brother's house. Despite what he had heard a couple of weeks ago putting him in higher spirits, that didn't actually change the fact that he kept being mistaken for America. He had decided that _this _time, he actually was going to talk it out with the other.

He was so lost in thought over what he would say and how to best phrase everything that he accidentally bumped into someone.

"Ah, sorry!" he apologised, only to be cut of by a friendly:

"Hey Canada! What're you doing here?"

"Prussia?" Canada asked, looking at the albino before him for a moment before smiling. "Oh I was just going to visit America, what are you doing here?"

"Spain's being annoying, so I thought I'd try and show him how wrong he is again," Prussia said, narrowing his eyes determinedly.

"What do you mean, eh?" the Canadian asked, cocking his head to the side slightly.

"Oh, well Spain thinks that your Bruder tops England, but that's clearly not true. America totally takes it up the ass, and I aim to prove that using the power of awesome!"

_He has way too much free time lately,_ Canada thought before the words properly registered. "Wait, you know that America- err- bottoms?"

"Course I do, I've heard it often enough! Besides everyone seems to forget that old Iggles was a pirate and shit, there's no way he'd bottom."

"Huh, I guess I can see that logic, eh," the soft-spoken country thought out loud before facing the other. "Well seeing as I'm heading over there, do you want to come? It would be nice to have someone to talk to on the way over."

"Sure thing Birdie!" Prussia grinned, falling into step beside the Canadian.

After a riveting conversation that consisted of the two country's wondering what Maple Wurst would taste like, they both ended up at their destination. Canada moved to open the door, but faltered when he found that it was actually locked.

"He never locks his door," he said in wonder while Prussia was already beginning to make his way around the perimeter of the building, Gilbird peering into all of the upstairs windows just in case.

"Oh hey Canada! He's over- Heilige Scheiße!" Prussia seemed to freeze once he looked through the window, utterly frozen and a string of unintelligible murmurs falling from his lips.

Curious, Canada made his way over to the window to see what had the ex-country of awesome so gob-smacked, bracing himself for the worst and pulling out his mobile in anticipation for ringing his therapist. Yet when he also made it to the window and looked through, he dropped his phone to the floor and his mouth fell open.

"You... You're seeing this right?" Prussia asked, just to make sure that he wasn't going crazy.

"I... I think so..." he said hesitantly, taking off his glasses and cleaning them as well as rubbing his eyes and blinking a few more times for good measure, just in case his vision was failing.

There was America, sat down on the sofa wearing a pair of sweat pants and a hoodie, with England laying across him with his head resting gently on his belly, a small smile on his face. But it wasn't the affectionate position that was the strange thing here. It was the _size _of the American's belly. It was blown up, no longer washboard abs, and it looked exactly like...

"But we're nations! We can't get pregnant!" Prussia exclaimed, completely confused.

"And even if we could, America is _male_!" Canada added, "So how does that work?"

"Maybe England banged him so much that, I dunno, some weird thing happened and your Bruder got knocked up?" the albino suggested uncertainly.

"Oh God, what if this was the result of his magic gone wrong?" Canada fretted. "How is America going to give birth?_! _It's not physically possible!"

"Damn... I'd hate to be him right now, kesese~!" Prussia chuckled, regaining his train of thought once more even though the pregnant America thing was still freaking him out.

"I wonder if he gets morning sickness and everything?" the Canadian thought out loud before shaking his head. "I can't believe that he's going to be a father... oh my God! The child won't last two seconds with those two as parents!" He was genuinely beginning to fear not only for his brother now, but for their unborn child.

Prussia let out a low whistle. "Well, I suppose this proves my point about England topping but I honestly never expected... didn't think it was possible... Actually, this is fucked up."

"You can say that again."

The Prussian glanced at his companion before turning to face him and sticking out his hand. "Let's make a deal not to speak of this messed up event ever again, and to save that kid when it's eventually born... though how it's gonna come out is currently a mystery."

Canada hastily took hold of that hand and shook it vigorously. "Agreed!"

And so, both of them still trying to puzzle out the downright surreal experience, they left America's house and decided that Maple Wurst suddenly didn't seem all that weird so they may as well try to create it.

Meanwhile, back at America's house, England was still resting his head on America's stomach with a know-it-all-smile playing on his lips.

"Wow, you make a great pillow America."

"Okay fine I get it!" America finally snapped, pushing England off. "I get it okay?" He looked down at himself. "Damn, I gotta go on a diet and move into the gym."

"Finally you see sense!" England breathed in relief. "Never let it get this bad again, idiot."

"It's not _completely _my fault though," America said before raising a vengeful fist and shaking it at the Universe. "Darn you Bill Gates and your addicting games console! And also Japan, who got me hooked on the latest game! And also-"

"Just stop blaming people and get to a sodding gym you idiot!"

Thus America proceeded to defy all the laws of Physics (as he often liked to do, because hero's don't need to follow no laws when you're as epic as he is! *snaps fingers*) and lost virtually all of his excess weight in a week by way of extreme working out and nothing but salad (forced upon him by England), Prussia and Canada enjoyed a rather delectable meal of Maple Wurst and drew up business plans to get the product on the market (until they got tied up in a law-suit against South Korea who claimed that Maple Wurst did, in fact, originate in his country), and the two of them also planned how to go about rescuing the poor offspring of America and England from certain doom once the child was born (because Prussia had heard from Russia that Americans sacrificed their kids).

x~x~x~x~x

**Manada? WHY AM I ONLY LEARNING OF THIS EPICNESS NOW?_! _Seriously I've seen the art and me likey ;) My head-canon: Canada becomes Manada if you piss him off far enough :P  
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**_SamuraiSal1_ wanted US not able to fit into his clothes any more and it being misunderstood**

**_PirateIggyJones_ wanted US looking as though he was pregnant due to insane weight gain**

**_Lunar Ribbon_ wanted something based off of the infamous corset scene from Kuroshitsuji (if you haven't seen that scene then YouTube it right now!) and also some History of the corset so, uh... well the name comes from the French word _corps_ (body) and they came into existence around the early 16th century. Corsets for women usually emphasised curves, giving an hourglass shape while corsets for men were used to give a slimming effect. Corsets can also be medical things, helping with Scoliosis (when your spine is out of line) or to support the torso (say if you were shot in a critical area).  
>In France in the 1550s, Catherine de' Medici (wife of King Henry II, France) banned thick waists at court, so pretty much all women <em>had <em>to wear them in France. THE MORE YOU KNOW CHILDREN, YOU ARE NOW EDUCATED! YOU'RE WELCOME! ^.^  
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**So the next chapter... lots of people requested this the last time, so can you guess where I'm heading with this whole 'some countries think US is pregnant' idea? I think some of you might... XP  
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**AND! _Kai1412_ drew fanart for the last chapter so check it out y'all, link on my profile as usual :D  
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**Well, long AN is long ;D Please review? You know I love all of you who support this fic because it means so much to me :) Until next time poppets~!  
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**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	48. To Be Young Again

**Hey there everyone~ So once again all your reviews were amazing ^_^ I guess the corset scene is just a classic, right ;) So then, these next requests link back to the last chappy, and there were too many names for me to actually fit them, but I wrote them all out here so it's all good! :P****  
><strong>And in response to Hannah: yup, it was deliberate ^w^ I think only one other reader mentioned it though, so either you two are just super observant or others noticed but just didn't comment (or didn't know) :P<strong>  
><strong>Also: This chapter got long and has excessive fluff, so I apologise profusely! "u_u<strong>**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Forty Eight- shaymin28, Empress Vegah, Guest, TheFannishaUsui, Fever-Sama and Neko la's Requests

_"I wish by some miracle that I could be a child again, to not have any memories of my stressful adult life and just have the carefree times I did as a child... please, if anyone is out there, grant my wish, if only for a day or two..."_

Britannia Angel gazed down at the woman who had called out to him, begged for her wish to be heard. He could feel how stressed the poor woman was, could feel her need to just be granted some degree of release if only for a little while. This is why he was here after all: to help people and make miracles happen. He widened his wings a little bit so that the feathers splayed out beautifully and a soft smile came to his lips. He may not always be a fan of this job that he had acquired, but when he felt like he was making a difference, however small, he couldn't deny that it could be very satisfying at times.

He delicately held his wand with the little gold star on the end and took one last look and the worn out woman before uttering his famous, "Hoata~" In an instant the woman was gone and in her place was a little girl, eyes wide and full of wonder, before a huge smile broke out on her face. With a nod, England flew out of the window to let the little girl have her fun before the spell wore off, leaving behind a few fairies to mind her.

As he was gliding back to his home, Flying Mint Bunny joined him on his travels.

"You helped a lot of people today~" he hummed happily, nudging up to the angel.

"Well I could tell that she really needed her wish to be granted," he said softly before he tickled behind the magical bunny's ears, causing him to giggle sweetly. "And I suppose that a break from adult life, with no recollection of the stresses of being an adult, would be lovely."

Flying Mint Bunny nodded in agreement before they both landed gracefully once at England's house, and the Brit finally allowed his Angel Form to disappear, the wings dissolving away and his short white garment being replaced with his usual attire of black slacks and a white blouse. He was absolutely shattered, having been out granting wishes all night, and so as soon as he was through his front door he practically collapsed on his sofa, dreaming of being a child again and of magical bunnies and how it would be nice to be like that, if only he could grant wishes for himself...

x~x~x~x~x

America walked up to England's front door, thoroughly intent on showing him that he was not just, 'A fat lazy git' because the joke was on the Brit: He was muscled and toned and he was going to make the most of the priceless reaction from the gentleman. Maybe he'd even get an apology before England would proceed to say how wrong he was about America and that, 'Of course I didn't mean that, you are an amazing hero; I apologise for ever doubting you'.

So... okay, maybe the latter part of that scenario would never happen, but at least he could show off how determined he could be when he actually had to, and then probably drag England to the cinema or something.

He knocked and waited for the door to open, but it didn't happen. He knocked again, wondering where England was, and after thoroughly abusing the innocent door he tried the handle and to his surprise it was actually open. Confused, America walked over the threshold and into the island nation's house.

"Hey Iggy, ya here dude? I've come to show off my sexy!"

Silence.

"Uhh... England?"

Still nothing. It was quiet... _too _quiet.

_Oh my God! What if England was kidnapped by an evil villain and any moment now I'll find a note detailing that he only has 48 hours to live unless I do battle with loads of freaky big dudes with guns and be a hero and stuff? _he wondered, beginning to worry slightly.

It was then that he heard a noise, although he didn't know where it came from or what the cause of it was. His heart rate picking up in speed, the hero grabbed an umbrella from nearby and held it like a weapon.

"I dunno who's here, but I'm not scared! Come on out and surrender and you won't face the heroic wrath of me and my umbrella-ella-ella!" he laughed a bit before he got his head back in the game. "Okay, not the time for that dude, focus!"

The noise sounded again, slightly louder, and when America stilled to listen it sounded like little hurried footsteps. Before he could react however, something flew past him, narrowly missing his cheek, and when he turned to look he found an arrow lodged in the door behind him.

"Holy crap!" he hollered, swinging the umbrella around. "Who the heck are you and what have you done with England?_!_" he demanded.

He was answered with two more arrows flying his way, which he managed to knock out of the way with his umbrella (he had never been more thankful for his baseball skills than at this very moment).

"Who are you? State your purpose!" a small voice rang out.

"Hey, who are yo-AAHH! Dude, stop it with the arrows!" he yelled, dodging another one.

"Answer my question!" the voice snapped.

"I'm America! Now tell me what you've done with England!"

The arrows stopped at least, before the voice spoke once more. "America? You're a liar! There's no such place as America! Now who are you really and how do you know my name?"

"What?" America asked, thoroughly confused. "How have you not heard of America? The country of Epic!"

Finally he noticed shuffling and a little child covered in a hooded green cloak showed itself. "Easily: Because there is no such place!" The child brought his bow and arrow up once again but America held his hands up.

"Okay, I'm not gonna hurt you, just calm down," he tried to reassure him, dropping his umbrella. After all, he couldn't hurt a kid. "Who are you?"

"Are you an idiot?" the kid asked. "You already know my name! I'm England!"

America's mouth fell open. "You... what?"

"Wow, you really are an idiot," the child said, lowering his weapon and moving the hood away, revealing dishevelled blonde hair, eyebrows that were so distinct and could only belong to one person, and big emerald eyes glaring at him. "So... America you say? I still haven't heard of you, but you're definitely a country..."

America was still stood in shock, looking at the child before him that claimed to be England and looked like him had he been five or six years old, except for the big floppy bunny ears the kid had.

"Well then America, I want you to tell me where I am. I woke up in this strange place and I don't recognise it."

"Uh, y-you... Geez England, is this your magic gone screwy again?" he asked, because that was the only explanation he could come up with.

"What are you talking about? Where am I dammit!"

"This is your house," America said, walking up to the bunny England and picking him up. _So what? I'm gonna have to babysit him now? A hero can't just leave a little kid alone... England so owes me for this!_

"Hey!" the child protested, trying to struggle out of the hold. "Put me down! Let me go! I don't even know you, county who claims to be America!" He carried on squirming around, but he was cut off when his stomach rumbled, which caused him to blush a bit, although he still carried on trying to escape half-heartedly.

"Ya hungry little dude?"

"N-No," he mumbled, just as his tummy rumbled again and America gave him a look that said, 'suuuure you aren't'. "Well I don't want food from you! You might poison it; I don't trust you! How do I know you don't work with The Roman Empire?"

America blinked for a moment before it finally made sense why England suddenly didn't recognise him. _I guess if he's talking about The Roman Empire then he's totally forgotten everything. So he's completely a little kid-err... bunny-kid... thing... What's up with the ears?_

"Stop staring at my ears!" little England pouted, trying to tuck them into the hood of his cloak. "I don't know where they came from and I don't know where I am! W-What if I can't get back?" he asked, his voice shaking a little bit before tears started to well up in the big pools of green.

"Oh hey! No, don't cry England!" America said, but he was floundering, having no idea what to do with a child, and so inevitably the Brit began crying.

"I'm in a scary place with strange things and now I'm stuck with an idiot!" he wailed.

"Hey!" America protested, but he was silenced when the child England buried his face against his chest and his stomach rumbled again.

"And I'm hungry!" he complained, sniffling.

"Okay, if I make you something to eat will you stop crying?" he asked, causing England to look up at him, wiping a few stray tears away with one of his bunny ears.

He nodded. "You can make food?" he asked in a small voice.

"Sure I can!" America said proudly, wondering if England had the necessary ingredients for burgers in. While he was busy pondering this he failed to notice that England had wriggled out of his hold slightly and was pulling up his t-shirt.

"Hm? What're ya doing little dude?" America asked, noticing the cool air against his chest.

"You said you make food right?" England asked.

"Yeah, but then why- GYAH!" America let out a very (un)manly scream as the little child's mouth closed over one of his nipples and began to suck. He was so shocked that when he yanked little England away he very nearly chucked him clear across the room, but managed to hang on to him at the last minute. "E-England! What the hell!" he exclaimed, completely shocked and bright red in the face and _why is he looking at me like I'm the bad guy? He just- just-! I feel violated or something!_

"You said you made food!" the little child accused, pouting once more.

"Y-Yeah! But not like _that_! Do I look like a woman to you?"

"Well you're acting like one," little England smirked before reverting back to pouting, "And if you didn't mean like that then you shouldn't have been unclear about it!"

"L-Let's just go to the kitchen and never speak of this again," America cringed, still shell-shocked as he made his way into the culinary room. England looked around in awe, wondering what all of these strange things were that he was seeing. He was placed on the counter top while the American went to check what was in the fridge. The second his back was turned, England began to potter about on top of the counter, going up to the metallic electric kettle and looking at himself through it.

"Wow," he said in wonder, touching it and marvelling at the strange feel before he lifted it up and carried it a bit before he tripped on a stray pencil. "Uwah!" he squealed, still holding onto the kettle and rolling around on the table before he clattered to the ground with an almighty crash.

"What the?" America asked, turning around and his eyes widened as he saw a collapsed bunny England laying over the electric kettle on the floor. "England! What happened?" he asked worriedly, picking up the child again and examining him for any bruises.

"That is one evil and formidable foe!" he accused, pointing at the kettle in cold-hearted vengeance. He pulled out his bow and arrow and was about to fire at the offensive kitchen appliance before America gently caught hold of his tiny wrists and shook his head.

"England, you can't go around shooting everything," he said seriously, which of course just caused bunny England to headbutt him and escape.

"You can't tell me what to do!" he said grandly, folding his arms in defiance.

_Urgh, today's gonna be a long day, _America thought as he let the child wrestle with the kettle as he went in search of things he could use to make a meal. He came across a bag of carrots and decided that they could probably placate the kid until he got something properly together, because he was half bunny or something.

"Here," he said to England, taking the kettle away and placing it back where it belonged before he handed him a peeled carrot. The bunny eyed it suspiciously, as if the carrot would be just like that nefarious kettle and suddenly attack him, but when the orange vegetable didn't make a move he decided to nibble a bit.

"Yum~" he said in surprise, nibbling a bit more. America smiled fondly as child England ate the carrot and carried on his quest to find food. He was doing rather well until England felt the need to voice his love for the carrot.

"Mmm, it tastes so good America!"

"Oh? That so?" he laughed softly.

"Mhm!" England agreed enthusiastically, "It's so big, I can't fit it all in my mouth!"

America tripped over thin air. "W-What?" he asked, whirling around to see little bunny England with his eyes closed, taking in as much of the carrot as he could and making little "mmm's" every now and then. _What the hell is he doing? _the hero thought in shock as the bunny took the carrot out of his mouth and licked it up and down. _Crap, mind, OUT OF THE DAMN GUTTER! This is just like that damn Pocky thing! _he thought, before an image of adult England sucking the carrot came to mind and his mind almost overheated there and then.

"Okay! Enough carrots, they're overrated anyway!" he said hastily, snatching it away from little England and throwing it in the bin.

"Hey! That was so mean, why did you do that?" the child demanded.

"Look England, just, err..." he looked around for something the bunny could do and had half a mind to let him do battle with the kettle again before a better idea came to mind. He picked England up (earning a barrage of protests) before he took him to the Brit's office where his computer was. He switched it on and waited for it to load, while the bunny watched with wide eyes as things started to flash up on the screen.

"Woah, that's so cool! America, America! Do you see this? It's magic!" he said happily, watching as the loading finally finished.

"Okay England, this thing is called a computer," he said.

"Com-pu-ter," England sounded the syllables slowly, trying to commit the new word to memory.

"Yeah, that's right!" he grinned. "This little thing can let you do all sorts of things. You can read stuff, or listen to music or watch videos-"

"What's a video?"

"Uhh... never mind, basically you can play on this while I make food, 'kay?"

After a quick tutorial on how to use a keyboard, America opened up the Internet and made his way back to the kitchen, making sure to remove any potentially dangerous objects in the office. _All right! I'm awesome at this looking after kids stuff! I should tell that to England so we can get another kid on our MMO._

After locating enough ingredients that he could actually use to make burgers, America rolled up the sleeves of his jacket and set to work, doing his best to locate all of the various utensils (which went quite smoothly seeing as he had actually baked a cake with England before). _Man was that messy! _he laughed to himself as he pulled out a glass bowl and fetched the mince meat from the fridge. He washed his hands and set about his work in a leisurely fashion until an unsure sounding voice cut into his work after about ten minutes.

"Uhm... America?" came England's voice from by the door.

"Oh hey England, what's up? Did you get confused on how to work the computer?" he asked.

"Uh no... I just wanted to ask you something."

"Shoot."

"Well," he looked up at the American, face full of naivety, which caused America to smile. _England was a pretty cute kid, who knew? _he thought, before England actually opened his mouth.

"What is hard-core anal sex and do I like it?" he asked in such an innocent voice that the words completely didn't match, and America was once again caught off guard, accidentally knocking the glass bowl so that it smashed. However, that was the least of his worries.

"WHAT?" he yelled.

England shrunk back, wondering if he'd said something bad and tears forming in his eyes again. "I-I was wondering if I like hard-core ana-"

"No, not that! Where the heck did you here that?_!_"

"The magical computer thing opened up something that asked me if I was interested in it, and if I wanted to meet horny men in my area... do people here have horns? If so that's really weird... unless they are unicorns! Oh! America, is hard-core anal sex a kind of unicorn?" he asked excitedly.

_This kid is gonna be the death of me! _America thought as he took a deep breath. "England, that is something that you really do not need to know about," he said. _I can't believe computers let me down! Is this the world we live in? I'll have to enable the filter or something; a little kid has no business knowing about that kinda stuff! _

"Hey! Don't be like that, I want to know what it is!"

"No England, you're too young."

"But why? Don't treat me like a little kid just because I look like this! I'll be a really big country one day, and the more things I know the better! So please tell me what it is," he begged.

"No." _How the hell did England get around these kinds of questions? _America wondered, trying to think back, and also remember what all those parent shows like Super Nanny said.

"I bet you just don't want me to know the truth about it being a unicorn," he mumbled, before he stood up as tall as he could and pointed straight at the American. "Well I have news for you America! I have discovered the truth and I love hard-core anal sex, so there!" he yelled.

The hero face-palmed, wondering what adult England would think about his child self parading around the room professing his love for the aforementioned act. Somehow his thoughts turned to adult England saying that, whispering the naughty words in his ear and once again America had to grab the child and put a hand over his mouth to silence him.

"Hm? Amrca yr al rd!" (America you're all red) the child said from behind the hand covering his mouth.

"England," America said breathlessly, "You shouldn't say things like that, got it?"

He could tell that England was about to say it again, just to be contrary, but luckily the hero was hit by an ingenious idea.

"Airplane!" he yelled suddenly, whooshing the child England up over his head before spinning him around.

The bunny gasped before he started laughing, holding onto America's arms as he was spun around. "What's an airplane?" he asked through his giggles.

America paused for a moment, wondering how best to describe them to an England who wouldn't be able to comprehend that kind of technology. "They are these really cool things that can fly," he said eventually, grinning as he brought little England closer and lightly poked his nose, causing him to giggle again.

"You mean like a dragon?" he asked, looking so hopeful that America didn't have the heart to say no.

"Yeah, just like dragons," he agreed.

"Wow, that's really amazing~" he hummed before he shimmied up onto America's shoulders and pointed forward. "America dragon, go!" he commanded. America blinked before he laughed; making sure England was balanced before he began to jog around the kitchen.

"Faster!" England ordered, laughing as America started to roar and pretend to breathe fire. "America dragon, get the evil thingy from earlier!" he called, pointing to the kettle. America took a swipe at the appliance and it fell to the ground. "Yay, good dragon!" England praised, ruffling the American's hair. Not sure how to react to that if he was a dragon, America opted for purring which made the bunny giggle. "Dragons don't purr," he said.

"Well I dunno what they do," America said, sticking his tongue out playfully before picking up the pace and sprinting out of the kitchen. England held on tightly as his new dragon ran everywhere before he opened the back door and they were out into the garden.  
>As the child directed America on where to go, the two of them failed to notice that they were being watched.<p>

"See? I told ya that he wasn't preggers anymore!" Prussia said, a victorious grin on his face. Ever since he had found out that America was knocked up, he decided that he would check in on him every week. When he had seen that America had a flat belly once more and was heading out, he assumed that he must be going to visit England, thus he dragged his partner in crime along so that the two of them could save the poor child. Canada watched wide eyed as his brother ran around the garden with what he presumed was his and England's child on his shoulders.

"He seems to actually be good with kids," he said in disbelief.

"Ja, and lucky him, guess if nations get pregnant they give birth within a week or something. But how the hell did he birth it?"

"I'd rather not think about that," Canada said primly, shuddering a bit. "Where do you think England is?"

"Not sure, maybe making some poisonous food for his kid and America."

"Are those bunny ears?" the soft-spoken country asked in confusion.

"It looks like it... What, did they have a threesome with a rabbit or something? I want answers!" And before the other could stop him, Prussia awesomely made his entrance by invading England's garden. "Hey, America!" he called.

America stopped being a dragon and looked over, which made little England whine because they were just about to face the evil Gnome Overlord. "Oh hey dude!" America called back once he had seen the albino. "What're ya doing here?"

"Just thought we'd drop by to see the Kind," he explained, directing his attention to Canada. The American did a double take; he hadn't even seen his brother standing there! Weird...

"So you knew about this?" the hero asked, indicating to the child on his shoulders who had suddenly tensed up and was glaring at Prussia.

"Ja, but what I really want to know is," he indicated to the American's now toned tummy, "How did ya, you know, manage it?"

America blinked for a second before going a little red. _I thought England was the only one who saw me when I was slightly chubby- not fat!- chubby... _Figuring Prussia wanted to know how he lost the weight he just shrugged casually. "The usual way dude, just hours of hard labour."

"Aber, didn't it hurt?"

"Yeah, it hurt like a bitch!" the hero laughed before remembering there was a child on his shoulders so he quickly told England that he should never use that turn of phrase. _Oh yeah, rockin' the responsibility! _"But I told myself that if I just kept pushing then it would all be over soon and I'd be back to normal!"

Prussia had suddenly paled at the thought of the superpower pushing out the little kid now on his shoulders while having contractions. But America, being America, failed to notice this and shifted his attention back to England who seemed to be making a small growling noise, directed at the albino.

This was when the Prussian actually bothered to focus on the kid, and his eyes widened. "Ya know, he looks exactly like-"

"Teutonic Knight!" the bunny suddenly yelled, grabbing his little weapons once more.

"What? Hey wait, don't-!" But America's words went unheeded as England opened fire on the country of awesome.

"Teutonic Knight?" Prussia questioned. He hadn't been called that in _centuries_! _Just what sort of un-awesome, fucked-up stuff are they teaching their kid? _Prussia wondered as he was forced to retreat due to the unrelenting barrage of arrows.

When Prussia finally made it back to a worried looking Canada he gasped out, "We've gotta save that kid before they turn him into even more of a psycho!" And the other couldn't agree more, and he still felt slightly dizzy at the thought of his brother in intensive labour.

x~x~x~x~x

_"Now remember, we need to find the red vase. Can you say, 'Vase'?" _Dora asked from the 'magical box of moving pictures' as the bunny had termed it. America figured putting on some kid's channel would keep the child occupied, and Dora The Explorer just so happened to be gracing the screen at the moment.

"What sort of idiot can't say vase?" the sceptical bunny asked from his seat right in front of the T.V.

_"Well done!" _Dora praised after a moment.

"But I didn't even say vase!" England exclaimed.

_"Now all we need to do is spot the red vase, can you spot the red vase?" _she asked the child, who deadpanned.

"It's right next to you!" he pointed at the screen and scowled when Dora just stood there like an idiot. "America," little England said, turning around to look at said country who was watching on in amusement from the sofa, "Is she retarded?" he asked seriously, his bunny ears flopping from side to side as he shook his head at the stupid girl on the screen who _still_ hadn't located the red vase.

America's first reaction was to laugh before he bit his lip. "England, where did you hear a word like retard?" he asked.

"Hm? Oh, my big brother Scotland calls me a retard all the time," he pouted.

America's mouth fell open. "You can't say that to a kid!" he exclaimed.

"I'm not a kid, I'm several years old! I just don't look it," the bunny said primly. "Besides, I call him a grotty git and shoot him in the head... and then he chases me around with a knife... Usually Wales steps in at that point but..." England sighed at looked at America in earnest. "We're a dysfunctional family."

_"Hooray, you found the red vase! Bueno!"_ Dora chimed happily, and all of a sudden England's floppy ears perked up.

"Oh, she's not a retard America! She's just Spanish," he said, as if that explained it all. "I always thought Spain was dim-witted, but I didn't think his people were the same..."

America carried on watching little England yelling at Dora before the bunny's tummy rumbled. He paused in his insults and turned around shyly, grabbing one of his ears and holding it like a comfort blanket. "America..."

On cue, the hero's tummy also made a noise and he laughed. "Yeah, me too little dude. Hmm... how about we order pizza in?" He sighed when he was met with a blank look and concluded that little England wouldn't grow up into a well-rounded individual if he hadn't tried pizza.

He phoned and placed the order and gave the address (England getting spooked and trying to attack the phone when he convinced himself the voice of Satan was on the other end), and half an hour later, when evening was falling, America and little England were curled up on the sofa watching Cinderella.

_Disney, you are a genius! _America thought as he glanced down at England who was smiling at all of the talking mice that helped Cinderella out and remarked how they were similar to his fairy friends. Every time one of the ugly sisters came onto the screen the bunny would hop up and down madly and tell them to 'get off the bloody magic box!', but unfortunately America had been 'a big meanie' and confiscated his arrows so he couldn't use violence against the animations.

The two sat in a comfortable silence as they watched the story unfold, England's eyes widening and sparkling as the Fairy Godmother began singing 'Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo' and transforming everything.

"Woah, look America! Do you see? She made a pumpkin into a pretty carriage!" he said in wonder, tugging on America's jacket to make sure he was seeing the magic.

"She sure did," America smiled softly and ruffled England's hair.

When it got to the ballroom scene, and Cinderella finally got her chance to dance with the dashing prince, England was off. He hopped off of the sofa and scampered over in front of the telly to watch the two of them waltz around the room gracefully, commanding the attention of everyone else but they themselves were blissfully unaware, because they were so focused on one another that nobody else mattered.

"America," England murmured. "Can you... use the magic wand to stop them for a moment?" he asked.

The hero grabbed the remote and paused the DVD, looking at the bunny to ascertain if anything was wrong. "What's up little dude? You okay?"

A little blush suddenly flared up on little chubby cheeks, and England grabbed one of his ears once again and hid his face in it. "Can I ask you something?" he mumbled into the fluffy appendage. The American began to worry, because England hadn't acted so subdued before.

"Course you can, what's wrong?" he asked, coming over to kneel next to the bunny so that, if the child looked up, they would be eye-level.

Big emerald eyes peeked into sky blues and he practically whispered, "Will that ever be me?"

"Huh?" the hero blinked. "Sorry England, what do you-"

"Cinderella and the Prince..." his gaze flickered over to the still image of the couple looking at each other lovingly. "They really love each other?" he questioned.

"Yup, course they do!" America grinned, "It's true love and stuff!"

You can imagine his surprise when all of a sudden the forest green pools welled up and tears started to trickle delicately down pale cheeks.

"E-England! What's wrong? Are you hurt?" America asked frantically.

"N-No," the bunny sniffled, burying back into one of his ears and bringing the other one around, forming some sort of defensive barrier. "I was just... do you think _I_ have a true love?" he asked, looking up at the American with such hopefulness in his eyes, as if he knew everything. The child probably thought he did, after all America had been the one to tell him about all of the new things around him.

When America didn't reply (he was still trying to comprehend the question), England sobbed. "I knew it," he cried, trying to wipe his tears away with one of his ears. "F-France always makes fun of my looks and says I need to be more like him, but I don't want to be like a frog! A-And then my brothers say mean things, and then I'm alone for ages, and-" the child was getting so worked up at this point that America intervened, gently lifting the little bundle up and hugging him.

"Hey England, don't listen to them, they don't know what they're talking about," he said softly. "Everyone has a true love, so don't worry about it."

"B-But what if I never meet them?" he fretted. "I-I want to do stuff like that to!" he pointed over to the screen, at Cinderella and the Prince. "When I grow up, I want someone to like me like that, and then I would do the same, and then everything would be just like in the magical box and all my fairy tales. But I've been around for a while and I don't have a special someone." He sniffed, and America finally saw beneath all of the bravado that the bunny had been putting on. Under it all, he was just an insecure kid, used to being alone and isolated, and just dreaming that he was in a fairy tale. He wondered if this was how adult England felt, and his heart twisted painfully.

Reaching forward, the golden haired nation brushed some stray hair away from England's eyes and looked at him seriously. "Don't cry England, sometimes you just have to wait a while, and even then you may not realise your feelings. But don't worry, of course you have a special someone, because you are an amazing person, and who cares what Francy Pants says? Rebel hair, large eyebrows and a badass attitude are way cooler than his girly self, right?" He grinned and little England managed a watery smile, burying his face in America's chest.

Once the bunny had calmed down, England suddenly looked up with those big eyes and asked a question that caught him off guard. "Do _you_ have a special someone, America?"

The hero blinked before scratching the back of his neck. "Ah, not really," he said.

"What does that mean?" the bunny asked, raising an eyebrow.

"When you get older, things get kinda complicated," America chuckled, ruffling the messy blonde mop, but he stopped when England said:

"They like you back, you know."

He faltered. "W-What?"

Seemingly back to normal, the child rolled his eyes. "Don't be stupid America, you're just like a prince from the fairy tales! Whoever your special someone is, if they don't like you, they are the biggest idiot ever!" And just to emphasise his point, the bunny stretched his arms as far as they would go. "So they must like you! Even I am a bit fond of you, and that's a big compliment because I don't like anyone!" he nodded firmly, beaming brightly and America chuckled.

"So according to you, they are in idiot if they don't like me, huh?"

"Mhm!" he nodded. "Don't worry America, I can always shoot them if they disagree!"

"Err, let's just stick to peaceful methods, 'kay little dude? Besides like I said, it's complicated. But thanks."

"No problem! Now... can you make them move again?" he asked, brightening up at the prospect of finishing the story.

"Sure thing." America scooped the bunny up and when they started watching again, England snuggled up to America's arm and slowly began to drift off, just managing to catch the ending before his eyes finally dropped completely closed.

"Haha, bed time, little guy," America said, picking him up again.

_This wasn't so bad, _America thought as he walked up the stairs.

"Mmhh... America, before I go to sleep, can you tell me a story about hard-core anal sex unicorn?"

_I take it back! England, change back already!_

x~x~x~x~x

When England woke up in the morning, in his bed, the first thing he noticed was that for some unknown reason, he had the urge to watch Disney Movies and had a sudden deep-rooted hatred of Dora The Explorer. He rubbed his eyes free of sleep, and the second thing he noticed was the bed. _Didn't I fall asleep on the sofa? _he wondered, gingerly taking off the covers and looking down at himself.

He was nude.

"Bloody hell! What on earth is going on?" he asked the empty room, before he spotted something green hiding under the blanket. Inspecting it, he found a little green cloak and a white dress-type garment. They looked just like the things he wore when he was younger, only they were ripped for some reason, as if someone had been wearing them before outgrowing them at a rapid rate.

_Strange..._

The next thing that came to his attention was the God-awful smell of _coffee _coming from his kitchen. After dressing himself, he quickly made his way downstairs to investigate, and he was surprised to see America pouring himself some coffee and making breakfast for two.

_Did I hit my head on something? Am I drunk? Have I died? _All scenarios seemed likely. America just so happened to glance up then, and did a double-take when he saw England standing there.

"E-England! You're back!"

"Back? Back from where?" the Brit wondered aloud. He hadn't been anywhere as far as he could remember... "America? What the bloody hell are you doing in my house? You can't just walk in and make yourself at home, have some sodding manners!" he lectured.

"Dude! You really are back!" he exclaimed with glee, rushing over and crushing the Brit in a hug- _He's not overweight anymore... what the hell have I missed?_- before pulling back with wide eyes.

"You _are_ you, right?"

"Of course I am! Who else would I be?"

All of a sudden the hero had grabbed his shoulders and was shaking him. "Okay, if you are really you, then what is hard-core anal sex?"

"AMERICA! WHAT THE FUCK HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU?" he yelled. "Why would you want to know what that is?" he asked, bright red in the face.

"Just answer my question! Is it a unicorn?"

England looked at the other as though he had just announced Ronald McDonald was now the President of the USA. "Did you seriously just ask me if... was a unicorn?"  
>America just looked at him determinedly. "No, it's not a damn unicorn you stupid git! And why are you even here?"<p>

"Wait... you don't remember anything?"

"Remember _what_?"

"I totally babysat you all yesterday!"

And now England looked as though America had claimed that KFC's Colonel Sanders was the Vice President. "Have you been smoking your stuff from the 60's or something?"

"No, it's totally true! You were, like, a little kid bunny thing who didn't remember anything about the you now, and I looked after you!"

England stopped then. That... sounded awfully familiar to that wish he had granted, and hadn't he wanted that? What if... well, it wouldn't be the first time his magic decided to act of its own accord. And then odd snippets of memories flickered behind his eyes, nothing in detail, but he could recall being little, and something about his kettle being possessed...

"Oh my God!" he exclaimed, completely shocked.

"See?"

"How am I still alive?" the Brit asked, exacting a thorough search to check for any injuries.

"Hey! I'm good with kids! You're still alive, right?"

"I suppose..."

"Haha! And just because of that, I got us a new kid in our MMO, since I've proved myself and all."

"But-"

"No buts! I made breakfast 'cause I'm an awesome hero, so sit down and eat already!" England found himself directed to one of the chairs at his table before America happily plopped down opposite, talking animatedly about what allegedly happened yesterday and how he had attacked everything with his bow and arrows, which just caused the Brit to sink into his seat in embarrassment.

That was, of course, before he got up and retrieved a bag of carrots, because he had a craving for them for some reason. As soon as he did that America shut up and his eyes widened before he snatched the bag away and literally chucked them through the window, but England hadn't the faintest idea why.

Meanwhile, Canada and Prussia had finally completed their plan on saving the poor, unfortunate offspring of America and England. Unfortunately, when they had approached America a few days later and asked where the kid was, America assumed they were talking about his MMO kid, which, and don't tell England this, but he had... kinda accidentally sacrificed it. The guy was just so convincing! And he got EXP! _EXP! _Upon hearing that the kid had been sacrificed and was now dead, Canada fainted and Prussia cursed out some stuff in German before dragging the unconscious Canadian away (and somehow Russia found out, which caused him to actually try a sacrifice for real, which resulted in him being locked up in an American jail for a week before Belarus practically blew the place up and rescued her beloved brother... he would have preferred to stay behind bars).

x~x~x~x~x

**shaymin28, Empress Vegah, Guest and TheFannishaUsui wanted Bunny!England :)**

**Fever-Sama wanted something to do with a carrot :P**

**Neko la wanted America babysitting and Iggy realising that he wasn't completely crap at it XD**

**Well, once again, I apologise for the length of this thing, but Bunny!England was surprisingly fun to write so I hope you can forgive the length! Review? :3 You know I love hearing from you all; it means so much! ^_^**

**Until next time my lovelies~**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	49. One's Feminine Side

**YOOOOOOOO! So, if you're wondering where the bloody hell I've been lately, the answer to your question is: In front of my TV decked out in Union Jack wear screaming and cheering for Team GB. Yes, I got swept away with the Olympics, but you can't blame me seeing as it was over here! So I apologise, but at least I'm back now, ne? :3**

**Bunny!England sends his huggles for all your lovely reviews~ ^_^ You prussian (awesome) people have made this fic surpass 900 reviews which is just madness, so THANK YOU! *bows* And once again there were too many names to fit, but I wrote them all down here so yeah, enjoy, poppets~**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Forty Nine- liondancer17, MayugeKirkland, Person, Kai1412 and Saya Kurobara's Requests

England looked at his watch and scowled. _The bloody idiot is late! _he seethed to himself while glaring at the ticking second hand as if it were completely at fault. "Honestly, one would think that since this was _his _idea he would at least have the decency to be on time," he muttered.

England and America were going to the cinema. To see what, he wasn't exactly sure, but he would bet all his money that it would be some overly expensive testosterone fuelled rubbish with excessive explosions. America had asked him to go with him (which was rare seeing as he was usually just dragged there) and the arrangements were made for after the World Meeting (which was in the UK this time).

That was all very well and good, but then _where the hell is he? _

England sighed and walked back into the building to see if he could seek out the American. He didn't need to walk that far until he heard him, and he would have opened the door had it not been for the fact that he obviously had company.

"Come on, just pick who has the best ones!" came an indignant female voice that England recognised immediately as belonging to Seychelles.

"Uh, but I really don't-" America tried to protest but he was cut off by someone else.

"Please, just do this for us," a soft voice asked kindly, and England was sure that was Belgium.

_What is he doing with Seychelles and Belgium? _England wondered, but then he got even more confused because then he heard the sweet voice of Liechtenstein also asking for America to make a decision of some kind.

"Look, we're just asking you to tell us who has the best set of melons! It really isn't that difficult," Seychelles huffed.

"Yes," agreed Belgium, "So come and take a closer look at mine!"

"Hahaha," America laughed nervously, "Look, you all have really nice, uh, melons, but I kinda have to-"

"I think mine might be too small..." Liechtenstein said rather sadly.

"No! No no, they are very nice, honestly!" America said enthusiastically.

"Hey, touch mine," Seychelles said suddenly, and she clearly must have grabbed America's hand if the protests were anything to go by.

_What the bleeding hell is going on? _England thought in shock as he heard the goings on.

"You feel that, right?"

"Yeah... wow, they are really firm," the hero said in amazement.

"Hah, did ya all hear that? He said mine are firm," Seychelles said proudly.

England gritted his teeth. _So he blew me off so that he could- Damn him! _He felt himself getting severely pissed off the more he heard. I mean for God's sake, they had made _arrangements_, so who was he to just forget about him and hang out with the female nations?! What was so great about them anyways? So they had breasts, big deal, England had- uh... England was... England knew America better than them! A-And they were allies! And he had made plans with _him! _

"If it's not too much trouble, what do you think of mine?" came Ukraine's voice, and England paled. _Jesus, has the world gone mad?!_

"W-Well, they are huge," America managed, sounding a bit embarrassed, but Belgium cut in with:

"Yes, but size isn't everything! It also has to be about quality as well!"

"I guess, but-"

"America, out of ten, how would you rate mine?"

"No, tell me first!"

"It was my idea to ask him, so he should tell _me _first!"

"Just pick me already!"

"No me!"

England felt white-hot anger consume him the more he heard, and he refused to think rationally as he shouted from the other side of the door, "AMERICA, YOU IDIOT!" and then ran off.

He thought he heard the door open behind him and America calling after him, but he didn't turn around. He was too busy trying not to break down. _If he's _that_ close with them then why didn't he ask _them _to the cinema? _he thought bitterly. _He can clearly date any of them if he wanted, _he thought before he stopped. _Date? Is that what I thought this cinema trip was? _he wondered, before he shook his head clear of the notion and stormed all the way back to his house.

x~x~x~x~x

A great sea of darkness commandeered the area, only flowing away when flickering candles fought it away. On the floor were great chalk arcs, drawn with care and in various, intricate shapes and varying symbols that were commonplace in practices of the dark arts.

England had placed his black cloak over his features and was buy mixing a potion, of what he wasn't sure, but he often found that mixing potions was a great way to calm down. It wasn't working just at the moment though as he angrily muttered, "Stupid America and stupid women tempting him! Well they can have him; I don't bloody care! Let America go to them with their flowing hair and manicured nails and glossed lips and _god dammit why am I so annoyed?_"

"England..." came the light voice of Flying Mint Bunny, "I really don't think-"

"Now is _not _a good time!" England snapped at the poor magical creature, who huffed in response.

"You're no fun when you're jealous," he pouted and England halted his actions.

"Me? Jealous? I am not jealous," he said resolutely, mixing in some powdered wolf fang to his random concoction. "I mean, why would I be jealous? The two of us are only friends and so if he wishes to date one of those nations then he can go right on ahead, I couldn't care less!"

The magical bunny looked at his friend pityingly before he saw the Brit grab aloe extracts and crushed flies wings. "Ah, England-"

"I said now is not a good time! Honestly," England muttered as he tossed them into the cauldron. "I just don't understand what is so great about the others! I'm not jealous, but really what have they got that I haven't? Well it's not as if it matters, it is completely his loss," England nodded, not even thinking about what he was saying anymore and failing to notice Flying Mint Bunny high-tailing it out of the basement. "He's attractive so of course the women would be all over him, and I'm sure that whoever he picked they will be happy and," his voice cracked a bit, "Dammit! So what if I'm not a woman?!"

BANG!

Without warning, whatever the hell he had managed to concoct blew up and England found himself flung back with immense force. After a few minutes of groaning, he managed to stir himself into a sitting position.

"Okay, well, I admit that that was a rather stupid idea," he admitted, wondering what on earth had come over him. He looked around at the mess and sighed. "I suppose I should clean this up," he muttered before he paused.

Was it just him, or did his voice sound... higher...

He ran a hand through his hair at this puzzling thought and froze. Last time he checked, his hair didn't run past his shoulders...

"Oh you have got to be joking," he said with a deadpan expression, looking down at his chest and-

_Oh shit._

He curled his hand into a fist and punched the ground. _This is just humiliating; _he cringed as he got to his feet. _I can't believe I managed this again..._

With a deep sigh England went over to the cauldron and scooped up some of the liquid in a phial so that he could analyse it later to hopefully reverse the spell quicker if it didn't wear off soon, before heading back up to the first floor and then to one of his guest bedrooms.

When he caught sight of himself(?) in the mirror, he scowled and stomped over to the wardrobe that held female clothing. Why? Because unfortunately, this was far from the first time this had happened.

England stripped out of her current clothes that were now a bit too big and cringed as she set about grabbing a bra and a pair of knickers. "Of all the sodding days for this to happen," she grumbled, tugging on the garments carelessly before placing her arms akimbo while scouring the wardrobe. She eventually settled on a white blouse with a red tie and a black blazer before dying of embarrassment as she donned a tartan plaid miniskirt. _I really should have asked someone other than Japan for help with female clothing, s_he concluded as she pulled on a pair of black knee socks. _Although anyone else would have simply laughed..._

She strode over to the mirror and looked at her new female appearance, deciding to tie her now very long hair into pigtails with some red ribbon she also found in the wardrobe. She nodded once she retrieved a pair of glasses and put them on- the glasses, she felt, at least obscured her eyes a bit so that in the unlikely event of coming across someone she knew, their distinctive emerald colour wouldn't betray her.

England sighed and picked up the small phial of potion, looking at it before nearly dropping it in shock when a loud voice boomed through the house- instead stowing it away in one of her pockets.

"Hey Iggy? You're here right? Sorry I'm late, but I still wanna catch that movie!" came the unmistakable voice of a certain yank that England had no desire to see _at all_ at this current moment in time.

"G-Go away!" the island nation called, lowering the new female register as much as she could.

"Huh? Where are ya dude?"

Now the idiot was actually heading in his direction! England refused to be caught like this, (s)he would never live it down! Panicking, England made a dive across the room just as blue eyes peeked curiously inside.

"Hey England? You he- Oh... Hey," America said, catching sight of a female he hadn't ever seen before trying to scurry under the bed. "Uh, you don't need to hide or anything," he laughed a bit, wondering who this woman was. Reluctantly she withdrew and stood up, trying to keep an air of dignity around her.

"H-Hello," she said somewhat awkwardly.

"Ah, yeah... sorry, do I know you?" America asked, cocking his head to the side.

England groaned. "That sounds like the beginning of an awful romance movie," she said sarcastically.

America grinned and scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah, guess it does... Well, I'm sure I would have remembered meeting someone as beautiful as you," he grinned charmingly and offered a wink to boot.

England scowled. "Save it."

America just shrugged his shoulders, but kept looking over the woman before him with curiosity in his eyes. "Okay okay, you don't seem like the type to fall for cheesy things like that anyways... I was wondering if you could tell me where England is? Or better yet: who are you?"

"I'm no one," England said much too quickly. "W-Well, that is to say, I'm not that well known. I'm from an area around... Canada! Yes, I am one of his neighbours, so no one really knows me."

America just stared at the blonde woman, looking her up and down extremely closely before a small glint appeared in his eyes that had England nervous.

"Ya know," the American began, "You kinda remind me a bit of England."

"Don't be absurd!" the island nation said resolutely, but America just chuckled.

"Yeah, you seem cooler than him. You don't have stupid eyebrows for starters!" He looked at the woman closely; sure he was onto something.

_That git! I'll kill him when I turn back. _"Oh really? Well, I happen to find his eyebrows perfectly charming," she said primly.

"Maybe, but then he's usually in a crappy mood, and don't get me started on his cooking!" America began to advance on the other, who began to back away and tried not to explode.

"His personality is perfectly fine, and his cooking is amazing- other countries simply have no taste." A small grin found it's way to America's lips at that statement, and England's back hit the wall. _Shit..._

"You seem to be fond of him," America said with a slightly lowered voice, putting his hands either side of the cute female in front of him, essentially trapping her. "Hey, ya wanna know a secret?" he practically purred. England gulped.

"W-What would that be?"

America leant down and brushed his lips against the shell of England's ear, his hot breath causing a small shiver to run down her spine. "Strangely, you looked a lot hotter in a miniskirt as a dude..."

"YOU WANKER!" England yelled, punching the American hard on the arm but he seemed unfazed and just burst out laughing. "How the bloody hell did you-"

"Dude, I spend way too much time with you!" America laughed, completely in hysterics, "It would be weird if I didn't know!" By this point he was on his knees, clutching at his sides as tears streamed down his cheeks. "So how the hell did you manage _that_?" he managed, gesturing to all of England.

"Well it wasn't intentional," England sniffed, turning her head indignantly. "And for the love of the crown, stop laughing you twat! It isn't _that_ funny!"

America looked up and took a deep breath. "You're right, it isn't that funny." His lips curled up though and he couldn't suppress a snort as he burst out laughing again, "It's fuckin' hilarious!"

England just pouted and crossed her arms before walking out of the room, leaving the yank to do as he pleased.

"Oh hey wait, don't go dude!" America piped up, running after her. "I still wanna catch that movie."

"No," the other said resolutely.

"But why-"

"Because I _refuse_ to go into public looking like this, plus you can always ask one of your many girlfriends!"

"Girlfriends? What are you-"

"Oh don't play dumb America," the blonde said bitterly. "Look, I really don't want to go out, okay?"

All of a sudden there was a knock at England's door and she froze. "Shit, I can't answer it looking like this!" she fretted, but it appeared as though the person had a key and so let themselves in.

"Angleterre? You are 'ere, non? I 'ave to ask you something!" called a froggy voice.

England groaned. "God, _why?_"

Before the now-female had a chance to react, swishy blonde hair rounded the corner and there in all of his perverted glory was France. Upon laying eyes on the female though, his eyes glittered and his infamous, "Ohonhonhon~" fell from his lips as he pulled out a rose.

"Oh ma cher, it is such a pleasure to see you again~ I really am jealous of Canada for 'aving such a beautiful nation near 'im~" he cooed, swanning up to England and pressing the rose firmly into her hand before drawing her closer by the waist. "I 'ad almost thought you 'ad forgotten about me..."

"France, not now," England said weakly, trying to struggle away.

"But ma amour, surely you 'aven't forgotten our magical time together?"

England had to refrain from throwing up and just refused to make eye contact as France pulled her in closer. The Frenchman was pulled out of his 'Country of Love' mode however, when America coughed awkwardly.

"France, what the heck d'ya want?"

France looked up and finally noticed the hero standing there. He frowned. "Amérique? What are you doing 'ere?"

"We were just going to watch a movie!" England piped up, suddenly extremely enthusiastic as she wiggled out of France's hold and went and wrapped her arms around one of America's. France looked completely bewildered.

"Mais, ma cher-"

"France, what happened between us all those _very long years ago when dinosaurs practically roamed the earth_ was just a one time thing. I- uh- I have a new man in my life," she said, glancing up at America who didn't have a clue on what was going on. Before any of the males could question her, England tugged on America's arm and said as sunnily as she could manage, "Well let's be off then poppet~" and practically dragged America away from the frog and out of the front door.

When they were at a relatively safe distance America glanced down and asked, "Okay, what the hell was that all about?" raising a sceptical brow.

"America," England replied in a voice of death, and never had the phrase 'if looks could kill' been more applicable than at this moment. The hero couldn't help but shiver at the dark look the other had donned. "There are some things in this world that belong buried in the past, never to be brought up or spoken of _ever_. That is one of those things."

America knew better than to question it.

"Just keep your arm linked with mine and don't look back, he could be following us," England muttered, praying that this would all be over soon.

x~x~x~x~x

Australia walked down the street, humming a happy tune as he went and occasionally giving his pet koala a pat on the head. He had plans to pop in to visit his mum for a while, since he really needed to get the latest on this whole America situation, but as he was about to cross the road he just so happened to glance across to the adjacent street and-

"Is that the pillock?" he questioned out loud, looking to his koala for a moment before he turned his gaze back to someone who looked _just like _the American. Only... there was some blonde bimbo clinging to his arm! "That bastard!" Oz exclaimed, feeling anger consume him. "He's cheating on mum! I knew I didn't like him!" His light green eyes narrowed as he slyly slid in behind the couple, spotting that infamous leather jacket with a 50 written on the back that definitely confirmed that his mother's lover was just a sleazy player.

"Mum will be crushed," he whispered sadly, wondering if he should go and tell England the heartbreaking news, but he couldn't bear it. He didn't want to see his mum so upset, even if he would be better off without that golden haired twit. No, he needed to bring him to justice! And he could think of the perfect people to help him accomplish that.

Pulling out his mobile, the brunette waited impatiently before the opposite end was picked up.

"If this is some prick selling me double-glazing then I'll tell you again: _Piss off!_" came Scotland's harsh voice, but Australia simply sighed.

"Uncle, get your brothers, we're gonna have to pay the USA a visit..."

x~x~x~x~x

England whacked America's arm. "Would you stop chuckling to yourself?" she scowled.

"I can't help it, I mean, _how _the heck do you manage to turn into a chick more than once?" he giggled.

"Magic is complicated!" England said defensively. "Besides, you git, you should feel lucky. I'm a catch," she said smugly- America just burst out laughing again. "Oi! It's true!"

America looked down and grinned at the scowling England. "Whatever you say babe," he winked.

"_Babe?_" England asked incredulously, "I am most certainly not-"

"Aw, don't get all pouty, sweet cheeks," he grinned, relishing the hilarious reaction the pet names were bringing on as he twirled the end of one of England's pigtails around his index finger. He could see England was about to retort until the giggling voices of a few girls sounded from across the street. The bulk of their conversation was lost, but both heard them squeal stuff along the lines of:

'Woooow, that girl is so lucky~'

"Pfft, whatever, she sooo doesn't deserve him!'

America just shrugged it off, but he did notice England's grip around his arm tighten slightly, and although the island nation tried to hide it he also caught the way she stuck her tongue out at the girls.

"Aw, you gettin' jealous babe?" he asked, ruffling her hair.

"Absolutely not," England said resolutely, although a small blush crept up on her cheeks.

"Haha, you can admit it, I don't mind sweetheart~"

"America. Quit it."

"Darlin' ya don't have to worry," he drawled, "You're the only girl for me~" he teased with a wink.

"Very nice, now would you kindly refrain from taking the piss?"

"But it's just so much fun," he stuck his tongue out and his deep cerulean eyes glittered before he burst into a tuneless hum off, "England is jealous~ England is jealous~"

"America I swear to God that if you don't shut up you will regret it," England said through gritted teeth.

"Oh yeah?" America stuck his chin up defiantly, "Give me your best shot."

"Don't push me," the Brit smirked.

"Go on, I _dare_ you," he grinned, a challenging gleam in his eye, because really; what's the worst she could do?

Apparently the worst she could do was reaching into her blazer pocket and uncorking some strange phial. "You asked for this," she smiled sweetly before chucking the contents all over the golden haired nation.

"Dude, a little bit of water isn't exactly dire," America laughed but England just leant against a nearby wall and waited. And then all of a sudden, America felt strange. "Uhh... England? What exactly did you just-"

Out of nowhere America felt himself shrinking slightly, and for some reason his hair was by his shoulders... _Oh hell no, she didn't just-_

When two lumps suddenly sprung up on his chest it became apparent that yes, she very much just did. "Dude!" America exclaimed, before covering his mouth in shock. _That wasn't my voice just now was it? _he thought with wide eyes as his jacket began to slip down his shoulders due to it being too big. When England pulled out his phone and snapped a picture and showed America, he let out a gasp.

"Okay dude, that was _so _not cool!" he said indignantly as he looked at the female on the screen that was apparently him.

"Oops, my potion slipped," the Brit said innocently, batting her eyelashes. "Besides, _sweetheart_, you did dare me."

"Yeah but that's not the point! You can't just go around-" but America cut herself off in order to grab at her chest with an unimpressed expression adorning her features. "Geez, how do girls live with these things?" she asked as she cupped her boobs before bouncing up and down a bit. "Ow! Damn, that hurts like a bitch!" she exclaimed. "Okay, now it all makes sense why chicks always die in horror movies first: running with these things is, like, freakin' impossible!"

England just rolled her eyes. "It's a wonder you're still so easily fascinated with them after the World Meeting today," she muttered under her breath, pouting.

America glanced up from where she was experimentally jogging around and saying, 'Yeah, this is definitely impossible!' She cocked her head to the side. "What d'ya mean?"

"Nothing," England said, eyes downcast as she hugged her arms. "Just forget it."

"No tell me!" America whined, bouncing up and down before remembering that her back wasn't used to supporting the new-found weight at the front and hissing a bit. "Ow! Dude, Imma kill you for this," she pouted, rubbing her poor back. "But seriously, what did you mean? If this is about me being late then it's only because-"

"I know! I don't need to hear it," England said, turning around.

America pouted and walked up behind Iggy, wrapping her arms around her so that her new assets were pressed against the other's back. "Why are you being all pissy? I was just judging who had grown the best watermelons, geez."

England scoffed. "Who calls them watermelons?"

"Uh, the world? They were entering some fruit competition at some country fair thing at your place this weekend 'cause they wanted the prize. I was the first one they found and they asked me to judge. I tried to say I was busy but they promised it would just take a sec."

England stiffened. "You can't be bloody serious! You actually expect me to believe that is what was going on?"

America dug around in her jacket pockets and pulled out her mobile before pressing a few things on the screen. She brought the screen in front of the other and showed her a picture of Seychelles, Liechtenstein, Belgium and Ukraine holding up watermelons of various sizes.

England deadpanned. "What the fuck is wrong with these countries?!"

"You can't say you're surprised, this isn't nearly half as weird as that time Russia staged a ballet production halfway through one of the meetings, or that time I dressed up as a cowboy and kicked your pirate ass!"

"I won that, git."

"Yeah yeah, agree to disagree and stuff. But in comparison, this is kinda normal." America paused before she giggled a bit. "Geez, we're a pretty messed up lot, huh?"

"I have no idea how the world is still turning," England admitted before she smiled. _So then that means that America wasn't hitting on them! _and the thought made her more elated than should be normal but she couldn't care. She turned around and grinned at the taller woman, who simply quirked an eyebrow.

"Someone's in a good mood," she grinned, and England just nodded before all of a sudden she was pulled into a bone crushing hug. "I'm still gonna kill you for using your freaky potion stuff on me though~" she hummed, and England struggled to breathe.

"A-America! Your boobs- _Jesus_! I can't bloody breathe!" she managed, and America, that bitch, probably would have continued the suffocation with a light melodic laugh if it wasn't for some random guy shouting out to his mates:

"Oh hey check it out! Lesbians!"

The two nations simply looked at each other before bursting out laughing.

"Dude this is messed up," America grinned. "Anyways, you got any clothes I can borrow at your place? My own stuff is way too huge at the moment."

"Let's just go," England said, the two of them heading back to the Brit's house.

Thus America felt the need to raid England's wardrobe for the perfect outfit ("How do I look Iggy?" *strikes ridiculous pose* "Like a whore." "Aw, I love you too sweetie~") before the two spent the evening eating ice-cream and watching chick-flicks ("OHMYGOD NO! She doesn't deserve him! That bitch!" "The one you love is the maid! Screw society!" "Iggy, this is freaking brutal, pass me the chocolate!" "I don't think chocolate will be enough America, he's going to propose to the wrong girl!" "NOOOOOOO!") and France remained Forever Alone.

x~x~x~x~x

***sigh* You know... I suffer for you guys, ya know that? XD 2 things I don't like writing: M-Preg and Fem!Nations, and yet I've had to do them both! WWHYYYYY?! *shakes fist at universe* But in all seriousness, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be :P**

**liondancer17 wanted a jealous England and misunderstood America/Female Nation**

**MayugeKirkland wanted magic gone wrong and Iggy turning into a girl**

**Person wanted misunderstood America/Liechtenstein**

**Kai1412 wanted Seychelles and something involving watermelons **

**Saya Kurobara wanted Fem!UK and possibly Fem!US**

**Also! Ya know the poll that determines INWYT! Well a lot of you were raising an option that wasn't there, so I added it (don't worry if you've already voted, I made it so that you can vote again if ya want :D) so I suggest checking it out ;) ;) ;) ;) (the winky faces are hints here ;D)**

**But this chapter isn't done! It's time for random extra that will lead to the next chapter!**

x~x~x~x~x

America hopped out of the cab that had just driven him from the airport back to his house after finally returning back from the World Meeting in the UK. He was initially worried he would have to return as a female and explain the awkward situation to his boss, but luckily the effects of the potion had worn off just after he and England had finished watching Mean Girls (something that the two of them had filed firmly in the 'Never To Be Spoken Of Again' drawer).

He carried his duffel bag with ease as he walked up the pathway and opened his door, sure that he had locked it initially but then again he also tended to forget a lot so thought nothing of it. He had just kicked his shoes off and dumped his bag in the doorway before he let out a squeal (he would later claim it was a manly gasp) and nearly jumped out of his skin when he walked past his living room and heard someone say:

"Well g'day there mate."

America whirled around to see a brunette smirking at him from his sofa, and he recognised him as the guy that was all cuddly with England for some reason... His eyes narrowed.

"How the hell did you get into my house?" he asked, voice low and suspicious.

Australia shrugged. "I was raised by a pirate and picked up a few tricks of the trade."

"What are you doing here?" the hero asked, on edge, but his attention faltered away from the Aussie on his sofa when an arm was draped over him. He looked up in time to see fiery green eyes boring into him.

"We'll level with ya pal: we don't trust you one little bit," the man with the flame hair said.

"Scotland?" America questioned, before another voice sounded.

"I don't know what you did to get brawd to like you so much," came a light voice, "But we are harder to impress." America looked over to the other side of the room to see Wales looking at him steadily.

"What're you-"

"We decided we're going on a trip with you~" Northern Ireland hummed, popping up from absolutely nowhere, his russet hair swaying with his movements.

"A trip?" America repeated, causing Scotland, Wales, North and Australia to all nod at him.

"Don't worry mate, we're just gonna go on a camping trip in my country," Australia smiled, but America felt uneasy.

"Why?" he questioned.

"To get to know you better," Wales said resolutely. "So pack a bag ready for next week, okay?"

And before America could reply, the other nations in his house left in a surprisingly calm manner, leaving the hero to think:

_What the hell is going on?_

x~x~x~x~x

**WHOO! Camping trip with the British Isles, Iggy, Oz, New Zealand (hellz yeah, I'm adding him!) and America! What will become of this? Well leave a review and find out soon~ ^_^ And don't forget to check out the new poll option! Until next time poppets~ :D**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	50. Let's Go Camping!

**Hello there lovlies~ I apologise for disappearing, but loads of stuffage happened that will take forever to list :/ But I am back, so let's have some insanity in Oz ;D (I feel sorry for America in this, oh how I torture him~)**

**Just To Say: New Zealand says some things in Māori, translations are at the side in square brackets :)**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Fifty- Let's Go Camping! (HumahnaHumahnaHumahna, TheNextAlice, Maya Gordelia, Luna-Discord, Wenxi, Dragon356, agentscia, Kotoni-Chan, Soul and Heart, Americatress, OzzieLiber-Tea, NimayTheAirbender and Baylee Shadow's Requests)

As dusk began to befall the surrounding area, it looked as though a masterful artist had taken their brush and created something that was of sheer beauty, lavishing deep oranges and reds before powdering darker shades of blue and purple over it. The lush greenery appeared to come alive with weird and wonderful creatures breaking out into a wild chorus. There was even an expansive lake not far off to the right, the blue surface glittering like diamonds in the evening air. All of this combined was simply breath-taking, so it was a shame that the group of people that had just arrived in the jungle weren't paying it any attention at all.

"So..." England started as he shirked off his backpack and glanced around at his companions, "Will someone please explain to me why the bloody hell we're in the Australian wilderness?"

"Well _we're _here to go camping, I'm not sure why the fuck you decided to tag along," Scotland mumbled to one side, but England heard him regardless.

"Fancy saying that again, prick?" he hissed, causing Scotland to growl, and it looked as though a no holds barred brawl was about to erupt between the siblings before Australia chimed in happily, draping one arm over England.

"I'm glad ya decided to come~" he hummed, and England smiled softly before ruffling the Aussie's hair affectionately, the koala on his shoulder reaching out to paw at England's hand.

"I suppose it has been a while since I went camping with you," he said before he frowned a little. "Although America was the one who invited me... why did you want to go on a camping trip with him?"

"Because we don't trust that damn yank," Scotland spat.

"Damn straight!" Northern Ireland spoke up.

"I'm right here ya know!" America interjected, crossing his arms and glaring at England's brothers as he too dumped his rucksack on the ground.

"What's your point?" Scotland asked, brushing the glare aside and focusing on England. "Honestly little brother, I know you've got some weird tastes but _that _guy?"

"I have a name!" America said bitterly.

"Quiet yank, the grown-ups are talking," North said, prompting America to yell, "You're younger than me!"

While a pointless squabbling match broke out among North and America, England sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Is it just me... or do you also not seem to like America?" His voice seemed to hold a tinge of sadness and Australia looked upwards at the sky, not wanting to make eye contact.

"You're imagining it mum," he said softly before pulling the Brit into a hug. England returned the sentiments before sighing when he saw that a ridiculous slapping fight had ensued between America and North, with Wales and Scotland currently taking bets on who would win.

"Quit hitting me yank!" the russet-haired brother commanded.

"You're the one hitting me, Irish dude!"

All of a sudden North froze and stared dumbly at America. "You..."

"Oh shit," Wales muttered, looking over at Scotland who suddenly had a sadistic look of glee on his face. "Scotland, we really should-"

"HOW _DARE_ YOU CALL ME 'IRISH'?!" North exploded, literally lunging towards the bewildered American who had to dodge quickly, before sprinting around where they had decided to make camp with an angry _Northern _Irishman chasing him.

"That idiot," England muttered, not even bothering to step in because America deserved whatever punishment his younger brother decided on.

The commotion somewhat subsided however, when a cheery voice called out, "Kia ora!" _[G'day/ Hi]_

Looking up, the group was met with the sight of a smiling... Man? Woman? It was hard to tell. They were about England's height, give or take a few centimetres, but they were donning fairly gender neutral clothes in the form of a white t-shirt and knee-length Khaki shorts. Even the hair didn't really give away their gender, in a short bob but with twists at the side, a bit like sheep horns. Granted the colour of it was weird though, leading one to think that maybe this new addition was a girl? Or maybe not.

_What is that person's gender? _America wondered, looking at the newcomer who was suddenly scowling in Australia's direction.

"You!" (s)he yelled, "E kai nga tutae me e mate!" _[Eat shit and die!]_

"Ouch, that's not very nice, Zea," Australia pouted, but that soon turned into a grin.

"New Zealand... what the bloody hell have you done to your hair?" England asked, looking at the violet strands with curiosity. Australia burst out laughing as New Zealand pointed at him and glared.

"_He_ thought it would be funny to replace my shampoo with violet hair dye!"

"And you look beautiful~" Oz sang. "It even dyed your eyebrows! Classic."

"Kia tau!" _[Shut up!]_

"Honestly boys, play nicely," England sighed, looking between the two sternly before finally smiling and holding out his arms. "New Zealand!" he said happily, making his way over to the newcomer.

"Whaea!" _[Mum]_ Zea beamed, embracing the blonde before pulling away in order to look over in America's general direction. Zea's turquoise eyes locked with America's slightly darker sky blue, and a sort of unspoken conversation took place before New Zealand looked away and suggested they start putting tents up along with a campfire.

And so it came to pass that half an hour later (it would have been done sooner but America's tent pegs had 'mysteriously disappeared' and managed to magically teleport themselves up into a tree), the group were all sat around a campfire being... well, as sociable and polite as they knew how.

"So let me get this straight: You _don't_ have Rugby as a main sport?" New Zealand asked, pulling a face when America nodded.

"Dude, American Football is where it's at!" he said enthusiastically, huffing a bit when everyone else around the fire simply snorted and looked at him pityingly.

"Everyone knows that that girly America Football shite is just Rugby for pussies," North said, sticking his tongue out and collapsing into a fit of giggles when Wales and Scotland started prancing around saying:  
>"Ohhh, I must wear lots of protective gear because I'm scared of pain!"<p>

"It's not like that!" America said defensively, looking towards England to back him up but the island nation simply shrugged and said, "For once I'm with them."

"Rugby is finally being made an Olympic sport!" New Zealand said happily. "The Gold will definitely be mine!"

"Pfft, the only Gold you have a chance of winning," Australia said, slinging an arm over Zea and winking.

"Oi, I did well this time!"

"If fifteenth can be counted as 'well' then yeah, you sure did mate!"

"You didn't do much better!" the violet haired nation shot back. "Actually I was thinking of getting some new _silver_ware for when I have guests over, I'm sure you could help me out there, right Oz?"

"At least I won something!" the brunette defended, his koala nodding to confirm the affirmation.

"I suppose, although are you sure AUstralia is appropriate? I'm thinking you should change it to AGstralia."

"Boys," England sighed, "Would you stop making such a fuss? You both did well."

"But not as well as the good ol' US of A," America winked. "First place in the medals baby!"

"Yes, well, I'm still proud of a rather credible third," the gentleman said nonchalantly.

"Yup, fourth in China, third in London, we're aiming for second in Brazil and then first place in 2020!" Wales said, North adding, "Go Team GB!"

"Good luck with that," America snickered under his breath.

"D'ya say something yank?" Scotland asked, narrowing his eyes. "'Cause I think you'll find that if we go off population, we blew you yanks out the water!"

"But we don't go off population, dude," America grinned.

"Without swimming you'd be nothing."  
>"Same to you but with cycling."<p>

Scotland let out a growl then, but before anything could escalate England glared at his companions. "Behave," he commanded, and when it looked as though America was about to say something to rile the Scotsman up further England whacked him upside the head. "I'm serious."

The American pouted and rubbed where England had hit, before he remembered something, his whole demeanour brightening as he reached for his bag and began routing around.

"America? What are you-?"

"Check it out Iggy!" America said happily, producing two big bags of marshmallows along with some crackers and chocolate. "We're gonna make smores, just... try not to summon the Devil this time, 'kay?"

"Th-That was one time! I am perfectly capable of making them!"

Australia suddenly seemed super enthusiastic about the current situation. "Mate, I love those things! Canada introduced me to 'em!"

"I like Canada," Scotland said rather decidedly.  
>"Yeah, me too," North agreed, while Wales was suddenly peering intently at America.<br>"You know... you look a lot like Canada. I guess a lot of people mistake you for him, right?"

America's mouth fell open, elbowing England when he began snickering. Somewhere in the world, Canada was busy cheering,_ "In your face America!"_

Recovering from the initial shock, America pulled himself together and rooted around for a suitable stick to roast the marshmallows on. "So, uh, anyone know any jokes?" America asked in an attempt to lighten the mood, because although he didn't fully understand _why_ England's brothers and Australia (possibly New Zealand, he wasn't sure) didn't like him, he knew that they did.

"Yeah, your face," Australia chuckled. America glared at him but New Zealand chimed in with, "I actually do have a joke." Zea turned to Australia and smiled, "It's one you should appreciate."

Australia looked at the other strangely, not liking where this was going already.

"Okay, so, The Pope and Julia Gillard-"

"Crikey, not a Julia Gillard joke!" Australia moaned. "I get enough of that from my own people already."

"No, I want to hear this now!" Scotland spoke up.

"But uncle-"

"Silence boy! New Zealand, please continue."

After shooting a look of superiority to the brunette, Zea continued, "So they're on the same stage at the Sydney Opera House, in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leans towards Gilly and says, 'Do you know that with one wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts, and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!'  
>Gilly replied, 'I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand? Show me!'<br>So the Pope backhanded Gillard across the face!"

While Australia buried his face in his hands and lamented over his boss, the British Isles fell about laughing. When America sort of sat there looking blank, Australia deadpanned.

"Mate... do you even know who Julia Gillard is?"

"Yeah, course I do, duh!" America said, but a bit too quickly and he averted his gaze.

"...Do you even know the capital of my country?"

"Yeah, it's Sydney," the golden haired nation replied earnestly. Quiet descended.

Australia then very purposefully rose from his place by the fire, walked calmly over to his tent, looked around for something, nodded, turned to face the group and before anyone even really knew what had happened, America was lying flat on his back with a stunned look on his face.

Australia caught the boomerang as it returned, placed it back inside his tent, and sat back down as if nothing had happened.

"America you utter twit," England sighed, reaching his hand out to pull him back up, "It's Canberra."

x~x~x~x~x

"Well, I think I'll turn in early," England said, rising from his spot and heading over to his tent.

"What? Already? Dude, stay longer!"

"America, I didn't think I'd be going camping, and as such I am tired. I'll see you all in the morning... please try not to kill each other." And with that, England disappeared into his tent.

America gulped, looking at the other nations around him who were all looking at him as though he was prey.

"Haha, that old guy huh?" he laughed weakly. "Well, guess I'll also hit the hay and-"

"Oh no, you should stay golden boy. After all, it's time for stories!" Australia grinned.

"Stories?"

"Yup, no camping trip is a camping trip without horror stories."

"Horror?" the hero said weakly, before puffing up his chest in an attempt to look bold and brave. "I've actually got a horror story, and it's true so ya know it's extra scary."

"Please, do tell."

"Right, well, there was this guy. And one day he decides that he's hungry, so he goes to McDonald's to get something to eat. He places his order: two chicken burgers, three quarter pounders, five Big Mac's, a strawberry milkshake and three packs of fries."

"Who the fuck eats that much?" North asked sceptically.

"Some people do!" America snapped, "Anyways, the dude places his order, and everything seems like it'll be okay, but then he receives the order. He takes it, not thinking that anything could possibly be wrong, and walks out the store like a boss. So then he hops into his sweet ride and begins to drive home, thinking he'd have some of his food on the way back. However, when he opened the bag-"

"Some freaky monster thing jumped out?" New Zealand asked eagerly.

"No, he-"

"The food was poisoned and he died?"

"No-"

"The food was actually-"

"DUDES! The hero is talking, geez! Ahem, when he opened the bags he discovered that... that..." America suddenly started shaking, his eyes wide, as if picturing the sheer horror that befell the man of his story.

"What?!"

"HE DISCOVERED THAT THEY FORGOT THE FRIES!" he wailed. "The horror! I waited in line for five freakin' minutes and then I discover _that_? Not cool bro. I had, like, a break-down in my car. I mean, you can't have McDonald's without the fries, amrite? Seriously dudes, that was an intense day."

"...Okay, so does anyone who _isn't_ mentally retarded have a horror story?" Wales asked.

"HEY!" America yelled, but Australia cut him off.

"You betcha. Now, everyone gather around," he said in a low voice, leaning in closer to the fire, and everyone else mirrored the action. "So," he began, "There's a legend, as old as time itself, of creatures from your worst nightmares." The fire suddenly flared up, lighting Australia's light green eyes with an ethereal glow, the shadows from the flames dancing across his face in a wickedly spooky way as he carried on his tale. "They dwell in places just like this, right above us," he said lowly, pointing upwards towards the trees, a perfectly timed gust of wind shaking the leaves and causing the branches to let out creaky moans. America shivered.

"At first they seem unassuming," Oz continued, "But that is the error that everyone makes. Oh they may look like big koalas, but get too close..." he leant further in here, everyone else subconsciously doing the same, and then Oz reached for the torch attached to his belt and quickly switched it on, placing it under his chin and widening his eyes as he said loudly, "And they will eat you alive!"

Someone whimpered, and judging by the way America was trembling, it wasn't hard to guess who it was.

"These vicious creatures will tear into your flesh and relish your screams of pure, unadulterated _pain!_" he hissed dramatically before letting out a mad sounding laugh, as if verging on hysteria. "They inhabit treetops and attack their prey by dropping onto their heads from above!" he cackled, before bringing his voice down to a whisper. "So remember, always keep your eyes on the trees, or else it could be all over for you before you realise it. They are called..." he paused for dramatic effect before leaping up and announcing grandly, "Drop Bears!"

America's eyes widened, and he could have sworn that the koala on Australia's shoulder grinned at him, showing a set of very sharp teeth as its eyes turned red. Before anyone else had time to react, America scrambled to his feet and practically dove inside of England's tent.

"Iggy! Dude, wake up!" he said frantically.

"Uhn... America? What the bloody hell are you doing?" the Englishman questioned blearily.

"Australia just told me about drop bears and dude I don't wanna die and I swear that his koala isn't even a koala and what the heck I don't wanna die I'm too young and cool for that and-"

"Oh God just shut up," England moaned, shimmying out of his sleeping bag and kneeling in front of the frantic American. "America, there is no such thing as a drop bear. Now stop this silly worrying."

"But- But-" he sniffled, blue eyes big and pleading.

England sighed. "You git... go and get your sleeping bag."

"YES! Seriously Iggy, thank you so much!" As the taller nation dashed out of his tent England moved over and soon the other occupied the space. "Well, night Iggy!" America said happily, as if he wasn't practically wetting himself a few minutes ago.

"Yes, good night," England said, settling back down into his sleeping bag before he found himself pulled back slightly, America's arms encircling him. "W-What are you-"

"Protecting you from drop bears," America mumbled, glad the other couldn't see the pink dusting his cheeks as he held the Brit closer and buried his nose in the comforting smell of the strawberry shampoo the other used. "'Night..."

"Ah, yes... good night," England said, more softly this time, moving closer into America's soothing warmth before settling down in an attempt to get some sleep.

x~x~x~x~x

"Shit... Australia, I think you did too much of a good job telling your story," North said, looking at where America had just successfully gotten to share a tent with England.

"I didn't know he was that much of a wimp," Oz commented, "Damn, how the hell is he a superpower?"

"Your guess is as good as mine," Scotland sighed. "But we should do something."

"There's no telling what he'll try to pull on England now that they're in the same tent," Wales said, narrowing his eyes. "All in favour of spooking him in about an hour?"

"Aye!" the group said unanimously.

And so it came to pass that an hour later, the British Isles and the Australasia duo found themselves standing outside of England's tent, fully intent on making scary noises and casting terrifying shadows over it, that was, until they realised the two nations inside the tent were very much awake.

"America, when will you realise that everything has a time and a place?" England asked in irritation.

"I couldn't help it, it's not my fault!"

"Bloody hell America, of course this is all your fault. Now it's everywhere and it's sticky."

"Well, how else was I supposed to get it in without all of the juice coming out?" the hero asked indignantly. "Besides, it's dark. It's hard to see where the hole is that I'm meant to penetrate. It's not exactly a big target."

"N-Nevertheless, you shouldn't have been doing _that_ in here!"

"Well you aren't pinning this whole thing on me. I asked if you wanted it and you said yes."

"I didn't realise you'd leave this much of a mess you git!" was the exasperated reply.

"Well would you rather do it out in the cold behind a tree or something?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Then just shut up and suck it already!" America said impatiently.

"Honestly," the Englishman sighed, "I'm only doing this seeing as the tent is completely soiled anyway. We're going to have to use yours tomorrow."

"Fine by me," the larger said happily, "Well, let's finish what we started."

Any thoughts of scaring the yank flew completely out of the window, and as it turned out they were the ones that ended up scarred. Backing away from the tent slowly, as if the thing was a wild animal that would attack without notice if provoked in the slightest, the group looked at each other and when at a reasonable distance Australia let out a small noise of anguish and New Zealand frowned.

"So that's why you called me out here."

"Yup, what should we do about him? As you can hear, things are pretty serious between him and mum."

"Hmm... Guess we'll just have to make this camping trip so bad he won't go near England for at least a century."

"Any ideas?"

"A few..."

Thus began the plotting of the lunatics.

Meanwhile, back in the tent:

"America, this is the last time I allow you to bring drinks into the sodding tent," England said resolutely, doing his best to mop up the spilled juice the other had gotten everywhere.

"But Capri Suns are tasty! It's not my fault the pouch just kinda exploded everywhere."

"I am not having this argument again. I fail to see how stabbing something with a straw is so difficult."

"I was sleepy and I couldn't see! Geez, don't go hatin' on me just cuz I get thirsty at night."

"Idiot."

x~x~x~x~x

America felt a light breeze gently rushing through his hair, the smell of nature heavy in his nostrils. The ground seemed so relaxing, softer than one would ordinarily think, almost seeming to rock back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, ba-

Something wasn't right.

He heard a few birds chirping, although they seemed really close by. Cracking open one of his eyes, America was met with a blank blue expanse of sky. He blinked once, twice, and then wondered where the hell the tent had gone. Opening his eyes fully, America realised that-

"HOLY CRAP!" he hollered, looking around and noticing the tents over on land. Somehow he had ended up on some shoddily made raft in the middle of the damn lake. _Dayum, I am a heavy sleeper. How did I not wake up?!_ He glanced around, seeing nothing but water and wondering if he had to swim his way back to shore. He gritted his teeth.

_Okay, this means war, _he thought determinedly. He began to use his hands to paddle back seeing as he didn't fancy getting soaked first thing in the morning. He was making pretty decent progress until he saw a shadow pass below him under the water. He stopped momentarily, peering into the water, but it looked as though it was clear so he carried on. However, the shadow returned, flashing under the crappy raft, and suddenly a fin broke through the surface of the water.

"SHARK!" he yelled, staring at the fin in abject horror. He couldn't be eaten alive by a shark, no matter how much of a badass death that would be. At this point in time England emerged from his tent, looking out over the lake and spotting something that was so surreal he wondered if he was still dreaming.

"America, what the bloody hell are you doing out in the middle of the lake?!" he shouted.

"Oh ya know, thought I might try my hand at rafting at dawn!" America fired back sarcastically. "I didn't come out here of my own free will!"

The fin was getting closer to America, and a few seconds later his raft jolted and he nearly fell overboard. "Iggy there's a freakin' shark out here!"

"A shark? Don't be ridiculous, sharks don't inhabit lakes!"

"Well this one does!"

England soon found himself joined by his brothers and New Zealand.

"What on earth is he doing?" Wales asked.  
>"I have no idea, he got himself stuck out in the lake."<br>"Te mutunga ke mai o te rori o te tangata!" _[What an idiot]_ NZ laughed.

However England just happened to glance over at North, Wales and Scotland as they 'discreetly' high-fived each other. His emerald eyes narrowed. "You prats wouldn't have anything to do with this, would you?"  
>"Us little brother? Never," Scotland smiled.<br>"You wankers," England said resolutely, before noting the absence of a certain Aussie. "Oi, where's-"

"A shark is no match for the hero!" America said grandly, standing up on the raft. He clenched his fists and looked down at the fin determinedly, shouting "USA!" before diving off and into the lake.

"Did he just..." Wales trailed off.  
>"Dive into the lake with the intent of punching a shark? Yes, yes he did," North replied, equally as stunned.<br>"I don't understand yanks at all," Scotland sighed before all hell broke out in the lake.

"Oi you plonker, get off!" came Australia's voice as he emerged from the lake with the American on his back.

"What the-?" America questioned, before noticing a cardboard fin floating atop the water. It didn't take long for him to put two and two together. "Dude! What the hell was that for?!"

"What? A guy can't go swimming in his own lakes anymore?" Australia asked, puffing up his cheeks.

"You totally did that on purpose!"

"No mate, I always swim with that fin because it aids speed. It's streamlined," Oz said simply before he smirked, "It's not my fault you freaked out like a little girl."

"I did not," the hero said indignantly.

By the time the two squabbling nations emerged from the lake England had retreated back into the sanctuary of his tent, not up to dealing with such stupidity at ridiculous hours in the morning. He was _not_ a morning person.

"You all planned that," America hissed once he was in closer proximity to the rest of the group.

"He's not as dumb as he looks, folks," New Zealand said off to the side.

"I dunno what I did to piss y'all off, but if you're gonna be douches I _will_ fight back," America said confidently, sticking his chin in the air defiantly. He was taken off guard though, when Wales sidled up to him and put an arm over his shoulders. His aqua eyes scanned the taller nation for a moment before he smiled.

"Perhaps we have the wrong impression of you. I think I speak for us all when I say that getting to know you would be of top priority. That being said, how about we go on a little... jungle jaunt?" he asked, tucking a strand of his wheat-blonde hair behind his ear and looking to the others in the group, who all nodded pleasantly enough.

"Uh..." was all the American could manage. He still didn't trust them. _What's brought on this sudden 180?_

"Yeah, guess I'm sorry mate," Australia said, scratching the back of his neck. "I think we should all get along, for England's sake."

"Well... I guess Iggy would want us to get along," America said slowly, because he knew that even though one of the Englishman's favourite pastimes was to bad-mouth his brothers, he did care for them. And it was obvious that he practically doted on Australia and New Zealand. That was kind of annoying actually, not that he'd ever voice that aloud. "Yeah, okay then," he agreed eventually.

"Good," Zea smiled, before England exited his tent.

"It's too quiet considering you lot are all in close proximity," he muttered, looking around at everyone apprehensively, "What did I miss?" While Wales informed his brother of the stroll they were planning to go on in order to 'strengthen bonds', America found himself inadvertently side-tracked by the change of clothes that the Brit had deemed appropriate for this trip.

He had decided to go with green, seeing as he had sort of claimed the colour ever since his military uniform in the war days. That was cool, that was fine. He had on a loose green shirt with the top buttons undone, but it was hot, so that was fine. What _wasn't _fine (or what was so amazingly fine it was a crime) were the shorts. Or, the short shorts that barely covered anything.

_Where in the heck did he get those from?!_ America wondered, his eyes suddenly drawn to England's legs. _Were they always that long and-_ Oh crap, was he drooling? _I AM NOT DROOLING!_

He was totally drooling.

England, seemingly unaware that he was currently wearing shorts that arrived straight out of a porno, looked around at everyone suspiciously.

"You're actually going to be civil with one another?" he questioned dubiously, wondering what his brothers were up to, because they were always up to _something_ no matter what.

To the side, Australia tapped New Zealand's shoulder. "Ooklay at the ankyay," he whispered in Pig Latin, nodding his head over to a very red-faced America unashamedly staring at England's lower half. New Zealand's eyes narrowed.

"Time to enact the plan then?"

"You bet."

"Well mum, we'd better be off. We'll be back soon so don't you worry!" Australia said happily.

"Are you sure that I shouldn't come with-"

"Nope, c'mon I wanna get to know the yankee more. Besides you deserve some R&R!"

"Well... I suppose that sounds rather nice," England breathed, _But should I really leave America alone with my berk brothers? _"Is that okay with you America?"

"Shorts..." the hero mumbled, as if in a trance.

"Uh... America?" England asked uneasily, looking at the glazed look the other's eyes held.

"Huh? Oh! Uh... What were we saying?"

"Git, at least have the decency to listen," England huffed, folding his arms in annoyance. "Never mind, be off with you all. Just be safe, all right?"

After exchanging their goodbye's and America going through an overly sorrowful parting from England and his shorts (England had no idea why America was suddenly so adamant to stay), England found himself alone at the campsite with all the time in the world.

_Perhaps this day won't be a disaster after all, _he thought in a rare moment of optimism as he settled down beside the lake to take in the scenery.

x~x~x~x~x

Let it be known that 'optimism' and 'British people' go together about as well as England's rather horrific creation of Chicken Tikka Scones, so basically: not at all.  
>England wasn't sure whether or not he should have even bothered going through the stages of surprise and confusion when all members of the party returned a few hours later, minus a certain loud-mouthed American.<p>

Australia and New Zealand appeared to be completely oblivious to the fact that someone was clearly missing, chatting amongst themselves. England glared at his brothers.

"What did you do?" he asked with a low tone of voice.

"What do you mean?" Wales asked, playing innocent.

"Where the sodding hell is America?!"

"America..." North said slowly, as if he hadn't ever heard the name before. "America, hmm... Sorry, never heard of him," he said rather decidedly.

"Don't you _dare_ play dumb with me," England growled, "I don't know why you all dislike him so much but quite frankly I couldn't give a shit about your personal feelings. Now. Where. Is. America."

"Just calm down little brother," Scotland said, ruffling England's hair. "We've not lost him or anything, just... misplaced him."

If England's glare could kill people, then everyone within 100 miles of him would be massacred right about now.

"You wankers, you'd better find him! This is all your fault!"

"Hey, the kiddies were in on it," Scotland said, indicating Oz and Zea who were looking at the ground like guilty toddlers.

"You're older than them, you should know better!"

"Well technically, I'm not-" North began, but cut himself off when England let out a sound that could only be called a snarl.

"To be fair," Scotland began, "If you suspected us, then you shouldn't have let us take him in the first place. That's just you being irresponsible."

And that was the comment that appeared to do it for the Englishman. Instead of exploding into a fit of rage like everyone thought, his right eye twitched a bit, before he closed both of them and took a deep breath. When they opened again, it felt as though the temperature had suddenly dropped, his eyes devoid of any positive emotion and the sparkling emerald now something much darker. He walked slowly over to his tent, in a parody of what Australia had done the night before, but instead of retrieving a boomerang he pulled out a very sharp looking hunting blade.

"Did you know," England said in such a frightfully calm voice, even Scotland looked uneasy, "That back in my pirating days I had a favourite method of... _dealing_ with people?" He began to pace around the campsite, looking off wistfully into the distance. "Guns, bah! They were too... easy. Too impersonal. A life is so easy to take with one," he mused, gently running the tip of his finger up and down the blade. "But a _knife_ is a different matter entirely. It's a much more intimate affair, so much so that you can feel everything, the ragged last breaths, the gasps for mercy..." his lips twisted into a sadistic grin as he looked over to his brothers.

"E-England, please calm down," Wales said in a soothing voice, but England's glare just intensified.  
>"Fuck, have you been hanging around with Russia or something?!" North asked with wide eyes.<p>

England actually began laughing then. "Russia? That pussy? Ha! Did you know that he challenged me to a rematch for duelling? What a foolish thing to do, seeing as I'd found my stride. I had his arse kicked in less than three minutes. Oh, the sight of him on his knees was simply _exquisite_," the blonde sighed happily, before he pouted. "Although I haven't actually had the pleasure of using this," he brandished the blade, "Lately, which is such a shame. I have over two thousand ways in which to use it."

He stood right in front of his brothers and smiled a smile that could only be described as evil. "Unless you want me to get some blade practice in, I suggest that you find America as soon as possible. And if a single hair is harmed on his head, well, this is the jungle. Who would hear your screams?" he asked in a sweetly dark voice.

The British Isles and the Australasia duo soon found themselves running through the jungle to find America, splitting up so that they could cover more ground.

England smiled to himself and looked longingly at the knife in his hand. "It's so nice when people are eager to be co-operative," he mused.

x~x~x~x~x

America frowned as he looked around. He could have _sworn _that the others were with him at one point, but then somewhere along the line it had all fallen apart. "Aw crap," he muttered as he emerged out of the jungle and was only met with, well, what looked like the desert.

_Is this the Outback? _he wondered, deciding to consult his map that he had folded into his pocket. After unfolding it and scrutinising it closely, he furrowed his brows. "According to this thing," he murmured to no one in particular, "Then I'm actually in the USA... huh." He glanced up. _It doesn't look like anywhere at my place... maybe the map is wrong? _But the map seemed legit to him... weird.

"Ah well, at least I've got my sunglasses of swag!" he said happily, placing a pair of shades over Texas as he looked out over this new expanse of land. _I don't need those guys to get back; the wild is no match for a hero!_

No sooner had he finished this thought when America saw something in the distance, coming closer. He peered intently, and after a few moments he was able to see that it was a kangaroo hopping towards him.

"Oh cool!" he said excitedly, because he hadn't ever seen a wild kangaroo before. _Maybe I could take him home and he could keep Whaley company!_ When the creature was only about a metre away America grinned. "Hey kangaroo dude!" he said enthusiastically, moving in to see if he could stroke behind its ears when-

_BAM!_

The golden haired nation staggered back slightly, completely shocked. _Did... Did that kangaroo just _punch_ me?!_

The kangaroo looked at him, before moving in and trying to punch him again.

"Dude!" America exclaimed, dodging, but unfortunately the kangaroo made contact with his shades and they fell to the ground, cracked. America stared at the broken accessory for a moment before he cracked his knuckles and held up his fists.

"No one breaks the hero's sunglasses of swag!" he yelled, taking aim at the animal. There was probably an animal protection organisation crying somewhere, but the marsupial had started it! (America was pretty sure he could get some hot-shot lawyers to make that defence hold up in court).

If the roo wanted to rumble, well, America could deal with that. Not once did he even pause to consider how utterly bizarre and ridiculous the whole situation was, far too engrossed in his random bout of fisticuffs. The kangaroo didn't play fair though, using its tail to swipe the hero's feet out from under him. America gritted his teeth, clenching his fists as the kangaroo stood over him, anticipating the next move, but suddenly the creature's eyes widened and it hopped off hurriedly.

"Yeah that's right!" America yelled triumphantly after it. "You don't mess with the hero and get away with it!" However only a few moments later he heard some rustling in the treetops, followed by what sounded like a ferocious growling, and when he looked up his eyes locked with the blood red ones of about three-

"DROP BEARS!" he yelled, scrambling to his feet and immediately sprinting back into the jungle in a vain attempt at getting back to base camp. "Dude, this day is freakin' brutal!"

America was so rapid in his escape from the rabid bear things that he ended up whizzing past Australia and New Zealand who were looking for him.

"Oh hey! Yank! I mean- America!" Australia called, stopping in his tracks and turning around, chasing after the golden haired nation. "Slow down!"

"Can't! Drop bears!" America yelled frantically, carrying on running like a bat out of hell.

"Oz made it up!" New Zealand shouted, "There's no such thing as a drop bear!"

America slowed down then, allowing the other two to catch up. "I swear I saw them!"

"That's impossible mate, drop bears are just something my people and I made up to screw with outsiders," Australia explained, but as soon as he'd said it the violent shaking in the trees caught up with them and the growling was louder than before.

"Okay if that's true, then what the heck is making that sound?!" America demanded, and as the other two looked up they just looked completely stunned.

"N-No way," Australia said in disbelief as he looked up at what appeared to be giant koalas. He began shaking, "There's no way..."

"Tiko..." _[Shit]_ Zea breathed, before getting a grip. "RUN!"

And so the three of them took off at a faster pace than before, Australia looking back every now and then and wondering how the hell drop bears actually seemed to be real. Eventually the three of them found sanctuary in the form of a cave, and they were thankful to hear the rustling in the trees and the scary noises moving away.

"What the crap is going on?!" America asked, eyes wide.

"I don't even know anymore! We were just meant to lose you in the jungle," Australia muttered.

"Why do you guys hate me so much?"

"Because you'll just hurt England," New Zealand said bitterly.

"Huh?"

"Look, we don't know about you, but England is someone very important to us. To see you and him so close to each other..." Australia glared at the cave wall, "It's scary, knowing that he could one day call us up in tears because you've done something unforgivable."

"What? Nah, Iggy always shouts at me usually. He wouldn't get that worked up over something I say."

"Don't be stupid," New Zealand said resentfully. "I barely even know you, but I saw the way you two were looking at each other around the campfire last night... urgh."

"Huh? How did we look?" America asked, genuinely curious.

"You looked all fuckin' lovey-dovey," Australia pouted.

America blushed. "W-We did?"

"Don't get me wrong, I love seeing England so happy, but... Well, none of us trust you. We all have our reasons. I guess my main concern is you've already left him once, so what's stopping you from doing it again? I won't accept anyone who only has half-arsed feelings for him!" Australia said sternly.

Before America could comprehend everything and formulate his reply, a shout cut through the jungle.

"That sounded like Northern Ireland!" New Zealand said worriedly.

"Damn, d'ya think the drop bears got to them?" Oz asked, biting his lip.

America stood up purposely with a determined look on his face. "I dunno, but I'm gonna go and find out. A hero doesn't let anyone get hurt while he's around." He began to head to the entrance of the cave, but paused as he glanced back at the other two. "Just so ya know, I wouldn't cause him pain like that again. I can't change the past and I wouldn't want to, because things ended up how they are now. But the future is something I _can_ influence, so don't knock me down without actually knowing me. I _never_ half-ass the things I care about." And with that, he exited the safe point, Oz and Zea exchanging glances before heading out after him.

After a few minutes spent in silence, New Zealand spoke up. "So, does anyone have a plan?"

"Stay alive?" the Aussie suggested.

"I'm working on it," America said, a pensive expression on his face and he flinched a bit when he heard some angry cursing in Gaelic and Welsh. Suddenly he had an epiphany and he snapped his fingers. "Got it!"

"What?" Oz asked.

"Okay, so these drop bear things are native to this land, yeah?"

"Apparently, like I said, I didn't even think they were real until today," the brunette said uncertainly.

"Well either way, I say we fight nature with nature!" America said, brimming with confidence as he began to root around on the floor and let out a victorious noise as he came across a bird's nest, gathering any and all feathers.

"What are you doing?" New Zealand asked.

"Going native," America replied with a grin, beginning to rearrange the feathers in a type of head-dress.

"Sweet!" Australia said, tearing off his shirt and going over to a nearby berry bush. He plucked a good many of them before crushing them, feeding a few to his koala, before beginning to draw aboriginal designs all over his torso.

"Hey, great idea," America smiled, going over to another berry bush and doing something similar, removing his shirt before he drew a complex pattern of lines and circles on his torso, making sure to put two lines under each of his eyes.

New Zealand watched as Australia expertly crushed berries and various plants to form different colours, putting white dots under his eyes and over the green and yellow stripes he had included on his body.

"C'mon Zea," Oz encouraged, "It's been a while since I went all Tjapukai on an enemy. Where's your Māori spirit?"

New Zealand just blinked at the other two before sighing and smiling. "Fine." Zea removed the shirt, America's earlier conundrum finally being solved:

_So it's a dude, got it, _he made a mental note. He didn't want to know what would have happened if New Zealand found out he thought he was possibly a chick. Zea didn't actually have to use berries and various other things to draw patterns on his body seeing as he already had numerous tribal tattoos adorning everywhere. The intricate patterns encircled both of his arms, the same designs being replicated on his stomach.

"Cool tattoos bro," America said, noting the various spirals and zig-zags that had been inked as he went and picked up a sharp looking rock, attaching it to a sturdy stick to form a spear.

"Tika hoki," _[thanks]_ New Zealand smiled, going over to a tree and snapping off a branch in a display of strength that one wouldn't have thought possible. The violet haired nation then set about fashioning some kind of cross between a spear and a staff.

"All right, let's do this mate!" Australia said enthusiastically, brandishing his boomerang.

"Agreed," Zea nodded, nodding at his makeshift Taiaha with pride and giving it a few experimental swings.

"Hellz yeah!" America cried, "My inner Red Indian is gonna kick some ass! Just like Chuck Norris!"

"Nah, Hugh Jackman is way cooler than that guy," Australia interrupted.

"Dude, you serious? No way."

"Yeah way."

"No-"

"Kia tau!" New Zealand demanded, "We're here to save England's brothers."

The swearing that had become background noise made its presence known once more, and the three quickly set off in order to find the British Isles. By the time they had been located, the sight was rather overwhelming. The three brothers stood, back-to-back, surrounded by a multitude of the carnivorous creatures.

"C'mon then ya bastards!" Scotland yelled, fearlessly kicking one of the drop bears that made an advance.  
>"Wales, to your right!" North called, Wales springing into action and punching another.<p>

The three were putting up an amiable fight, but they were heavily outnumbered.

"Damn, if only Wales could summon Delroy to him," New Zealand muttered.

"Who's Delroy?" America asked.

"Wales' pet dragon," Zea said, as if it was obvious.

"Dragon?!" America asked, forgetting to keep his voice down and earning angry shushes from the other two.

"Well obviously, every nation has their national animal as a pet," Oz said, indicating the koala on his shoulder. "Scotland has Blitz and England has Aslan."

"Isn't Aslan that lion from Narnia?"

"Where do you think the idea came from?" Oz asked. "England made a magical world in one of the old wardrobes in his storage room, seeing as Aslan needed wide open spaces. Blitz, Scotland's unicorn, appreciated it as well of course. The world grew from there."

"...Are you shittin' me bro?"

"No!" Oz said defensively, "I can't believe you've never been there before, it's really cool."

"Guys, you're getting side-tracked again," New Zealand sighed before gripping his Taiaha tightly, "Let's go even up the odds."

All three of them readied their weapons and then leapt out of the bushes, yelling loudly in an attempt to confuse their opponents. England's brothers looked up and deadpanned.

"The kids have lost the fuckin' plot," Scotland grunted, elbowing another drop bear out of his way.  
>"I thought these things didn't exist!" North said, kicking another.<br>"Same here," Wales said breathlessly as he attempted to dodge the sharp teeth and body slam another one.

"Take that!" America yelled, taking jabs at the drop bears that came near him with his spear. "Oh hey, Zea! Behind ya dude!"

"Thanks!" New Zealand called, whirling around and whacking the drop bear that came flying at him.

Australia dodged as one literally dropped from the tree above. "Well, g'day," he grinned, and with a quick flick of his wrist the boomerang had the beast knocked out in a matter of seconds.

The six carried on battling bravely, undeterred by the seemingly endless waves of the dangerous creatures that continued to plague them. Scotland had come up with the very effective method of taking one drop bear down and then whirling it around his head, using the actual drop bear as a weapon. North and Wales were working a sort of tag-team system while Oz was able to hold back and attack from a distance seeing as his boomerang enabled such a tactic. New Zealand was busy getting into the flow of battle, light on his feet and no doubt using his Rugby skills to dodge any attacks before either hitting the aggressors with his Taiaha or simply rugby tackling them.

America was just about to take down his tenth drop bear when he saw two of them sneaking up behind Australia. Acting on impulse, the hero ran and dived, knocking the Aussie out of the way and bracing himself for the pain seeing as he was the one now in their path.

"America!" Oz yelled, powerless to do anything seeing as his boomerang had been knocked out of his hands. The American readied his spear bravely, doing his best to ignore those very dangerous looking incisors that looked as though they could cut through metal, when suddenly a streak of grey passed in front of him and Australia's 'koala' was stood in front of him, acting as a barrier.

It literally roared, much louder than any of the drop bears had done, and the two aiming for America seemed to shrink back. It didn't let up, making sure the two were long gone before turning to look at America, a look of gratitude in its eyes for having saved Oz, presumably.

The fight turned in their favour from then on, the koala(?) managing to get most of the drop bears to go away and those that refused were soon taken care of by one of the six warriors. After what felt like eternity, they were finally in the clear, any trace of the demonic bears gone. They were all busy catching their breaths, still on the lookout for more, but America was the first to break the silence with:

"Damn."

"You could say that again!" Oz laughed, you saved me mate."

"Oh, it was nothing," America said, marvelling at the fact that they all appeared to be alive. However when a rustling sounded everyone readied their weapons once more. It was coming from just ahead, America having his sights fixed and his spear ready, but what stepped out of the bushes wasn't a drop bear, but England.

Suddenly a torrent of emotion overcame America, as if the fact that they he could have died was finally sinking in, and he ran over to England and practically threw himself at his feet.

"Iggy! Dude! Today has been insane!" he yelled.

"A-America? Thank God you're okay!" England said, relief drenching his words. "I heard such a commotion and thought I'd investigate... are you all all right?" he asked, looking up at everyone and wondering why his brother's clothes were torn (they were just glad he wasn't acting like a psychopath anymore), or why Oz, Zea and America were suddenly looking very tribal.

"I could've died just now! Drop bears came and attacked us all and it was all freaky bad and- wait. Did I die?" He looked up into England's eyes, and then down at the shorts and held onto England's legs tighter, sobbing. "I bet I died didn't I?" he groaned, "My only salvation is you in your slutty shorts! Which is awesome, but I wanna liiiivvveeee!"

"Slutty-! They are not!" England protested, "Now let go of me you idiot!"

Never before had America been so happy at getting whacked by England. "Wait... so I lived?"

"Yes," England said dryly, stepping away from the American primly but he just ended up engulfed in a hug a few seconds later.

"What on earth has gotten into you?"

"Nothing, just shut up and lemme hug you, geez," America mumbled, holding the other tighter. "Oh and just so you know: Kangaroos are evil."

To the side, Australia sighed. "As much as it pains me to say it... I may have misjudged the yank."

New Zealand nodded, looking at his mum who was trying to suppress a smile as he hugged America back. He sighed. "I'm not saying we should let him of the hook, but..."

"Yeah I know," Oz agreed. "But one slip up and there'll be hell to pay."

"Agreed," Zea grinned, before looking over at England's brothers who still didn't look convinced. "He'll probably still have to deal with them, so I don't envy him!"

"Well we aren't exactly gonna make things easy either," Oz winked, before going over to the two hugging nations. "All right yank, back off. I wanna hug England as well."

"No way, he's mine!"

"What? Sod off!"

"Never!"

"I have no idea what the bloody hell happened here but... let's just head back," England sighed, finding himself sandwiched between America and Australia before Zea came up and tackled him from behind. "You gits," England laughed, not really minding. He was just glad that everyone was safe.

x~x~x~x~x

"All of you are being ridiculous, for the last time: drop bears do not exist!" England said resolutely as they all sat around the campfire that night. Despite the fact that everyone else argued to the contrary and described the horror they had that day, the Englishman refused to believe it.

America sighed, "Don't blame me when you get randomly attacked then... oh hey! Have you seen New Zealand's tattoos Iggy? They're awesome!"

"Course he's seen them," Zea laughed, "Although I guess they're not as cool as the one England has on his-"

"New Zealand!" England yelled indignantly.

"You have a tattoo?" America asked in disbelief, looking at England who suddenly found the ground immeasurably interesting.

"Never mind that!" Oz said, coming over to the group brandishing a guitar case and handing it over to England. "You can play right?"

While the Englishman excelled more at punk, he knew a few songs he could play acoustically, although he wanted to avoid breaking into the inevitable 'Kumbaya'. "I'll give it a go, any requests?"

Australia just grinned and England chuckled. "Ah,_ that_ one..."

"Listen up you lot," Oz commanded, "This is a song with great tradition at my place, and I expect you all to join in accordingly. Take it away mum!"

_"Went down to Santa Fe, where Renoir paints the walls,_  
><em>Described you clearly, but the sky began to fall"<em>

England sang softly, strumming the appropriate chords. Australia was practically shaking with anticipation, New Zealand already knowing where this was heading, but everyone else looked curious. The song seemed okay, but nothing to get too excited about. However that all changed within the next few seconds.

_"Am I ever gonna see your face again?"_

"No way, get fucked, fuck off!" Australia yelled, grinning at England, before looking towards everyone else and indicating that they'd better join him. England simply rolled his eyes _(Only in Australia can that be a term of praise)_ and repeated the question.

_"Am I ever gonna see your face again?"_

"No way, get fucked, fuck off!" they all yelled into the night air, laughing, and America decided that maybe the trip wasn't as bad as it could have been.

...Until he woke up in the morning to find that _someone_ had placed his hand in a cup of warm water during the night...

He went kickass tribal again.

x~x~x~x~x

**I hope you enjoyed it~ ^_^ Especially my epic fail of a Chemistry joke :P**

**What People Wanted:**

_**agentscia**_**= the Capri Sun misunderstanding****  
><em>Luna-Discord<em>**= More British Isles**  
><em>HumahnaHumahnaHumahna<em>**= Iggy's bros and something to do with a sleeping bag (initially the inspiration for the camping trip :D)**  
><em>Maya Gordelia<em>**= Iggy's bros pushing US into a lake**  
><em>Wenxi, Dragon 356<em>**= More Australia**  
><em>TheNextAlice, Baylee Shadow, OzzieLiber-Tea<em>**= Drop Bears (and other Oz related things :P)**  
><em>Kotoni-Chan<em>**= Missing!America**  
><em>NimayTheAirbender<em>**= Cruel!England**  
><em>Americatress<em>**= Evil kangaroos**  
><em>Soul and Heart, Baylee Shadow<em>**= Something to do with the Olympics (seeing as I was busy watching them, the time to write a chappy revolving solely around the Olympics passed, but I aim to please ^_^)****

**That song Iggy sang is from an Australian rock band, when the lyrics 'Am I ever gonna see your face again?' came about, some Aussie's thought it best to answer the question. It's sort of become a tradition in Oz to use that reply when the song is played.**  
><strong>Lion= National animal of England<strong>  
><strong>Unicorn= National animal of Scotland<strong>  
><strong>Dragon= National animal of Wales<strong>

**So now for shameless self-promotion XD I wrote a one-shot fic called **_**'Arthur Kirkland's Diary'**_**, so feel free to check it out if ya want~**

**Also! I realised that I failed to give descriptions of the British Isles before, so go to my Tumblr page to see the pics I've been basing them off :) Link is on my profile!**

**Also on my Tumblr page is the picture that gave me the inspiration for RedIndian!America, Tjapukai!Australia and Māori!NewZealand, and also the pic that I based England off in his sexy shorts ;D**

**Until next time poppets, lemme know what ya thought~**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	51. After All These Years

**Hello my darlings~ Guess where I am writing this… in the freakin' AIR! Writing on the ground is just way too mainstream these days ;) In all seriousness, I'm currently on the plane to Dubai and I thought, 'Imma update in the sky~' and so I am. So there.****  
><strong>But on another completely different note: Thank you all so, so much. This story, as of last chapter, smashed the 1000 review mark, and I honestly cannot convey how much that means to me. You are all brilliant, without your support this story wouldn't be half of what it is. So seriously, thank you, and I thought I'd give you some yumminess in this chappy to say cheers :3<strong>**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Fifty One- LucyMoon1992 and Yanelle's Requests

"England..." America breathed, looking intently at the glorious sight before him. In all of his wildest dreams, he would never have imagined that he would be in this position with the Brit, but there was no way he was complaining. Quite the contrary actually, because he couldn't deny the absolute beauty before him.

"America..." England said uneasily, looking at the other with a mixture of apprehension and eagerness. He couldn't help it; he had been waiting _so long_ for this and now it actually seemed as though maybe... just maybe this would actually happen. He could no longer deny his utter longing. In fact, it both shocked and surprised him how much he actually _wanted_ this. Not that he could ever let America know.

"Can I-?" America asked softly for once, as though he thought using his normal voice level would ruin this special moment between them, or perhaps he would wake up from what he was sure must be a dream. After all, this situation, with England... it just didn't seem real; it was too good to be true.

"Yes," England whispered, unable to sustain eye contact and instead looking towards one of the walls. He could feel his heart pounding, the anticipation nearly killing him. Yet he was also nervous. That was new, he'd never been nervous doing this sort of thing before. Maybe it was because it was America, and England had actually spent so much time simply _trying_. He wanted this to be good. No, he wanted this to be the best America had ever had.

The golden haired nation gently reached out, shooting England a brilliant smile that had the latter blushing slightly. And then, without warning, America's strong fingers closed around his package. England sucked in a breath and waited for a flippant remark, or for something to just shatter the illusion completely, but it never came. America was careful and gentle, so unlike how he usually was, watching in wonder as he pushed back the outer layer and exposed everything.

"It's firmed up nicely," he whispered more to himself than anyone else, feeling a slight stickiness on his hand. The running commentary wasn't really necessary, but he had to commit this to memory. He may never find himself in this position again, and he was determined to make the most of it. He could feel the intense heat in his hand and he relished it. Despite wanting to take his time, America simply found that he couldn't hold back any longer. After all, this was actually, truly happening. After all of this time, all of these _years_- because it had been years, he knew. Years of trying and failing and not even realising... no, he had to have more than just the feel.

America's hand closed firmly around the thick base, and he leaned in to lick just the tip. England wasn't looking at him, but America could see him biting his lip anxiously. In an attempt to reassure him that yes, he really _wanted_ this as much as he did, America took it into his mouth.

He didn't expect the taste to be as intoxicating as it was, but it was like a drug and America simply couldn't get enough. He closed his eyes, savouring everything in this moment: the exquisite taste, the heady and unique aroma, the feeling of a gooey substance seeping out and across his tongue, across all of his senses. The hero couldn't help but groan.

He pulled back for a moment and managed a sultry, "God England... It's _so good_," before eagerly placing his mouth back where it was previously.

England's curiosity had gotten the better of him, and he glanced shyly at America and was stunned to see the look of bliss on his face. He didn't think that he would have such a look of pleasure on his face from doing something like this. He hadn't even gotten to the main event and he was already so worked up. His breath caught in his throat when he heard America let out a pleased sound and he closed his eyes tightly, because was this really happening? God he hoped so.

At this point, America had blown caution to the wind and was greedily devouring all England had offered him, relishing as that sweet substance came out in globules. He crammed as much of it as he could into his mouth, too far gone to care about such nuisances as gag reflexes.

"Ah! H-Hey, don't be so rough," England protested, but there was no fire in his voice and the look on his face showed that he really didn't mind this at all. Quite the opposite- he seemed overjoyed and disbelieving. The island nation braced himself, for he knew that this wouldn't last much longer at this rate, and he tried to tell America as much, but he could barely form the words and then as soon as this whole thing had begun, it was over.

Flavour exploded in America's mouth, cream bursting forth and down his throat. He tried to swallow all that was offered, but some still escaped and dribbled down his lips. He refused to let it go to waste however, licking his lips slowly and relishing every moment of it. He was actually beginning to scare himself by how much he had thoroughly enjoyed himself.

When it was well and truly over, America looked up dazedly at England and said, very eloquently, "Fuck..."

England smirked, knowing all too well that _he_ had been the one to cause such a reaction within the younger nation.

"Fuck," America breathed again before shaking his head and trying to get his senses back. "How in the hell did you manage that when you were drunk?!" he asked finally, his voice resuming it's classic loud quality as he looked over the remnants of the cream filled pastry England had made that day. America was still stunned at the fact that England had managed to create something that not only looked delicious, but tasted delicious as well! He never thought he'd see the day.

England was just as stunned that he had _finally_ managed to bake something America hadn't immediately made fun of him for or refused to eat entirely. He glanced at the empty bottles of rum that he had consumed and he decided that, if America was going to have _that_ kind of reaction to his drunken creations, then he was going to get smashed every other night.

"Well? What did you think?" England asked, an air of cockiness about him all of a sudden. He had been waiting for _centuries_ for someone to give his food the praise he knew it deserved, and he'd be damned if he didn't make America finally admit that he could actually function in a kitchen without blowing stuff up (although he _had_ been drunk when he had made that particular desert, and it had apparently cost him dearly in the form of every electrical appliance in said kitchen. He had no idea what the hell he had done in there, but it had apparently worked).

Sadly, America didn't play to his expectations and instead of praise America's mind, no longer clouded by awesome looking and tasting food, came to the only logical conclusion as to why England had suddenly gained the ability to cook, drunk or otherwise:

"HOLY CRAP THOSE MAYAN DUDES WERE RIGHT! THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END!"

Meanwhile, in England's meticulously kept garden, a beautiful brunette woman lay unconscious amongst a bed of roses. Lichtenstein looked over her mentor, who had been listening in on something, and began to panic. The bloodstream from her nose refused to end, and the poor girl feared the worst.

"Miss Hungary!" she said desperately, gently shaking the older nation. "Miss Hungary, wake up!" The blonde was beginning to feel glad they only had one extra sound sensitive headset that day- what if she had ended up in the same condition? Her sensei was a well-seasoned pro and she was like this! Just what on earth had she listened to?!

Lichtenstein leant over Hungary's form and pressed her ear against her chest to listen for breathing or any signs of a heartbeat. She was so busy checking for vital signs that she failed to realise Hungary's eyes opening blearily. It wasn't until she gently brought her hand up to stroke the other's cheek that the younger finally noticed.

"Oh, thank goodness you're okay!" she said, relieved.

"Lichtenstein," Hungary said a weak voice. "I'm afraid... this may be the end for me..."

"W-What? No, you can't! Teacher, you'll be fine!"

"No... But it's fine, really," she assured through a small smile. "I couldn't have asked for a more perfect death. Just... please tell Japan, you must tell Japan what I heard."

"What was it?" she asked, holding onto Hungary's hand and willing her to stay strong.

"Tell him... that America... has far superior skills with his mouth then we thought... must be down to all the food he eats," she giggled softly, weakly, before she went limp and her breath left her.

"Miss Hungary?" Lichtenstein asked, tears beginning to sting her eyes. "M-Miss Hungary, wake up!" she begged, before she stopped and remembered all of the training her darling teacher had given her. A look of determination lighting up her eyes, she said in the most excited tone she could:

"Miss Hungary! England and America are having rough sex in the kitchen!"

(The sound of Switzerland loading his gun could be heard if you listened closely enough).

Hungary shot up immediately. "THE YAOI GODS HAVE REVIVED ME!" she said dramatically before leaping up and pulling a giggling Lichtenstein with her. "We must report back to Japan so he can make the latest deadline for his manga as soon as we have viewed the yaoi action!"

Thus America invested in a reinforced steel underground bunker, thoroughly convinced the world really _was_ coming to an end, England attempted to prove he could cook sober which resulted in his oven blowing up (incidentally, the oven door ended up blasting into the stratosphere and ended up through the roof of France's house, so England counted that as yet another successful cooking venture), and Hungary and Lichtenstein succeeded in giving Japan the saucy information needed for his latest manga chapter (and there was even talk of an anime deal in the works).

x~x~x~x~x

**I have no idea how Hungary, Lichtenstein and Japan ended up how they are in this story, but I love them! XD **  
><strong>So... cooking innuendos. You have Nigella to thank for the majority of those :P For those that don't know, she's a British chef who basically makes everything she cooks sound sexual.<strong>

**And yay for my lemon that wasn't really a lemon! XD**

**Question for you: some people have pointed out that it's difficult to tell what's in each chapter based on the drop-down menu names. Would you like me to rename them, or keep them as they are?  
><strong>

**Cheers for reading everyone, and I actually have another 'special' chappy coming up so look out for it! Lemme know what you think because you know I love hearing from y'all, and I'll see you soon~ ^_^**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	52. Xmas Special 2!

**MERRY XMAS EVERYONE! ^_^ I hope you are all having a wonderful day~ :D So, I'm assuming you guys are all alive and survived the end of the world. How skilful are we, amrite? ;) **  
><strong>Anywho, after last year I couldn't NOT do an Xmas Special this year so I hope you can enjoy it as much as the last one~<strong> _(HAHA whut?! How is this still going on after a year?! Y'all aren't sick of the madness yet? ;P)_

**Just To Say: Steamy content ahead- thou hast been warned!**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Fifty Two- Xmas Special 2~ (Begging-4-TEH-Anything Anon, Mikelle, Yanelle, aqua123kitty Requests)

It had clearly been a mistake.

"W-What the bloody hell?" England asked weakly, holding the book in his hands and not quite comprehending what it was he was exactly looking at.

"Hey Iggy, what d'ya get?" America asked, walking over to where England appeared frozen on the spot. The two were currently at the Brit's house, seeing as the Christmas party was due to start in a couple of hours and the two needed time to fine-tune their latest Xtreme Xmas Prank (yes, unfortunately that name was still being used, much to England's chagrin).

The hero had insisted on opening a couple of presents before they actually attended the party, and after administering his infamous 'kicked puppy' look the two of them each chose a present to open. They both decided to open the gifts that Japan had sent them, because he was usually a safe bet and didn't send any 'gag' presents, like that one time Hong Kong had rigged a present to let off a firework as soon as the damn thing was opened.

America had been overjoyed that he'd gotten a collection of some seriously cool looking games, but England... he was still terribly confused.

"A book?" America asked, looking over the smaller blonde's shoulder. "What's wrong, you like books, right?"

"America, _look_ at the front cover!" England insisted, handing the book to the hero who raised an eyebrow when he saw how red the other's face seemed to be.

"I don't see what's so-" he cut himself off mid sentence when he actually saw just _why_ England was so shell shocked. It depicted two males on the front cover, one with bright blue eyes and a stray piece of hair that looked suspiciously like Nantucket. The young man apparently saw no need to wear a shirt, and rippling muscles were on display.

Said display of gorgeous muscles, however, appeared to be exclusively for the other male in the picture, whom he had his arm protectively around his slim waist. The second male was much smaller and very slender, curves even being hinted at. He had glorious emerald eyes, that were cast down and looking shyly away from the golden haired male holding him. A light blush was dusting his otherwise porcelain skin, which was understandable seeing as the muscled one had his lips pressed against his neck.

The odd thing here though, is that the second male had eyebrows that were remarkably uncanny to a certain Brit's...

"Dude... what the fuck?! Is that us?!" America asked, wide eyed and completely in shock.

England couldn't even form an intelligible reply. _What, in the name of all that is good in the world, is this?!_

"Okay, j-just calm down," he managed eventually, gingerly taking the book back as if it was a carnivorous animal. "Clearly what has happened here is that the wrong gift was sent to me."

"Ya sure?" America scoffed, "Ain't you, like, the 'Erotic Ambassador' or something?"

England whacked him with the volume, but nevertheless his face was slowly working through an entire Dulux 'red' colour range. "That was just the frog spouting nonsense," England muttered, instead opting to glare at the offending manga volume.

He opened it, and saw the obligatory:

_'All resemblance to real life persons is completely coincidental.'_

And he couldn't help but scoff. As if _that_ was true.

"Dude, don't open it!" America flapped around, trying to take the book back. "I don't wanna see that!"

"If my likeness is in a sodding novel, then I should jolly well like to know what the hell I'm doing in the bloody thing," England replied irritably, flicking to a random page and glancing over it. "Good Gracious, I can't believe that this rubbish actually sells! The characters' relationship development is bloody awful! One moment they're arguing, then the next thing you know they are kissing and... going into isolated rooms," the Brit coughed a bit embarrassed at that. "Honestly, that's not realistic at all. I wonder where Japan gets his inspiration from..."

"Oh hey, lemme see!" America whined, making to grab the book but England kept it away from him.

"I thought you didn't want to see."

"Well if it's just kissing and stuff then it's fine," the hero reasoned.

(Both had missed the blatant R-18 on the front cover).

England handed it over with a sigh and boredly looked over his Christmas decorations, wondering if the angel atop his tree was actually straight or was slightly lop-sided, before America let out a gasp (it was really a mix between a squeal and a shriek, but he would never admit it) and dropped the volume on the floor as if it had burnt him.

"D-Dude..." he stuttered, body tense and eyes disbelieving. England quirked an eyebrow and bent down to pick the book up once more, only to nearly replicate exactly what his American counterpart had done.

The names of the two characters were now painfully obvious (_Arthur and Alfred, coincidence? I think not!_) but it was more the _manner_ in which the names were being conveyed that was the matter.

The smaller male, 'Arthur', had been laid down onto a bed, although hell knows where it came from, seeing as the two characters were stood in a corridor in the last panel, but the fact remains that there was suddenly a bed and a very naked 'Arthur' was currently writhing atop it seeing as the muscled one, 'Alfred', was laying atop him and nipping at his neck, biting and sucking... 'Arthur' was shamelessly moaning 'Alfred's' name already, and the latter seemed to be delighted about this fact.

Arthur would rather _not_ think about what the next panel was depicting.

"Is this a joke?" he asked breathlessly. Alfred just made some strange strangled noise in his throat, not exactly sure how he should deal with this. He knew how the gentleman felt; this was humiliating, and embarrassing and-

"You've got to be kidding! Why the hell am _I_ the one on the bottom?!" England asked angrily.

...What?

_That's what he's worried about?!_ the American thought, struggling to comprehend how _that_ was the thing that was bugging him the most about this.

"And what the bloody hell is wrong with the artist's anatomy?!" He practically shoved a page into America's face, "According to this, you're hung like a sodding horse and I'm... well, that's just _degrading_!"

Despite his better judgement, America looked at what England was referring to and burst out laughing. "Haha! I dunno, seems pretty damn accurate to me!"

England narrowed his eyes. "Take that back!"

"Why? You're smaller, so naturally_ that's_ gonna be smaller as well."

"I'm not as small as this stupid comic is portraying me to be! And I am most certainly bigger than _that_," he said resolutely. "There is no way on this earth that I would be the submissive in this relationship."

And suddenly America wasn't grinning, and he looked weirdly serious. "Oh yeah?" he asked, eyes narrowing slightly as if he had just been challenged.

"Absolutely," England said with a nod of his head. "Besides I think you underestimate me, lad. I _was_ the superpower for over a century."

"Yeah but it ain't like you grew much."

Although he winced at that atrocious grammar, England smoothly replied with, "Well perhaps I didn't gain any height, but _something_ definitely grew." He smirked over at the younger nation, "But I suppose there is little use in getting irate over a piece of fiction. I know the truth after all, and the truth is that I would not be the one in a blushing, moaning mess."

"Ha, and I suppose you think that I would be?" America questioned, watching the other carefully.

"Naturally."

The hero growled. "I don't know what planet you're on, but there'll be ice-skating in hell before _I'm_ dominated. _That's_ the real truth."

England turned to face America at that, taking in his defiant stance, his chiselled jaw held high, his muscles tensing and flexing beneath his t-shirt. The Brit didn't realise he had subconsciously licked his lips.

"Well then... it's a good thing that we're both so sure of the outcome," he breathed, voice taking on a husky tone.

"Yeah," America agreed, eyes half-lidded as he gazed at the other in front of him. He knew from past experience that the Englishman had lean wiry muscles that could aid him in landing quite a hard punch, but despite that his body was so slender and slim... he wouldn't be topped by such a thing. No way.

_He_ would definitely top it though.

England caught the way the other swallowed thickly and chuckled, a low, breathy sound escaping his soft lips. "Tell me, America," his voice was practically a purr now, "How confident are you in your supposed 'manliness'?"

"It's off the scale," the American replied huskily. "You?"

"Mmm... same."

And then they were kissing.

It happened so quickly that neither was sure who moved when or who initiated it, but it hardly seemed to matter seeing as they were in the midst of the act and there was a fierce power play going on. America pushed England up against a wall, as if that would prove that he would be the 'man' in this situation, but the Brit countered by slipping his tongue into America's mouth. There was no asking for entrance, no licking of lips, he just went straight for it without permission and _took_, just because he could.

America groaned, running his hands up and down England's sides, deciding that he absolutely _hated_ that damn shirt that was in the way of his fun. Fighting back with his own tongue, both of them twining in a sensual battle for dominance, he all but ripped the shirt-

x~x~x~x~x

"Uh... Miss Hungary?" Lichtenstein asked, bright red in the face as she sat at her desk.

"-he all but ripped the shirt off of the other's sender frame. England couldn't help but-"

"MISS HUNGARY!" she said louder, reaching desperately for a tissue. Hungary paused for a second and blinked, as if forgetting where she was. Eventually reality hit her, and she saw her pupil blushing cutely.

"O-Oh... Sweetie, I'm so sorry. I think I just got carried away there for a moment." She giggled and scratched the back of her neck. "Are you okay?"

"Y-Yes," the small blonde replied, still in awe over how her teacher had launched so well into that. She was still learning the art.

"Did I at least answer your question, hun?" the brunette asked, going over to her student and perching on the edge of her desk. "The one where you asked what would happen if America and England were to come across one of Japan's manga volumes about them?"

Lichtenstein nodded, before looking up at her sensei with big, aqua eyes. "But... if that's the outcome, shouldn't we send them one of the volumes?"

Hungary grinned, clapping a hand on the younger girl's shoulder. "And _that_ is precisely why you are my apprentice! Let's send it off now, we can disguise it as a Christmas gift~"

Christmas evening saw the two fangirls hiding amongst the bushes, eagerly awaiting what would happen as soon as England opened that particular present. They were waiting for the sexiness to occur, and it looked as though it may happen when the wrapping was fully pulled off and the volume was revealed, but for some reason the gentleman only spared it a glance before furrowing his impressive eyebrows, wrapping it back up, and scribbling something on a sticky sheet of paper.

Two days later a parcel arrived on Hungary's doorstep.

_I think this mistakenly got sent to me by Japan. I am pretty sure that it must be for you, I do believe I remember him telling me you read things along these lines. I hope it's good, although I must say those characters on the front looked frightfully familiar for some reason._  
>-England<p>

When Hungary saw the tell tale sign of spilt scotch on the parcel, she face-palmed. _Of course_ the Brit wouldn't be in an observant mood on Christmas- getting drunk during the festive season was a tradition in the UK!

To ensure that she never made such an oversight again, Hungary vowed to double her yaoi intake and triple it on weekends. One must suffer for the art of yaoi, after all!

(Oh how Austria simply _loved_ that).

x~x~x~x~x

**Yay~ Kinda sorta pseudo-USUKUS yumminess for you for Xmas~ XD Ah, I have a feeling Hungary would be the type to let a fantasy become like that. She is a true fujoshi!**

**Thank you very much for reading my fic, and if you'd drop a review it would be much appreciated. Think of it as an Xmas gift :3 Well, I love you all and until next time my darlings~**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	53. Language Barriers

**Hello everyone. So I'm sure you all noted my extended leave of absence, and I'm very sorry, but you see this time: there's a reason. Disregarding exams and work experience for a moment, life decided it rather hates my arse and so things went... well, shite. I won't bore you all with details, but I was completely thrown off for a while and I just could **_**not**_** find any humour in me at all, hence why I couldn't update this fic. I just couldn't bring myself to write a comedy. But it's not fair on you guys, so I'm going to do my best to get back into this. Besides, I'm sick of being depressed and writing humour may cheer me up. I just want you all to know: I have not abandoned this story or you readers, you are all brilliant.**

**So, angsty teenage AN will now end and this chapter will begin :P**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Fifty Three- Pocketoflight, I agree with, summeranderson, Guest, Bucchan, ikillu100times and animewatcherfreakmal's Requests

It had started off as a good idea. Well, that is to say, it had started off as a good idea _in America's opinion_ which, by proxy, meant that it would almost inevitably equate to a very _bad_ idea. Nevertheless, the younger nation was so adamant that this would be 'totally awesome dude!' that no one could convince him otherwise.

It was an uncharacteristic manoeuvre that had occurred that meeting day. As soon as the break was called there was no mad hundred-metre dash to a vacant room or America dragging England to some unknown depths of the large office building. Instead, Germany found that his blood pressure was actually at an acceptable level when the recess was called, and all nations exited orderly.

Aside from a certain American and a certain Brit, that is.

"Check it out, yo!" America grinned when it was just the two of them, producing a piece of paper covered in his messy handwriting. "Dude, we should definitely do this!"

England peered at what may as well have been hieroglyphs, waiting for the scribbles to morph into words. "And 'this' is...?" he questioned.

"Well ya know how people say we're separated by a common language? I found this test thing on the Internet and thought it would be cool. So you say a word, and I'll say one the way I would or whatever."

"Well this seems rather more tame than massacring children online," the gentleman said dryly, ignoring the whines of protest the other gave out that it was _not_ his fault dammit! Dragons were surrounding him and it was either himself get eaten (which would totally_ suck_) or the kid (and you unlocked a new move if you did that)! "Well, let's get this over with," the blonde sighed, sitting down in the chair he had been using previously and gesturing for the hero to sit next to him.

"Okay, so I'll start!" America said happily, looking at the first word written down. "Rowt."

England blinked, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion. "What on earth is a-?" but he cut himself off when he saw the word 'route' scribbled down on the paper.

"That would be root," he said.

"Okay what's next? Um... oh! Wahtur."

"War-tah."

"Haha dude, you sound so... British," America giggled, but England just rolled his eyes and read the next word that was apparently leisure. "Lezshuh."

"What?" America asked, turning to look at him weirdly. "'Lezshuh'? It's leezshur."

"No America, it's lezshuh. How are you even surprised by these differences?"

"I dunno, it's just weird. Anyways: Theater."

England glanced down at the paper and pulled a face, instantly going into his briefcase to pull out a pen and 'correct' the mistake. "It's 're' not 'er'. You cannot possibly fathom how annoying that is."

"_You're_ the annoying one," America defended. "I mean, what the heck? You don't say 'theatRE' do ya? 'Er' makes more sense."

"Oh whatever, let's just continue," England waved him off and looked back down. "Caramel."

"Carmel."

"...Are you actually being serious?" England asked, raising an eyebrow. When America just blinked in confusion the Brit elaborated. "For someone banging on about saying things how they're spelt, you sure seem to pronounce some words in the weirdest ways. You're a hypocrite."

"I am not!"

"You are! If you weren't then you wouldn't have dropped the bloody syllable!"

"Well it sounds _better_ the American way!" the hero protested, grabbing the sheet of paper and huffily saying, "Aluminum."

"Oh now you're just being difficult," England growled, grabbing the paper. "It's aluminium you twit."

"Nu-uh! Now you're _adding_ syllables, idiot! So you're the hypocrite. Ha!" he said triumphantly.

"I've not added anything!" England protested, looking at the next few words. As he made his way further and further down the list, his eyebrows were knitting closer and closer together in irritation. "Dear god, what have you got against the letter 'u'?! Color, flavor, neighbor... I think my eyes are bleeding from your misspellings."

"Hey, at least I'm not U's bitch!"

England gasped. "Well I'm not zed's whore!"

"I am not ze- wait... you call it 'zed'?" America started laughing. "Dude that's just weird! It's 'zee'. And does that letter even _exist_ in your alphabet? Spelling realize or organization with an 's' is plain stupid. Having a zee makes more sense~"

"Oh for crying out loud, let's just finish this sodding list," England said through clenched teeth. "Herbs."

"Erbs."

...

...

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF BLOODY FUCKERY WAS THAT?!" England exploded, slamming his hands down on the desk and standing up in order to tower over the other.

"What?! That's how you say it!" America retorted, also standing up and glaring at the Brit.

"America, there is _blatantly_ an 'h'! Are you suddenly a frog now?! That's how France would pronounce it! I know you've bollocksed up a lot of the language but for the love of all that is good in this world, don't alter English that stupidly!"

America narrowed his eyes. "Okay firstly, I had to alter it because I've made it more badass. It's called _improvement_. And secondly, I don't speak English, I speak American- THE FREEDOM LANGUAGE!" England had no idea where he even got it from, but America had procured a stars and stripes flag from somewhere and was busy waving it around chanting 'USA! USA!'

England pulled on his hair in exasperation. "That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard," he said with a deadpan expression. "You are seriously getting on my wick."

Ah, you know England's pissed off when he breaks out the rhyming slang.

"Getting on your... what?"

"My wick," England repeated. "It's rhyming slang, a glorious part of the language you have mutilated."

"Rhyming slang, huh?" America mused. He'd heard of it, and had even heard England break into random bouts of it when he and France were slagging each other off. It was a simple principle, you just said something that really meant something else that had the same rhyme. So clearly, if he was getting on England's wick that meant he was getting on England's... d-dick? All of a sudden the hero's cheeks flared up in the most flattering red.

"U-Uhm... H-Haha! Why would I even- that's just- huh?" he stuttered, wondering how England was keeping such a straight face and _why am I even feeling so hot and bothered right now?!_

"Honestly, why do I even put up with this? You hardly act like a china plate," he scowled.

_So that means... he thinks I don't act straight! Bastard, he can't judge! He's the one into sewing and shit... And I'm not... Kinda..._

"Take that back!" America demanded, squaring up to the smaller nation and clenching his fists.

"Why should I? What are you going to do? Give France a dog and bone so you can discuss where to drop some more h's unnecessarily?"

_OMIGOD DUDE WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANNA BONE FRANCE?! EWWWWWWW!_

"Oh that is _it_," America muttered angrily, lightly shoving England. England lightly shoved back. So America shoved harder. So did England.

And so it came to pass that, after about a minute of ridiculous schoolgirl style fighting (shoving) the two nations were locked in a ridiculous battle.

"This is all your fault for being a dick about the game!" America yelled as he pushed England enough to unbalance him, but the 'gentleman' just so happened to grab onto the collar of the beloved bomber jacket, so the two of them toppled to the ground.

"You were the first to pass comment! Oh bloody hell this has all gone Pete Tong!"

"WHAT THE HECK DO THONGS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!" America honestly had no idea what was even happening any more. One moment he had a totally cool game thingy and the next he and England were rolling around the meeting room floor in a pathetic imitation of wrestling.

It's a funny old world, ain't it?

The hero eventually managed to get a hold on England's tie and grinned triumphantly when England stopped struggling. "The speaker of the freedom language wins again! Long live the land of the free and the home of the br-AH!"

In a blind attempt to not be bested, England had begun flailing wildly, trying to get a hold on America's own tie. In the end, however, that stupid ahoge of his was a much clearer and wide-open target, and so he went for that (yes, okay, he had resorted to hair-pulling, but the git had started this with shoving so such a juvenile move was completely legitimate in this instance!)

"Heh, what was that?" England asked teasingly, keeping his hold on the hair firm and tugging every now and then. _That definitely stopped the yank_, he thought victoriously. _Come to think of it, he had a similar reaction last time I pulled his hair... Must be a weakness or something. I should definitely remember this so I have a trump card to play!_

Of course, the Brit was completely clueless as to what his recently discovered 'trump card' really did.

"Uhn, hah~ O-Okay, l-let's just, oh..." America gasped, immediately letting the tie fall loose in his grip. "_Ohgodstopplease!_"

"Oh relax, I'm not even pulling that hard," England scoffed, glad that asphyxiation was no longer on the cards. "If anyone was hitting below the belt then it's you."

America didn't even have a chance to process what was just said and bask in the irony of it. "Dude you have no idea about what's happening below belts," he managed, trying to wriggle free but that just caused more damn (wonderful) annoying (blissful) fucking (brilliant) friction. A frustrated (in more ways than one) groan fell from his lips as the Englishman continued the assault. Damn he hated Nantucket at times like this...

"How does it defy gravity like that?" England wondered, and America tried not to think about how other certain parts of his being were beginning to defy gravity as well.

"Look," he said as seriously as he could, "You're gonna have to s-stop or- uhn- I... I might... hah~" His head drooped a bit before he leant in closer, breathing laboured. It was then that England finally twigged that maybe, _just maybe_, something had gone, well, Pete Tong.

"Ah, America?" he asked awkwardly, suddenly noting the bigger nation straddling him. "Are you feeling all right?"

_Am I all right is what he asks, but does he move his hand? NO! Dammit England!_ thought the tortured hero. "Ugh, ya know what? I even -ah- warned you and you wouldn't... listen so... screw it," he murmured, moving his right hand to tangle in England's messy locks. He let out a breathy chuckle before saying, "There's no 'u' in color because u belong with me."

And before England had a chance to cringe at that line or even question it, America's lips moved down to cover his own, only a hair's width away. Emerald eyes widened in shock. _Oh god, what's happening? I don't even- how is this possible?! Where is this coming from I should hit him or something otherwise he's definitely going to ki-_

"Okay, so I'm assuming that we've all head a productive break and are ready to- was zur Hölle?" Germany stared at the odd scene as he walked back into the meeting room. He noted the upturned chair, a scrunched up piece of paper, and a rather dishevelled looking duo on the floor engaging in activities _completely inappropriate_ for meetings.

England's hand finally froze and he looked like a deer in the headlights. "Germany, honestly, this isn't what it looks like!" he insisted, although he couldn't be 100% certain with his own words because even _he_ didn't fully understand what was happening any more.

"Ohonhonhon~ What 'ave we 'ere?" hummed France as he swanned into the room and looked on in amusement. "Oh please don't mind Big Brother, carry on~"

"Shut it you Berkeley Hunt," England growled, trying to shift out from under America who was proving to be a rather good statue at the moment.

"Now you see Lichtenstein, time becomes skewed when you are with a lover," Hungary explained somewhere off to the side. "Clearly the two were so enraptured with one another that even the most lingering touches went by too quick. Thus," she concluded grandly, "The classic case of: Compromising Situation. This is all covered on page 169 of your Yaoi Manual, so your homework will be-"

"GET AWAY FROM MY SISTER DAMMIT!" Switzerland yelled, cutting through the gathering mass of nations and squaring up to the Hungarian.

"Ve~ What were you two doing~?" Italy questioned but his brother scoffed. "Don't be a fucking idiot fratello, they were clearly getting ready to fu-"

"OKAY DUDES EVERYONE BE QUIET!" America suddenly yelled. "All I wanted was to do this cool thing with Iggy but then it kinda went off the rails and I don't wanna bone France that's just gross why would anyone even think that-" somewhere in the crowd, a certain Frenchman huffed- "And suddenly thongs were brought into the equation and then England did _that_ and I just- UGH! I'm having an extra break, kay guys? I'm out."

He shrugged his jacket off and tied it around his waist before awkwardly walking out of the room. When all eyes landed on England he just blushed and muttered something unintelligible before gracelessly returning to his seat.

From the recent events the island nation concluded the following:

1.) He'd have to hit America with the Oxford English Dictionary in the near future  
>2.) He should probably analyse his actions during the spat (namely, why the sodding hell didn't he slap America when he- he-!) and<br>3.) There was something seriously suspicious going on with Nantucket...

Thus the meeting carried on as jarringly as ever. Germany made sure to call in some cleaner's to disinfect the floor after the meeting had finished (despite protests from England and America, because as if Germany would trust what they had to say- he wasn't a dummkopf!), America returned about an hour later having freshly showered ("Because Heroes can't fight crime if they don't fight grime first!"), and England donned his Sherlock Holmes gear to begin work on the latest mystery: He would crack The Case Of Nantucket if it was the last thing he did!

x~x~x~x~x

***Sighs* So… funny? Idk anymore, I hope this isn't a complete fail /sobs**  
><strong>Rhyming slang doesn't always have to rhyme, some of it is expressions. Such as getting on my wick, it means 'to get on my nerves' (although it does have it's origins in the genital area, as 'wick' was originally the rhyme for 'prick' but the meaning has changed and evolved over time).<strong>

**China plate= mate (friend)**  
><strong>Dog and bone= phone (both in the sense of an actual phone, or in the sense of 'phoning someone')<strong>  
><strong>It's all gone Pete Tong= It's all gone wrong<strong>  
><strong>Berkeley Hunt= if you don't know I ain't corruptin' yo' minds!/**

**was zur Hölle= what the hell**

**Also, there's a poll on my profile. I'm not keeping it up for long, so please vote. It's about whether or not chapters should be re-named (requester names will remain, it's just the drop-down menu names I'm considering changing).**

**Welp, I'll hopefully see y'all soon. I'm going to the States in a few hours so hopefully my mind will be taken off of some things. Thank you so much for reading :)**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	54. There's Something About Nantucket

**Le wild update has appeared! Hello m'dears~ :D Although all drama has not ceased, things are better. And thank you to the land of the yanks for cheering me up (even if you guys do put cheese and bacon on EVERYTHING and apparently have no concept of personal space when British accents are involved XD I still love ya~)**

**Welp, let's investigate, shall we?**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Fifty Four- animewatcherfreakmal's Request 2

-Date: 28th May-  
>-Time: 09.30-<br>-Location: HQ (Basement)-

"Nantucket: an island located in the United States of America, 30 miles south of Cape Cod which is in the State of Massachusetts. The name, Nantucket, is adapted from similar Algonquian names for the island, perhaps meaning 'faraway land or island'. Its population is around 10,000 yet during the summer months it increases to approximately 50,000. Hmm... perhaps the reason for the odd reaction is due to the constant population fluctuation... Ahem. A seemingly normal island, yet with an interesting affect on the personification of the United States."

England halted his pacing for a moment, looking at the giant board that had numerous pictures, facts and figures stuck onto it with red marker drawn lines connecting various things. Whether or not the board made any coherent sense whatsoever is debatable, but at least it looked professional. He adjusted his deerstalker hat before continuing on, pointing at a picture of America the personification as opposed to the other pictures of the American continent and of the actual landmass of the States.

"Commonly goes by 'America' with a human alias of Alfred F. Jones- as if he couldn't get any more American," he muttered before continuing his monologue, "The States appear to be various places on his body. Nantucket translates to that utterly annoying strand of hair that will not stay down." As if for emphasis, he pulled out a red marker and circled the piece of hair in question, as well as connecting that picture to another one of a zoomed in close-up of the ahoge with another marker line.

"When pulled, the subject exhibits behaviour most strange. Flushed face, laboured breathing, strained voice... all of these symptoms are synonymous with extreme fatigue, or influenza, or if feelings of lust are present. Of course there are other viable explanations, and the latter of the three seems unlikely, but there must be some sort of external factor that renders Nantucket different from other places."

"Hey, ya don't think there's a connection between Nantucket and, say, _here_," Prussia asked, grabbing the red marker and putting a heart around Florida before writing a sloppy 'UK Property' as a label.

"Prussia!" England exclaimed, cheeks slightly pinking but he just about had enough wits to grab a black marker and scribble it out. "Look, I appreciate that you wanted to be my partner because we both got a little mental when we had that BBC Sherlock marathon-"

"Damn straight. Awesome Cumberbitches, unite!" Prussia grinned.

"But," England continued, unfazed by the albino's antics, "This is a serious issue. We need to investigate _why_ Nantucket elicits such strange behaviour, and all you have done is write 'I'm Awesome' on the board, stuck up a photo of Cumberbatch-"

"-You didn't complain-"

"Okay, no I didn't," England said, glancing up at the picture of the Sherlock actor and sighing a little dreamily- well you could hardly _blame_ him!- before continuing his lecture, "And a picture of us two."

"We look sexy though," Prussia shrugged, "And I'm not the one in full detective gear. I also put that pic up too," he winked, and England couldn't necessarily argue that point when Prussia was in a simple jeans and t-shirt combo and he had donned a checked trench coat and the hat.

(Yes, he did have a magnifying glass as well. And a notepad and pen. And- well, you get the general idea).

"All I'm saying is, you could stand to be a little more useful, mate."

"Hey! Who is the awesome soul that let you use his basement 'cause yours is full of your potions and shit?" Prussia asked grandly.

"Germany," the Brit said bluntly, "This is _his_ basement."

"Pfft, whatever. Whatever West owns, I own too," he muttered, though he did go over to the opposite side of the room and crashed on a beanbag. "_Also, mein Freund, was ist der Plan_?"

"All right, this is what we're going to do," England said, beginning to pace the room. "I shall invite America over to watch a film at my place, during which I shall do my best to gain more information about Nantucket and, if I feel it safe enough, I shall try interacting with the target once more."

"'Interacting with the target'?" Prussia asked, amused. "Ya mean pull his hair?"

"Indeed," England nodded. "During all of this, you will-"

"I'll be looking more into our other case," the Prussian interrupted, causing England to falter.

"We have another case?"

"Ja." Prussia hopped up and stuck another picture to the side of the board. "Ta-da! Kesese~"

England looked at the photo with raised eyebrows. "Italy and Romano? Why are we investigating them?"

"Let's just say, I heard some interesting information a while back about Italian sausages."

"Okay..." England said in an unsure manner, but decided he could ask those questions later. At present he pulled out his mobile and dialled a certain hero.

_"You have reached the hero! 'Sup?"_ America's cheerful voice floated through the phone.

"Ah, America, I was just thinking that it has been quite a while since we have watched a film together, and I can't fathom why that might be," the detective said conversationally, though when he actually thought about it further... oh he knew why. That whole _Cowboys And Pirates_ incident was one that they didn't want to repeat.

(Or, rather, were publicly claiming they didn't want to repeat at any rate).

"As such, would you perhaps be interested in coming over this evening? I have an action film I think you'd like."

_"Aw sweet! Ya serious dude? Sure, I'll come over later then, see ya later Iggy!"_

And the line went dead.

England and Prussia grinned at each other.

"Hook line and sinker. We'll have this mystery solved in no time!"

x~x~x~x~x

-Date: 28th May-  
>-Time: 20:45-<br>-Location: England's Living Room-

All right, now was the moment. America had arrived about ten minutes ago, grinning and being generally oblivious as he was prone to doing. The two had relocated to the sofa in order to watch the film of choice, some sort of American thing, England had no idea, though he knew it should definitely keep his subject occupied while he tried to unravel the hair mystery. The hero_ did_ get a bit suspicious when he saw that England had already provided all the fizzy drinks, chocolate and sweets to last a good long while, but the gentleman saved himself from having to abort the mission by bringing out his secret weapons: Jaffa Cakes.

("Omigod dude! Dude dude! Give me the precious!" "You... you have problems and an addiction." "W-what? No, haha, I'm fine... fine dude. *Chewbacca noises*" "...")

And so, with the yank stuffing his face while they watched the movie, England contented himself with reclining backwards and during the opening boring bits he casually asked, "So America... How have you been lately."

"Hm? Fdosua Ddbsdi."

England just sent the other an affronted look that said, 'If you do not talk _after_ you have finished eating that shite I will shove it somewhere _very_ painful indeed'. At least America had the good grace to look embarrassed and tried again with, "Fine dude. I was kinda surprised that you wanted to watch a movie with me though." And that smile completely set England hurtling rapidly off course for a moment, because America actually looked genuinely _pleased_ and suddenly England had the absolutely absurd urge to sit a bit closer to the other but he remembered the reason he was here and just about averted doing something fatally embarrassing.

The conversation died after that, the golden haired nation far too absorbed in watching the mindless violence and the occasional raunchy scene that wasn't believable in the slightest if you asked England (though this was the very nation who read _50 Shades Of Grey_, read it again while making a novel-length critique of the series, and then wrote his own- much better- variant. Not that he'd let anyone know about that) but in that short space of time England had successfully measured the length of the ahoge in question and had even gathered up the courage to try and give it a slight tug a couple of times (each attempt was sadly thwarted when America caught him in the act and looked at him as if England was clinically insane). But still, progress and all that.

Although sadly, at precisely 21:03, everything went horribly _wrong_. England had absolutely no idea what was happening in the film, but the scene was very dark and ominous and some man in an elaborate coat complete with a giant hood that obscured his face was on the screen. It didn't even take the use of half a brain cell to figure out this was the villain, but the thing that ruined the mission was when the villain spoke. It wasn't necessarily what he was saying, it was the pretty standard world domination and killing all innocents in sight, but it was the accent.

That _bloody accent_.

Yes, the villain was British. Not that it really came as a huge surprise; Americans seemed fond of portraying his people as a lot of psychotic loonies bent on earth's destruction, but for some painfully agonising reason, America decided that _tonight of all nights_ would be the night he made that connection.

"Hey, that dude sounds kinda like you," America remarked, his voice dropping an octave as his eyes narrowed conspiratorially and focused on England.

"And your point?" England asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I just find it kinda suspicious that all bad guys are, yanno, British."

"It's Hollywood being ridiculous. I can assure you we're not all villains."

"Oh yeah? You sure?" America asked, and England would have laughed if the other didn't seem so deadly serious.

"America, I assure you that I have no desire to take over the world. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt and all that rot. It wasn't all it was cracked up to be, to be honest with you," England said, mind casting back to Imperialistic days and he sighed. Dark times. Times he would rather not revisit, especially not when he needed all of his focus on his case.

"Well that just makes you the perfect candidate to do it again!" America suddenly said, as if some huge revelation had hit him at that moment. He leapt up from the sofa dramatically, pointing at England in accusation.

"I beg your pardon?"

"You once had all that power, so you must be yearning for it again! You'll stop at nothing before you enslave humanity and kill us all! Even your people have the same aspirations!" As if to prove his point, America pointed over to the television screen that was currently showing the British villain.

"I don't even know _how_ to respond to that," England said with a deadpan expression.

"It's because you can't! You cleverly lured me, the hero, into your evil villain lair! Well no more, I don't associate with villains and I won't rest until you're behind bars!"

"Look, you're being ridiculous," England tried to reason, standing up from the couch and attempting to go over to the other but he merely jumped back, looking both scared and defiant.

"Stay back villain. I-I'm not scared of you!"

England sighed. "Boo."

"UWAH!"

And so it came to pass that America bolted from his house like the true 'hero' he was.

"Bloody brilliant."

x~x~x~x~x

-Date: 5th June-  
>-Time: 09.30-<br>-Location: HQ (Basement)-

"Well, you fucked up Iggs," Prussia said in that eloquent way of his. Such a mastery and command the awesome one had of the English language.

England just groaned from where he had marooned himself on the beanbags.

"Ah cheer up, you still have the awesome me!"

England groaned louder.

"Okay, so Amerika freaked out and is now scared shitless of you. And he hasn't spoken to you since then. And the mission is totally compromised. And-"

"Is there a point to this other than depressing me further?" England asked pitifully, awkwardly manoeuvring to look at the albino.

"Yep! The awesome me refuses to fail! We are the best detectives this world has ever seen! Besides, giving up now would mean we let Cumberbatch down. Not awesome. So from now on, we're doubling our efforts!" Prussia raced over to the white board and flipped it over to the blank side, grabbing a marker.

"What are you doing?"

"Devising some plans for us to try! If we're ever gonna figure out Nantucket, and then get onto Italian anatomy-" England was far too out of it to notice that last part- "You need Amerika onside again. So we are launching Operation H.A.M.B.U.R.G.E.R." Prussia wrote it on the board with a flourish and grinned over at his friend, who looked very unimpressed.

"What does that even stand for?"

"How Awesomely My Brilliant Ultra Reckoning Gives Excellent Results."

"You just made that up, didn't you?"

"...Ja."

"That was actually rather good," England laughed, and Prussia smiled that at least England wasn't quite as depressed as he had been previously (he had brought out the Adele again, never a good sign).

"Okay, so here's what we're gonna do."

**Plan One: Keep Calm And Woo The Yank**

This was the first thing that crossed Prussia's mind because, well, the two were in a relationship weren't they? England hadn't actually said that they _were_, but equally he hadn't said that they _weren't_ (Prussia had failed to ask either way). But come on, given all the evidence he had of the two of them '_ficken wie Kaninchen_' as he would say, it was pretty obvious. So the fully awesome ex-nation was rather surprised at how opposed to that idea England was, blushing and scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

"There's no way I can do that."

"Sure you can. Just buy some flowers or something."

"I don't think America is the type to like flowers..."

"Less doubt and more wooing! You two will be back in your random rooms in no time!"

Before England could even question what the other meant, he was shoved up the stairs and out of the basement, nodding awkwardly at Germany who already thought the two of them were stark raving mad. All of this effort seemed extremely needless, because obviously he was currently in Germany. While a couple of hours trip from here to the UK, the USA was much further away. Still, England could admit that not having America around being annoying and stupid as usual was upsetting. Dare he say that... he _missed_ him? Well, yes, he did in all honesty. He didn't like this, and the way America was avoiding him so pointedly was different from their usual spats.

And so, after the plane ride from hell in which some twats tried to start a shake of some sort, apparently it came from a place called Harlem or something, England found himself standing on America's doorstep with roses in hand. He took a deep breath and rang the doorbell, his hand combing through his messy hair. He had even changed his clothes from the plane ride so that his blouse was fresh and crisp, tie perfectly straight, and he looked rather charming if he did say so himself.

"Comin' dude!" America called, and England would deny that smile he cracked upon hearing that obnoxiously loud voice. The door was thrown open and there was America.

"Hello America, I was just-"

"AHHHHHHH!" America said in a manly way (he screamed), before gathering himself. "How did you find my base?!" he questioned.

"Uhm... This is your house."

"Damn, I've been foiled," America muttered, looking at the flowers before leaping back in horror. "You've hidden a bomb in there, right?!"

"What? No, don't be bloody ridiculous!" England exclaimed, a bit hurt that America would think he'd actually do such a thing.

"Get away!"

"No, I just want to-"

"Seriously dude!" America yelled, reaching into what England had _thought_ was a coat closet all of these years, but if the bazooka that was retrieved was anything to go by, he was seriously beginning to doubt that assumption.

"WHY IS THERE A SODDING BAZOOKA IN YOUR CLOSET?!" England yelled, wide eyed and dropping the flowers.

The only response he got was a shouted, "CUZ DIS IS 'MURICAH!" and that was plenty good enough for England, who wisely got the fuck out of there.

_-PLAN ONE: EPIC FAIL-_

**Plan Two: Keep Calm And Feed The Yank**

After Prussia had finished pissing himself after England had recounted the horrors of that day, a new plan was born. If America was infamous for anything, it was his appetite. So logic dictated that all England needed to do was chuck a few burgers at him and everything would end up peachy.

Canada had called Prussia informing the albino that his brother was at his house and refused to leave. Initially the maple lover was calling asking for help, especially when America was doing his best to rig up computers all over the place and abuse the CIA because he was utterly convinced 'the United Kingdom Of Great Britain And Northern Ireland could strike at any moment and then the world would all be forced to drink tea and their eyebrows would mutate'.

And so it came to pass that Prussia and England ended up in Canada, intent on enacting the latest plan. England knocked on Canada's door and smiled apologetically when a thoroughly tired nation opened the door.

"I am so sorry about the idiot," England sighed. "Is he in?"

Before Canada could even speak there was a yell of, "Canadia, did ya open the door dude?! You'll totally breach security, what if it's England?!" and rushed footsteps. And there stood America, in spandex of all things in what was a horrible attempt of a superhero outfit imitation (well, perhaps replacing the latter part of that sentence with 'figure hugging and damn those were some lovely muscles~ And... fuck, is that Flor- Ahem.' would still make that sentence equally true) and glaring at England.

"State your purpose, evildoer!"

"'Evildoer'?" England snorted. "Oh bloody hell this is-"

"Iggs, just give him the food," Prussia hissed, elbowing the smaller nation who nodded.

"I come with a peace offering," England said, holding up five Big Mac bags. He wrinkled his nose in disgust, being able to smell the premature death radiating from the bags, but at least America saw them and his face brightened slightly until it set into defiance once more.

"You do not fool me! That is clearly poisoned!"

England and Prussia both looked at America blankly. "This is the shite I have to deal with," England said monotonously, and Prussia merely patted his shoulder in a way that said, 'I do not envy you'.

"Liberty, attack!" America suddenly yelled, and before the duo could ask what the hell America was yelling about, a great bald eagle flew over the top of Canada's house with a mighty screech.

"Scheiße!" Prussia exclaimed, and the two nations scrambled to get away, Canada looking very sorry on his brother's behalf and said brother laughing as he said, "YOUR POISON IS NO MATCH FOR MY FREEDOM!"

Thus the two ended up sat at a Canadian café, England scowling and threatening to set Aslan on America, and Prussia thinking the whole thing was rather hilarious now that their lives weren't in danger.

_-PLAN TWO: EPIC FAIL-_

**Plan Three: Keep Calm And Kill The Yank**

This was one of England's plans.

"I definitely like this one."

"Ja, but don't we need to keep him alive? Ya know, for the sake of the whole Nantucket thing and the small matter of starting World War Three if we did that?"

"Oh shit yeah..." England's head hit the table in exasperation. "Damn."

_-PLAN THREE: EPIC FAIL WITHOUT EVEN ATTEMPTING THE BLOODY THING-_

**Plan Four: Keep Calm And Maim The Yank**

This was yet another one of England's plans.

"This one is legitimate, right?"

"Well kinda. Though severely hurting him will only make him think of you as a villain even more and won't actually solve anything."

"God dammit Prussia, why are you being sensible?!"

"'Cause I'm awesome and because you unleashing your delinquent self onto the Canadian people, while awesome, is sorta unfair on them. Kesese~"

"Fuck."

_-PLAN FOUR: EPIC FAIL-_

**Plan Five: Keep Calm And Use Peaceful Words**

This one arose from the fact that, as England and Prussia were taking a brief break, America had sat himself down at a table at the same café in an attempt to 'spy on the enemy'. He was apparently in disguise if the 'I Heart Maple Syrup' and the polar bear plushie was anything to go by. He had even managed to flatten Nantucket somehow. The thing that gave him away though, was the way he ordered. As opposed to being quiet and ordering like a civilised person, America (in Canadian disguise) tried a _little_ too hard. His response to asking what he wanted to drink was shouting:

"I SHALL HAVE MAPLE SYRUP, BECAUSE I AM CANADIAN, EH! DON'T YOU LOVE MOOSE, EH? Or is it mooses? Aw shit dude, what's the plural of a moose? Is it meese?! Uhm... TELL ME ABOOT IT DONTCHA KNOW."

England sighed but rose from his table, Prussia giving him an encouraging thumbs up, as he went over to the 'Canadian' and sat down opposite.

"Hello there, Canadian citizen," England said blandly, though he thought to play along for a bit. Even though America audibly gulped, he responded with, "EH!" England face-palmed briefly, but pressed on. "I was just thinking about how great world peace is."

"Oh? Tell me aboot it."

"Well I'm a peaceful person by nature," (the world 'peaceful' here is meant in a very loose sense of the word), "Yet a friend of mine seems to think otherwise."

"Dontcha know."

"And I just wanted him to know that I am the same as I always was, and that I just want things to go back to how they used to be."

"Maple syrup."

"Oh for fuck's sake America, you are horrible at this incognito business."

"Drat! How did you know it was me?!"

England just raised an eyebrow and refused to dignify such a ludicrous question with an answer. That didn't stop the yank from fleeing the scene though.

Damn.

_-PLAN FIVE: EPIC FAIL-_

**Plan Six: Keep Calm And Use The Accent**

After England had finished cussing and had worked his way through eight cups of tea, Canada showed up at their table, looking completely exasperated and ordering some pancakes. Neither of the other two bothered to pass comment.

"I've tried everything," England said, both annoyance and sadness soaking the words, "I suppose I'll just... have to not be friends with him any more."

Prussia bit his lip and slung an arm around his friend in an attempt to cheer him up. "You'll make up eventually, because your relationship is awesome! Just give it time."

"How long is that though? Years? Decades? _Centuries_? I just..." England suddenly found himself overly emotional and wanted to cry. What if he had actually lost America because of a stupid film?

"Have you tried the accent?" Canada asked nonchalantly, a lot happier now that he was away from his crazy brother and consuming his favourite treat.

"The what?" England and Prussia parroted at the same time.

"Well you know, Americans have two default settings for British people," Canada said as if it was blatantly obvious. "Either evil villains, or uhm..." he blushed a bit as he said, "Unendingly sexy."

Prussia began snickering while England remained sceptical. "You're kidding."

"No, it's the accent. Americans can't resist it."

"America never said anything to me about it," England thought contemplatively. "Maybe he's immune to it, we do spend a lot of time together. Or... did, I suppose would be more correct."

The Canadian just smiled a little smile that said 'I know something you don't know' but all he said was, "Trust me, no American is immune to the British accent. If you use it on my brother then maybe he'll snap out of it."

_Honestly_, Canada thought, _How does he not know that trick if the two of them are going out?_

"Well go get 'em Iggs!" Prussia said happily, standing up and dragging England up as well. "Go seduce Amerika and sound extra British while doing it!"

"But I-"

"No buts! You won't be beaten by this will you? By a stupid film? You are the UK and an awesome friend of the awesome me! So that means you need to go and kick ass!"

England chuckled. "Remind me to call you the next time I need motivating," he said before vacating the table and heading for Canada's house. He would do this and get America back to normal!

When on the perimeter of the building, the Brit took a deep breath and steeled himself for what was to come. The door had been left open in what was bound to be America's carelessness because Canada wasn't that sort of nation, so he easily breached the 'hero's new den'. Stealth was the name of the game and England certainly had loads of that, proud that he had done a long stint in MI6 to perfect such skills further. He found America pacing on the landing, looking at his smart phone and muttering something.

"Hello, America," England said, causing America to jump but when it looked as though he would bolt, he said, "Oh come now, don't run. The hero should face the villain, should they not?"

"Well, yeah," the other conceded.

"Good," England purred, walking up to America and deliberately swaying his hips more than he usually would. Okay, now all he needed to use were British words. Placing his hands on America's shoulders, he leant up and murmured into his ear, "Oh _love_, you acting this way hurts me so. Quite the pain in the _arse_. But _blimey_, I _blagged_ my way over here to chat with a _bloke_ like you. I'd be _chuffed_ if we made up."

He noticed the way America took a sharp intake of breath and grinned.

"Now stop acting like a _muppet_ you utter _numpty_. There's _nowt_ wrong with British people. This is simply a _poxy_ problem."

"N-No," America gasped, pushing England away. "I know your game, and it won't work!"

"Oh bloody hell you complete pillock would you just go back to normal?!" England snapped, slapping America across his cheek. Oops. Well, maybe it wasn't too late to switch to Plan Four. America's eyes widened, his hand going up to the marked cheek and about to shout something but was silenced as England moved in once again and connected their lips in a kiss. No, Plan Six was bound to work if he just kept at it! It was time to unleash the art of British seduction! The American let out a noise of surprise that soon morphed into something more pleased when England coquettishly nipped at America's bottom lip before slipping his tongue into his mouth, exploring and caressing the roof of his mouth before coaxing America's own tongue to join in and twine with his own.

The Brit guided the two of them backwards slightly so that America ended up pressed up against the wall, and seeing as America was still trying to comprehend what the heck was happening because one moment he was being smacked and the next this was happening, he didn't (or rather, couldn't) fight the action. All he could do was try to kiss back as best as he could, his work slightly sloppier seeing as he wasn't quite sure why he was suddenly making out with England. He had no idea what he was meant to do with his hands and so they awkwardly hung by his side and England continued to roam the expanse of his mouth and teasingly took his tongue between his teeth gently, sucking ever so slightly so that he let out some fatally embarrassing sound but hell England was a good kisser, even more so when he was pissed off apparently.

Air became an issue after a moment, but as the two of them broke apart England stole a little, more chaste kiss and smirked. All America could do was fall back lamely against the wall, his legs suddenly seeming inadequate.

"U-Uhm, I-Iggy would you like to food? With me? Dinner, sometime? Maybe, uhm... eating? O-Or movie?"

England just coughed a little and replied with, "I'll think about it," before ruffling America's hair. "Glad to have you back to sort of normal, git."

And then he walked out of the house like a boss, because he still had a case to crack. But still, if America wanted to start spending time together again, at least that meant they were over this ridiculous hero versus villain bullshit.

_-PLAN SIX: EPIC WIN-_

Thus Canada got his house back, America and England's somewhat zany relationship was restored, albeit with a bit more awkward stuttering and blushing during the first few conversations ("So, uhm, dude... where did you learn to kiss like that? Out of interest, yanno." "America, do you honestly think I'd let _France_ beat me in anything? 'French kissing' my arse, I do it much better. B-But that was a drastic measure mind you, I didn't really want to kiss you, or anything..." "Oh yeah, I know dude, haha!"), and while the Case Of Nantucket was put on hold for a while, England and Prussia began work on The Myth Of The Italian Sausage (after re-watching all of the Sherlock episodes of course. And yes, extreme fan-boying was involved).

x~x~x~x~x

**So, uhm, yeah. Ta-da? Hehe "n.n I swear this fic just gets more and more random...**

**I have this thing about Iggy and Prussia being mates, as was probably made obvious by this chapter. Benedict Cumberbatch is awesome, 'nuff said (and if you haven't watched BBC Sherlock, GO WATCH IT NAO! You may thank me later ;D)**

**Also, if some of y'all are gonna go all 'OMG WTF DIS WAS UKUS SIUAGSD ;A;' on me:**

**1.) Technically no it wasn't because these two dorks aren't even together XD and**  
><strong>2.) I support USUKUS so any 'moments' these two loser's end up in will probably be balanced. Just thought I'd explain this now X3<strong>

**Finally, if you want to see the board Iggy and Prussia were working on, the one described at the beginning, then go to my Tumblr page (yes I made it, I have no life, sue me... actually don't I'm broke T_T)**

**Until next time m'dears~ The awesome Detective Duo commandeth thee to review!  
><strong>

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx**


	55. The Missing Brits

**Prussia: Wassup you awesome readers?! I, the awesome Prussia, will be introducing the latest chapter of this and awesomely breaking the fourth wall by doing it! So I have a sticky note here with some stuff from the author written here, so let's see... *reads card* 'Be nice to readers' blah blah 'Be succinct' blah 'mention'- *throws card away* Yanno what? The awesome me don't need no cue cards! *snaps fingers* Basically the author bought Animal Crossing and is busy being a spazz over that. **

**Germany: Bruder, you should have introduced the chapter by now**

**Prussia: I'm getting there, West! Who invited you, anyways?**

**Germany: The author. She knew you wouldn't shut up**

**Prussia: Was? How dare you! I'm _wounded_!**

**Germany: Well can you be wounded after you begin the chapter?**

**Prussia: Well it's not my fault she's too damn lazy to be here!**

**Germany: She's... going through a tough time with an... ex-friend**

**Prussia: Arschloch! Wer ist das? I'll kill them!**

**Germany: *sigh* I apologise on my brother's behalf. I also apologise for the lack of an author, but I believe she said she'd be out buying weaponry because she had 'bitches to kill'... So Ja... here's the chapter**

**Prussia: I was meant to introduce it! Dammit West!**

x~x~x~x~x

Chapter Fifty Five- CelticGirl7, JigglyJelloWithCoconut and Karebear's Requests (Part One)  
><span>

~Fourth Of July~

"You're not going to say something lame like, 'America, _my body_ is your present', are you?" North asked from his place reclined on the sofa, eating a box of chocolates that England could have _sworn_ he had hidden. He sent a glare over to his younger brother by way of a reply. The lad held his hands up in mock surrender, but he was grinning. "Okay okay, just wondering."

"I don't find any of this amusing," Scotland said resolutely from where he was leant against the wall and was scowling at anything and everything. "I preferred it when you were depressed on this day."

"Belt up, bastard," England grunted, flitting over to a cupboard and rifling around in it for a few minutes. "Now where on earth is the...?" he muttered to himself, eyebrows furrowing.

"Brawd?" Wales asked, going over to his brother and placing a hand on his shoulder, smiling softly. "What happened? I mean... you seem completely normal. Are you sure you're okay?"

"I am fine, trust me," England assured, placing a hand over the Welshman's and smiling a little.

"Geez, what happened last year? This is a one-eighty for you, bro," North drawled, looking over to England curiously who blushed a little, but he was still smiling.

"We just... worked out some differences," he said, pointedly ignoring the way Scotland was pretending to gag in the background and North started making kissy faces.

"But..." Wales said, biting his lip and wrapping his arms around England from behind in a sort of bear-hug. "It's also, you know, _that _time."

England stiffened momentarily before laughing shakily. "Look, all you gits are too concerned. I'm perfectly fine, see?" To prove his point, England had manoeuvred out of the other's hold and held his arms out. "I feel fine."

Scotland narrowed his eyes. "Well I don't think you are fine. It's the fucking fourth, a day when you're usually suicidal, and it's also the-"

"Scotland," England said sternly, "I'm fine. Now if you really hate this, then you don't need to come to the party. With the ghastly way you've acted towards America, I'm astonished you got an invite."

"As if I'd leave you at such a crucial time," the red-head muttered, seemingly deflating and almost looking worried. "Are you sure-"

"I'm just going to grab his present from upstairs and then we can get going," the gentleman finished quickly, pushing past his brothers to make his way up the stairs. He was just fine.

* * *

><p>Prussia: The fourth of July? She's doing that? At the<em> end<em> of July?

Germany: It's clearly a device, Bruder

Prussia: Well whatever, the fourth is too mainstream anyways

Germany: Please tell me you aren't a, what was it now? A 'Hipster'?

Prussia: Pffft, naw! The awesome me is too awesome for that! I have too much hashgtag yolo-swag to be hipster

Germany: Did you honestly just say 'hashtag'? Are you Poland now?

Prussia: Silence your unawesome self! You wouldn't understand!

Germany: You're ruining the chapter, dummkopf!

* * *

><p>x~x~x~x~x<p>

~Twenty-Second Of July~

"It's not on mate!" Australia exclaimed loudly, hands gesticulating wildly as if that would get his point across more. "It's time for Mr Star-Spangled Yank to realise that England isn't just his!"

New Zealand just hummed from the Aussie's side, laughing a little at his passion. "I thought you liked him ever since he saved your life."

Australia paused and scratched the back of his head. "Well, yeah, but..." he sighed dramatically, "I'm conflicted, Zea! The guy seems kinda cool but..."

"You think he's hogging England?"

"Yeah! I mean, we haven't seen him since the fourth!"

Australia and New Zealand, on a mission to find their mother, were currently walking up the driveway to America's house. As per the norm, Australia's 'koala' was sat chilling on his owner's shoulder, looking around the new scenery curiously before he pawed his way up onto the brunette's head. Australia laughed happily and stroked his pet before he looked ahead at the house coming into view.

"It's not that I think he's a bad guy, but he doesn't have to be such a... such a..." Oz trailed of, trying to think of the word he was after. Zea waited patiently and after a moment there was a Eureka moment. "Motherfucker!"

New Zealand blinked before laughing. "All of that build up and you come up with 'motherfucker'?"

However Australia wasn't listening and instead had a wide-eyed look before pulling a face. "Ew, mate, I just thought of something! America's barely older than us! We won't have to start calling him 'dad' will we?"

The violet haired nation (he had no clue what sort of dye Oz used, but the bloody stuff wouldn't come out and he'd actually grown rather accustomed to it now) hummed, stretching his arms above his head briefly. "Well I won't. Besides, I always got the feeling that mum would be the 'dad' in their relationship, so to speak."

"Really? Ya think so, mate?"

"Yeah, although if he isn't... Oz, does that make America a _literal_ motherfucker? I mean, he used to be like us, right?"

"Holy shit! Yeah!" Oz said, clapping his hands together as if in enlightenment and startling his koala, causing him to hang rather precariously from his back and growl a little. "Oops, sorry bud," Australia apologised, pulling the marsupial into his arms and tickling his tummy to make it happy again as he said, "Talk about an Oedipus Complex."

"Oh, but they did have that war... And England isn't our biological mum so..."

"True. Guess it ain't that weird after all." Oz smiled as his koala made an approving sound and snuggled into his chest and he began laughing. "I think we're just a very dysfunctional family, and I wouldn't trade you guys for anything."

Zea smiled and nodded. "Same. Has anyone else seen England?"

"Well I was playing cricket with cousin India the other day and he said he hasn't seen England. I called Jamaica and he said he'd not seen him either. Same goes for South Africa."

New Zealand bit his lip. "I paid a visit to Falklands the other day and he seemed a bit down because England hasn't returned a call or something."

"That's it! We're storming the yank's place and getting mum back!"

And so it came to pass that the Australasia duo were hammering on America's door demanding answers. A very tousled looking hero answered the door, his hair ruffled up and his dress all wrinkled. "Huh?" he asked, a little blearily, "What are you dudes-"

"England!" Australia called, pushing past America and walking into his house.

"Aroha mai," _[sorry]_ said Zea as he also joined his partner. "We just wanted to see England so-"

"England?" America asked, pulling a face and pouting. "He ain't here."

Australia emerged from the coat cupboard with three things to say. "Okay, one: England wasn't in there. Two: Why the hell is there a bazooka in your coat cupboard mate? And three: WHAT?!"

America leant against the wall and puffed his cheeks up like toddlers were prone to doing. "I said he ain't here. I haven't seen him for a while. He said he was coming to my birthday but..." He scowled. "I should've known nothing really changed. He didn't show up and I didn't bother trying to talk to him after."

Australia and New Zealand shot each other worried glances but America continued on, "I mean, fine, don't freakin' show, but then say you're not gonna come! He even said he would and-" he let out a sigh of frustration. "Whatever. I'm so done. He ain't here, so can you guys go?"

"That makes no sense though," New Zealand contemplated. "He told me he was going."

"Same here," Oz agreed. "He seemed excited about it if anything. I haven't been able to reach his mobile since the fourth though, same with his home phone, so I just assumed he's here."

"I keep telling you he's not," America repeated, though he was looking a little concerned now. "He's okay though, right?"

"What if he was abducted by aliens or something?!" Australia suddenly exclaimed, eyes wide, and before Zea could say anything Tony decided that he would make that very moment the moment he would make his grand entrance.

"Fuck?" he asked, and suddenly there were two screaming nations pointing at him.

"Dudes calm down, this is my bro!" America said, but the damage was already done with Australia pulling out his boomerang, his koala leaping into action, and New Zealand looking about ready to rugby tackle the extraterrestrial.

x~x~x~x~x

It was only after America got his house back into some sort of workable order after it had been practically demolished, and Tony had briefly returned to his home planet because he 'didn't have the time to deal with this shit', that America, Australia, and New Zealand were stood in front of England's house intent on getting answers from the AWOL nation. Even France and Prussia, when questioned about it, had no idea where he was.

A worn out looking Northern Ireland answered the door, looking at the others and blinking in confusion before he yelped and tried to close the door on them.

"Wait, Uncle!" Australia protested, pushing back against the door.

"That's another strange one, isn't it?" Zea mused. "He's younger than us, but-"

"Zea, we've agreed we're kinda messed up. Now help me push!" With a collaborative effort North ended up buried under three nations who weren't exactly known for being light.

"Oi! Let me out!" he demanded, wriggling about uncomfortably and gasping for air when he finally broke free. "And what the feck are you eejits doing?!" he demanded, looking a bit like a ruffled bird.

"Uncle North, where's England?" Australia asked, and a flash of something passed across the russet haired nation's face before he waved a hand about saying, "I don't keep tabs on my brother, how should I know?"

"You're stood in his house," America pointed out, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm house-sitting," North replied easily.

"But I haven't been able to contact Wales or Scotland either," Zea said, "What about them?"

"They all went out together."

"But where to?"

"How should I know?"

"Why now?"

"Why are you asking me?!" North huffed, getting irritable now.

"When was the last time you saw them?" Australia asked.  
>"Have they been away for long?" Zea questioned.<br>"Why did he skip out on my birthday?"

"Bloody hell, I didn't expect the bloody Spanish Inquisition!" North bellowed, crossing his arms and huffing.

Quite suddenly, Spain, accompanied by Italy and Romano, burst through the door dressed completely in red. "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

* * *

><p>Prussia: Did she seriously make that joke?<p>

Germany: Bruder-

Prussia: No one's going to get that at all!

Germany: *sighs* Well you never know until you try. Only about three people got the 221B reference a while back, but they all gained Jaffa Cakes for noticing

Prussia: Well I suppose it is an awesome reference. It's hilarious for those who know

Germany: And for those who don't they can just assume the author is on crack and has lost it

Prussia: Kesesese~

Germany: Now stop interrupting!

* * *

><p>"Something seems off here," Australia said, narrowing his eyes and looking at his uncle critically while America bundled the three new unwelcome guests out the door before he did something similar.<p>

"There is only one answer to all of this," America said, placing a hand on his hip and pointing at North, "This is a case of murder most foul! Wanting the entire UK to yourself, you murdered all of your brothers in cold blood and hid the evidence!"

North's mouth actually dropped open before he shook his head. "Are you really _that_ retarded?"

"I'm surprised he even knows the difference 'England' and 'The United Kingdom', to be honest," Zea stage whispered to Oz.

"...There's a difference?" America questioned.

"Never mind."

Northern Ireland, seemingly tired of dealing with the others, flounced off into the kitchen.

"All right, I say we do a good-cop-bad-cop routine," America said, rubbing his chin in thought. "Ireland clearly knows something."

Even though the other two cringed at the wrong name, they decided not to pass comment and counted America damned lucky that _Northern_ Ireland wasn't around to hear that lest they have a repeat of what happened on the camping trip.

"One of us can go in neutral; the other two will be the cops. Capisce?"

Oz and Zea nodded and the three of them crept up to the kitchen where North was sipping some tea. America looked to his partners in crime- or, partners in law enforcement- and mouthed 'three, two, one' before they all leapt into the kitchen.

The hero boldly pressed the smaller nation against the kitchen counter, causing the poor Northern Irishman to let out a surprised squeak before his eyes widened in terror.

"Where's our mum you piece of shit?!" Australia demanded, standing next to America and looking menacing while New Zealand grabbed a kitchen knife and brandished it threateningly.

"Woah woah, time out!" America called. "We can't all be the bad cop!"

"You never specified who did what," New Zealand stated matter-of-factly, though he did place the kitchen knife back down (albeit reluctantly).

"I wanna be the bad cop," Oz insisted, "It's the more fun one."

"No way: my idea, I get dibs," America proclaimed.

"That's not very 'heroic' though, is it? You should be the good cop!"

"No way, I-"

"FOR FECK'S SAKE SHUT UP THE LOT OF YOU!" North screamed, still being pinned by America, who loosened his grip. "Christ, I'll tell you all I know. You're all fucking loopy."

A few mumbled apologies and some warm drinks later, the four nations were sat in England's living room, discussing information.

"Honestly, I'm not too sure myself- and that's the truth," he stressed when he saw America getting ready to pounce again. "All I know is that it's 'that time'."

"...England's having his period?"

"He's not a woman and nations don't have periods anyway!" North shouted, but he calmed himself down. "Honestly, they keep me out of it sometimes. This is apparently something that dates way back before I even existed, and when I ask all I ever get is a vague answer."

"So you really don't know?" Australia asked, genuinely getting worried now.

"Not really. I went routing around in England's room to see if I could find him or any clues. I found a lunar calendar that I thought he'd need for his spells, but a whole block of days had been circled in red and the number '600' was written inside. I honestly don't know what it means though." He buried his face in his hands. "All I know is that, every few decades, something to do with the moon happens and England disappears for a week or two, so for him to not be here now I suppose is sort of normal. Scotland and Wales never disappear too though... I thought they'd be back by now but I just..."

New Zealand placed a reassuring hand on his uncle's back. "Don't worry, I'm sure they're safe."

"You guys," America said, linking his fingers together and looking out over them seriously. "I think the answer here is obvious. Lunar calendars, red circling specific dates... Iggy is a werewolf."

"Can someone please just get him out?" North groaned, "He's lowering the IQ of the entire room."

America huffed, but Zea tried to steer things back from the realms of stupidity.

"I'll go and see if I can find anything. When did you last see them?"

North sniffed and leant against Zea's shoulder. "The last time I saw England, he was going upstairs to go and grab the yank's present."

"Really? He was?" America asked, perking up before he bit his lip. "So then... what happened?" he asked cautiously, suddenly feeling extremely guilty for cursing England out when he didn't show up.

"He took ages, so Scotland and Wales sent each other some look that meant something. They told me to stay downstairs, and they've all been gone ever since."

"Right," America nodded, standing up. "I'll go and investigate." He moved to the stairs and wasn't all that surprised when Australia and New Zealand followed after. North just lay down on the sofa and wondered how the hell England had raised those three without going completely mad.

It was decided that Zea would investigate all guest bedrooms along with the master one, with Oz and America dividing up the remaining rooms between them. It was after a rather uneventful fifteen minutes and nothing of value found that America slumped his way into the main corridor and leant against the wall. How do you just lose three nations? They couldn't have just disappeared, and the UK was still stable, so they hadn't all died, thank goodness.

But... then where were they? It wasn't good for a nation to be away from their country for too long, not that a couple of weeks was enough to warrant any worrying just yet, far from it, but... Yeah, he felt pretty bad about being so annoyed at England now. He sighed and looked up to the ceiling, and that was when he spotted it.

"Uh, hey guys," America said, and when Oz and Zea poked their heads out of their respective rooms he pointed upwards to where a panel had been moved in the ceiling. "Anyone think that the attic might have something to do with the disappearance? England is way too fussy to not cover it up properly once he's used it."

"Yeah, you're right," Australia agreed, looking up before clapping his hands together. "We need a ladder."

Ten minutes later after rooting around in England's storage room, the three of them were ascending into the dark and dusty depths of England's attic. Zea was the one who located the switch and they took a moment to look around. Surprisingly, there wasn't a thin layer of dust covering everything as one might expect from an attic, so it looked as though it was regularly visited and regularly cleaned as well. There were a few boxes here and there, but nothing of real merit. What was odd, though, was the fact that there was a ladder already up here. It was almost as if this was an attempt to stop anyone from accessing the attic...

And then they saw it.

'It' was a wardrobe. It perhaps looked rather unassuming, being a piece of furniture and all, but it was quite a lovely piece, carved out of strong mahogany, coated with a lavish finish. There were wonderful tribal-like shapes carved lovingly into the wood, the intricate patterns weaving in such a way that they almost seemed to be moving if one stared at them long enough.

"You don't think..." Zea began, eyeing the wardrobe before flicking his eyes over to Oz, who nodded.

"Yeah, I do."

"What's going on?" America asked, not liking to be out of the loop.

"You're looking at the gateway to Narnia," the brunette explained, "And I'm willing to bet that's where we'll find England, Scotland, and Wales."

America gulped, but looked sceptical. "I thought you were joking when you talked about Narnia."

"Why would I joke?" Oz asked, walking over to the wardrobe and running a hand over one of the doors. "So."

"So." The other two replied.

"Do we go in?"

After a few moments of silence America steeled himself and joined Australia. "Yeah. England wouldn't normally be gone this long, right?"

"Right," the violet haired nation said as he went over as well. "This isn't normal, especially for all three of them to leave for so long at once, and without even telling anyone... Something isn't right."

"Well let's go then," Australia said, grasping the door handles and pulling, revealing a lot of old fur coats and a musty scent. America looked set to challenge the other two again, say that they needed to lie down for thinking that a whole world could be inside of a wardrobe, but Oz pressed ahead like the explorer he was, disappearing behind the coats with Zea quickly following after. And so the hero thought he'd give it one more go, and honestly lost any and all coherency when he emerged from the dank wardrobe into an absolutely breath-taking land.

Australia grinned at the look of wonder on America's face. "Welcome to Narnia, mate."

And then, without any warning, a bright light flashed behind them, drenching the immediate area in whiteness and blinding them momentarily. When they turned around, suddenly everything was breath-taking but for a much more worrying reason: the way out had vanished.

"Tiko... that's not supposed to happen," Zea said, biting his lip. "I think... we're in trouble."

x~x~x~x~x

**Prussia: Will our brave heroes make it out of Narnia alive? Will the mystery of the missing Brits' disappearance be solved? Will the awesome me be returning to introduce more chapters?**

**Germany: No, seeing as you completely ruined this one**

**Prussia: Will the author ever get the hell off of Animal Crossing and stop yelling at Tom Nook long enough to make another appearance?! Find out next time on It's Not What You Think!**

**Germany: No not yet! Honestly, you introduced this all wrong and now you're ending it too early. Ahem *clears throat* The author would like to ask for the support of the readers. If you have any suggestions for what you would like to happen during the adventures in Narnia, then please share your idea(s) via reviewing. She will try to incorporate as many ideas as possible *smiles in an awkward German fashion***

**Prussia: And even if you don't have a suggestion, just review anyways! Let me know how awesome I am, ja? *winks* Support is always nice~**

**Germany: I'm just glad we've moved away from the meeting room for once. All of the inappropriate activities England and Amerika get up to are unacceptable **

**Prussia: Kesese~ You say that, West, but you're sending a porn star into space!**

**Germany: *blushes* B-Bruder, that's just-**

**Prussia: What's she called again? *snaps fingers* Oh ja! Coco Brown! You say you're against kinkiness but then you go and-**

**Germany: WE ARE ENDING THE CHAPTER NOW**

**xx-animeXalchemist-xx **

**Prussia: She signs it when she wasn't even here? Lazy~**


End file.
